On Sun, 30 Sep 2001 18:56:58 -0700
Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org> wrote:

    And I have to disagree completely.

    I found that whole scene to be one of the most spectacularly written
things I've ever read.

    But some people have issues with stylism...

        I don't really hate this type of description, I just think it this

one in particular was a tad overdone. I might actually have enjoyed it if it
was shorter and didn't go off into so many tangents. This narrative style
can be very amusing if applied in the right dosage (like in some Discworld
novels, which I'm a big fan of).

--

    And we appreciate that your comments were constructive criticism.
However, it is entirely a matter of personal taste.  I agree with Brian; the
scene was funny the first time I read it, back when he first wrote part 2 of
this fic, and rereading it in this revision didn't change my mind.  The
chapter is far from perfect, and Don probably could tighten the scene up to
remove excess verbiage, but there's nothing wrong at all with the concept
behind it, or the jokes he's telling.

    So keep it up, Don!  This is a good story, and I'm waiting for the rest
of the revision.

    Ja mata,
    Larry F

    http://lwf58.tripod.com
    http://phantasiaca.tripod.com

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