In a message dated 12/29/2001 12:41:13 AM US Mountain Standard Time,
brian@azurite.org writes:
Attachments, attachments! An attachment's loiyfe fah me!
...
Roight. You can get a free pop3 e-mail account from softhome.net, if
you need one...
Oh, no, no, no. We'z loikes it! Gives me color n' flava', it does!
I've got a UofA account, but typically I'm too lazy to go through the hassle
of transferring the material.
Besides, if I send it as an attachment, it doesn't cut out the internal
dialogue,
characterized by the:
<>
And if the little carrot marks didn't show up in that blank space above, then
that's why attachments can be better in some respects.
> A lot of people were involved in the creation of this chapter.
> Louis-Philippe Giroux wrote an entire scene for this. Jason Hanks
> stuck with me throughout its creation. Jussi Nikander has been
> helping me as of late. Jason Liao was a big help for some parts,
> as was Joseph Fenton.
Hm. Where IS Jason Liao?
Studying at the level of some University. Quite busy. I haven't heard from him
for quite some time now.
> "The whole family's wacko..."
> -Mizuno Ami, concerning the Tsukinos.
Heh!
Actually, I think it was Amy Anderson, from the North American English dub,
who said that in the episode after she showed up as Sailor Mercury...
And I LIKED the dub. It made parodying it SO obnoxiously easy...
"Jedite," "Neflyte..."
> She had already managed to repel one attack from the Dark
> Kingdom, ruled by the evil Queen Beryl, who needs either energy
> or some doohickey called the Ginzuishou to revive her Great Leader,
> Queen Metallia.
needs -- needed (?)
A shift of tense, yes... I redid it:
She had already managed to repel one attack from the Dark
Kingdom, ruled by the evil Queen Beryl, who was going to need either
energy or some doohickey called the Ginzuishou to revive her Great
Leader, Queen Metallia.
And the Ginzuishou didn't get mentioned until much later in the series,
IIRC, but if I wanted to get the continuity completely right, I wouldn't have
Dumped Setsuna into Kasumi's role, now would I have?
...
Setsuna doesn't make a good Kasumi replacement, does she? (grin)
> *WARK*WARK*WARK!* [NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Protoss?
It could be anyone, since they all say that.
> *BLAAAAM!*BLAM* [Need something destroyed?! Yavolt!]
Nope!
Ahh, Brood War! Eh, who needs a happy ending? ^_^
> [Need a light? ...Let's buuurn!] the game's sounds continued.
> [Prepped and ready. Stat!]
'Remind me to invite you to my next barbeque...'
Shingo hasn't clicked _that_ many times, has he?
> "Usagi!" Luna called, following her. "This is very important!"
>
>
> In the kitchen, Tsukino Ikuko watched patiently as her daughter
> snatched a piece of toast and stuffed it in her mouth.
Extra newline.
Okay, I pawned my [Esc] key and bought a (^_^) scene break.
> "Bye, dear. Have a nice day," Ikuko called, not turning her
> attention away from whatever arcane project it was that she tinkered
> with on the countertop, also ignoring the talking cat...
'arcane project'?
Spam n' eggs.
That just made me shiver...
It should. ^_^
> "Right," Kenji nodded, "I've still got scars from that." He
Missing speech indicator.
Hmm, is it proper to break a sentence without using a speech indicator
like that?
Must one always designate a 'said,' 'coughed,' spluttered,' 'spewed' sort
of action indicator into it? Just in case the answer was yes, I made a quick
revision:
"Right," Kenji said with a nod, "I've still got scars from
> "He drove a police car through the front door to get at you.
> You let that happen again, I'm taking it out of your allowance,"
> Ikuko admonished sternly.
O_O
Gotta get them kids to school, don'tchaknow!
> *WHAM!* The sudden impact threw off the girl's already tenuous
> balance, sending her slamming face first into the sidewalk. She sat
> up and started to cry. "Waaaaaah! Why did you have to do that,
> Luuunaaa?"
I'd have expected the claws to do some damage.
I felt it would make the situation a little cumbersome to jamm in another
action, but if all things must be accounted for...
*WHAM!* The sudden impact threw off the girl's already tenuous
balance, sending her slamming face first into the sidewalk. She sat
up and started to cry, rubbing the shallow scratches in her neck.
"Waaaaaah! Why did you have to do that, Luuunaaa?"
> "And," Usagi panicked as the claws drew closer, "What? That
> was it, wasn't it?"
Missing speech indicator? Also, the dialogue appears to be two separate
sentences, but you wrote them in the manner as though they were only one.
How about this:
"And," Usagi said, panicking as the claws drew closer, "what?
That was it, wasn't it?"
> Far away, in the Furinkan area of the Nerima section of that
> same city, a dark-haired girl in a blue school uniform looked with
> a raised eyebrow at her recently drenched companion.
'area' 'section'... you mean same ward, different school district?
Apparently, I do. When I wrote it, I hadn't thought it necessary to phrase
it as such, but this could work:
Far away, in the Furinkan district of the Nerima ward of that
> An elderly woman wearing a huge, jeweled turban poked her head
> out the window and started shouting angry Arabic phrases at them,
> shaking her fist.
O_o?
^_^
I'm getting Fushigi Yugi flashbacks.
Speaking of which, someone needs to do an SM/Fushigi Yuugi fusion that
replaces almost all of the Sailor Senshi with the Seishi from FY, leaving
Usagi surrounded by a few too many males fighting for her affection. It'd
make at least a good spamfic. The point?
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there.
> Ranma sighed. "But," she began, fingering her wet, clinging
> skirt. I REALLY don't want to go to school like this."
skirt. I -- skirt. "I (Extra space, missing quotation)
Right. Fixed it.
> Rei closed her eyes, sighed, and held up a hand. "I'm sorry.
> You're right. I apologize." She looked away. "And besides," she
> continued pensively, "Who knows how I might have acted in your
> place."
"Who -- "who (?)
Right, right.
> "We just came by to get some hot water," a blonde girl said.
> She had an 'odango' hairstyle and two pigtails which went down to
> her ankles. She brushed back her bangs, revealing a crescent moon
> marking on her forehead. Also, her long white gown was just a tad
> wet, and clinging to-
Thought so.
Well, I guess, even with the addition of a modest slip, a dress like that
can have some difficulties in that respect. I mean, it's not exactly sheer,
but still...
> The man frowned momentarily, then smiled and shrugged. "Okay,
> whatever you say, Rei." He walked back into the shrine and closed
> the door behind him.
>
> *ROOARR* The skies seemed to darken as a massive power
> struggle took place inside the temple...
... Cherry/Happosai?
This is a Ranma fusion/crossover. Guess. ^_^
It's not Lukkosai, I'm saying that much.
> *WHAM!* The Luna-P dove forward, hitting a glancing blow
> to the man's head, before settling back down behind Genma.
Er... person the pun but, 'hitting' lacks impact.
One bad pun deserves another! ^_^
*WHAM!* The Luna-P dove forward, crashing with skull-shattering
force to the side of the man's head, sending him skidding across the
floor until his face slammed up against the wall, little birdies
fluttering around his head.
Luna-P settled back down behind Genma.
"You were saying?" the girl asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.
Soun slowly sat up, dazed for a minute. Slowly, his vision
returned to normal, allowing him to look back at his friend. "Ooooo-
kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, you win, I guess." He coughed. "Sheesh."
How was THAT for impact? ^_^
> "Oh, that's nice," Ranma replied, taking in the scene. He
> frowned. "Did I get a schedule or anything?"
Er... schedule? Don't they all share a classroom, and have the teachers
wander about?
Yup! But I didn't know about that when I wrote the chapter two years ago,
so I guess that means they get a schedule that tells them what teacher's
going to walk in at any given hour.
> Ranma shrugged. "Eh, probably nothing I need to worry about."
> He grinned cockily. "I can handle anything."
Where's the lightning strike in the background?
You want it, you got it!
Suddenly, there was the distant crash of ominous thunder. The
young man looked up and noticed that the skys were getting dark. It
was probably going to rain soon.
> Rei nodded. "Umm-hmm. I'd consider it a _great_ personal
> favor if you'd please go massacre the whole lot of 'em."
To quote:
DURANT: Nothing says love like violence.
Ain't that the truth! At least in the Ranma series. ^_^
Got a chance to thumb through a section of Ranma manga volume 38.
My response: "Okay, so Ranma IS supposed to end up with Akane."
Then later: "But when was the last time I cared about what was SUPPOSED
to happen?" ^_^
> *BAM*WHACK!*THWACK!*BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAAAAAAAAAM!!!!*
> A cloud of dust arose as Ranma proceeded to, shall we say, get
> medieval on the scrawny hides of the attacking group. Much of the
> action could not be seen, but the sounds of battle echoed across
> the scholastic campus, confirming the fact that it was, by any
> standards, one heck of a fight.
Cop-out! Cop-out!
*Alarms blare* "Catch that policeman, bounty hunters!!!!!!!!!"
Or are you going to tell me that Shingo's Fog of War leaked out of the
game?
^_^
What? You want me to describe how Ranma sidestepped dozens of bokken
swings while simultaneously knocking out four attackers at a time while
balancing on one foot in the Stuffed Vulture position while snatching a stick
and swinging it around against the heads of all the juniorclassmen while
singing "We Will Rock You" and playing three games of paper-rock-scissors?
I mean, is that what you really want? (I'd need a minimum of three people to
tell me that for me to put that in. Fight scenes can be hard to calculate...)
(Roman Brutus voice) "I have not come to praise Ranma, but to bury him!"
ANOTHER fusion that needs to be done...
"Hey, like, et tu, figureless tomboy?!" (dies at the foot of Genma's statue)
> Another young man, which had watched the fight from the
> sidelines, approached. He carried a long, slightly curved wooden
> sword, and wore a white and blue cloth outfit that could be described
> as resembling either a priest's outfit, or if you tilted your head
> and squinted for a bit, something an ancient samurai might wear.
which had -- who had (?)
Oops. Gotta fix that. (sound of a hammer and chisel against stone)
> The other thought about this. "Quite correct... It _is_ proper
> to introduce one's self..." He drew himself up to a straight posture.
> "Come from honored family lines, trained in the finest swordsmanship,
> Kendo, and experienced in the manner of the court, I am the Shooting
> Star, the Raging Beetle, and the Rolling Stone..."
Beautiful.
Thanks! ^_^
> The young man raised his wooden sword high above himself,
> both hands grasping the bokken as clouds began to gather in the sky.
> "FOR THE HONOR OF MY HOUSE, MY CLAN, MY FAMILY... I AM THE BLUE
> THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH!!!"
I'm getting HE-MAN flash-backs here...
"BY THE POWER OF THE PIGTAILED GODDESS, I AM HE-KUNOOOOO!!!"
ANOTHER fusion that needs to be done.
> *Riiiing!* The first bell rang, issuing a five-minute
> warning: Get to class... or you _will_ regret it.
I thought that they had four minutes to spare?
They did...
Or is this the anti-truancy department...
I think so. Everyone's gotten sort of paranoid since the new administration
stepped in.
> The large metal doors automatically closed behind them.
>
>
> Within a few seconds, it finally began to rain, the sounds
> of the droplets hitting the ground echoing throughout the nearly
> empty school ground.
Eerie. Extra newline.
All sane individuals fear the administration. ^_^
> Kuno closed his eyes, knelt down in the grass, and held
> his bokken in front of him. "I pray to the gods and my ancestors...
> There is one who threatens the will and chastity of a young maiden.
> There is none left to oppose this foul demon but I. My circumstances
> are indeed dire, for he has far more power than I, and I fear that
> I may not be able to defeat him. I pray to you, those that will
> hear me, to send me aid... I ask that... you send me someone to
> help and guide me through this... I wish-"
Iago you are not, Kuno.
Lago, lago... Refresh my memory. Which Lago?
I keep thinking of Laguna from Final Fantasy 8. (Laguna was probably the
best character in the game, and that's not saying much...)
> "Ah!" Kuno exclaimed, standing. "My great ancestor, Kuno
> Sounkun, sends to me a sprite, to assist me in my quest against
> the foul spawn of the netherworld!"
GURK...
Funny how that guy's mind works, innit? ^_^
> "Well, that guy was a wacko," Genma muttered. "And where
> do people get around calling me stuff like that!? It's either
> 'spore,' or 'sprite,' or..." She paused, brushing some of the
> rainwater out of her hair. "And wouldn't you know it? I forgot
> to bring..."
Extra newline. I thought that the school doors had closed, though.
True... So how'z 'bout 'dis:
"Ah... An artifact to bring about the destruction of that
_accursed_ Saotome... I will be honored to deliver it!" He
placed the girl on the ground and took the kettle. "I thank
you for your assistance, young sprite! May we meet again!"
With that, Kuno marched with determination toward the
school. His purpose was clear in his mind as he banged his fist
up against the massive school door. "LET ME IN!"
A large tube descended from a above, lifting him inside with
gale-force suction.
You like?
> *Vroom-vroom!* There was a brief revving of an engine
> behind her.
... you wouldn't.
You've read my work. You know I have no such inhibitions. ^_-
> Sitting upon a Harley-Davidson motorcycle was a tall, muscular
> man dressed in black leather. His hair was dark brown and his eyes
> were covered by a pair of black sunglasses. His square-jawed
> expression remained motionless on his clean-shaven face. Faint red
> dots hued the centers of his eyes through the dark shades.
... you did.
ArbyFish: Darn roight!
> "Hello, little girl," the man said in a firm Austrian accent.
> He held out a hand. "Come with me if you want to live."
... perfect.
Required by law.
> The red-haired woman looked on in fascination.
>
> A student's hand shot up. "Excuse me, Tomoe-sensei. Is
> this going to be on the final?"
HEH!
Everything's going to be on the final. ^_^
> The woman looked at the student. "Otaku-san, I'm surprised
> you would ask such a question. This _is_ a vital step in fully
> understanding the course."
...
Daimon Making 101. Funny how it's suddenly become a required course.
> Atsukamashii Otaku, who considered himself the most perfect,
> pure-hearted, and all-knowing member of class, nodded. "Okay." He
> began to take notes in elegantly-drawn characters, manipulating
> his pencil in ways that he was sure would make most deities jealous.
Er...
'Shameless Otaku'? This is a spoof on SIs?
I couldn't think of a name, so for the sake of simplicity, let's say, yes,
it was a spoof on SIs.
> Kaolinite looked at him, smiled, and winked at Tomoe-sensei,
> who smiled very broadly in return, raising his hands in front of
> him and erupted into another fit of maniacal laughter.
>
> The ovoid levitating above its broken beaker tilted in
> Otaku-san's direction... and floated toward his pencil.
The '-san', I assume is intentional, even though it's in the prose?
It was intentional. If it's distracting or horrifically incorrect, I'll
remove it.
> *THWACK!* The boy's blow struck long before the small woman
> had a chance to fire off any pencils.
Well, size DOES matter, I guess.
Tatewake surely could beat a _little_ daimon, couldn't he? ^_^
> She tossed the heart crystal over to the prone Otaku-san,
> where it slipped silently into him. In a moment, he sat up, looked
> around, and stumbled over to his desk, groaning and muttering
> something about "the third time this week."
Damn. He lived. ;)
Can't kill anyone this early in the series. We'll wait for the Invid to attack
in chapter three.
> Rei glanced to the other attentive students, then leaned over
> to whisper to Ranma, "Did you get all that? They're going to test
> us on it later."
...
Gotta take notes! Those Japanese High Schools can be tense!
> Usagi nodded. "In, like, just about a week, EVERYBODY's going
> to be wearing them!"
>
> "Cats, Usagi-chan?" Naru asked, scratching her head.
Ranma's gonna love that.
Indeed!
Reminds me of Piro, actually...
Piro? Explain.
> A large, white sign leaned against an earth-mover read, "Coming
> Soon: GENOM Enterprises, Inc." In much larger text below that, it
> continued, "A subsidiary of Disney."
Ouch... it just works...
Oh, yes. Others have noted how it could work. It's a little known fact that
Quincy is the successor of the wealthy Disney line and Largo is just a very,
very warped version of Mickey Mouse.
> Genma blinked. "So... Disney isn't just one company?"
Ow... that one made me laugh so hard I hurt myself...
Maybe I should start my fanfics with a public safety warning...
Ehhhhh, nobody's died (yet) as a result of reading my work (that I know of.
Haven't heard from Elsa Bibat for quite some time, though...).
> Once more, Genma found herself hiding and struggling to catch
> her breath. She sat against a vertical metal and concrete pillar,
> down on the wooden floor.
Hehehehe... Perfect.
We all wanted to see Genma and Chibiusa hunted by the Terminator,
didn't we? Here's the next best thing. ^_^
> "Kinshi Kinbakushou!" Genma shouted, quickly tying up the
> black-clad biker with the rope, which was now glowed with a bright
> aura.
Gold thread tight binding soar? I wonder if chibi-Usa's frame can make
that
work. Or any of the others, for that matter!
Sort of... Not quite, but 'she' can do a reasonable, less powerful, facsimile.
> It was over.
Probably not.
> It was finally over.
Definately not.
> She had used the most powerful weapon in her arsenal... and it
> was over.
Though... in this scenario, shouldn't Setsuna be showing up any second
now?
Nah, I think she's content to let Genma stew for a bit.
> Haruka grinned back at her, standing on another branch and
> leaning against the tree. She looked at the surrounding landscape.
> "There's a nice view up here, wouldn't you agree?"
Oooh... Naughty. Is Haruka watching the schoolgirls covertly? Shame!
I think she's rather shameless at this point. ^_^;;;
> Haruka gave a soft chuckle and glanced through the concealing
> leaves of the tree. "Why? Getting jealous?"
>
> "Mmm... Just a little."
O_o?
Interesting.
Haruka has been known to do things to get Michiru jealous...
> With a flick of her wrist, Rei tossed the kettle to Ranma,
> who had absolutely no difficulties catching it. "If I understand
> your curse right," the part-time priestess said, "you'd probably
> want to get back into that dress before you change back."
Eh? So what's he wearing?
Reading back a bit...
Standing on a thick branch of a tall tree and clad only in
her white, princess-style shoes and surprisingly modest white slip,
Ranma tossed her pigtails back over her shoulders and started to
ring out her clothes.
I think she's wearing one of those full-dress slips that covers only slightly
less area than the actual dress.
I worried a lot about this scene, asking my prereaders, "Ummmmmmmmmm,
what does a Moon Princess wear under her dress?"
"A very modest slip, I'd imagine," came the reply.
"Oh," said I, relieved.
Somehow..... I doubt Princess Serenity was the type to run around without
any underwear on. Besides, that's one of the parts that could bug Ranma
the most!
Normally, I shy away from this sort of question, but since this IS a Ranma
'fic, one has to bring this into consideration, what with the characters
losing
their outfits every other scene or so.
> "Ergh," Ranma grunted in an unconsciously refined tone as she
> struggled on with her gown, "could you hold 'em off for me, Rei?"
'em -- 'im (them as opposed to him.)
I'll think about that, but 'im tends to have sort of a Scottish lit to it...
> Rei folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Osage no Hime,
> huh? Speak Japanese, Kuno. I can't understand you."
...
Always wondered why fanfic characters wouldn't speak propa'!
> A young woman in a business outfit, carrying a tape recorder,
> walked up to a stunned Ranma. "I'm working for the Furinkan High
> School Grand Inquisitor. Torturing minds want to know: What are
> your measurements in both forms?"
Heh!
Which I still need to find out, BTW.
...
What? It's for a scene. Really. ^_^;;;;
> "Do you sing any songs?"
RANMA: I can sing everything from the first season of Robotech.
ASSEMBLED STUDENTS: That'snicegottagobye!
REI: ... That worked.
Sorry, that's been outlawed by international treaty. I don't think they'd get
away with it... ;)
> Soun laughed, shaking his head. He had almost thought that
> he worried about Genma, like he were his own daughter. Truly, what
> an odd thought!
Heh! Soun vs. The Terminator.
Round one! Fight!
> "Goshin Dai Ryu Sei Fu!"
>
> Genma vanished, the cloth dropping to the floor, just as
> a humanoid figure in black leather, tattered flesh, and shining
> metal strode in.
That works on so many levels...
It depends whose mind it hits, really...
> The black-haired man sniffed. "That's my only-"
Only what?
Friend left in the world, he was about to say, I think.
The Truantator's programming read it as "little girl," "daughter," or
something
similar to that.
> Soun's tears died down as he noticed the badge on the
> machine's jacket. "You're... a truant officer?"
THE truant officer, more likely.
Right, right.
> Jadeite returned a malevolent smile. "I understand."
...
That's going to be a short, sad fight, I'm afraid.
First round, and Ranma's at the beginning of the series. He might not
be able to win the first time...
It'd be a different story at the end of Volume 38, when Ranma had, of
course, defeated several sayajin-level fighters. We just can't have him
coming in out of the blue and flicking aside the very model of a modern
Youma General without getting in some hardcore training first.
Simply wouldn't be proper otherwise!
> Kuno shook his head. "Alas, no... I am unworthy of such a
> wondrous pleasure. I come, rather," he said, slipping the dethorned
> rose into the shocked girl's hands and holding up his bokken in an
> open-palmed gesture of offering, "to serve thee. From this moment
> onward, I swear my unwavering devotion to thy protection and thy
> will. As I have been shown great favor this day, so I show to thee
> my willingness to obey. I await thy command, my princess. I will
> serve thee in any way thou wishest."
Oh no. The roses. Kuno.
The pain... the pain...
Deep hurting. ^_^
> Kuno stood and Ranma looked up to see a short-haired blonde man
> wearing what looked like a hyped-up boy's school uniform levitate to
> a patch of ground near her. "Who are you?" the girl asked.
Oh, gods, dying at the hands of KUNO!
How shameful!
That would have been something, wouldn't it? Maybe I should write up a
scene where Kuno takes out a youma or a general for his Princess. ^_^
> *WHAM!*Bam!* Before he could so much as land a blow, Kuno
> was backhanded against a nearby tree. He slumped over, dazed.
Aww...
Do we want a scene where Kuno kicks some righteous donkey? ^_^
> *Whoosh*BLAAAM!* Ranma dove aside as a large blue strike
> blasted out from the man's hand, tearing into the landscape
> behind her.
'blue strike'? Of what?
Of Tide Clorox Blue!!!
No, of energy or lightning. ^_^
> *WHROAR!* Then, out of nowhere, a huge, ringed orange ball of
> energy rocketed toward Jadeite's back.
Ouch. Well, that pretty much renders the entire first season of enemies
non-
threatening without a little bit of tweaking...
The battle is not the focus. It's just the icing on the cake, having some
nice,
juicy German Chocolate chapters of confusion and people adapting to others'
personalities here and there.
Besides, Haruka doesn't care about the Dark Kingdom. She's more worried
about Herb and the crew, since she and Haruka had been pilfering magical
talismans from them for quite some time now...
> "Doesn't ring a bell," the masculinely-dressed woman said.
> "Probably not one of the Musk, though. Still, we should head back."
Eh?
The Musk, IIRC, include the group from which Herb, Mint and Lime originate.
I'm trying to be subtle and hint at the dragon Haruka and Michiru have been
taunting...
> Part three is still in the works. Probably about half-done unless
> it balloons and explodes like Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow, but hey,
> that's half the fun. Some people can do nice, concise and beautiful
> works in a sixth the space and tell a better story. I envy those
> artists of prose. I haven't quite mastered that yet.
I envy them, too.
Just have to make due and humbly accept whatever ego-crushing comments
may come our way.
I sure wish some people would pay attention and learn...
> Eh, but what I lack in quality I make up for in volume. ^_^
I wouldn't say that. ;)
I know. So I said it for you. ;)
> If anyone knows a way to properly improve my writing style, I'm
> open to suggestions. Until then......
Looking forward to more!
Excellent! Gotta try and finish up NETTG 10-2 before the deadline, though...
I may be slow in my responses for a little while, so bear with me...
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
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