Joseph Krause wrote:

By the way folks, I could use some C&C here

  I know the feeling. My neighbor, Mr. Sommer, is always lending me a cup or two o' C&C. ;)

  My C&C can be ignored safely either in entirety, or in part.

------
Disclaimer: Aside from Rumiko Takahashi, the list of
people who have the rights to Ranma 1/2 escapes me at
the moment. However, I can tell you with absolute
certainty that it most definately does NOT include me.
------

  http://www.rakhal.com/durandall/disclaimer.html
 
  Of course, as I gather more disclaimers for the woefully inadequate list, it'll slowly become something usefull. (Hint, hint, hint.)

The flames of the pyre lit the early evening skies,
consuming first the collected wood, then Hidoshi's
remains.  As he watched it burn, Ranma could hear the
chittering of his warren brothers, some commenting on
their recent victory, while others quietly berated him
for wasting valuable time.  Even as the fire consumed
the over-honored hakken, they were already preparing
to break camp and disperse into the night. 

  'Even as' and 'already' in the same sentence. I'd say the 'already' is extraneous.

Even
before he spoke, Yashida's presence behind him spoke
volumes, questioning his actions this evening.

  Repetition of 'even'. Suggest just, "Before he could open his mouth," or some such.

  Ah, right. I've missed whatever preceeded this chapter, and I'm not actually a huge fan of the World of Futility, but let's see. :)

As true as the words were, he could not bring himself
to agree with the sentiments behind them.  True, the
aged hakken had been a burden, his notions of
honorable combat more than once causing friction
between himself and the rest.  It had even been the
cause of his death, facing the bakemono openly,
inviting then to lay him low, yet...  His suicidal
frontal attack had also given them their victory, the
bakemono, so occupied were they with the lone raging
wolf, never saw the rats with daggers striking from
the shadows.

  Fomori? Banes?

"Ehh?" Yashida was more than a little confused by his
warren brothers behavior by this point.

  brothers -- brother's -- brothers' (?)

 First
allowing the hakken to join their hunt, knowing that
the old wolf would cause trouble, then going through
the trouble of building a pyre when the fool mutt went
and got himself killed.  Now, spouting nonsense and
wasting time when they had appointments to keep.

  Oh, the Hakken are Garou? I didn't remember that.

"He might...  Or we might all be dead...  But, either
way, that was not his way.  While I dont agree with
his views, I can and will honor his sacrifice." Adjusting the ornate katana slung across his back, he
turned to Yashida. "The very least I can do is return
his sword to his clan, and let them know that he died
with honor." Turning back to face the flames he
dismissed his warren brother "Leave with the others...
When my business is concluded I will meet you in
Osaka."

  Nn... commage, and missing punctuation.

  the flames he -- the flames, he

  brother "Leave -- brother, "Leave

When next Ranma awoke, it was to familiar surroundings
with the morning sun on his face.  With a mild sense
of relief, he realized that the room he was in was the
same one he occupied on a regular basis after an
argument with Akane.  From what he could tell, his
fever had broken though his head still ached slightly
and his throat was bone dry.

  Commage.

  broken though -- broken, though

 Casting about, he
spotted a pitcher of water and a glass that the good
doctor had apparently left in anticipation of just
that eventuality.  While a relief to his throat, the
water merely aggarvated his grumling stomach, which
chose that particular moment to remind him of exactly
_why_ he was not in his hospital room.  Deciding that
he'd had enough bed rest for one day, he was out the
window and headed towards the dojo without further
ado.

  'Not' in his hospital room?

Meanwhile...

  You use line-breaks elsewere, but transition with a 'Meanwhile...' here?

It was a quiet day in the Tendo Dojo, as rare as those
are.

  are -- were (?)

 Taking advantage of the lack of challengers /
kidnappers / fiancee's / family members, etc. Kasumi
was catching up on the days laundry when she heard
scuffling sounds coming from the kitchen.  Quieter
than a mouse, she crept to the doorway, wondering who
might have come in without knocking.  'Maybe it is
that Ryouga fellow, lost again, or perhaps P-chan...' The sight that greeted her instead was that of Ranma,
dressed in a hospital gown, inhaling the leftovers of
last nights meal...

  nights -- night's

 What was left after Mr. Saotome,
anyway.  Wrinkling her nose at the odor of stale bed
sweat that surrounded him, she quickly retrieved on of
his outfits and returning she placed it on the table
before him.

  Uh... commage.

  on of -- one of

  outfits and returning she -- outfits, and returning, she (though you might just want to reword the entire thing. "Returned, placing..." might make a better substitution.)

 "Ranma, why dont you go wash up while I
make you some lunch?  You need it rather badly."

Before he could answer, she was already at he cabinets
selecting ingredients.

  he cabinents -- the cabinets

After taking a quick whiff of
himself, he had to agree with her, so grabbing his
clothes he headed for the bath.

  Commage.

  clothes he -- clothes, he

  But again, you would probably be better served by rewording it.

  her, so grabbing his clothes he headed for the bath. -- her, so he grabbed his clothes and headed for the bath. (suggestion)

Ranma walked down the streets of the prefecture known
as Nerima, Hidoshi's katana still slung across his
back.  He needed to find the old hakken's family so he
could rejoin his...  This however was proving to be
more dificult than he had anticipated.

  Commage.

  This however -- This, however

 He was running
out of time, if he did not leave for Osaka soon he
would miss the meeting with his brothers, and that
could not be allowed.

  Don't they call them 'Moots'? Or is that Garou only?

Slipping into a kendo training
hall he hid the wrapped bundle, digging a hole for it
under a loose board. He then vowed to return when his
battle was won, but, until then, Tendo Hidoshi's
family sword would have to wait.

  This is a little confused. It sounds like he's rushing to find the family of the fallen Hakken, but then he burries the sword?

  You might want to add something about him coming to the conclusion that it's a good idea, first, instead of just having him seemingly switch what he's doing, like that.

Ranma sat up...  He knew...  He knew where it was!  He
could feel it...  Stumbling out of the tub he gave a
quick once over and dressed as he was exiting the
bathroom, plowing over Akane who was half undressed in
the changing room in the process.

  Gave what a quick once-over?

Climbing to her feet, Akane was more than a little
annoyed 'That Baka!...  He didnt even see me! What the
hell was he talking about?  ''I know where it is!'' He knows where what is?'  "RRRAANNNMMMAAA!! Come Back
Here!!"  'Dammit!! I _WILL_ find out what's going on
here...'  She turned and began the chase  '...even if
I have to beat it out of him!'

  Half dressed, and yelling at him to come back? That's just asking for the wrong conclusion to be drawn. ;)

Elsewhere in Nerima, Ryouga was lost.  While there is
nothing new about this fact it is still fair to
mention it at times.

  is -- was

  This passage is also rather bland. I'm sorry, but I've seen the same opening for a scene in more fanfics than I can count. :/

It wouldnt be so bad if he at
least had a clue as to where he was.  Last he checked
he was in Kyoto, now he was here, and while here
looked slightly familiar, so did most of Japan. 'Kobe...  Yes this looks like Kobe...  So where's
Nerima in relation to Kobe?  North?  Yes north...'

  Commage.

  Yes north -- Yes, north

 So
thinking, he turned to face the afternoon sun and
started walking...  Only to be trammpled by a hurried
pigtailed martial artist and then by the love of his
life.

  You might be better served with a comma, than an elipse.

On the rooftops there is a bare flicker as a
handkerchif covered bald head pokes out momentarily
then vanishes once more.

  Tenses, spelling, hyphenage (optional), commage.

  is -- was  |  pokes -- poked  |  vanishes -- vanished

  handkerchif -- handkerchief

  handkerchief covered -- handkerchief-covered

  rooftops there -- rooftops, there |  momentarily then -- momentarily, then

  Which tense is this story from?

That morning also saw the 'Blue Thunder of Furinkan
High' in his most sacred temple...  The kendo hall
next to the high school.  There, he was able to pass
on the wonderous knowledge of the sword to his peers
and junior classmen.  Like now, maintaining a pace
that challenged yet did not overtax the advanced
members of the Kendo Club.  Challenged _them_
anyway...  For one such as himself, these drills were
mere child's play, yet they cleared his mind and
allowed him to think...

  these drills -- the drills (?)

Falling into character, he glared daggers at the young
martial artist  "Saotome! How dare you defile these
sacred halls with your foul stench!  Begone at once
ere I show you the error of your ways!"  Upon seeing
that he was being ignored he advanced, while in the
back of his mind warning signals were going off left
and right, telling him that something was not right
here.

  'foul stench'? Would 'presence' maybe be more appropriate for Kuno, or does Ranma really smell bad?

"Very well then sorcerer, the Wrath of Heaven is slow
but sure...  Prepare to Meet Justice Fiend!!" with
that he charged his opponent, bokken held at ready,
one part of his mind knowing that it would do no good,
another part rationalizing that appearances had to be
maintained. 

  'Meet Justice Fiend' -- why in caps?

He was not in the least bit surprised
when he felt his boken leave his grasp, nor when he
felt Ranmas foot connect with his chin, slamming him
into the far wall.

  Ranmas -- Ranma's (Unless there are more than one.)

Feigning unconciosness, he watched Saotome, curious in
spite of himself.  He observed as Ranma looked at the
bokken as if he had never seen it before, then walking
over to far left wall, he paced his way from there to
roughly halfway across the room.

  I have difficulty parsing that final sentence. You might want to consider re-wording it.

As he watched, Kuno felt a familiar, at least to him,
blurring sensation as the scene changed.  The training
hall was empty, and had changed in apperance, the
floor was lower to the ground, and the architecture
was of a much more archiac design.  A man entered the
room, casting glances about as if to confirm that he
was alone, and walked to a lose board in the center of
the floor.  Lifting it, he dug a shallow trench in the
dirt underneath and therein placed a silk wrapped
bundle.  After patting the dirt down the man replaced
the board and examined the area critically, then he
turned and left.

  Commage.

The collective gasp from the class brought Kuno back
to reality as Saotome used the bokken to pry up one of
the floorboards, revealing concrete below. They then
watched on in mute astonishment as his hands became a
blur reducing the floor in that section to rubble
which he dug out, digging thru into the dirt below.
The greatest shock came when he withdrew a bundle
wrapped in tattered silks from the hole he had made,
and with a smile of satisfaction turned and left the
hall, unimpeded as the club members, unlike their
leader, knew better than to try and stop him.

  Commage.

  thru -- through

Kuno waited until he had left and before rising,
curiosity burning in his soul.  If he didnt know any
better, he would have sworn that the bundle was a
wrapped sword, if so, then who was that man who had
buried it under the hall, and more importantly, how
had Saotome known of its location? After leaving the
club members with terse instrucions to stay put, he
left the hall to follow Saotome.

  left and before -- left before

As he followed, he thought of what he had seen...  The
vision did not particularly trouble him, as he had
been plagued by them since childhood, as had his
sister and their father.  As had members of his family
for generations gone by for that matter.  His father
at one point had claimed that the visions were why the
Kuno house was as wealthy as it was, as several of his
ancestors had taken advantage of the family 'curse' so
to speak, using the predictions garnerd from them to
manipulate the family finances into a sizeable
fortune.

  Now there's an original thought...

"Maybe that will teach you not to ignore me Ranma."
The lost boy's face was a mask of anger and hate as he
lunged at his rival.  "Ranma! Prepare to Die!"

  Die -- die

Blocking desperately, Ranma could feel anger, anger
like he'd never felt before, it was fire coursing
through his veins, the chittering in his head growing
louder and louder.  He wanted to rend, he wanted to
maim and kill!

  I could see Ryouga as an Ahroun.

 Rage, rage such as he had never felt
before welled up inside him, clouding his thoughts to
the point that Ryouga got a blow in, then a second and
third.  Strangely enough, the blows didnt really hurt,
they simply fueled the fire raging inside of him. Looking at his opponents face, he saw a mask of anger
and hate, and then, everything Ryoga had ever done to
him, came rushing in.  Every unprovoked attack. *kill
him* Every interfereance with Akane. *Kill Him!*
P-Chan. *KILL HIM!!*  He could feel something growing
inside of him as he fought, something clawing it's way
out as his rage quickly consumed the last of his
reason.

  it's -- its

  Non-agg damage, eh?

Ryouga was elated...  For the first time in years, he
finally had his nemesis on the ropes...  Victory was
finally within his grasp!  Feinting a strike with his
umbrella, he lashed out with a powerfull forward kick,
flinging his opponent into a wall.  Stepping forward,
he drove him to the floor with a vicious overhand
strike, poleaxing the smaller martial artist.  Drawing
back for a finishing strike, he paused in
astonoishment as Ranma's body began to change. Hackles rising in unreasoning terror he backe off as
his opponents features began to swell and distort.

  backe -- backed

The figure that rose before him was something out of
his worst nightmares, better than 6 feet tall, heavily
muscled and covered in fur, it growled at him
menacingly.  Try as he might, the terror that consumed
him would allow no movement, neither attack nor
flight, all he could do was stand in numb shock as
death came for him.   With a single swipe of a clawed
hand, his umbrells was torn from his hand and ripped
asunder, the tail swipe that followed left his vision
blurred with pain.  Desperately willing his muscles to
move, he felt his body leave the ground, a slave to
the blows that drove him farther and farther into
darkness.

  umbrells -- umbrella

  Wait... Ranma's a Ratkin? I thought that their crinos forms were substantially smaller.

  Though Ranma as a bastet would be interesting...

Kuno stepped forward, not sure of
what to do, but trying to prevent a murder when a
scream stopped him in his tracks. ==
Akane was still looking for Ranma when she heard the
yell followed by the cries of pain. 'Ryouga?'

  No newlines around the dividers?

As kuno stood by, Ranma was dealing much needed damage
to the puny being that had attacked him.

  kuno -- Kuno

 Finally, as
his hand was drawn back to administer the killing
blow, a womans scream penetrated the haze of rage that
surrounded him.

  hand -- claw?

  womans -- woman's

Then he saw another image.  He saw a rain of fire
falling down, destroying everything in its wake, for
half an instant he _felt_ every scream, every death as
the world around him was consumed, and he knew...  He
knew that if his first vision came to pass, then the
second would as well, and while the part of him that
was 'The Blue Thunder' might hate Saotome with a
passion, even delusions only went so far.  The katana
fell from his suddenly nerveless fingers, as Kuno ran
in the direction Ranma had fled, all the while praying
that he was not to late.

  So Kuno's what, nuisha?

People, I could use some C&C here... I know Kuno is
OOC, as is Genma, however this simply reflects my
personal view on the characters, and much of their odd
behavior is explained in later chapters. Im hoping my
chapter size increases in the future, but even with
that I am looking at at least 8 to 10 chapters for
this story.. Also, if anybody has a pic of a Crinos
Ratkin they can spare, I would appreciate it.

  Only have the Garou and Bastet books, sorry. But I think Ratkin were a tad shorter in their equivelent of the crinos form.

Send C&C Questions to simkin@rocketmail.com

For those of you who wonder about the Nezumi, this may
give you some insight:

http://members.tripod.com/wwta/Breeds/Ratkin/Tribes/Nezumi/nezumi_tribe.htm

SoulSurvivor

We are the equalizers, the Low Born, the ultimate
truth. When our Hakken brothers realize the need for
us again, they will come, and we will make a
killing...literally. -- TienBao, Nezumi Warrior

Nezumi = Rat or Mouse, in this context Wererat
Hakken = Werewolf Bakemono = Demon of sorts