handy. In Nerima soon as I was recognized as one of
the people who ran with Ranma they pretty much let me
do whatever I wanted. Even the police seemed to be in
this mentality.

of this mentality

I take the offered beer from the now meek bartender
and sip it slowly. It feels strange to be drinking

The way you've written it, he was never anything except
meek.  This is would make more sense if he started to 
ask whether she was of drinking age and then noticed
the spatula.

After I say this, Shampoo releases her hold and the
bartender dropped to the ground in a heap then ran
behind the bar to get her next drink. I return my gaze
to her and she's looking at me without the disdain
that she usually has in those scarlet eyes of hers.

Aaaaah!  Demon!

While I'll admit that there is a certain ruddiness to
the brown of Shampoo's eye's in the anime, it isn't
nearly bright enough to be described as scarlet.  
A more accurate descriptor would be "maroon".  

she was going to make me say this! I lift my gaze to
meet hers and innocent sandalwood eyes greet me. I
hear myself release a gasp of air and wince. I loathe
showing such weakness to her but I couldn't help it.

The look in her eyes... I hadn't seen that look
since...

Since the last time she brought up the subject of sex
with Ranma I suspect.  

Yes, I know that you are trying to lay the groundwork
for the revelation of Shampoo's late girlfriend but somehow
I doubt that girlfriend often looked at Shampoo with a 
look that said, "I have absolutely no idea what you are
talking about."

"What sorta hangover cure is this?! It's tastes
awful!"

Home remedy hangover cures always taste awful.  It gives them
the illusion of effectiveness by distracting the victim. 

Her attitude is such that she can make the mightiest
warrior feel like the meekest mouse.

Unless of course that mightiest warriour is as clueless as Ranma.

It's something that I've noticed and I'm very sure
that she noticed it too from her little running act

>from the Nekohaten. Thinking of it makes me chuckle,

Nekohanten

heart. Then again, I look over at Ukyo, dressed in a
simple pair of slacks and a button up shirt, for all
purposes looking to the outside world like an
extremely beautiful boy, 

With breasts.  

One problem I see with this idea is that Shampoo did disclaim interest 
in Ranma's female half and called Akane a pervert for not switching 
Ranma back to male quickly, but that could have been an attempt to 
manipulate Ranma.  If so you might want to mention that when Shampoo is 
thinking about what a deceitful wench she is.  

Another is that Cologne seems interested in fostering the relationship
between Shampoo and Ukyo even though it would seem to preclude the 
creation of another generation.  Do Amazons practice artificial 
insemination?



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