And on to the second:

She explained it as a way to keep people from connecting Kasumi Tendou

with

the Wasp, since even if someone was able to see through her disguise,

there

was no way they would believe a girl as conservative as Kasumi would dare
wear such risqu� clothing. Tofu was uncertain if that was the whole

story.

Kasumi seemed to revel in being able to wear such garments and act less
reserved than in her normal housekeeping role. Some of the things she

said

made even him blush.

Seems to me you could show some of this in this scene, rather than
describing it secondhand.

Again, space problem since I'm at 130K already.

The change in behavior seemed to hover around her idea of them becoming
super heroes together. Since acquiring her powers, she had become intent

on

tracking down and taking on other super villains. Tofu's thought

processes

Other than who?

Than the Fixer and Mentallo, who they defeated last chapter.

TOFU: Um... Kasumi, we aren't supervillains. We're heroes.

KASUMI: Oh, of course we are. Heh heh. And I'm certainly not pocketing
any of my opponents' loot on the side. Only a villain would do that. Hee
hee!

Hmm. So you think the wording is off? Sounded okay to me.

was creamy white. Offsetting the material were blue boots and blue edging
around the neck where a 'W' formed part of the border that led down to

the

tops of her bosom. The amount of cleavage shown (small, in reality, but

not

so insignificant when one realized it was proportional to the rest of

her)

was far more revealing than anything Kasumi had ever worn before. One arm

KASUMI: That *you* know of, you mean.

TOFU: Oh yes, right you are. *bigsweat*

Heh. Kasumi the Secret Dominatrix was in a different fic.

redesigned to go over his face as a mask, something far more necessary

for

him than Kasumi with his larger features. The outfit might have been

plain

compared to Kasumi's, but Tofu preferred things that way. He was a man of
simple tastes, after all.

What about his glasses? Does he have to squint during combats, or did he
manage to get "unstable molecule" contact lenses? :)

Hadn't considered that. We'll say that his vision is only a little bad and
mostly he just wears them to look older and more sophistcated, since most
people are a little less confident in younger doctors. He can get by pretty
well without them.

Five more shots were aimed right on target. The bullets impacted in the
exact spots they were aimed at. Each of the metal projectiles imparted a

Suggest rewording to eliminate the repeated "were aimed".

Okay. First is gone.

Daredevil cringed. "The Whizzer? It sounds like you have the ability to

go

to the restroom really fast." Suddenly 'Stilt Man' didn't seem like such

a

stupid name.

MINT: If I don't change this name, no one's ever gonna take me seriously
as a supervillain.

MOUSSE: Au contraire. Yours is just the sort of name that could end up
known the world over as Public Enemy Number One.

Heh

opponent: the

the awkward walking and colliding into objects that were in 'plain

sight',

Is Mousse giving him time to walk around and bump into things? Seems to
me Lime would attack right away, as he does in the next paragraph.

Well, more like charging into them in an angry daze. Will reword

his radar sense and the fact he could not hear her outfit rustling as she
moved. Long hair though, he could hear it move with every motion of her
head.

though; he

MOUSSE: Shampoo! It's you!

[GLOMP!!]

SHAMPS: How you know?!

MOUSSE: You mean it really *is* you? I do that to *every* woman I meet!

SHAMPS: Oopsie.

Heh.

The scent of her skin was fresh, not so much perfumed from soaps and
oils but closer to the smell a younger person produced. Somewhere within
five years of his age, possibly older, but highly trained and possessing

no

compunction against killing, since the blade thrust was a fatal one for

his

head. Still, she would fall short of his own skills. Aside from his own
superior physical abilities and Stick's mentoring, no one was as highly
motivated as he was at fighting and winning.

RANMA: Oh yeah?

Mousse: It's all in your POV.

substitute for not being able to become one with a man, but it still

served

to thrill and excite her even after she had fired tens of thousands of
arrows in her lifetime.

SPATULA: *sigh* And I'd thought I was the only one for her....

Ukyou: You just aren't on target enough. Sorry.

Swordsman was at the woman's side in an instant. Taking his foppish hat

from

his head, he gave a deep formal bow. As he rose back up, he pulled a

bouquet

of flowers from the hat and handed them to the woman. "Alas, never in all

my

years have I met so lovely and lethal a maiden.

SWORDSMAN: Well, save for Akane Tendo, of course. And the Pig-Tailed
Girl. And....

Hasn't met them yet here. Kunou had personal and private tutors and didn't
attend school.

He stared in awe at bouquet and told Power Man, "Look, she must like me a
lot. She's given me flowers and already gotten to first base."

and I've already gotten to (?)

Nope. In Mint's eyes, she's already gotten to first base with him by her
giving him floweres.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

RYOGA: Hey! What about ME?!? I was in the teaser, remember? The Ten
Rings! It was the bloody chapter title, for gods' sake!

Next chapter, Ryouga. Definitely. You'll get to meet all of your friends
again. Mostly the one that fought you before.

showed up and distracted me. Then I got double teamed, and they still

needed

a healthy dose of luck to beat me. Next time, I'll be the one mopping the
floor up with their faces and sticking that sword where the sun don't
shine."

AKANE: So in other words, you got your butt kicked. Yea verily doth it
suck to be you.

Heh

KODACHI: No matter, my dear archer. You can rely on us not to mention
this embarrassing defeat to you over and over, any more than would be
absolutely necessary.

Neither one would seek to harrasses such a hero, unless they learn they've
been snookered about Hawkeye's identity.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

RYOGA: This is it! My big scene where I....

[Author's notes:]

RYOGA: Oh, bugger.

Next time. Just relax. You'll get to Hulk out yet again.

and the like. So bear this in mind when saying, "Character X would react
differently from what's here. Whereas you're probably right, I'm hoping

what

differences they display can be overlooked for the sake of their

appearance,

and I will try to keep their more canon personalities in line. Just

wanted

to clear that point up.

Can't comment on this, as I haven't seen most of these series. :)  I
will suggest that you limit the number of them per chapter, especially
ones which require lengthy back-exposition or other establishing
material.

Agree. Going to cut way back, since now that I've introe'd them, I will
start using them.

Well, once that got going, I liked it. I think an actual scene where
Tofu finds Kasumi in a more revealing costume than he'd seen before
would have worked better than Tofu describing it from memory. But I've
no major complaints on the rest of it. The characters were well-handled;
Ranma's turn-around was done believably, and the sexual ambiguities in
the group promise to make for some interesting and funny subplots.

Yep. Plenty of room for chaos and humor. Just have to get a chance to use
it. Still been to busy to start on the next chapter yet. Still want to do
some more C+C as well. Hopefully will get to more before too long.

D.B. Sommer

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