Here I am, beginning on my annual New Year's resolution to do more C&C. 
Let's see if I can make it more than a week this time. :)

The typical C&C disclaimer: All the comments below are strictly my
opinion, and I make no guarantees as to the gramatical accuracy,
usefulness, or quality of any of them.  Feel free to use or ignore them
as you see fit.

On Mon, 7 Jan 2002 07:20:48 -0800 "JJ Corley" <ronin_salsolo@hotmail.com>
writes:

    Author's notes below.

    Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, and are used explicitly 
without
permission to do so. No money was made in the production of this 
work of
fiction, and neither is the production of said fiction intended to 
do
so. I only ask to barrow the characters, and show the world that 
which
I, myself, has seen.

I do believe that you're borrowing the characters, not barrowing them.

*    *    *

Ludicrous Configurations! Productions
Presents a work of fan-fiction
Written by JJ Corley

--------------

            Sometimes, things happen. Sometimes, things don't.

            And sometimes, things don't happen as they should.

And, according to Herodotus, the good historian corrects these defects.

--------------

            Nerima Ward, Tokyo, Japan.

            She had awoken early, as she always did, watching her 
dreams
fade, and with them left also the vivid passion that filled her mind 
as
she dreamt. Of him.

The first sentence seems a bit awkward to me.  I think "She had, as
always, awoken early, watching her dreams fade, and with them the vivid
passion that filled her mind as she dreamt." would read a little better.

But I could very well be wrong, so feel free to ignore me.

            The psychologists had said it was foolish. Her 
sisters...
Well, one regarded her as a complete nutcase for living a 'celibate'
life, while the other respected her and the honor which she upheld 
for
their Clan.

Assuming Clan refers to the Tendos, I'm not sure it should be
capitalized.  Might be better to just use family instead.

            For her... The Art was all. Honor was all. He was all.

The should not be capitalized, I belive.

            Spinster, some called her. That she chose to remain 
unwed
far past the age which her county regarded as proper, that she did 
not
uphold the belief that women should marry young, be the support for
their man and cleaner of his house for all of their life and dare 
not
aspire to anything more... Her attitude gained her nothing. 

Needs a comma after life.  Her should not be capitalized.  Also, suggest
"this attitude" instead of "her attitude".

The 
Elderly
thought her a menace, while the young thought her to be a symbol for
women's rights. 

Elderly should be lowercase.

In truth, she was neither, only going through the
motions of living, all the while waiting for the one to whom she had
been promised. And he had not yet come.

            Her thoughts reflected this as she prayed in the family
Dojo, bowed before the shrine, which represented her mother and 
father.
And she prayed to them, every morning, always for the same thing. 
`Give
me the strength to carry on; your school, your promise, your future,
your dreams. 

Either drop the semicolon and add an and before your dreams, or change
the semi-colon to a colon.  The first suggestion is probably more
gramatically correct.

Please, send him today. Please, let the day of 
Saotome-san's
arrival be today.`

Interesting...

            And, as always, she received no answer, mortal or 
divine.
Simply the serene silence that prevailed throughout the Tendou Dojo 
when
no classes were present. When it was she, and she alone, left to the
motions of living once again.

            Tightening the red belt which hung at the waist of her 
gi,
Akane Tendou began the first Kata of the Master's Uncial and started
what she believed would be another long, uneventful day.

            She was wrong.

--------------

            Nerima Ward, Tokyo, Japan.

            The place of his birth. A place he had not seen since a 
very
young age, and one that seemed more than a lifetime ago. Even after
twenty-one years on the road, the tall buildings mixed with rural 
suburb
felt familiar; but was a far cry from the giant trees he had seen, 
and
the bare wilderness that was Mainland China.

            His Elders had called him foolish. His 'sisters' had 
scoffed
at him, treating him as if his honor had no meaning to them. All but
one. And she refrained from speaking to him at all, though he could 
see
the acceptance in her eyes.

So Ranma's been with the Amazons?  Quite interesting...

            For him... Honor was all. The Art was all. And to do 
that
which he had promised to do... That was all there was to it.

That should be lowercase.

            Exiled, for a period of one year, said the Tribal 
Elders. As punishment for being an 'upstart male'. 

Tribal Elders should probably be lowecased.  The Elders above probably
could be, as well.  These should be merged into one sentence as well.

Even with his skills, and 
his
condition, they afforded him no respect. The Elders believed him to 
be a
menace, the young men looked up to him as if he were a god. He 
wanted
neither the attention, nor the hostility, and had only remained for 
the
training. He was sad to leave, but glad to go. They were a strong 
and
prideful people, as was he -but he was not a docile male servant.

The hyphen should be before the space, rather than after. 

            He reflected on this, and more as he searched for the 
reason
he had left his home in the first place. A promise he made to his
father, the command spoken with the man's dying breath, mixed with a
message of love to his mother, whom he hoped was still alive but 
feared
that she, too, was gone.

The ending would work better as "...alive, but feared was gone."

            And he found himself there, standing with the page from 
the
telephone directory in one hand, the fingers of the other tracing 
the
worn Kanji on the wooden sign next to the main gate, proclaiming the
house as home to the Tendou school of Anything Goes Martial Arts. 

Not sure if kanji should be capitalized.  School should be capitalized.

He
moved it to the side slightly, and it pivoted freely on the small 
metal
peg that held it to the wall. The segment of wall underneath was 
less
weathered than the wall surrounding it. Interest raised, the young 
man
pulled on the sign gingerly, it coming free with surprising ease, 
having
been designed to do so.

            With the sign in his grasp, Ranma Saotome entered the 
main
gate, initiating a series of events that would change his life in 
ways
he would have never imagined.

 --------------

        Thank you for reading.

 -JJ Corley

Hmm... I apparently missed this when it was first released, but I will
definitely keep an eye out for the rest.  There's not really enough here
yet to really comment on the story, but the idea itself is certainly
interesting enough, as I find myself quite curious as to where the story
will go from here.


           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/
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