Donald Lee Granberry wrote:
Well, here it is at long last, the twelfth part of Comes the Cold Dragon. My
apologies for the delay. My poor pre-readers have slaved over this one and
have been forced to put up with my less than polished personality in order
to improve this piece and my heartfelt thanks goes out to them for their
patience and hard work. I can be a handful on occasion.
Don Granberry.
This C&C is brought to you by the DDR 3rd mix, complete AMV, and my
old, old friend, insomnia.
Hour three of me vs. the backlog... Only abouy 1.2 MB of e-mail to
go. *sigh*
Kiima, who was visibly upset, rolled the man over so
that she could see his face, and asked, "What on earth
happened to this man?"
earth -- Earth (Since she's reffering to the planet?)
{{As much as I think we would enjoy that, we are not
ready. If we give in to our desires now, we may never gain
our independence.}}
Hmm.
{{This from a man who has never deigned to wear a high
school uniform? Even when all his peers gladly comply with
the custom?}}
I think the dragon is about my favorite character so far. I like the
way he thinks.
{{Our mother would be most impressed, Saotome.}}
(Whoa! That worked like a bucket o' ice!)
HAH!
{{An excellent idea, Scarlet One. Our father would
admire such cunning were he not so eager to please our mother
and Tendo-san.}}
(Okay, that did it! Let's go fishing, Saotome. Sex
just doesn't mix with thoughts of shit-daddy.)
*snicker*
"Whoa, there, Sugar!" Ukyou cried out as Xian Pu
flashed into the cat-fighting stance from a prone position.
"We're just tryin' to help you out."
Neko-tekken, or Shokai variant? There's a bit of a difference...
Probably Shokai, considering the region, and that's what the musk
specialize in...
Konatsu shrugged his shoulders. "I always had to fetch
things for my sisters."
"Ukyou! You send man to my room and have him paw my
things?"
Looks like a partial indent, for some reason...
Showers of glowing sparks danced upon the cold stone
floor as droplets of sweat hissed upon the incandescent
billet. Forging a new nation was hard work, but worth the
effort. Tetsugo knew such work first hand, having done it
before. He had very high hopes for this project, even though
its location seemed improbable. His skills had improved
considerably since his last attempt.
... nation?
(Saotome's right, Scales. We have had some really
weird things go on in places like this.)
Tatsu-Ranma: We've had 'weird things' go on everywhere else we've
gone, too.
Ranma: Point.
The single most important man in all of Japan rose
early. It had long been his custom to rise early. The one or
two precious hours of solitude in the graylit dawn were the
only private moments he could have. By law, he had no
official duties. By custom, he never involved himself in the
politics of his nation. By custom his person was the link
between his people and Amateresu, but this aspect of his
existence had no legal standing. Officially, he was never
consulted on matters of national importance. Decisions were
made in advance and then brought before him so that he might
give his _pro forma_ approval. His was a very curious
existence, if one looked at it only from the perspective of
politics and officailly sanctioned public policy.
Do you know how hard it is to find information on the Emperor of
Japan through the net? I've tried lots and come up with nothing. Grr...
Few suspected the truth. He did make numerous
decisions concerning certain special situations with which
his people's government had no means of dealing. One such
matter had been keeping him up late at night. He sat down on
his favorite bench in his garden and opened the thick Manila
folder he had been carrying. He leafed through it, merely
scanning the pages as he did so. He had already read every
word on every page and had studied every picture it contained
down to the minutest detail. One of the photographs caught
his eye and he stopped to look at it again for perhaps the
hundredth time.
Manila -- manila
"Did he not spare one of our servants who put him to
sore trial? Did he not obey the laws of our land despite our
servant's foolish behavior?"
... you mean Kuno's not a raving loon? Er... completely?
"Do ya think they'd try to carry me off to the dog
pound?" Ranma asked.
Again?
"Kasumi, you'll always have the right ta say whatever
ya want to me. Have you and Tofu set a date, yet?"
"Tentatively, yes. We must talk it over with father,
first."
Surprising, considering how recently she was commenting on her
willingness to marry Ranma if she had to.
Nodoka smiled, thinking of the noises Ranma and Akane
had made in the night, and patted Genma's rock-hard chest.
Genma captured Nodoka's hand with one of his own and stared
into her eyes. Nodoka shivered again.
Hmm. Ranma going to get a sibling, soon?
Genma leaped to his feat and picked up the limp and
now protesting Soun Tendo as though he were a sack of
potatoes.
feat -- feet (I could have sworn that I caught that one in the
pre-reader draft)
"Not to worry, Tendo-kun!" Genma said as he heaved his
old friend up and across his shoulder. "You'll feel better
after a hot soak!"
Nothing like soaking in hot water for burns...
"Saotome no Mae, I have in my presence a young man who
has journeyed here from the far reaches of northwestern
China. He wishes to request an audience with your son. Could
you find it in your heart to entertain his entreaties this
afternoon?"
"He is a man of considerable repute, Lady Saotome, and
of royal blood. I would have denied his request for you had
he been a lesser man."
You switched from Japanese to Western honorifics. While I would't
jump up and shout 'gratuitous', I will jump up and shout
'inconsistant'. Using Japanese honorifics is fine as long as it's
kept consistant; the vacillation hurts the story.
(Oh, put a sock in it, Saotome. Besides, you don't
really want to know what I think of Haabu.)
... Interesting.
(Oh, all right! I guess it's one of those guy-type
days.)
I have to wonder at dragon-type days...
(Probably just a big pit dug in the ground.)
Makes me think of Bouchard Gardens (I misspelled that) in Canada, for
some reason...
(I wonder what was under that old shed, Saotome.)
Explosives for excavation, most likely.
Ranma raked at part of the immense pile with his
fingers and struck something that felt like a stick. He
pulled it out.
(Lighter pine, Saotome?)
Not dynamite?
"Oh, take it easy, Sis," Nabiki said, giving her older
sister an even more evil grin. "I was going to ask you the
same thing about Tofuu, but I KNOW what the answer to that
one has to be."
"Tofu's here."
Tofu or Tofuu? Consistancy.
{{Wheels within wheels.}}
{{The Christian Bible. The Old Testament as it is
called. I think the prophet's name was Izikiryu.}}
Hmm.
{{We never have. We remember it from one of Akane's
favorite television shows.}}
The New Adventures of Johnny Quest? I seem to remember Ezekial Rage
being a reccurring villain.
{{Ah, so it is. A triplet of twenty-four bands
arranged about three central points. It is about to come into
contact with the charcoal.}}
...
He can see it, yet he can't... Heh...
"So you'll look rakish for a few weeks. No big deal."
I'm getting an odd sense of Deja'vu.
Nodoka Saotome was not about to entertain a male guest
without her husband present. This meant getting him and Soun
prepared for the visit as well as the house. Soun presented
little in the way of trouble. Genma, on the other hand, was a
handful. He hated formal clothing--until he saw himself
wearing it. In this case a formal kimono in winter colors. He
looked as imposing as any daimyo ever captured on film. She
barely found the time to get herself ready. Her visitor
arrived precisely on time.
Hmm. Genma's seen Herb? Well, it makes sense enough that he might
have hear someone else's description, really...
"Lady Saotome," Soun said in his formal voice as he
handed Nodoka Haabu's _bona fides_, "I bring you Prince
Haabu, Lord and Heir of the Musk Dynasty, here from the
Province of Qing Hai China, the Bayankala Range. Lord Haabu,
I give you to Saotome no Mae, Mother of the Cold Dragon."
'Lady Saotome' and 'Saotome no Mae'. Consistancy.
"Please read these if you would, Husband," Nodoka said
handing Haabu's _bona fides_ to the Saotome patriarch. Genma
made a show of untying then carefully unrolling the scroll.
He read it aloud, his voice rumbing like that of two great
granite blocks sliding by one another. He used the sing-song
technique Japanese men speak with when carrying out such
formalities. His elocution was surprisingly good, which would
have shocked the many who did not know him well.
That's nice -- too many writers sell Genma short, saying he's nothing
more than an inept overweight lout.
The scroll declared who Haabu was and that he was the
hereditary ruler of the Musk Dynasty because of his draconian
lineage as well as his personal merits. It also gave an
summary account of his last visit to Japan, including his
clash with Ranma and why they had fought one another. It
ended with Haabu's request to visit with "The Cold Dragon
Residing Among the Wa," for the expresss purpose of sharing
tea with Haabu's peer and Cousin.
Should Cousin be capitalized?
"Yes, thank you, Lady," Haabu said. "I am very fond of
Japanese tea."
Now that's an irony.
Genma, with more grace than many who knew him might
have expected, poured for everyone. Nodoka stared at the
scroll, her mind racing as it struggled with what to do next.
Thankfully, Haabu seemed to have guessed that this moment
might be awkward.
You already used the 'people who knew him would be surprised' bit, or
something like it only a few paragraphs ago.
"Your son is one of the most formidable men I have
ever met, Lady Saotome," Haabu said. "If I may be so bold for
saying so. I learned a great deal from him during my last
visit here. Since that time, my debt to him has increased
considerably."
Lady Saotome. Consitancy.
Nodoka exercised all her will to shore up her outward
calm as her heart hammered at her ribs. The First Fleet! They
are of the First Fleet! This changes everything. EVERYTHING!
Well. That was entirely over my head.
I'm guessing this is playing off of the Japanese 'descended from the
heavens' lore?
"You misunderstand, Lady," Haabu said with a hint of
emphasis in his voice. "I wish no alliance with the Cold
Dragon, other than what he would have of me. Whatever duties
I have, they are my duties alone. I intend to offer him my
friendship if he will have it, perhaps even my fealty. He is
the nearest thing to a kinsman as I may hope to find in this
world."
'fealty'? Herb?
"Nay, Lady Saotome, I owe him my life! What other gift
could I offer him which would match that?"
Wow. Herb sounds like some Celts I know.
Haabu offered Nodoka his arm once they reached the
front door. Nodoka was pleased with him for that. It would
allow her to set the pace of their walk. Besides, there was
nothing wrong with being on the arm of a powerful young man
such as this so long as she did not make a spectacle of
herself. She glanced about to see that no one was near, then
spoke in a low voice as she walked Haabu towards the front
gate.
Hah!
"Genma, I know you are here."
Genma broke the Umisen-ken.
Eh? Well, I know Ranma did it too, but aren't those sealed?
Ranma is singing the one Japanese song most often heard
outside Japan, "Sakura! Sakura!" The melody has been used in
nearly every film made outside Japan about Japan. It is, even
in the minds of most Japanese, the one song most symbolic of
Japan. The music for the movie "Tora! Tora! Tora!" is built
around this simple little melody. The word "sakura" refers to
both cherry blossoms and the tree upon which they grow. The
rest of the words are translated below.
Some of that, I actually knew. Yey me!
The rest is interesting, though.
One final comment. This is a long story involving Japanese
characters in a cultural setting that is Japanese. I try very
hard to create an atmosphere to match. Given that my audience
is fond of things Japanese, I see no problem with the way I
am doing this. However, there are a few readers who seem to
think the author should hold their hands and explain every
detail. Forget it! Some things translate easily. Other things
translate only with difficulty. Many things touched upon in
this yarn are wholly unique to Japanese culture and that, to
my way of thinking, is a large part of its appeal. Things not
easily found in standard references I have explained in
context or by contrivance in the story. Once in a while, this
cannot be done ruining a scene and I am forced to resort to
footnotes. If this puts you off, go read someone else's work.
I think the idea of writing a story about Japanese characters
in a Japanese setting while at one and the same time bleeding
all cultural color out of it so that the text may be English
only is committing a kind of aesthetic crime. You wanna read
my stuff? BE READY TO LEARN A LITTLE SOMETHING! IT WON'T HURT
YOU. If this brands me as a curmudgeon in your mind, that is
good! That's exactly what I am. Your instincts are right on
target.
I'm largely nuetral on the issue, but I'll warn you that the
condescending tone of that rant could set some readers off. The only
problem I have with your Japanese is the inconsistancy. Other than
that, I have no issue.
I found this chapter an interesting revision from the last version I
had a chance to read through, and apologize for being late with the
C&C. Thanks for sharing the story with us, too, because I still find
it fascinating.