----- Original Message -----
From: Jonathan Rosebaugh <chibi@anifics.com>
To: Adrian Tymes <wingcat@pacbell.net>
Cc: Fanfic Mailing Listan <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 03, 2002 12:58 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [spamfic, sorta] [AMG] For All Eternity

On Sun, Mar 03, 2002 at 12:42:33PM -0800, Adrian Tymes wrote:

M Davis wrote:

      "Oh," Belldandy said, "I'm not just visiting, you know!  I'm

always

here."

      When she saw the confusion in the old woman's eyes, Belldandy
added, "It was his wish, you see.  It was the way he phrased it.  His
actual words were, 'I want a goddess like you to stay with me

forever!'

      "And so," Belldandy said, smiling sadly, "here I am... forever."

Mrs. Saisho pondered this for a few moments.  "But...if you are a
goddess, shouldn't you be with him?  I mean..."  She pointed to the
clouds.  "...in the afterlife?"

Belldandy's face darkened, as her gaze lowered to the ground.  "I would
if I could.  But for reasons I do not understand..."

It took the old woman even less time to realize Belldandy was not
looking at the ground, but through it.  "I take it goddesses are not
welcome down there?"

"You could say that."

(snip)

Evil! Evil! Evil!

But what if the Ultimate Force decided that that wasn't enough of an
excuse? Could it convert Belldandy into a demoness and send her down?

What?  Belldandy the demon?  Oh, now we're getting REALLY mean!

A Pleasant Place To Be
Miko

    It was a bad day in Hell.  A cool breeze was blowing, and the atmosphere
was almost balmy.  Even the flames of eternal damnation looked somehow
pleasant and cheerful.

    Lord Diatribe, Vice Demon in Charge of Punishing Lost Souls, Level 73,
Section 332, sat on his throne and grimaced.

    As a demon, Diatribe was always grimacing.  But at the moment his face
was contorted in a scowl so ferocious it would have sent gargoyles fleeing
in terror.

    He was staring out over the proverbial fiery pits of hell.  Thousands of
wicked souls were floating in burning lakes of fire.  And walking among them
was the newest demon in Hell's ranks....

     "What is she doing now?" he growled.

     One of his sub demons cowered before his gaze.  It was a twisted imp
with mottled green skin, who went by the name of Mild Annoyance.  "I -- I
believe she's serving iced tea and rice cakes to the damned, your Infernal
Eminence," Mild stuttered.

    Lord Diatribe gripped the arm of his throne so tightly that it cracked.
Bits of obsidian showered down.

   "Bring.  Her.  Here," he said through gritted teeth.

    Moments later, Demon First Class Belldandy stood before him.  Lord
Diatribe calmed himself.  Even in Hell, even for a demon whose specialty was
incoherent screaming, he'd learned long ago that yelling did not always
yield the best results.  He had not reached the level of Vice Demon by being
a complete idiot.

    "You're new here, Belldandy, so I want you to listen to what I have to
say carefully," the demon said.  "The souls of the damned are not to be
served iced tea and rice cakes -- or anything else pleasant.  Is that
understood?"

   "Oh, but they looked like they were suffering," Belldandy said.

     "OF COURSE THEY'RE SUFFERING!" Lord Diatribe bellowed.  "This is Hell!
They're SUPPOSED to be suffering!  Don't you realize what these people did
with their lives on Earth?"  He jabbed a finger at one fiery pool, filled
with tormented souls.  "THAT is a pool for murderers -- specifically, people
who killed others while consumed with 'road rage'.  And THAT," he said,
pointing to another pool, "is for incompetent graphic designers with
inflated egos!  These people EARNED their way to Hell, Belldandy!  Your job
is to make their stay an unpleasant one!"

     Belldandy frowned.  "But, Sir, that doesn't seem very nice...."

    "YOU'RE A DEMON!  YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE NICE!"

    "If you say so, Infernal Master," the demon girl replied, head down.

    "That's better.  Now... go out there and do something diabolical.  Be
mean to them.  Mess with their minds."

    Belldandy considered this a moment.

    "I could serve them lukewarm tea," she said, "and biscuits without
butter or jam or anything... Keichi was always disappointed when there
wasn't any butter...."

    "NO!  Don't serve them anything!  Just... just go!"

    Belldandy left.  After several moments of contemplation, Lord Diatribe
viciously stabbed a button on the desk nearby.  "HEAVEN!" he yelled.
Moments later, a flat-screened image shimmered into view before him.
Brilliant light shone from the divine vid screen, bathing the demon in holy
light.  Lord Diatribe averted his eyes.  He unconciously raised his hands in
infernal warding.

    "You rang?" a deep, resonate voice boomed out.

    "That's right," Diatribe said, still averting his eyes.  "God of
Justice, isn't it?"

    "Yes," the god replied.  "Lord Diatribe, is it not?  What are you
calling me for?  May I remind you that I only meet out justice as I see fit
in the mortal realms.  Eternal punishment is entirely your department."

    "Yes, well... it's about this new recruit, the one you renlinquished to
us...."

    "Belldandy?" the other replied, his voice perking up.  "Ah, how is she
doing?  She was always one of my favorites...."

    "Yes, well -- she's not working out," Lord Diatribe said.  "I think that
maybe, in this case, we can let you take her back...."

    "Oh, but I couldn't do that, Lord Diatribe.  There are rules, you know!"

    "Yes, I'm well aware of that," the demon said.  "Still, what's Hell,
without a few rules broken, eh?  That's almost Standard Operating Proceedure
down here, isn't it?  So if you could just, you know, come pick her up...."

    "I'm afraid we don't operate that way here in Heaven," the god said
cooly.

    The demon sputtered incoherently.  "Now... now look here!  You
self-righteous bastards are ALWAYS bending the rules when it's convenient
for you!"

    "And, as I recall, Hell has on many occasions held to the letter of the
law, and refused to bend for any reason."

   "THAT'S!"  The demon paused, trying to compose himself.  "That's as may
be, Justice, but, My Lord Lucifer!  In this one case you must see reason!
You can't begin to imagine the havok she's wreaking down here!  If something
isn't done, I fear that Hell will become a pleasant place to be!"

   "Ah," the god said with a chuckle, "now that WOULD be a tragedy.  How
very sad that Heaven cannot help you out.  And now, if you don't mind, I'm
very busy...."

   The image vanished as the line was cut.  Lord Diatribe ground his teeth
angrily.

   There was a thunderous roar.  Diatribe looked up.  In the distance was a
cloud of smoke, approaching fast.  At the head of the smoke was something
black and red, with bright bits of shiney metal jutting out.  And it rounded
a corner and flew towards him, the demon realized it was a vehicle of some
sort -- a car, but not a normal one.  This was the kind of car that only a
drugged, half-crazed motor sport fanatic could dream up.  The wheels were
huge.  The engine, all chrome, jutted through the midnight black hood by
several feet.  Chrome exhaust pipes, four on each side, curled under the
body and stabbed into the sky.  The rumble of the engine was deafening.

    In short, it was a race car from Hell.

    The car screeched and skidded to a halt in front of his throne.
Belldandy stepped out, along with -- the demon's eyes bulged -- a young man,
a banished human soul, was climbing from driver's side.

    "A lost soul, building motorized vehicles?  IN MY CORNER OF HELL?"
Diatribe was nearly apoplectic.

    "Oh, yes!" Belldandy exclaimed, clapping her hands together.  "We were
racing with demons between here and the Cliffs of Pain!  It was so much fun!
Keichi just barely managed to edge out two junior demons, but he won!"

    A young demoness came flying out of the still-settling cloud of dust.
She wrapped the mortal boy in a hug.  "Oh, Keichi, that was amazing!  I knew
you could do it!  You won't believe how much I made off of you... Sloth and
Envy are going to be sore about this for weeks...."

    "Mara!" the boy said, "let go of me!"

    Diatribe placed his head in his hands.  He felt like crying.

    "Dark Lord?" Belldandy said.

    Diatribe looked up.  Belldandy was holding out a tray of food.  "I made
you some tea, Lord Diatribe, and some cakes as well.  You look like you
could use a little cheering up."

   The demon grimaced, but the cakes looked delicious.  He picked one up and
bit into it.

   "This... it's delicious!" he said, through mouthfulls of food.  In Hell,
talking with your mouth full was accepted -- even encouraged.

    Belldandy smiled warmly.  "I'm so glad you like it, Infernal Lord!  It's
devil's food -- your favorite!"

    The dark lord grimaced, but took another bite.  He savored the rich,
moist chocolate, then sighed.

    Oh well, torturing lost souls had kind of  lost its lustre after the
first thousand millenia anyway.

FINI




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