*****************

       Children of Fire
       A Sailor Moon/Ranma Elseworld

       Chapter 15: Happy Days Are Here Again

       By
       John Biles

	http://maison-otaku.net/~rhea/SMR/

*****************

	"What's an ugly chick like you doing in charge of the Dark Kingdom
anyway?" Dark Ranma said to Queen Beryl, demonstrating that brainwashing
had not made him any smarter than he was before.  This was merely the
culmination of obnoxious behavior.  Beryl was already deeply regretting
having bothered to capture him.

	"Because I can crush you like a bug," Beryl replied.

	"Bullshit," Dark Ranma said.

	Beryl brought her staff around.  He caught it with ease.  Then she
unloaded a power blast through her staff.  Unable to dodge, he flew across
the room, slamming into a wall and passing out.  "Diamond, did you tell
him that rudeness was customary in the Dark Kingdom?"

	Diamond said weakly, "He's been utterly wretched ever since we got
him out of the Crystal Coffin.  I'm sorry, your Highness.  If you wish to
execute him, I will not complain."

	Beryl looked at him thoughtfully.  "Hmm, perhaps he simply needs a
little work.  Yes, I think I know the best way to harness his talents
without this hideous rude behavior."

	"An armband that shocks him whenever he is rude?" Diamond
suggested.

	"A good idea, but no, this will be a little fancier, but also, I
think, a little more fruitful."

	"How may I assist you in carrying this out?"

	"Send me your wife."  Beryl paused.  "I understand you were
planning to engage him to one of your daughters for some reason?"

	"I swore an oath long ago.  And since his father is one of us now,
I thought it appropriate to keep it."

	"I fear the marriage may have to be somewhat delayed.  Although in
his current state, I wouldn't have made Serenity marry him.  Anyway, send
your wife to me."

	Diamond nodded.  "Yes, my queen."  He left, wondering what exactly
Beryl's plan was.

******************

	Keichii was a somewhat confused mugger.  It simply wasn't part of
his daily normal routine to have some pale, creepy looking little kid
confront him at the end of one of his muggings.  "You've been bad!  Now,
drop that wallet, or I'll have to punish you!" the kid, who wore a baggy
blouse and a skirt several sizes too large that kept threatening to fall
off, proclaimed.  

	"Skiddo home, kid," Keiichi said.  "You ain't worth my time."

	The child produced a small coin with a hole in the center.  "This
is your last warning!"  She shook a little with nervousness, or perhaps a
fit of weakness, as she looked rather sickly.

	Keiichi laughed loudly and patted her on the head because he was
in a good mood.  "How cute.  Are you a magical faerie princess today?"

	"Don't say I didn't warn you," the girl proclaimed.

	"See ya later, kid," he said, and started to walk past her.  

	She shouted something, and then pinkish purple energy erupted out
of the coin, latching onto him.  He could feel himself getting weaker and
weaker, and as he fell to his knees, he could see the kid grow to
adulthood.  Her skin tone flushed with health now, and her hair grew
longer.  Her clothing went from loose and baggy to well-fitting to just a
little bit tight.  She was almost completely unrecognizable now.  

	He fell down, too weak to move.  She put away the coin, then took
the wallet he'd just taken, and tossed it back to the victim he'd left
unconscious.  Then she took his own wallet.  "Next time, don't be bad to
people," she said, then went back over to the person he'd mugged.

	Kneeling by the middle-aged man, she laid her hands on his brow,
and the swelling bruise there began to shine, and then faded away.  She
helped the man to his feet when he awoke, then helped him out of the
alley, leaving Keichii to wonder what the hell had just happened to him.

************

	Setsuna had a feeling of nameless dread as she lay on her bed,
reading a romance novel.  She was too busy daydreaming about the Hibikis
falling off a cliff to pay much attention to the nameless dread or to the
book.  Her daydream was interrupted by Ryouga suddenly falling on her from
the ceiling; he'd obviously wandered too far afield and been yanked back
again.  For the fortieth time that day.  She parried him to one side with
her book, then went back to it.

	Ryouga sighed.  "I was trying to go to the bathroom," he said.

	"I know," she said.  Except for a few times he'd landed on her
when SHE was in the bathroom, she was generally understanding of these
sudden appearances.  He just couldn't help it.  "I wonder how many couples
have gone mad and killed each other with axes before they got to the
wedding."

	"Well, normally, the chains aren't put on until both parties
consent," Ryouga replied.  "Mom and Dad are REALLY being freaks about
this."

	"I know."  Once again, Setsuna was tempted to go to Ami and have
Ami scan the stupid manacles to find a weak point.  Ryouga was almost
certainly going to find out about the Senshi now that she couldn't get
more than a few dozen feet away from him, anyway.  "Are you good at
keeping secrets?"

	"I generally am too lost to tell anyone who would care," Ryouga
replied.

	Setsuna laughed.  "Alright.  Well, come with me, and I'll tell you
one, and we'll see a friend who may be able to help us break these Chains
of Love."

	"Lemme try to go to the bathroom first."

	"Right."

*****************

	Usagi watched Rei walk into the temple with a red-haired woman and
wondered if something had happened to age Ranma about fifteen years.  The
woman walked like a good fighter, anyway.

	Rei looked heartbroken, while the woman looked very sad herself.
Usagi ran over to them.  "Rei-chan, what's wrong?"

	"They...they..."  Rei began to sob on Usagi's shoulder.

	"They took my son and my ex-husband," the woman said.  "I am
Ranma's mother, Nodoka."

	Usagi's eyes widened.  "That's awful!  They showed up and attacked
way out in the woods?"

	"Tourmaline and her gang," Rei spat out.  "They turned Saotome-san
into Gluttony, and took Ranma away."

	Feeling her heart try to drop through her feet to the Earth's
core, Usagi began to cry herself, holding Rei tightly.  She finally pulled
herself together enough to say, "I'm Tsukino Usagi, a friend of Rei and
Ranma."

	"The Amazon?" Nodoka asked.

	"Yes," Usagi said, wondering what all Nodoka knew and what she did
not.  

	Grandpa came out now.  "Nodoka-san!"  He ran over as quickly as he
could.  "I haven't seen you in years!"

	"It's good to see you too, Hino-sama," Nodoka said, clasping both
of his hands for a moment.  "I understand you wish our children to be
wed."

	Grandpa laughed.  "Right to the point as always.  Yes, I would."

	"Well, my husband has been kidnapped by demons, and so has my son,
so I'm afraid that won't be happening any time soon."

	Grandpa's eyes widened.  "They what?"

	"Why don't you come with me, and I'll tell you the whole story."
She hustled him off, leaving Rei and Usagi alone in the courtyard.

	"What are we going to do?" Rei asked Usagi softly.  

	"We're going to find him and get him back."

	Rei said, "Beryl is kicking our ass."

	"Well, it's time to start kicking hers.  We need to find where
Nephrite is hiding and try to get the crystals he has away from him.
Then, when we get the remaining crystal, we can make the Silver Moon
Crystal, then hop on out to the Dark Kingdom and kick Beryl's ass," Usagi
said firmly.  "I've already got Ami looking for him as well as for the
last crystal."

	Rei began walking towards the temple.  "And we need to talk about
us.  And Ranma.  And everything.  I think...I think we blew it with him."

	"I know," Usagi said.  "But it's not over until we both sit down
and talk to him.  So don't give up hope yet.  And..."  She took a deep
breath.  "I'm sorry, Rei, it was my fault for pressing things like I did."

	"Oh, I didn't say no," Rei replied.  "We both blew it.  And I sort
of ended up yelling at him more than apologizing to him when we tried to
talk about it."

	Usagi sighed.  "Well, first we rescue him, then we can all sit
down and finally...finally resolve everything."  She sighed.  

	"So, has your summer been as lousy as mine?" Rei asked Usagi.

	"They tried to turn Grandpa into one of the Seven Shadows, but we
saved him," Usagi said to Rei.  "And we found Sailor Jupiter.  And we
think Tsubasa may be Sapphire.  But we didn't get the crystal."

	Rei frowned deeply.  "They tried to turn Grandpa into one of the
Shadows?"

	"Yeah."  They reached Rei's room.  "Here, let's sit down, and I'll
tell you all about it."

*************

	Ryouga tried not to vibrate through the walls as Ami ran her hand
over his hand and wrist where he had the now-invisible Chains of Love
manacle affixed.  It wasn't easy.  "It...ahahah..."

	"Hmm, my scanner indicates some pretty potent magic here.  We
might be able to break them with one of our attacks, but we'd have to risk
hurting you in the process, since none of us have anything really..."  She
looked thoughtful.  "Well, maybe Gosunkugi could do something with his
darts.  What we really need is the violet crystal, which hasn't shown up
yet, since it relates to love and desire and all that.  Or the Silver
crystal proper.  Or a very well enchanted metal saw."

	"Can you make one?" Setsuna asked.

	"I don't remember how.  Though maybe Ukyou can use her powers to
make something suitable when she gets back."  Ami looked thoughtful.  "Or
maybe a point blank Moonbow shot could cut it without severing your
hands."

	Ryouga said, "I'd rather not risk losing my hand."

	"I'll keep working on this, but I can't really see any good way to
get them off that doesn't put you in a lot of danger.  I think Usagi and
Shampoo studied some escapology as part of their martial arts.  Maybe
they'll have a good idea."

	"We'll go see them next, then," Setsuna said.

	"Thanks a lot, Ami," Ryouga said.

	"You're welcome," she said, smiling.  "I'll be home all of today
if you run into anyone who needs me for something.  Ryo's coming over in a
little while to play chess."

	Ryouga frowned.  My rival, he thought.  "I...I...Would you like to
play Chess with me some time?" Ryouga asked Ami.

	"Sure, I'd love to," Ami said.

	Ryouga's brain overloaded at the word love, as was its wont.
Setsuna noticed and sighed slightly.  I miss you, Ranma, she thought.
Come back soon.  "Well, we're off to Usagi's.  See you later."

	"Bye!"

****************

	Usagi and Rei were sort of playing 'Life', when Setsuna arrived.
She could tell at a glance that it was a rather desultory sort of playing,
the activity of people doing something because it kept them from screaming
or throwing themselves through the walls.  

	"Oh, hey, you're back," Setsuna said to Rei.  "How was your trip?"

	"Beryl has Ranma and his father," Rei said softly.  "I couldn't
save them.  Saotome-san is Gluttony, now."  She then explained the whole
thing to Setsuna.

	Finally, Setsuna said, "Dammit!  Triple Dammit!"

	Then she suddenly realized Ryouga wasn't present.  This was
rectified a few seconds later when he suddenly popped into view, right on
top of the game board.

	Rei blinked.  "Huh?"

	Setsuna sighed and explained the whole thing.

	"What a mess," Rei said.

	"Sorry about your game," Ryouga said, getting off the board.

	"Oh, don't worry about it.  Usagi was about to lose anyway," Rei
said.

	"I was not," Usagi said.  "Has anyone got any good news at all?"

	"Hmm, this means Saotome can't steal my sandwiches any more,"
Ryouga said.  "That's good news."  Three women gazed death at him.  "Or
maybe not."

	Usagi blinked.  "Oooh, I just had a great idea."

	"What?"

	"We could get Osaka-san to make us fake rainbow crystals.  They'd
be great for a trap, or for bluffing Nephrite."

	"That's a good idea," Rei said.  "If we can afford it."

	"Oh, glass jewelry is pretty cheap," Usagi said.  "I think."  She
got up.  "Why don't we go down and see about it?"

	"What are we going to tell her they're for, though?" Setsuna
asked.

	"Rei can put a magic whammy on her so she doesn't ask."

	"I'm afraid that Shinto doesn't teach how to hypnotize jewellers,
Usagi," Rei replied.  

	"Well, we can just say we want to make some costume jewelry and
stuff.  And throw in some other gems so it isn't too obvious."

	Rei looked somewhat dubious, but she couldn't think of a better
excuse.  "Hmm, that could work."

	"I hope so," she replied.  "Worth a shot, anyway."

*****************

	"I am not pleased with your failure to collect the Shadows,
Nephrite," Beryl said to him.

	"Your highness, aren't the Crystals more important?" he replied.
"Of the six so far revealed, I have three, Tourmaline has secured one, and
the Senshi only have two.  Soon, I will secure a fifth, and then I will be
ready to deal with the Senshi to get the other two.  Once we have the
Crystal, we can resecure the Shadows at our leisure, now that we know
where they are."

	"This is true," Beryl said.  "Alright, I will accept that argument
for now."

	"It also might be possible to trade them Ruby in order to get the
two remaining crystals.  They are blinded by such weaknesses as love, and
would quite likely be foolish enough to fall for it."

	"I have found another use for him, although I believe we can keep
that option open, should it be impossible to secure them by other means.
I would suggest setting your youma to finding out where the Senshi live."

	He nodded.  "Yes, my queen, I have a few good ideas for how to do
that."

	"Then put them to work.  You are dismissed."

	"Yes, my Queen."  And he left.

	"Would you like to come out from where you have been lurking?" She
said off to one of the corners of the room.

	Zoicite came out.  "Your majesty, Nephrite has been consorting
with a mortal.  I fear he may betray us."

	"And I suspect you are exaggerating because you want his job.  But
tell me more."

	"He has been seen quite a bit around a jewelry shop, and seems to
have gone on 'dates' with its owner."

	Beryl frowned.  "This being?"

	"A place called 'Osa-P', run by a woman named 'Osaka'.  Shall I
kill her, my Queen?"

	"Not yet.  I will look into this.  For now, I suggest you attend
to energy gathering to help revive Metallia, rather than spying on your
fellow generals."

	"Yes, your Grace.  I will return at once."  And then he vanished.

	Beryl leaned back in her throne and frowned.  Probably Nephrite
was simply sating his bodily urges on this woman, but it was possible that
something more could be going on.  She summoned Emerald.

	Emerald bowed to Beryl.  "Your highness, how may I be of service."

	"I have been informed that Nephrite has been seen in the company
of a mortal."

	"I believe he is sating his lusts with a middle-aged woman and her
teenage daughter, yes.  Also, I believe he intends to do something with
her jewelry making skills."  Emerald shook her head.  "He turned the woman
into a youma during our last major operation; she did seem to have some
potential."

	"And the daughter?"

	"I don't know," Emerald said.  "Would you like me to test her?"

	"Yes, I think it would be wise to test both of them.  And keep an
eye on what he is doing."

	"Yes, your highness."

	"What is your assessment of Nephrite's performance of his duties?"

	"He would make a better doormat than general."

	"He has had some success."

	"He typically fails to make very good use of us.  We ought to find
the Senshi, then crush them in detail.  Instead, we keep blundering into
them when we try to get the Jewels.  I'm surprised we aren't all dead."

	She frowned.  "He hasn't been sending you away again, has he?"

	"No, but he hasn't used us very well, either."

	"I shall think about this."

	"As you wish, your highness."

	"You may leave now."

	Emerald bowed.  "As you wish."  And then she was gone.

	She summoned forth Tourmaline, who soon appeared.  "How may I
serve you, your Grace?" Tourmaline asked.

	"Congratulations on your securing of Gluttony and his crystal,
Tourmaline.  And the capture of Ruby."

	"I could not have done it without the aid of my family, your
highness," she said.  "What would you have of me now?"

	"To what do you attribute your total success?"

	"We work together well, and the vast majority of the Senshi were
pinned down by Nephrite's operations in Tokyo.  Much as I'd like to claim
brilliance, I must admit I faced minimal opposition."

	Beryl nodded.  "Then perhaps the key to success with this final
crystal would lie in arranging for there to be minimal opposition."

	"Are you suggesting I run a fake operation to distract them away
from Nephrite?"

	"Yes, exactly," Beryl said.  "Take some of your energy reserves
and unleash some horde of something when Nephrite is ready to strike at
the final Crystal.  If you can take down a sailor or two, that would be
good, but mostly you just need to give them other things to think about."

	"As you command."

	"Then be to it at once."

	"I will do so."  And then Tourmaline vanished.

*************

	"There's a what?" Naru asked Umino.

	He leaned on the cash register table.  "Underwear theif.  A
_woman_."

	"You're lying," Naru said.  "Women don't get that weird."

	"Definitely female.  There's a lot of conflicting reports as to
what she looks like, but somewhere around our age."

	Naru made a face.  "Ugh."

	"Takes food too.  I hear she ate an entire barbeque feast by
herself."

	"You are making things up."

	He shook his head.  "I kid you not."

	Naru shook her head.  "Are you sure about this?"

	"I'm sure," Umino replied.  

	"Well, we'll have to be careful, then," Naru said.  

	The front door of the shop opened, and Usagi, Rei, Setsuna, and
Ryouga came in.  Naru waved hello.  "Hi, Usagi!"

	Ryouga began wandering around the shop, looking at jewelry.

	"Hiya, Naru-chan!"  Usagi glanced over at where Mrs. Osaka was
busy helping a customer.  "Do you think your mom will be free any time
soon?"

	"Oh, I'm sure she'll be done soon.  Going to commission something
special?" Naru asked.

	"Yeah," Usagi said.  "Hey, Umino."

	"Hi, Usagi," he replied.  "Oh, hi, Rei.  I see you got back from
your vacation."

	Rei sighed.  "Yeah, I'm back."

	"Didn't go so well?" he asked.

	"It sucked," Rei replied.  

	"Hello, Umino," Setsuna said.  

	"Hey.  I hear you and Ryouga got engaged."

	"Against our will," Setsuna said.

	"Oh.  Well, I'm sorry for you, then.  And you two, Rei.  I guess I
shouldn't mention my summer's been pretty good except for my girlfriend
leaving town for a vacation."

	"You have a girlfriend?" Naru asked dubiously.

	"Well, sort of girlfriend.  It's moving along.  I came here to try
and find something nice for her."  He paused.  "Oh, you'd better keep your
eyes open.  There's a freaky woman stealing people's food and underwear in
town."

	"..."

	"Yeah, no one can agree on exactly how old she is, but she makes
off with underwear and food.  And I hear she's a pretty good martial
artist, too."

	Usagi frowned.  "A martial artist, eh?"

	"Yeah.  Master Li down at the Sea Breeze Dojo tried to stop her
stealing his wife's underwear, and got his butt kicked.  She attacks
people with ribbons and stuff."

	"Could be another martial gymnast," Usagi speculated.

	"Sounds like a freak," Rei said.

	"Well, hopefully, the police will deal with it," Setsuna said.
"Although I sense someone is thinking about  finding this person herself."

	Usagi nodded.  "It takes a martial artist to catch a martial
artist."

	"At least it's not another monster attack," Naru said.

	"It could be a monster who gathers energy from people's
underwear," Umino said.

	Everyone stared at him.

	"Or maybe not," he concluded.

****************

	Mrs. Osaka cuddled up to her lover, feeling all of her nervous
tensions wash away.  "Yes, it's been a busy day for me too.  I should be
able to get you a little better deal on those duplicates you wanted made.
Turns out a friend of my daughter is also wanting some fake gems, and they
look to be very similar to the ones you want, so with a larger order, we
should get you both a larger price."

	Nephrite's eyes widened slightly.  "Oh really?  Does her family
collect gems?"

	"She picked up the originals in China," Mrs. Osaka replied.  "I
was just amazed that they looked so much like yours."

	This could be a coincidence, but I think I've just gotten very
lucky, Nephrite thought.  "I'd be curious to meet her some time then.  I'd
be interested in learning more about her gems."

	"I can give you the phone number later," Mrs. Osaka said.  "I
think she lives at the Hikawa Shrine, but I couldn't swear to that."

	"I'd appreciate that," he said.  He glanced out the window of his
car.  "I believe we've reached the theatre."

	"I hope Naru doesn't get too bored at home."

	"I'm sure she'll be fine," he said, then found a place to park.
Letting his body and mouth go into autopilot, he began laying his plans.

*************

	Naru laughed at the show on her TV.  "I can't believe she told him
that."

	"I can," Rei said.  "She's a complete idiot."

	"Me neither," Usagi said.  "Hmm, we need more popcorn."

	"I'll make some more," Naru said, getting off the couch and
heading for the kitchen.

	When she opened the kitchen door, she thought she heard movement,
which turned out to be the case.  There was a young girl with short brown
hair, wearing a pink martial arts uniform and a red ribbon in her hair.
She was busily stripping the kitchen of canned goods into a sack.  

	Naru crept back to the living room, and said to Usagi softly,
"There's a girl in the kitchen stealing all our food.  Maybe it's the
person Umino was talking about."

	"Rei, I suggest you go make sure someone isn't raiding the
underwear too.  I'll see about this person," Usagi whispered to Rei.

	Rei nodded and crept off towards the bedroom, while Usagi headed
to the kitchen.  The girl was now busy grabbing bread and chips to add to
her horde in the bag.  Usagi levelled her staff at the girl.  "Robbing
people is dishonorable!  I challenge you to single combat!"

	The girl turned with a donut in her mouth, staring in shock.  Then
she gulped it down and said, "Grandpa says robbing the rich to give to
yourself is the highest honor there is!"

	"Naru's not exactly rich," Usagi replied.  "And that's not even
true!  And your grandfather is a very bad man, making little girls go rob
for him."

	"I am not a little girl!" the girl announced, then got into a
fighting stance.  "And I'm not afraid of you!"

	Usagi recognized the stance; it was one of Ranma's usual stances.
I wonder who trained her, she thought.  Usagi then charged, leaping up
onto a counter, and bouncing off the wall to come down from above and
right of the girl.

	The girl backflipped out of the way, and Usagi's staff blow came
down on the sink, nearly smashing some dirty dishes.  I need more open
space, Usagi thought.

	Usagi drove the girl back across the kitchen and out the door into
the living room, then out onto the balcony.  The child continued to give
ground; Usagi felt a little bad about attacking someone so much younger
than her, but Usagi needed to catch her, so she couldn't do this again.  

	The child then impressed Usagi with a nice leap off the railing up
onto the roof.  Usagi followed her, and found herself face to face with
two more girls.  One of them was around Usagi's own age, tall and dark
haired, clad in blue with her hair tightly bound into a long ponytail in
back which arched upwards before falling down.  She was armed with a whip.
The other was a twelve year old with short black hair, wearing a very
loose gi.  "Natsumi, this old lady is after me!" the pink-clad girl said.

	"Kurumi, I'm sure you could beat her all by yourself," Natsumi
said.

	"It was too cramped to fight," Kurumi replied.

	"Are you three some kind of girl gang?" Usagi asked.

	"We're a family," Natsumi said.  "Come on, Kurumi, if you don't
beat her, Hotaru and I will have to eat all your food."

	A light of burning passion ignited in Kurumi's eyes.  "You can't
HAVE MY FOOD!"  She leaped at Usagi.  

	Usagi parried her first attack with ease, but the fury of the
assaults drove her back towards the edge of the roof.  So she vaulted over
Kurumi with the help of her staff, but as she did so, Kurumi whipped off
her hair ribbon and twirled it at her.  To Usagi's embarrassment, she got
her feet tangled in it and fell to the roof top hard.

	As she tried to disentangle herself, Kurumi came down on her hard.
She finally got herself to her feet, fighting back as best she could.
Managing to sweep Kurumi's feet, she then gave Kurumi a beating like the
one she'd just recieved.

	Kurumi managed to roll away from her and get standing, and
unleashed another attack with her ribbon, spiraling it like a funnel.  The
ribbon felt strangely cold when it struck Usagi.

	Usagi parried with her staff, only to get it wrenched away from
her by Kurumi.  This gave her the opening she needed to get in close and
personal again, grabbing the ribbon out of Kurumi's hands and unleashing a
hail of blows.  

	And then she heard Rei and Naru shouting, and looking down, she
saw them both chasing a wrinkly old dwarf down the street; he had a huge
bag of underwear on his back.  The distraction was enough for Kurumi to
get in a powerful blow to Usagi's chest which sent her flying off the
roof.

	By the time she got back up on the roof, all three of the girls
had vanished.  Picking up her staff, Usagi decided to go help her friends.
They were trudging back.  "We lost him," Naru grumbled.

	"There's three of them," Usagi said.  "The women, that is."

	"Just one of the old freak," Rei said.  "He managed to take my bra
out of my shirt with just a gesture!  Freak!"

	"Oh, that's an easy trick," Usagi said.  "See, you just...hey, my
bra is gone!"

	"We have to catch these people," Rei said.

	"Exactly."

****************

	"She's dating Gosunkugi?" Naoko asked Minako.

	"Yeah.  It's driving her partner nuts, which I think is why she's
doing it," Minako replied.  "Oh, and Ranma got kidnapped by the Dark
Kingdom!"

	"That's horrible," Naoko replied.  "Do we have a plan to rescue
him yet?"

	"Not yet, but we're hoping we can find the last crystal soon, and
then get the others and make the Silver Crystal.  Then we can beat down
Beryl upside her head and get Ranma back."

	"How are Usagi and Rei taking it?"

	"They're pretty shaken up," Minako replied.  "So how was your
vacation?"

	"Not too exciting," Naoko replied.  "I'm glad to be back."

	"I'm glad you're back too.  Konatsu and I haven't had much to do
besides play Scrabble all day and go out with Tsubasa."  She paused.
"Well, I went out with Tsubasa.  I don't _think_ he's dating Konatsu too.
Although he is helping Tsubasa build a Godzilla suit for some contest."

	"That should be interesting to see," Naoko said.

	"Oh, let me tell you all about the festival..."

****************

	Happousai wallowed through the haul of the night while his three
'granddaughters' sat and ate some of the other loot.  "Now, Kurumi, you've
got to learn to fight harder," he said.

	"I'm sorry, grandfather," she said.  "She was really good."

	"But you did bring me her bra, so I forgive you," Happousai
replied.  He rubbed the soft white cloth against his face.  "Mmm, so much
power in this one."

	"I know," Kurumi said, as she alternated between carefully folding
sets of panties and eating soup.  "The underwear just throbs with power in
this city."

	"Are we really going to finally settle down and rebuild your dojo,
Grandpa?" Hotaru asked.

	"Just as soon as I figure out some way to get the wood and nails."

	"We could run a noodle shop again," Kurumi said, her eyes
gleaming.

	"We went bankrupt last time because you ate half the noodles,"
Natsumi pointed out.

	"We could open a lingerie store," Hotaru suggested. 

	"Sell my precious silky darlings?" Happousai said.  "NEVER!"

	"We could chop down the trees with our martial arts and make the
lumber ourselves," Kurumi said.

	"Hmm, good idea," Happousai said.  "We'll start on that tomorrow."

****************

	"Yes, I could scan for them, Usagi, but then I'd have to either
stop the other searches or slow them down even more," Ami said to Usagi.

	Usagi frowned.  "Well...I guess this isn't as important."

	"We'll just have to do this the old fashioned way," Shampoo said.
"Shampoo has a clever plan." 

****************

	"You're picking up what?" Nephrite asked.

	"The scanning lattice is detecting an odd energy build up out in
this forest," Iron replied, pointing to a pinging dot on the lattice.  An
image appeared in the air of a forest seen from high above it.  "It would
appear there is some growing source of energy here."

	"Hmm, it could be one of Tourmaline's operations, or possibly
something from Kunzite and Zoicite.  Take Sandstone and Silicon and see
what it is."

	"Yes, sir," he replied, then headed off to find the others.

	Nephrite now turned himself to casting a horoscope.  The air above
him shimmered, and the image of a perverted looking old man wallowing in
underwear appeared.  Nephrite grimaced.  Delightful, he thought.  Just
what we need for Lust.  

	He summoned up Greed.  "Hey, boss, look at these rare stamps!
It's a 1906 Bicycle stamp!"

	"It's been cancelled, making the value go down," Nephrite said. 

	"Dammit!"  He sighed.  "You want it, then?"

	"Sure," Nephrite said; he took it and pocketed it, not mentioning
he could easily remove the cancellation marks, restoring its value.
"Greed, I need you to go investigate this man."

	"Ugh.  Please tell me he's wealthy and I can rob him blind."

	"Not unless he's got some rare underwear in that pile."

	"Hmm, well, if it's used, it might sell well in some shops..."

	Nephrite made a face.  "Just go find him and report back so I know
what to expect."

	"Okay," he said, and took off.

	Nephrite then sent a message to Tourmaline, who soon arrived.  "I
assume you wish to coordinate our plan?"

	He nodded.  "I have my people investigating the next Shadow.
He..."

	Tourmaline saw the image floating in the air, which Nephrite
suddenly realized he'd forgotten to dispel.  Her eyes narrowed.  "That's
him."

	"Eh?"

	"He's the one who banished us to the Dark Kingdom."

	"What, this pathetic perv..."

	A somewhat attractive blue-clad woman who moved with the grace of
a warrior now came into the image.  She and the old man began haggling
with each other over underwear.

	Nephrite twitched.  "Conquering this planet will be a mercy to the
universe."

	"Yes, it's him.  I'm sure of it.  Would you be willing to consider
switching jobs for this one?  I'd like to deal with this old man myself."

	Nephrite raised an eyebrow.  "You are not happy with what he did?"

	"He could easily have killed us instead of sending us to our
destiny," Tourmaline said hastily.  "And he seperated us from Amethyst for
a decade."

	"Best you stay out of this, then.  Personal feelings get in the
way of efficient performance.  So, is the diversion ready?"

	"I had to abandon my original plan when I discovered Ranma had
been sent for special modification.  However, I believe I now have another
plan.  I will need a few days to set everything up."

	"Make it quick.  I want to strike before the Senshi can find him."

	"I understand completely."


****************

	"Would you like me to stay with you tonight, Rei-chan?" Usagi
asked Rei.

	"Yes, please," Rei replied.  "I don't want to be alone."

	Usagi hopped up onto the bed, curling her arms around Rei and
burrowing into the sheets.  "Don't worry, Rei, we'll get Ranma back soon."

	"He won't be ours even if we do," Rei said softly.  

	"Oh, where there's life, there's hope," Usagi replied, kissing her
on the cheek.  "Do you want to help Shampoo and I with our big plan
tomorrow?  Or are you going to stay here and help out Grandpa?"

	"I'm going to help out Grandpa," Rei said.  "And Nodoka-san wants
me to train with her."

	"Oooh, going to learn swordsmanship?"

	"Yes.  Nodoka-san is very good with a sword."

	"Well, I'll miss you, but Grandpa always needs more help," Usagi
said, then yawned.  "I sleep now."

	"Goodnight, Usagi."

	Usagi answered with a snore.

**************

	The more freaks and whackos Usagi had to deal with over the course
of the day, the more she wondered if Shampoo's idea of pushing a lingerie
cart around the city was a really good idea for how to trap the underwear
thieves.

	A balding man in a suit asked Shampoo, "Are these fresh or used?"

	"Only used on Sundays by a little old lady," Shampoo said.  "For
seducing dragons."

	The man backed up, looked at her nervously, then quickly walked
away.

	Shampoo sighed.  "Shampoo beginning to think Usagi's idea of a
food cart was better."

	"Where are they?" Usagi asked the universe at large.  It didn't
answer.

************

	Hotaru aimed a series of precision blows at the log, which quickly
fell apart into a series of long planks, which she then chopped into
appropriate lengths.  Happousai sat on a stump, whittling pegs.  "I told
you all Martial Arts Carpentry would come in useful."

	Natsumi scribbled on paper.  "Are you sure we'll need a five story
building?" 

	"Of course I'm sure," Happousai said.  "One floor for us.  One for
the silky darlings.  Another two for students to stay in, and one for
practice."  He paused.  "We'll need a diving board for the panty storage
level."

	"Can we have a swimming pool in the backyard?" Hotaru asked.

	Kurumi said, "We need another floor just for food!"

	Perhaps she'll get a proper panty obsession when she grows up
more, Happousai thought.  This food obsession is not healthy.  

	"See, here's where the kitchen and pantry goes," Natsumi said,
pointing to the plans.

	Kurumi said, "I'll need a bigger freezer."

	"I just want a nice soft bed," Hotaru said.

	"See, here's the bedrooms, and the bathrooms are here and..."

	Soon, they all crowded around to make comments on the plans.
Hotaru smiled at all of them.  I love my family, she thought.  I hope we
can all be together forever.	

************

	"Okay, Setsuna, if you can go fetch me some more bandages," Dr.
Tofu said to her, "I'd appreciate it.  And Ryouga, if you'll hold this leg
up for me."

	Ryouga held the leg up in the air while Dr. Tofu quietly chatted
with the middle aged jogger who lay on the table.  

	Lost in thought, Setsuna headed for the closet on instinct.
However, when she went into it, she somehow found herself in a busy bazaar
in a place which looked rather Middle-Eastern.  Then there was a flash of
light, and she found herself standing on the patient's stomach, right next
to Ryouga.  She blinked, the patient moaned, and Dr. Tofu asked, "How did
you get up there?"

	She mumbled an apology, ran to the closet, got the bandages and
came back.  This is NOT good, she thought.


************

	"Oh yes, marrying into the family does bring you under our curse,
so as you get closer to the time of the wedding, you'll gradually fall
under it, your grandmother says," Mr. Hibiki said, standing by Grandother
Hibiki's bed.

	I hate my life, Setsuna thought.  "But I don't WANT to marry
Ryouga."

	"You can't escape destiny and the curse knows that.  Better than
any mortal."

	I can't even run away without Ryouga following me, Setsuna
thought.  The Dark Kingdom has my love, I'm chained to Ryouga, and now I'm
going to start getting lost all the time.  This can't get any worse.

	Ryouga stuck his head out of the kitchen.  "We're having Mom's
chili tonight!"

	Grandmother Hibiki paled.  Mr. Hibiki paled.  Setsuna said, "Tell
her Grandmother says that Chili gives her gas!"

	Grandmother said something inaudible. Mr. Hibiki says, "It makes
children starve in India too."

	Ryouga stuck his head back in the kitchen.  He stuck his head out
again.  "She says it's that or her patented Spam surprise."

	"Hibiki family custom requires seppuku after someone serves them
spam!" Mr. Hibiki shouted.

	Ryouga stuck his head in the kitchen for a minute, then stuck it
out, "Mom says she'll compromise and make her special Spam Chili."

	Setsuna got up off the couch.  "I'll cook."

	"Bless you, Setsuna," Mr. Hibiki said.  "You'll be a good wife to
Ryouga one day."

	Setsuna winced.  Not the praise she wanted to hear.

**************

	Usagi leaned against the cart, and sighed.  They'd wasted the day,
Ranma was kidnapped, Ami kept saying she'd have scanning results for the
next jewel 'any day now', but wasn't producing anything, and in all, she
felt like everything was just going wrong.

	Shampoo sat down as well.  "Shampoo thinks we've met every freak
in Tokyo."

	Then a flashbulb went off; it was Umino.  "Hey, I didn't know you
sold underwear, Usagi."

	"We're trying to trap the underwear thieves."

	"There's more than one?"

	"Three women," Usagi replied.

	"Are they cute?" Umino asked.

	"Kinda," Usagi said.

	Umino looked up and down at the stuff in the cart, then shook his
head.  "Probably too early to be buying her underwear," he mumbled.

	"You ought to buy your girlfriend some nice jewelry," Usagi said.

	"Oooh, good idea," Umino said.  "I think I'll go do that.  See you
later!"

	Shampoo waited until he was gone, then said, "It may be that they
only strike at night."

	Usagi sighed. "So we'll keep going into the night?"

	"Yes."

	"Ugh."

************

	Mikado sat in a shadowy part of the stands, watching Makoto try to
teach Gosunkugi to ice skate.  He was managing to stand up and move a
little, but not much else.  How can she do this to me? He asked himself.
We're partners!  And now she's trying to train this freakish loser to
replace me!  

	His fists clenched.  I have to do something about this.

	A shadow fell across him, and a woman said, "Sanzenin Mikado, I
presume?"

	He looked up at the well-dressed woman in a green business
suit-dress.  Her long red hair was piled up into a bun in the back, and
she wore sun-glasses.  "Yes, I am."

	"I understand this evil sorceror, Gosunkugi, has stolen away your
partner from you."

	"Yes," he said.  "I can't see how else a little runt like that
could get a woman as magnificent as her to smile at him."  He stared down
at the two of them.  She was clapping her hands as he made a clumsy turn
at one end of the arena and skated back to her.  

	"And it couldn't have anything to do with him not being an
asshole," the woman muttered.

	"What?  I didn't quite hear you."  He turned back to her.

	"I'm agent Ayaka of the Bureau of Uncovering Evil Sorcery.  If
you'll come with me, I believe we can help you with this problem."

	"You can?  That would be great!"  He flashed her his best smile.
"I would be quite...grateful."

	And quite inadequate, she thought.  "Very good, then come with
me."
	
************

Feldspar stared at the ring in surprise.  "Why, thank you, Umino-kun."

	He smiled at her.  "You're welcome.  Have you been having a good
summer vacation?"

	She put the silver ring on and admired it in the light.  "Pretty
good.  Qu...Mother's boss complimented me and my sisters."

	"That's always good," he said.  He looked around.  "I wonder if
monsters ate our waitress."

	"I didn't send any to do that," she said.  "But perhaps...oh."

	Umino laughed.  "You're such a kidder, Akiko.  I like that."

	She blushed a little.  "Thank you.  I like how smart you are."

	Now it was his turn to blush.  "Thank you.  So how did my cousin
meet you, anyway?"

	"Work."  She paused.  "I sometimes do security stuff for my sister
because I'm a martial artist."

	"I wish I knew how to fight."

	"Well, it's important to be smart too.  Mom's a scientist."

	"Cool.  Has she invented anything neat?"

	Nothing I can tell you about, Feldspar thought.  Where is that
waitress, anyway?  "Nothing I understand."

	"Do you do any kind of competitive martial arts?" Umino asked.  "I
mean, do you compete in competitions?"

	"Sometimes," she said.  "Not recently."

	"Well, if you ever do, I'd like to come see it."

	"I'll be sure to invite you," Feldspar said.  

	The date went on quite satisfactorally for the rest of the
evening.  After she went home, Feldspar checked the testing crystal she'd
hidden in her purse.  If she understood it correctly, he was a completely
normal human with no special powers whatsoever.  

She frowned.  She'd been hoping he would be a Dark Kingdom reincarnate.
That way she could awaken his memories and make him one of theirs and be
able to date him openly.  While she could turn him into a youma, he likely
would never be anything but cannon fodder.  But she liked him.  She wanted
to be able to tell him the truth, to recruit him to their side.  But she
didn't know how he would react.  She did know lots of other people would
whisper all sorts of nasty things about her.  They wouldn't understand why
she thought he was special or how he was different from the human cattle
they would soon conquer and rule.  

Feldspar had never been one to bow to public opinion, but she wasn't sure
if this would be a good idea or not, to buck it like this.  But she would
have to make up her mind soon.
	
	She plopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling.  This
stinks, she thought.

	Tourmaline came in the door.  "You ready for tomorrow?"

	"Do I HAVE to dress like a guy?"

	"Yes," Tourmaline replied.  "It's supposed to be mixed couples
martial skating, so..."

	"Can't Amethyst be the woman?  Or we could get Daddy to do it."

	"Daddy on ice is a recipe for utter, abject disaster."

	Feldspar sighed.  "I guess a panda would look too weird."

	"We might as well run up a flag to our enemies saying 'Here we
are!' if we did that.  And Amethyst can't pass believably as a man."

	"And I can???"

	"Yes."

	Feldspar grumbled, "Umino doesn't think I look like a man."

	"Oh, how did it go with him, hmmm?" Tourmaline asked, coming in
and closing the door.  "You two kiss yet?"

	Feldspar blushed.  "No.  But he gave me a nice ring."  She held it
up.

  

	"Man, he's serious.  Do you like him?"

	"Yes," Feldspar said.  "He's a goof, but...well, he makes me
laugh, and he's very kind to me, and he's so smart."

	"How did the test come out?"

	She sighed.  "Utterly mundane.  If we turn him, he'll never be
more than cannon fodder."

	"Well, it doesn't take a lot of personal power to do Mom's work.
He could always work for her, where he'd have access to power batteries
and stuff.  And it sounds like the kind of work he'd want, anyway."

	"People will talk."

	"Like you care."

	Feldspar sat up.  "That's true.  If people don't like it, it
doesn't matter."  She looked over at Tourmaline.  "So is there anyone you
like?"

	"Well..."  She stared at the floor.  "I..."

	"You don't have to talk about it," Feldspar said.

	"I was starting to get kind of a...a thing for Jadeite before he
died."

	Feldspar winced.  "I'm sorry.  We don't have to talk about it."

	Tourmaline came over and sat down next to Feldspar.  "No, I
haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it.  You know how hung up
he's been on Eowyn all these millenia.  I think, towards the end, I was
starting to break through to him.  To get him to finally move on.  He was
just so... and then he just went suicidal and provoked that final
confrontation with the Senshi.  And I couldn't save him."

	Feldspar put an arm around her sister.  "I know you did your
best."

	"Best wasn't good enough."

	"Best is all you can ever do," Feldspar said.  "I guess it'll take
you a while to get over him."

	"Yeah."  She sighed.  "You're a good sister, Feldspar."

	"And so are you."

	She got up.  "I've got to go.  Lots of work to do."

	"Well, I'll be ready in the morning for our big plan.  Male
clothing and all."  She made a face.

	"See you then."

************

	Makoto blinked. "You brought your fanclub to see us practice?" 

	Mikado said, "It's not like we haven't skated for audiences
before."

	"True.  It's just...oh, never mind," she said.  "You said you
found another pair for us to practice against?"
	
	"Yes," he said.  "Sana and Yukito are their names, I think."

	Sana and Yukito skated out onto the ice.  Sana had long red hair
done up like Makoto's, and was tall and muscular, while Yukito was short
and black haired, dressed in rather heavy clothing.  "Yo, we ready to go?"
Yukito demanded.

	"Let's go," Mikado said.  He took Makoto by the hand, and they
charged at their foes.  He hefted Makoto and passed the other couple to
the left, so she could take a kick at Sana as they went by.

	Sana managed to just barely duck under the blow, and lifted her
partner off the ground, spinning to slam Yukito's feet into Mikado's rear,
nearly sending him sprawling.

	Instead, he managed to smoothly turn, avoiding crashing into a
wall, and then he and Makoto moved in for another attack.  "Just imagine
where you'd be if you were doing this with that boy," he said to Makoto.

	"Is someone jealous?" Makoto asked as they sped up to launch
another attack.  

	Sana and Yukito made a break to the right, then suddenly leaped in
the air and spun to present their backs to Makoto and Mikado, both of them
then kicking upwards as they did so.

	Makoto managed to parry the kick at her, while Mikado got a bruise
on his arm when his parry didn't go so well.  They peeled off to one side.
"I am not jealous.  He's too ugly and weak for me to be jealous."

	"He also kisses better than you."

	"That's impossible!" Mikado said.  

	Gosunkugi sat in the stands, watching the match, but unable to
hear any of them talking.  Something was starting to make him nervous,
though.  Maybe it was the way some of the members of Mikado's fanclub had
very obsessive looks on their face.  Maybe it was the weird banging noises
coming from the direction of the closed concession stand.  Maybe it was
the feeling he'd seen Sana and Yukito somewhere before.  

	Then he heard a panda roar angrily from the direction of the
concession stand.  He got up and went to take a look, and saw a demonic
panda trashing the concession stand, trying to find food.  Gluttony, he
thought.  If I remember what Rei told us.  And if Gluttony is here...

	He got out his communicator.  Time to get help.

************

	As Mercury, Luna, Moon, Shampoo, and Mars ran along towards the
stadium, Mercury's computer pinged.  "Target located.  Seventh Crystal
located at the ruins of the Tendo Dojo," it announced.

	Luna blinked.  "At the Dojo?"

	Moon sighed.  "We're going to have to split our forces.  Half of
us need to go to the dojo, the other half to see about capturing Gluttony.
Maybe...maybe we'll be lucky and they'll have Ranma there."

	"Who goes where?" Shampoo asked.

	"Well, we'll have to call everyone to let them know, but Mars,
Mercury, you two will head with Luna to help deal with Gluttony.  I'll
call Neptune to back you up.  With Opal and Jupiter, that should be easily
enough to take him out.  Meanwhile, Shampoo, you're coming with me.  And
I'll call in Uranus and Tuxedo Mask to back us up.  And Pluto and Ryouga,
since she can't get away from Ryouga."  She frowned.  "I wish Ukyou wasn't
in Osaka.  And Ranma..."  She sighed.  "Well, we do what we can.  Oh!  And
we need to call Minako and Naoko.  And I never did find out if Tuxedo Mask
talked to Tsubasa or not.  I think we'd better take Venus as well."

	"Right," Mars said.

	"Mars, you're in charge of the operation against Gluttony.  Good
luck."
	
	"He's not very smart, so I'm sure we'll do fine," Mars said.
"Let's go, everyone."

************

	Happousai popped up onto Kurumi's shoulder.  "The hammering goes
faster if you use a hammer instead of your fists."

	"But isn't that cheating?"

	"Anything that makes for less work isn't cheating."

	"Oh, okay!"  She paused.  "Do we have any hammers?"

	He blinked. "Oh, right, I'll go get us some."

	There were few things Happousai enjoyed more than shopping with a
five finger discout, except perhaps smoking and wallowing in a large pile
of silky elegance.  He got out his pipe and lit up as he started towards
the fence around the burnt out lot.  His three 'granddaughters' were hard
at work building their new dojo.  It was time for him to settle down; he
simply had too much underwear to want to move it around the country
constantly.

	The hairs on the sides of his head began to prickle.
Someone...many someones, were coming.  Their chi was strong.  For just a
moment, he wondered if the Tendos had found some way back from wherever
he'd sent them, but then he dismissed the thought.  "We're in trouble," he
said to his granddaughters.  "Get ready for a fight."

	They all got into combat stances.  And then a large van drove up,
and thirteen men and women piled out.  He could feel the power in all of
them.  Especially the tall, long haired brunet male in a grey uniform.
Happousai was torn between one set of instincts which said for him to run
far away, and another set, which demanded he stay and defend his silky
darlings.

	While he hesitated, the man walked up to him.  "So, you are the
last of the Shadows."

	"Look, pretty boy, if you think you're taking my underwear
collection, you're a fool!  I am the grand master of Anything Goes Martial
Arts.  You cannot defeat me and my granddaughters."  Happousai blew a
smoke ring in the man's face.  "But if you go away, I won't hurt you."

	The man held up a black crystal.  Happousai could see many, many
facets, all of them showing panties.  The crystal had underwear in it!
"Now, I will unleash your true..."

	Happousai leaped up and hooked the crystal with his pipe.
"Whatever.  Don't let the gate hit you on the way out."  He began shaking
the crystal to try to get the panties out.

	A green haired woman began laughing at the man.  "Nice job there,
Nephrite."

	"Shut up, Emerald."  The man pointed at Happousai.  "Give that to
me!"

	"No, it's mine," Happousai said.  "Grabbers' Keepers."  He turned
his back on Nephrite and began heading over to his granddaughters.
"Natsumi, do you think you can figure out how to get the panties out of
this thing?"

	Kurumi looked at it.  "It's got food in it, not panties!"

	"Edible Panties," Happousai thought, drooling slightly.

	Nephrite had enough; he fired an energy blast at Happousai.
Before it hit, Happousai and all three women were in the air at once.  One
of them held a coin towards him, and shouted something about a hundred yen
attack, then began draining his life force.  The other two spun a ribbon
and a whip in unison, forming some sort of vortex which blasted him across
the lot and into the fence.  He could see the first girl growing taller
and older as she drank deeply of his power, and to his shock, he saw the
sign of Saturn shining from her brow.  For a moment, he felt abject
terror.

	Then Emerald started shouting orders.  The Dirty Dozen all
transformed and charged into the attack, shelling the leaping women with
their powers.  Happousai dropped down next to Nephrite, then casually
reached out with his pipe and hooked a sleeve, then tossed Nephrite
several blocks down the street.

	Emerald formed a blade of green fire and turned to face Happousai.
"I see you are a worthy opponent," she said to Happousai, then suddenly
found his face buried in her bosom.  

	"Sweeto!  I see you have worthy breasts!"

	A burst of abject rage washed over her, and she began to pound him
with her fists, trying to get him out of her clothing.  "Damn you, old
man!"

	He made fake teary eyes.  "Would you strip an old man of his few
remaining pleasures?"

	"GET OFF ME!"  Emerald had little luck with this, however.

	Natsume, Hotaru, and Kurumi fought desperately, but they were
simply outnumbered and outgunned, each having to try to fight four youma
at once.  They would have soon gone down, except...

	"Attacking innocent girls and a helpless old man isn't every nice!
Even if they're trespassing!  I am the lovely sailor-suited soldier,
Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon, I'm going to kick your ass!"
Sailor Moon announced.

	"That should be 'punish you in the name of the moon'," Artemis
pointed out helpfully.

	"Whatever!"

	The youma failed to notice the speech at all, and Emerald was too
busy trying to get Happousai off her to care.  Kurumi did notice enough to
say, "Oh wow, Sailor Venus is here!"

	In fact, Venus, Moon, Pluto, Ryouga, Shampoo, Uranus, Prudence,
and Tuxedo Mask were all perched up on posts of the fence around the
abandoned lot.  Sailor Moon said, "Should I repeat my...HEY, those are the
underwear thieves!"

	"We only take from the rich and give to ourselves!" Kurumi said.
"We're not thieves!"

	"Those three girls are underwear thieves?" Uranus asked in
disbelief.  "They're too cute."

	"Venus, Pluto, Uranus, Prudence, shell the youma!  Shampoo,
Ryouga, we're taking down the thieves!  Tuxedo Mask, pitch in wherever
you're needed!"  Sailor Moon took her staff and vaulted towards Kurumi,
wanting a rematch.  Shampoo headed for Natsumi, bonbori in hand.  Venus,
Uranus, and Pluto opened fire on the tightly packed youma. 

	Ryouga said, "But I don't like fighting girls!" 

	Moon sighed.  "Tuxedo Mask, you take care of the third one!"

	"But I don't like fighting girls either!" Tuxedo Mask proclaimed.

	"Fine, I'll fight her while you idiots go play in the corner,"
Uranus said, charging towards Hotaru, who turned and blasted her with a
huge blast of stolen chi.  Uranus went flying, then scraped herself off
the ground.  "Just do something you two!"

	Ryouga plowed into the youma.  Tuxedo Mask looked around and
assessed the situation, then spotted that the withered old man was holding
an evil looking crystal.  It's probably controlling him, Tuxedo Mask
thought.  He hurled a rose and sent the crystal flying out of the old
man's hands.

	"No, you can't take my panties!" the old man shouted, and charged
after it.  

	The woman teleported and got there first, picking it up.  "And now
for you, old man!  BECOME THE SEVENTH SHADOW!"

	She pointed the crystal at Happousai.  Nothing happened.  She
stared in confusion.

	"There aren't any panties inside me, though I wish there were!"
Happousai said, grabbing the gem away from her."

	"But...but...why didn't it work?" Emerald asked in confusion.

	"Did you expect me to explode, showering yummy candy everywhere or
something?" Happousai asked.

	"No, the seventh rainbow crystal was supposed to come out of you!"

	"Hmm, would that be a violet gemstone?"

	"Yes!"

	"Oh, I think I hocked it to buy sake and tobacco a long time ago."

	"..."

	"I remember the day I got really sick to my stomach and coughed
that thing up.  Boy, I was surprised.  I didn't even remember eating it."

	"..."

	Happousai scratched his back with his pipe.  "Yes, those were the
days long ago."  He frowned slightly.  "You know, I keep thinking I used
to be taller back then."

	"Let me guess, you're already the Seventh Shadow, Lust, right?"

	"My name is Happousai!  But if you want me THAT badly..."
Sproing, Happousai leaped onto Emerald's chest, leading her to scream
bloody murder once more.


************

	Mercury kneeled behind a bench and scanned the panda.  "That's
Gluttony, alright."

	"I wonder where Amethyst and Feldspar and Tourmaline are," Mars
whispered.

	Then there was a scream from the ice rink.  Mars frowned.
"Neptune, Opal, you go investigate."

	"Hai," Neptune said.  She and Opal crept through the rink and got
a good view of the main arena.  The fanclub had all turned into zombies
and were after Jupiter, along with Mikado, Feldspar, and Amethyst.
Fortunately, most of the fanclub couldn't skate very well.

	"Feldspar is controlling the zombies," Opal realized after a
little concentration.  "Take her down and they'll go out of action."

	"Okay, I just need a clean shot..."  Her finger began tracking
Feldspar.

	"It's also important to blast Mikado, as he's obviously evil,"
Opal said.

	"Nice try," Neptune replied.

	Jupiter managed a sharp turn at the wall, and began pouring on the
speed, trying to get some room to manuever.  Mikado easily made the turn
to chase after her, but Feldspar and Amethyst both slammed into the wall,
losing ground.

	"SUPREME THUNDER!" Jupiter shouted, blowing Mikado off his feet
with a lightning blast as she skated backwards.  

	Neptune now took her shot.  "DEEP SUBMERGE!"  That blew Amethyst
and Feldspar off their feet.  

	And then Diamond rose up from out of the seats, and took Neptune
and Opal by surprise.  Neptune went flying from a vicious sword blow.
Opal backpedaled, looking for weak spots in Diamond's armor.  Then he put
a dart through a joint and into Diamond's knee, forcing him to stop and
pull it out.

	While he was doubled over, Neptune dumped a deep submerge on him,
sending him sprawling.

	Feldspar shouted to the zombies, "Take out the ones up in the
stands."

	A tidal wave of fanclub members poured towards Neptune and Opal,
who ran.

************

	Nephrite reappeared and blasted Happousai right off Emerald.  A
purple gemstone flew into the air from his pocket, and Emerald fell down.
Nephrite caught it.  "Ahh, much better," he said.  

	"Oh, I forgot I stole that back after I hocked it," Happousai
said.  He brushed the ashes off himself.  "Now give it back!"  He charged
at Nephrite, who blasted him again, then teleported out of the reach of
Happousai's counter attack.

	Meanwhile, Sailor Moon was locked in combat with Kurumi; it wasn't
easy, fighting off two youma and Kurumi at the same time.  In fact, she
was getting her ass kicked.  She had to flee up into a tree and let the
youma and Kurumi resume beating each other up to get a breather.

	Shampoo was having pretty much the same problem; she decided to
bail out and help Uranus try to fight Hotaru.  Uranus had managed to blast
her youma foes unconscious, letting her concentrate on Hotaru, who was a
pretty potent foe.  Shampoo began circling for a surprise attack.

	Pluto kept firing off dead screams, forcing some youma to dodge,
and taking others down.  Venus did the same with her attacks.  Prudence
rained down lightning on the youma hordes.  Their foes were too busy
avoiding being hit to launch an effective counter attack.

	Ryouga saw Moon's predicament, and managed to grab and throw Iron
out of his way, then charged Sandstone and Granite from behind.  A
powerful umbrella swipe knocked Sandstone aside, and then he started going
toe to toe with the hard to hurt, very strong Granite.

	This let Moon drop down and start fighting Kurumi again.  Kurumi
fought back desperately, trying to get enough space to get her ribbon
moving properly.

	Tuxedo Mask elongated his cane, and moved in to engage Nephrite,
but Emerald staggered to her feet and formed an energy sword.  "I can't
let you do that," she said, then paused.  "You're not going to glomp onto
my breasts, are you?"

	"I promise I won't," he replied.

	"Good, then let's fight."  They began dueling back and forth
around Happousai and Nephrite, who were going at it hammer and tongs.
Tuxedo Kamen soon observed that Emerald was in fact a very, very good
sword fighter.

	He slashed high and she parried, following up with a lightning
quick riposte that forced him to jump back.  "You always did fall for
that," Emerald muttered.

	"Eh?"

	"Nothing."  Emerald continued to press him back, away from
Happousai and Nephrite.  Nephrite seemed to be getting the upperhand.
Tuxedo Kamen's luck against Emerald wasn't very good, either.

	And then Venus blasted Emerald in the side, causing her to
stumble, and giving Tuxedo Kamen an opening. He darted in and disarmed
her.  "Got you!"

	She jumped back and created another flame blade.  "You were
saying?"

	Ryouga, despite his desires, was now going up against Natsumi; he
forced her to run with a barrage of bandanas, then successfully dodged her
whirlwind attack as well.  He was feeling pretty good about himself, until
Iron whacked him in the back of the head.  Then Iron and Natsumi both
started stomping on him.

	Moon dodged another chi-blast from Hotaru; she had a lot of power,
but not very good aim.  She whispered to Uranus, "I'll keep her attention,
you try and circle her and attack her from behind."

	Uranus nodded.  She carefully circled around, then unleashed an
Earth Shaking on Hotaru, who yelped and passed out.  Sailor Moon caught
her, then took her over to rest under a tree, and turned to Youma
fighting.


************

	Back at the skating rink, Mercury suggested, "Gluttony really
isn't doing anything but eat right now, I suggest we go help the others."

	Mars nodded.  "I agree."

	They soon found Opal and Neptune fleeing before the onslaught of
the zombie hordes.  

	"SHABON SPRAY!"  The mist settled down over the zombies, chilling
them and dispelling the magics controlling them.  They all swooned.

	"Gluttony, come and help us!" Amethyst yelled.

	Back in the concession stand, Gluttony was too busy trying to pop
some popcorn to hear or care.

	"So much for the unstoppable zombie army," Amethyst muttered, as
now Neptune, Mars, and Jupiter were free to hail down blasts of energy on
them.

	"Let's get Gluttony and get out," Feldspar said.

	"Can't we let them have him?" Amethyst asked.

	"Unfortunately, no."

************

	Nephrite picked up the unconscious Happousai.  "Grab his students;
they might be useful," he said to Emerald.

	"That's rather easier said than done," Emerald shouted while
continuing to try to hold off Venus and Tuxedo Mask at the same time.

	Said students simplified matters, however, because when they saw
Nephrite had Happousai, the two conscious ones charged at him.  He then
teleported both of them away with himself.  

	Seeing the youma bailing out with their compatriots, Sailor Moon
quickly ran over to Hotaru and picked her up before any of the Youma could
grab her.  They vanished with their unconscious compatriots in sprays of
light.

	Emerald saluted Tuxedo Kamen.  "A good fight, if not good enough
for you."  Then she vanished as well.

	Artemis came over to Hotaru, examining her carefully.  "I think
there's something special about her," Artemis said.

	"Well, duh," Venus said.  "Normal people don't fire energy
blasts."

	"No, beyond that.  But I'm not sure what."

	"Well, at least we saved one of their victims," Sailor Moon said,
sighing.  "But we lost the old man and the other two underwear theives."

	"And the crystal," Venus pointed out.

	"I'm wondering how the old man got the crystal and whatever
happened to the Seventh Shadow," Uranus said.

	"Shampoo thinks the old man must have been the Seventh Shadow
already, somehow."

	Sailor Moon picked up Hotaru.  "Well, maybe this girl can tell us
once she wakes up."

	Artemis looked around.  "Weird, it looks like they were trying to
build a building here."

	Shampoo picked up some discarded plans.  "A very large building."
She rolled them up.  "Let's get out of here."

	They left.
	
************

	Opal resisted the urge to kick the unconscious Mikado in the head,
but it wasn't easy.  

	Mercury said, "I think this was intended as a diversion while they
made their play for the last of the Rainbow Crystals."

	"I think it was just an attempt to pick me and Opal off while we
were by ourselves," Jupiter said.

	"But that would require them to know who your secret identity is,"
Mercury pointed out. 

	"Well, they know now, as I had to transform with them looking."
She sighed.  "But then, they probably knew before, or else they would have
tried turning me into a youma like they did to Mikado too, I think."

	"I wonder why Tourmaline didn't show up," Luna wondered.

	"She must have been busy with something else.  Or she's scared of
us," Jupiter said.

	"I don't think she's scared of us," Mars said, frowning.  "I guess
we should be glad they brought someone as useless as Gluttony to help
them, instead of a competent shadow."

	"Well, the only other shadow they have is Greed, and he works for
Nephrite," Mercury pointed out.  "Not Tourmaline."

	"True."

************

	Beryl walked through the garden.  The topazes and carnelians were
flourishing, which pleased her, although the agates seemed to be wilting.
She would have to talk to the gardener.  

	Moonstone now approached her and curtseyed.  "Your highness, the
princess is ready now."

	"I look forward to seeing how good of a job you've done," Beryl
replied.

	"I think you will find this version more useful and less annoying,
your highness."  She led Beryl through the garden to one of the gazebos.  

	A table had been laid out with tea and cookies (both taken from
Earth, since you couldn't grow any sort of food in the Earth style in the
Dark Kingdom).  Three elegant young ladies sat at the table.  Well, two
were elegant, and one was drooling slightly and having to be restrained
from eating by one of the others.  

	The drooler was elegantly dressed in pink and red, anyway, while
the one restraining her was clad in blue and black, both wearing elaborate
dresses.  The third was the one who compelled Beryl's attention, however.
She was short, with long red hair tied in back with a white ribbon into a
very loose ponytail that cascaded down in a great sheet of hair.  Clad in
white with pale skin and deep blue eyes, she now rose and curtseyed to
Beryl.  "Good day, Mother."

	Beryl turned and glanced at Moonstone, who whispered, "We found it
made a good foundation to rebuild her around.  Call her Ruby."

	Amused, Beryl nodded her head to the redhead.  "Good day,
daughter."

	Princess Ruby turned to the other two.  "Mother is here.  Behave,
Morganite."

	Morganite now noticed the queen and went rigid.  "Your highness!"

	Moonshade whispered to Beryl, "The other two were acquired along
with the seventh shadow and the last crystal.  They've been mildly
conditioned as well.  The other one is Aquamarine."

	The blue-clad woman rose and curtseyed.  "Good day, your
Highness."

	"Good day," she said, then came over and sat down.  

	"How soon will I be able to help our war efforts on Earth,
mother?" Princess Ruby asked.

	Moonstone began quietly pouring everyone some tea.  

	"Fairly soon, daughter," Beryl said.  "Do you have any particular
plans in mind?"

	"Well, I do have a few ideas."

	"Let's hear them."

	Beryl sat and listened to Ruby lay out her plans, and smiled.
Yes, this would prove a much more fruitful way to exploit her captive.
And a good source of amusement, too...


The End (of this Chapter)

Author's Postscript:

	Just a quick note.  Morganite is the pink form of the category of
gemstones known as 'Beryl', and Aquamarine is the blue form.  Check out
http://mineral.galleries.com/default.htm, if you want to know more about
gemstones and minerals than you will probably ever need to know.




John Walter Biles :  MA-History, ABD, Ph.D Candidate at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu  http://www.dkcomm.net/rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net      http://maison-otaku.net/~rhea/
"That all princes shall kiss the foot of the Pope alone."--Dictatus Papae,
11th century

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