On Tue, Jan 01, 2002 at 07:03:52PM -0500, Disruptor wrote:

Ranma looked up the staircase and took a deep breath.  The genie
proceeded all the way down and looked around.  She was standing in a
hallway and at the other end was a door. Along the walls were various
mirrors.  Ranma walked forward between the mirrors and heard voices.

	"You sound like a girl."

	"This is all your fault, Ranma."

	"Son-in-law.  Until you get this pill, you won't be able to change
back."

	Ranma looked at the mirrors and saw past events.  Each event was
pefectly displayed and were of the emotionally painful kind.  As she

	was of		(tense)

proceeded, more past events were displayed.  They became more and more
emotionaly painful.  Ranma collapsed to her knees and kept crawling

	emotionally

forwards.

	*Why is this place doing this to me?*  Ranma thought.

	Ranma reached the door and gasped.  She did her best to keep the tears
from falling from the emotional torture the mirrors had provided.  After
a moment, she stood up and opened the door.  The next room had four
doors.  Ranma stepped into the room and the door behind him shut.  As it

	behind her		(gender)

did so, the other three doors opened up.

	"What now?  Which way do I go?"  Ranma asked herself.

	The genie looked at each of the open dooways and tried to figure out

	doorways

which one was the right one.  She looked back at the doors she came
through and saw writing on it.   Quickly, Ranma made her way to the

is the inscription above the doors, or on one of them? fix that
sentence to agree with your intention.

inscription and read it aloud.

	"Choose and proceed.  What does it mean by that/  There's no clue
here."

	that?

	A strange greenish glow emenated throughout the room. Wthat and with

'emanated' directly implies a source. to make that word work,
you have to provide a 'from' clause, the source of the emanation.

	Wthat -> With that

the mirrors little game still fresh in her mind, Ranma realized

	mirrors'	(possessive plural)

something.

	"I've never made a choice in my life.  I've always reacted.  Even this
genie nonsense is because someone thrust it upon me."

	Ranma bit her lower lip and dashed through the door right of the

for clarity:	door to the right of the  

entryway.

	"Face truths about myself and others?  Right," Ranma said panting, as
she noticed the door behind her close and merge into the wall.  "How

for clarity:
	noticed the door behind her closing and merging
or
	noticed as the door behind her closed and merged

about someone else's truth now?"

	Apparently the room heard her and a diorama appeared and showed Genma

using 'and showed' says that the diorama performed two
sequential actions: first it appeared, then it displayed what it
showed. you probably intended that the diorama be fully
developed as it appeared, in which case:
	diorama appeared showing
or
	diorama appeared which showed    

and Soun standing motionless.  Ranma took a closer look and saw strings
running up from the limbs of each.  Looking up, the genie saw Happosai
holding two puppet crosses.  One cross had the name Genma and the other
Soun.

	Ranma frowned as she looked at the display.  "Could Pops be under a
spell of the old perv?"

	Looking around she saw other displays.  Each display showed a piece of

	around,

Happosai's history.  But with each appearance, another scen was shown.

'But' starts an obtrusive fragment here.
	history, but 
	scene

I don't quite understand your description. are you saying that a
sequence of displays appeared, each one depicting the next
relevant event in Happosai's history? or that a group of
displays kept changing their scenes like slide-shows?

	"I get it.  Each event happened at the same time."

Are you saying that the depicted events happened more-or-less
simultaneously? that's what i get from this.  

	One display showed Genma baptising baby Pantyhose, with that there was
the display of Genma giving up a scroll that said Umi-sen-ken on it. 
Moving on, he winced as he saw his father about ready to throw him into
a pit.

	"The neko-ken,"  Ranma said, quickly looking at what Happosai was
doing.

	Happosai was busy training two small girls.  Across Happosai's forehead
was written 'I am Soun Tendo'.  Ranma frowned at that.

	"I wonder what that's about?"

	Moving on, he saw Happosai and the two girls again.  Looking at the
companion display, he saw his father, and older man, himself, and young
Ukyo.  The cart was in the background.

	"I thought Happosai was sealed up in the cave, but this contradicts
it."

	Moving on, he saw what he knew was Miss Hinako and the companion vision
was that of Soun Tendo talking with the mother of Picolet.

	"Could the old perv being active have some reason Pops and Mr. Tendo
are acting like idiots?"

	Ranma was deeply disturbed by that thought.  He took a look at the
first display again.

	"Puppets of Happosai.  This isn't good. If he is controlling Pops, he
might want to control me and Akane next."

	Ranma shook her head and entered the door that opened up.  Inside was a
bust of Elvis Preseley with a statue of Hazid kneeling before it.

	"What?"

	Ranma took a look around and saw Hazid's head by itself.  The turban
was removed and the top of the head was transparent, allowing the genie
to see the brain.  Fighting back the bile, Ranma approached and looked
at the brain.  She noticed about four artieries distortred, as if part

	arteries distorted,

of the pathway was blocked and the resulting bubles were not only

	bubbles

pushing against the brain but the sides of the skull as well.  Dark
splotches were apparent on the brain where the bubbles were pushing
against the brain.

	Taking another look at the display with Elvis, Ranma muttered, "Great. 
I'm dealing with a brain damaged Elvis worshiper."

	Ranma sighed as the next door opened up.  Entering the room, the genie
saw herself twice.  Her male form and her female form.  But they were
the images from the dream she had.  The puppet genie and the feral male.

	"This again?"

	Ranma tentatively reached out for his male forem, but stopped.

	form,

	Looking up towards the ceiling, the genie said, "No!  I will not choose
either one.  I am both.  Neko-ken and slave, they are both part of me."

	The images glowed and both flowed into Ranma.  As they did so, Ranma
felt part of herself change and understood.

	"I'm whole.  I'm not Jusenkyo cursed anymore, but the changing is part
of me forever."

	Ranma looked down at herself and plucked at the pantaloons on her
uniform.

	"I wanted what being a genie had to offer.  Not the power but the home
and privacy."

	Ranma shook her head and saw a spray of hot water heading her way.  As
soon as the water hit, Ranma changed back into a boy and looked at his
arms. 

	Each finger had the nails longer and more clawlike.  He realized that

	The fingers had the nails
or
	Each finger had its nail

he now looked like the image from his dream.  Sighing he entered the

	Sighing,

next room and saw a kitten sitting in the midle of the room.  Ranma
backed up againt the wall in near panic, before he realized that he

	against

wasn't afraid of the feline.  Wonderingly, Ranma looked down at his
hands again.

	"The Cat Fist is no longer mental, it's physical.  It wasn't a real
part of me at all, until I claimed it.  But, I can only use it as a
male."

	Clenching a fist, Ranma smirked.  "That's fine with me."

	Ranma gently moved the kitten out of the way and stepped through into
the next room.

	"This isn't a maze,"  Ranma thought, just before getting hit with cold
water.

	The now female genie, watched as her clothes shifted back into her

	now-female genie watched

uniform.  She sighed and looked around, and gulped.

	"What now?"

	The entire room was covered with gravestones.  The genie knelt by each
one and read the names.

	"Akane, Kasumi, Nabiki, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse."

	As she went on, she saw that the names and birthyears were getting even
later and later.  She winced as she realized that some of the markers
could have been children of grandchildren of hers.  As she walked
through the markers, she saw a replica of the ring that held her hanging
by a thread, leading up to a branch.

	thread, suspended from a branch
(your way draws anticipatory attention to the branch. since it's
unfulfilled, it's a distraction.) 

	"I don't get this," Ranma said, as she slowly reahed out and touched

	reached out

the ring.

	She was drawn inside and saw herself kneeling and looking upwards.  The
display genie looked just like she did now.

	"I don't age," Ranma said in realization.  "If I had known...no. I made
that choice.  I'm just going to have to live with it."

	A door in the side of the ring opened up and Ranma stepped through. 
The genie was in a large open room with stairs leading upwards.  Writing
was on a wall.

	Shrugging Ranma walked over and read it.

	"You have traveresd the maze of your own mind and found the truth about
yourself."

	The genie shook her head.  "This is what they mean by a maze?"

	Another voice intruded upon her musings.

	"Yes, it is."

	Turning, Ranma saw the man that had met her upstairs.

	"The magic in the rooms force people to make the comclusions as fast as
possible.  Sometimes it takes using a sledgehammer to drive the point
home."

	"How long...?"  Ranma began.

	"About sixteen hours.  Come.  You must rest for you ordeal tomorrow."

	your ordeal

	"Ordeal?  What ordeal?"

	"Hazid is on his way.  I think you can guess the rest."

	Ranma sighed and nodded.

hth

siaru
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