Whispers of all and nothing. The paradox. The unknown. And, the known.

	Hello everyone, I guess I should start out with something alittle
simple. That said, ask yourself what is a paradox. Then go on and ask
yourself who am I. I did this and then the only answer I got was, I am
me. I change by not changing and yet by not changing I change. Weird
thought you might say, but can you see the truth that you shout to yourself
every instant that you live? If you can then you need to ask yourself,
are you hearing everything your saying? Or are you blissfully ignoring
yourself? My whole point to that was to show you that even as I cry while
writing this, yet not knowing why and barely understanding why I'm trying
to show you at all, is that there is no reason and yet every reason to
write. Not just fanfiction, but anything. It doesn't matter if we choose
to write because we end up writing in the end. Because we simply are.
Writing is not something that can be thought out, and it can never be
perfect as most people understand that word. Nothing is perfect. Instead
it is a journey we are on that we have no choice but to travel. 

	Heh, by now your saying to yourself what the hell is he smoking,
and in some cases where can I get some. The writing I am speaking of
is life. And the stories that we tell eachother are nothing more than
dreams that are made physical through the effort that we put forth. We
all write. That is the simplest way to say it. But, what we write is
up to you and yet it is not, for everyone is helping you write and telling
you that this is wrong and this is right. We all do this. Yet, I find
myself wondering why don't we all write to our hearts content then? I
find that it will happen whether we want it too or not. I find that I
wish I could make everyone stop writing with me so that I might write
one story alone. I believe we all wish this at some point. Then there
are the ones that bring forth the best qualities that each of us has.
They forge ahead and bring everyone into a richer story that inspires
everyone. Yet, I still find myself hesitating. I find myself wanting
to keep things to myself. Yes I am still crying and not knowing why.
Hopefully by the time I finish writing this I will know. Yet, I find
I don't want to know as well.

	I was trolling through the ol'e email when I found one titled
"Why are you people doing this??" My interest was touched, so I opened
it to find a web address and thanks for the replies that were received.
Upon reading through all the information, all for a school project, on
the site. I found myself questioning why I didn't share my stories. And
yes Jenn you may put this on your site if you want. I found that I don't
want to share the worlds I've created and the adventures that I've been
on that no one else knows about. All for the simple reason that I'm selfish
and don't want to tell the stories that I make because, then they would
have to end. Suddenly I find that I've been doing this a long time. Whether
it be a simple game that I've been playing or a story that I read. Why
it took me 3 months to finish playing FF9, when I could have finished
it in under a week. But, I find that all things must come to an end,
that they must conclude and be shared. 

	Heh, still crying, self discovery is always is painfull. I say
to my neices and nephew from time to time, "The truth never hurts, it's
the removal of lies that hurts." I have the urge to delete this file
right now, yet I want to keep writing. I've found that I'm scared of
reaching out and letting others see parts of me. You ask why? Because
everything we touch we leave a piece of ourselves in. I want all those
pieces to be mine yet this is impossible. For as we leave the pieces
of our souls in our works they grow and become one with others. We are
chaos incarnate, even as we destroy we create always going higher and
higher waiting for the fall as the distance from the ground grows. Yet,
we yearn to go on forever in our relentless cycle. I find myself doubting.
Doubting this life I  am writing. Wishing I could rewrite it as I could
rewite one of my tales. Hoping against Fate and Destiny that they have
nothing planned for me. And yet, I yearn for what awaits me, wanting
with all my heart that I was there now. But I realize that I am not ready
for thier meddling. For thier blessing, that trancends all our expectations.
I am not yet complete, as we all are, but as we walk along our path together
greeting new friends and saying goodbye to friends lost. We become alittle
less incomplete on the path, finding another reason to keep going.

	I understand why I am crying now. Do you?

Jon aka Cat Highlord the enternal dreamer 

*ring*
"Ummm... I'd like to buy a thermonuclear device."
"What D'ya mean my credit is bad!!!!"
"I just got this card and only been in this Dimension for two days how
can I have bad credit!?!?!?!!!"
"What, your a member of the Interdimensional Credit Union!?!?!?"
"Why is there an office here in this backwater dimension???"
"ARRRRGHH!!!! I hate that capitalist tyranical company!! Ever since I
ACCIDENTLY blew up thier main office they have been blackballing me from
everywhere!!!!!!"
*click*
"Damn, I hate those guys."
~Cat Highlord in the Ran13453 dimension

P.S. If you've read this far I comend you. I'm proud of all of you who
have gotten past their selfishness. But, I'm not yet ready to share my
stories yet.

P.P.S. But, all things occur within time.

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