} Date: Sun, 09 Sep 2001 12:24:50 -0700
} From: Adrian Tymes <wingcat@pacbell.net>
Roight. Back into the business. And, heck, I'm only half a
year behind!
} This story is based on characters created by Hiroki Hayashi, Masaki
} Kajishima, AIC, and Pioneer.
This C&C is made up wholesale by me. You can use it for
whatever you want, as long as you recognize that it is a)
free, b) by direct implication, valueless, and c) any rude
things you say about the C&C might make me cry.
} She gestured to each element as she listed it. "The trees, the sky,
} the sounds...I always forget how much I miss Earth until I return."
} Her hair ruffled in a slight breeze as she sighed. "I think I forget on
} purpose, so I won't miss it so much it interferes with my duties."
"much that it interferes", maybe?
} While the day was only partly cloudy for the Galaxy Police officers,
} Ryoko was already in the shadow of a dark downpour. Despite the fact
} that it was noon, little enough sunlight broke through the clouds that
} the street lights' photo sensors had tripped, turning them on and
} illuminating cones of water droplets just as they finished their
} kamikaze plunges to the streets and sidewalks. It was a metaphor Ryoko
} found entirely too appropriate to the scene at hand.
I'd suggest playing up the metaphor a bit more. As it is,
it's a bit subtle, which makes it jarring when Ryoko
suddenly references it.
Oh, and technically they're photo-detectors, not sensors,
but that's a nitpick of immense proportions. ;)
} Still, as she left a plastic bag with the merchandise on top of a
} garbage can in an alley and backed away, she wondered just how many
} non-Earthlings there were on this planet. She had thought that, once
} the Galaxy Police duo left, all the remaining ones had been living at
} Tenchi's house. But here was definitely not there. She was pretty sure
} that someone who knew to ask for this merchandise by name, and who could
} pay - and pay quite well - in Jurai scrip, was definitely not native to
} this planet.
Were I Ryoko, if I were suddenly approached out of the blue
by someone I didn't expect to exist who was requesting to
purchase controlled substances, I'd be *very* worried, on
several levels. How was contact made? Why is Ryoko sure
it's not a set-up? For that matter, how and why does she
have access to the stims? After all, pirates and drug
dealers aren't exactly the same thing....
} Kiyone hid her expression as she hung her slightly damp jacket by the
} door. Some things never changed.
There was a clatter of broken pottery from inside the
kitchen, and then Ayeka burst in from the kitchen.
Startled, Kiyone had only enough time to twist in her seat
and wonder at the sudden appearance of the Juraian battle
armour before a wrenching burst of energy blew her back
through the table and slammed her against the wall.
Ignoring Tenchi as he babbled incoherently into the teacup
he'd raised to his face, Ayeka stomped up and thrust a
shaking finger into Kiyone's face. "Did I just hear," she
screeched, "FORESHADOWING?"
A sudden tightening of the force field squeezed off Kiyone's
stammering.
"There will be no foreshadowing! There *must* be no
foreshadowing. For," Ayeka stumbled back, a hand pressed
dramtically to her brow, "when I was but a young, innocent,
ravishingly cute girl, it was foreshadowing that took my
brother...."
"Half-brother."
"...Half-brother and exiled him to the depths of space...."
"Wasn't he here on Earth?"
"...to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, where no member
of the Royal Family would ever...."
"Aren't you here now? By choice?"
Seizing Mihoshi by the straps of her low-cut shirt, Ayeka
screamed, "Be *quiet*! You're ruining my dramatics!"
"But..." Mihoshi blinked. "I don't really understand
why're you're so upset about it. I mean, all of that led to
you meeting Tenchi, right? And you're going to marry
Tenchi, and not Yosho, right?"
Into the void cut by those words fell a heavy silence,
pulsing in time with the throbbing of Ayeka's veins, until
Tenchi said, with reverent feeling, "Oh, shit."
(Ahem. Sorry. I'll be good.)
} Ayeka concentrated, her discomfort with what she had to say, and her
} efforts to find a way to sugar coat it, readily obvious to Kiyone.
I'm not sure you need the commas in "say, and her" and "coat
it, readily".
} Kiyone's face seemed to slowly melt in fear and sadness.
Perhaps "misery" instead of "sadness"? For some reason,
"sadness" seems to weak to blend properly.
} Ayeka gestured to the pad in Mihoshi's hands. "That's got a complete
} list of the specific events and problems, but it boils down to
} corruption and abuses. In fact, he specifically mentions you as an
} example of what the typical Galaxy Police officer is *not*, and as such
} offers you and a few other ex-officers, including Mihoshi, citizenship
} in our empire as a means of sanctuary from, and I quote, 'the many
} enemies that such a model of what police should be, has undoubtedly
} acquired during her service in that organization'."
No comma after "should be".
} The faintest flicker of a smiled briefly graced the corner of Kiyone's
} lips, as she trudged off towards the indicated portal. Through it, she
} found an empty field, grass covering gently rolling foothills as far as
} the eye could see. Idly, she realized this must be one of the planets
} in Washu's pocket dimension: far above, a bright spot among white,
} fluffy clouds indicated the local sun's position. The air was utterly
} still, and the temperature perfectly balanced between warm and cool.
"flicker of a smile" (typo)
} Which was why, after opening the door, glancing around, and seeing that
} her sister was in motion, she said, "Ayeka, could I ask you to keep it
} down while I make dinner? I know you love Mihoshi and all, but..."
}
} She choked, realizing her mistake just after the nick of time.
Heh.
} Ryoko lazily lifted her head from Tenchi's chest, where the pair lay in
} front of the fire in the fireplace. Then she looked at Ayeka and
} Mihoshi, the latter of whom was clearly blissed out from the former's
} ministrations. "Ohoho, it's like *that*, is it?"
}
} Ayeka blushed, getting back to her work after a short pause. "Now, now,
} Ryoko. Clearly Sasami thought I would reserve this treatment for
} Tenchi, since he is much more deserving of my touch than of yours. But
} I have not given a massage in a while, and I would not wish to injure
} Tenchi with a rusty technique."
This seems like a rather restrained response from Ayeka.
} Sasami barely felt Mihoshi quickly pick her pocket, pulling out a
} slightly ripped plastic bag with some white pills.
}
} Misaki peered at the bag closely. "Stims?"
}
} "Uh-oh." Ryoko hefted Tenchi up and back through the wall. "Trust me,
} we do *not* want to be present for this."
}
} "My little girl has been taking stims?"
}
} "No, mommy."
}
} "Then why do you have them?"
}
} "..."
}
} Misaki but put her hands on her hips. "Come on, tell me. Why do you
} have stims?"
}
} "Umm, Misaki, ma'am?" Mihoshi held out her hand. "I don't suppose
} you'd let me hold onto those while you work this out?"
Something missing here, I think. Mihoshi was the one who
first took the stims, but now Misaki has them?
} "Think about it. Why, out of all of us, are you the only one who hasn't
} fallen in love with him, yet you can understand him better than any of
} us sometimes? 'Opposites attract, likes repel.'"
KIYONE: Or how about, "taste" and "common sense"?
} "Within the past hour, what looked like an alien spaceship appeared over
} the capitol buildings in Sydney, Capetown, Washington D.C., London,
} Berlin, Moscow, New Dehli, Beijing, and Tokyo.
Poor Canada. Not even Space Invaders take it seriously. ;)
Great story. This is a wonderful Mihoshi character piece
(of which there aren't anywhere near enough ;). The
backdrop you set the story against is great as well --
particularly, the entire Uplifting aspect is compelling
enough to almost demand a sequel series based around it.
Which I'm sure you have more than enough time to do, right?
;)
Anyways, fun read. Sorry the C&C is so late.
Bjorn