Pokeball Run - The Great Race
Part 2 - Start Your Engines!
By C-Dogg
Inspired by Cannonball Run
Disclaimer: All unoriginal material is TM and (C) all respective owners.
Please don't sue me. I have no money. Besides, my lawyer can beat up your
lawyer.
Foul language, tasteless humor and sex jokes lie ahead. This one may not be
for the kiddies.
"/" denotes pokemon speak i.e. "/Duplica?"
----------
Everyone had managed to find a seat next to the members of their respective
parties. They watched the author intently, fear lodged firmly in their heads.
They knew that their very existence lied in his hands, and judging from the
steps he took to bring them there, something was fucked over in his mind.
Some time passed. The author just smiled. "I suppose you're all wondering why
I brought you here," he finally said.
"Oh no," Jessie said sarcastically.
"Yeah," Gary added. "It's not like we were busy or anything."
Everyone laughed slightly. Giselle blushed.
Brock spoke up. "Um, exactly who are you?"
"Oh, how rude of me," the author said, "My pen name is C-Dogg but please call
me Metro."
"Hi Metro!" the cast said in unison.
"Right. Anyway, you are all here to participate in a race called the Pokeball
Run. Have any of you seen Cannonball Run?"
Everyone stayed silent.
"Oh, that's right. You're all animated characters."
"Kinda slow on da draw dere," Meowth said.
The author turned his smile toward the feline. "Let that be the last smart
ass comment I hear out of any of you." He tipped his head down to peer over
his sunglasses, showing his brown eyes. "Understand?"
They all nodded nervously.
"Good!" Metro said cheerfully. "Now, you are all going to team up and
participate in a five stage race from Cinnabar Island to Fuchsia City. He
snapped his fingers. What little light there was went out.
"The Hell?"
"I'm blind!"
"Hey Brock, is this what everything looks like to you?"
"Piss off!"
Whose hand is th- oh! Ah!"
A sudden bright light turned on from behind the row of chairs. It landed on a
screen that also came out of nowhere. It appeared to be a projection of their
corner of the Pokemon World.
"The race," Metro continued, "will begin on Cinnabar Island. From there you
will cross the bridge from Pallet T-"
*snicker*
"What?"
Silence.
"What?"
"There's no bridge from Cinnabar to Pallet," Misty said.
"Would you rather swim?"
"No."
"No."
"Hell no."
"Good. Then there will be a bridge. Now, as I was saying, go through into
Viridian City. That will be the first leg. From there, go to Pewter City and
then to Celadon City. That's leg two. The third leg runs to Cerulean and then
to Saffron. The fourth leg is a short jump to Vermilion and then a then a
dash to Lavender Town. The fifth and final leg is a sprint to Fuchsia City.
The first team to cross the finish line there wins the race."
The bright light disappeared and the dim ones returned. Metro continued. "You
will begin each leg at 9 o'clock in the morning the next day. The first car
that came in will be the first to leave. The others will follow in the order
and the time they came in after. Each leg will end at the local Pokemon
Center. Turn your keys in to a race official. You'll get them back the next
day."
"Pikaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Dittooooooooo!"
The two pokemon rained down from the sky and landed in the laps of their
respective owners.
"Now for the rules," Metro said. "No physically harming your opponents. No
harming the race officials. Notice that all of your poke balls are gone. This
is to make sure that you do not use your pokemon against your opponents in
any way. Pikachu and Ditto are here for character purposes only."
"Dat's discrimination!" Meowth charged.
"We can't use our beloved Meowth?" Jessie inquired.
"Sure you can." Metro answered. "He's harmless."
"He's right, you know," James commented. He received a scratch across the
face as a response.
"Okay. Now to split you all up into teams. Keep in mind," Metro said," that I
already know these team names suck so don't bug me about it. Team One, The
Swinging Bachelors, will be Brock, Ash, and Gary."
Metro smiled. Everyone stared at him, believing it to be a joke.
"Are you kidding me?" Ash and Gary asked in unison.
"Nope."
"There's no way in Hell I'm riding with him!"
"Yes you are."
"I'd rather die!"
"That can be arranged."
"You can't stick me with them! It's inhumane!"
"Sure I can. You three have no say in this.
"But..."
"Moving on," Metro said, "Team Two will be Misty, Giselle, and Duplica."
Misty raised her hand.
"Yes?"
"Who is Giselle?"
Giselle looked surprised. "Remember episode nine?"
"Vaguely."
"I'm the girl from the academy."
"Ummm."
"My golem kicked your starmie's ass."
"Oh. You." Misty fell silent. Giselle grinned.
Duplica raised her hand.
"Yes?"
"What's our team's name?"
"Oh, right. You're the A-Cup All-Stars."
Jessie chuckled. Duplica leaned forward and blushed. Giselle crossed her
arms. Misty clutched her mallet, just barely listening to the voice in the
back of her head that said, "Don't."
"Pervert," she muttered.
The author shrugged. "The next Team is, of course, Team Rocket. The three
villains gave each other high fives. "The fourth Team is made up of recurring
characters and is thusly named 'Not Going Away,' Nurse Joy, Officer Jenny,
and Ms. Ketchum." Jenny and Joy eyed each other knowingly.
"Finally, we have the Gym Leaders, Lieutenant Surge, Blaine, and..."
*Shik Shik Shik*
The loud sound of paper being cut turned everyone's heads. Three bright red
lines formed a small doorway.
"...Your third member is..."
"Oh no!" Blaine let out, sensing what would happen next."
The doorway opened and a blue garbed ninja with shard eyes and an unsheathed
sword stepped through.
"Koga!" shouted Surge.
"Surge! Blaine!" Koga called. "So nice to see you both again."
"This is just wrong!" Blaine whined.
"This guy's fucking crazy!" Surge added.
"He's sobered up now." Metro said. "Keep him away from the bars and anything
remotely alcoholic and he'll be fine."
Koga bowed to the author. "I apologize for my tardiness. The venomoth and
venonat were having a turf war in the house. It was not a pretty sight."
"Don't worry about it. The race hasn't even started yet. But at this rate, it
never will. Any final questions?"
"Why did you do all that stuff to bring us here? Giselle asked.
"Yeah, you scared the Hell out of us in da forest." Meowth shouted.
"I almost shit my pants when you popped out of the lake like that!" James
added.
Metro smiled again. "This is the first thing I've written in a year. I wanted
to have some fun."
"Do we have to drive the entire way?" Ms. Ketchum asked.
"Of course."
"What do we get if we win?" Ash asked next.
"Huh? You want a prize?"
"Well you can't expect to race all that way for nothing." Misty commented.
"We compete for the honor and glory of winning!" Koga proclaimed.
"Shaddup," Surge said with a groan.
"I'll tell you what. Which ever team wins, I'll give each member whatever
they want," Metro announced.
"Anything?" they all said.
"Anything."
"Even my blond goddess from the forest?" Brock asked.
"Sandra? Yeah, sure."
Brock's eyes glazed over and an ear to ear smile appeared.
"That ends the question and answer portion of this story," Metro said. He
pointed off to the right. "Exit out that door. You'll each be in your
respective team rooms at the Cinnabar Inn. There will be a car key on one of
the beds. It will be 8 o'clock at night. Be at the lobby at 9 in the morning."
"Didn't that door lead to the forest?" Ash asked.
"Trust me," the author said as he faded away. "I'm the author." And with
that, he was gone.
"Damn it all," Gary said.
*****
8:02 P.M.
"There are only two beds in these rooms? " Meowth commented.
"I don't see a problem with that," Jessie said as she shot a wry grin to
James. James just yawned as he crawled into a bed.
"Whadya think you're doin'?" Meowth asked the boy. "We got work t'do."
"But I'm tired!" he cried.
"You can sleep all y'want in just a bit. But right now, we got some
sabotagin' to do."
*****
"I don't like this."
"Neither do I."
"You two shake hands. We're gonna be stuck together for the next week or so.
You are not going to drive me crazy. Now shake."
Ash and Gary glared at each other.
"Shake!"
The two trainers shook hands bitterly.
"Good. Now I'm going to hit the town. You two are sharing a bed. If I catch
one of you sleeping in mine, I'm going to toss you in the hall." Brock left
the room, slamming the door behind him.
"Is he always like that?" Gary asked.
"Not usually," the other boy responded.
"Pik pikachu."
*****
"Are you sure you won't mind sharing a bed?" Ms. Ketchum asked.
"Of course."
"It's not a problem at all." Jenny and Joy smiled at each other.
"Okay then. I'll be back later on. It's been years since I last came to
Cinnabar Island."
"Have fun," Nurse Joy told Ms. Ketchum as she left.
Officer Jenny said, "I guess we should get some rest."
"I have a better idea," said the nurse with a grin.
*****
"Okay, pick a number between one and ten."
"Three."
"Eight."
"You both lose. It was five," Giselle told Misty and Duplica. "Have fun
sharing a bed."
"Wait a second..."
*****
Koga sat on the floor with his legs folded and his sheathed sword in front of
him. A padded mat cushioned him. He wore only his underpants. Surge and
Blaine eyed him warily.
"I can't handle this," the tall soldier muttered. "I'm going out to get
hammered."
"I'll join you," Blaine said. "Koga?"
He raised an eyebrow to show he had heard.
"We're going out. Will you be okay here?"
Koga nodded.
Blaine let out a sigh of relief. "For a moment, I thought he would ask to
come along."
Koga opened his eyes. "Why didn't you say so? Of course I will accompany you!"
"Eh? I didn't..."
The ninja sprang to his feet and embraced his teammates. "This will be more
fun than the time we took Surge's guns and went hunting in Mount Moon!"
"Geez, would ya put some clothes on already?" Surge begged.
*****
9:01 P.M.
Three dark figures moved stealthily through the open-air parking lot of the
Cinnabar Inn. Guided by the light, they made their way to a row of five cars.
"Which one is ours?" asked one.
Another was putting a key in several different cars. "It's this one," she
finally announced.
"Good," said the third. "Give it the paint job. You know what to do with the
rest."
*****
9:10 P.M.
Brock sat at the counter in a nearby bar with a bottle of sake and a shot
glass as his only company. The boy sighed.
"Don't be so sad, Brock."
He recognized the voice. "Ms. Ketchum?"
She smiled. "Penny for your thoughts."
"I was thinking about the race. If my team loses, I'll never see Sandra
again."
"Don't worry. Even if you lose, there's another girl out there for you."
Brock poured another shot while Ms. Ketchum fished through her purse. "Here's
your penny." Brock held out his hand. Instead, the older woman bounced it off
the bar and into his glass. They shared a smile and Brock downed the shot.
"You're the coolest mom in the world," Brock said.
"I know." Ms. Ketchum peered around him. "Hey, Surge and Blaine just walked
in."
Brock turned toward the door. "Hmm. Koga's here too." He turned back toward
the woman sharply. They both nodded knowingly and decide it was time to leave.
*****
9:17 P.M.
mmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
The mechanical sound was soon drowned out.
"Ah! Oh! Oh God! Oh!"
*****
9:30
"Please Surge? I'll be good. I promise."
Surge turned to Blaine, who was working on a margarita. Blaine shrugged.
"Okay," Surge said. "You can have one shot." He poured some whiskey into a
glass and passed it to Koga. The bartender watched nervously. Koga's
shitfaced exploits were legendary among bartenders.
Koga finished and slammed the glass on the counter. He smiled. "See? No
problem!"
-Two and a half pints later-
*Crash* *Bam* *Slam* *Crunch* *Shatter*
Surge and Blaine watched on as their fellow gym trainer laid waste to the bar
and many of its patrons.
"I blame you this on you, Surge."
"What? I didn't tell him to kiss that guy's girlfriend."
"But you gave him that first shot."
"*hiccup* It could have been worse. He could have brought his sword with him."
Blaine grunted. The distant but closing sound of sirens caught their
attention. "Now would be a good time to leave"
Surge nodded. "Koga seems to have run out of people to fight anyway."
*****
10:00
"Stop hogging all the cover."
"I'm not, you are."
"You are."
"You are."
*****
11:37 P.M.
*click*
Officer Jenny breathed in ragged pants. "Where'd you get that thing?" she
asked.
Nurse Joy smiled. "I'll show you when we get to Lavender Town. But now it's
my turn."
"Okay, have fun!"
*click*
mmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
* * * * *
Day Two...
9:00 A.M.
All five teams had assembled in the lobby of the Cinnabar Inn. A few were
hung over. Others were tired from a lack of sleep. All were awaiting the
appearance of the author.
Kaga seemed rather energetic in spite of the previous night's events. "I
wonder where the author is."
The red shirted boy slowly faded into view with a brunette female companion.
She wore a red tube top and a short black skirt. She held a green flag in one
hand.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked with a smile. They all let out a uniform grunt
in response. "Good. Let's head out to the cars and get things started then."
They followed Metro out of the lobby and into the lot. Team Rocket wore
sinister grins on their faces. The author led them to a row of cars parked
side by side, each bearing a flaming poke ball above the red words "Pokeball
Run." This was the official logo of the race.
"I hope you all have your keys. Brock's team will be in this one." Metro
patted the hood of an orange El Camino. Its large, dented, boxy frame had
seen better years. The flatbed held a spare tire and a gas can.
"Misty, your team will be in the shiny black Volkswagen Beetle."
"Ahhhh!"
Everyone turned toward the redheaded girl.
"I can't ride in that!"
"Why not?" Metro asked.
"I hate bugs!"
The cast fell victim to widespread facefaults.
"Ugh, moving on," the author said. "Team Rocket, you already know your car.
You'll be riding in the white Cadillac." The squared edges of the long car
made it appear sharp and dangerous. A freshly painted red "R" decorated the
hood.
"Jenny, Joy, Ms. Ketchum. The blue Corvette is yours. Lieutenant Surge and
company will be in the purple Hummer. Now ladies and gentlemen, start your
engines!"
The teams hopped into their cars and brought the engines to life. Metro and
his companion moved to the front of the cars. The brunette held the green
flag high.
"Are you ready?" Metro shouted. They revved their engines and shouted back.
"Fuck yeah!"
"C'mon!"
"Let's rock and roll!"
"Three! Two! One!" The green flag came down. "Go!"
---------------
Questions? Comments? Flames? Praises? Send them this way. bigc123485@aol.com
or c-dogg@bigmailbox.net
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