Bah. I start to get caught up on TWIL, and you start writing faster than me
again. :P
My comments as follows. The spelling's atrocious because its difficult to
type and use the mouse with one hand.
I can imagine.
Warning: Lemony material ahead.
wheee!
Who's worse: the pervert that writes lemons, or the pervs that read them? :)
Don't read if you are under eighteen, or
whatever the local laws regarding such material are in your local area.
hahaha
This falls under a CYA file. Experience has taught me the one time you don't
is the one time you needed it.
You can freely blame Donny Cheng for this.
Damn you, Donny Cheng, whoever you are
People do that to him frequently. He deserves it every time.
This is post episode 14/OVA. Events taking place the next day after the
last
episode.
Ive never seen any Dual, but I checked out a Dual webpage before reading
this to see what it was about. It was completely unhelpful, though I did
see
some pictures of a few hot girls and an odd mech.
Think of it as Evangelion without the angst. It's pretty much a parody of
the series.
Differences in the Mitsukis will be done from whichever character's POV
is
being used. If it's Mitsuki Sanada, she thinks of Mitsuki Rara in terms
of
Rara. The reverse is true for Mitsuki Rara.
Hey as long as *you* dont mix it up
Heh. I actually did get a tad confused toward the end of the second part
when I wrote some straight dialogue without identifying the characters. But
like I said, after over eight hours, my brain was fried. I shudder to think
of how bad some stretches of it are going to be, and I know I threw in an
idea that stuck me in the middle of writing it, but I don't know how well
it'll fit in. We'll see when i get a chance to revise it in several days,
once I get some time again.
And now onward:
xxxxxxxxxx
"Ge-stalt: a structure, configuration, or pattern of physical,
biological,
or psychological phenomena so integrated as to constitute a functional
unit
with properties not derivable by summation of its parts."
--Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary--
Good for Webster! I really hate it when people define their titles, it
sounds like the opening to a sixth grader's SCA speech. We're big kids, we
can use a dictionary.
Ordinarily I agree, but since I couldn't incorperate the title into the body
of the work (which I try to do), and the title comes into play by the end, I
thought I could let it slide this time.
Besides, I don't know enough cool quotes to stick in the beginning of
things. :)
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The sun crested the horizon, signaling the start of a brand new day in a
brave new world
and the day several brave young girls suddenly feel like shedding their
sexual inhibitions, no doubt
Well, a couple, anyway.
Except the world did not feel particularly new to Mitsuki Sanada, even
if
it
really was. It looked the same as last week. It felt the same. The
ground
was as hard as ever as she walked across it. The sky was the same azure
hue.
I think azure *is* a hue.
Yeah. >_<
If the sky is actually azure, thats one fucked up
sky. Still, I love that word too: Azure....
Ditto.
The air smelled at it always had, that mix of nitrogen, oxygen, smog,
and
a
handful of other gases. The food tasted the same, instant ramen as bland
as
ever,
i resent that
Heh. A handful of people called me on that. I like ramen just fine, myself.
And it was all thanks to Kazuki Yotsuga, who, for one brief shining
moment,
was given the power of the Gods and could shape reality to his personal
whim.
this from the anime, or is this you?
anime. The implication is Mitsuki had a hand in it too, but not in this
work.
Gazing at the world outside, Mitsuki was thankful Kazuki lacked
imagination.
yeah, shes lucky he wasnt happosai
Yeah, we all know what he'd wish for. :)
thrown into. Making D a part of her family, as well as Commander
Yamano...
Mother, was an interesting added touch. In the case of the former,
Mitsuki
was sort of pleased. D was nice enough as a sibling, especially since
after
the reformation she had started behaving like a normal girl instead of a
walking alien artifact, and it was nice to do away with the loneliness
being
an only child entailed. In the case of trading in one of Mitsuki's old
parents for a new one, she still had no idea what Kazuki was thinking
when
he added that little touch.
i guess this is all from the anime plot line
Yep. End of the last episode and the OVA. Was just setting up the scene, as
well as getting Mitsuki's thoughts on the matter.
sort of comfort. It bothered her that she preferred the lie Kazuki had
created to the real life she had once before. But seeing her father's
beaming face --one that had departed along with Ayuko-- when he spent
quiet
moments with his wife and daughters, was a consolation that Mitsuki
would
never have thought possible. So she left any objections with the way her
life had been rewritten silent in the recesses of her mind.
well this is a very thoughtful paragraph for a lemon.
Heh. I like the qualifying statement there.
I like that idea,
whether it is your or theirs, that a kid would change his mother.
Well, he changed Mitsuki's S.'s mother. Although if Mitsuki did have a hand
in shifting things around, it's possible she was the one responsible for
this touch up.
Maybe it
says something about the neccessity of maternal care. That he needs the
relation, but not that particular woman says a lot about him i guess. His
life passed a certain point and it became neccessary that his supporting
cast evolve with him. I wonder what the morality of that is. Im reminded
of
the Paul Oakenfold remix of that Sarah McLachlan song, where shes singing
something like 'how can i learn to hurt for you if you wont let me hurt.'
That tears me up. Dont know what Id do in this kid's situation.
In Mitsuki's case her mother abandoned her and her father. She's quite
vehement in her anger towards her. If Ayuko Sanada was anything like her
Rara counterpart, the anger was well deserved.
the
events from last night had been a nightmare. What had she been thinking
when
she dressed up in one of those ridiculous Rara cheesecake outfits and
proclaimed to the world that it needed to bow down to her and the newly
formed 'Rara Army'?
she was thinking she wanted some cheesecake and knew the best way to get
it
Heh.
How completely absurd. Mitsuki just hoped the neighbors
hadn't recognized her in that collection of leather straps that was
supposed
to represent an outfit. Her 'cousin', little Miss Rara, might not have
had
a
second thought about prancing around in tight leather and jackboots
while
loudly proclaiming she was going to conquer the world, but Mitsuki
Sanada
was firmly grounded in reality.
shes a regular ned flanders
Mitsuki is many things, but Flanderlike is not one of them.
But once Yayoi crossed the barrier by offering to wear the outfit for
Kazuki
(and the louse agreed she would look good in it), Mitsuki's resolve
vanished
and she ended up right alongside the other three, acting like a complete
idiot, and she still hadn't figured out why. The only good thing about
the
sordid affair was the way Kazuki had looked at her. It was partly
embarrassment at her behavior, but there was something else there, she
had
been certain. Something more along the lines of lust, or at the very
least
attraction.
now *here* we go....
Not quite yet.
was blatantly obvious, was bad. Paying attention to Yayoi, or the
ultimate
sin, that flirty little Miss Rara, was very, very bad. And when Kazuki
was
bad, he was punished. Sometimes in little ways, sometimes in big ones.
will this come into play later? :) It seems she shares a connection with
the
boy on a deeper level. Thats going to make it difficult for them to get
together
Oh, its important, yes it is.
Mitsuki was never lax in letting him know of her disappointment in him.
Not that Mitsuki was jealous or possessive or anything. She certainly
didn't
think of Kazuki like THAT.
yeah she does
She is the classic 'denial' girl, though she isn't as vehement about it as
other such archtypes. In the second half, I was suddenly 'inspired' (for
lack of a more appropriate turn) to delve into why she's that way. However
my original plan didn't call for that kind of deep introspective, and I'll
have to look it over to see if it fits. I do like the way it sounds, as it
would explain her solitary nature when it comes to males of the species
(until Kazuki)
BTW: Second half is going to be right around a hundred K. It grew on me
unexpectedly. I might be able to trim it though. I'm pretty sure I rambled
in places. Otherwise I might lop it into two more parts once i'm finished
revising.
towards
her house guest, making her feel odd in ways he shouldn't be able to.
There
were other boys she knew that were more handsome, more built, more
aggressive, and more interesting than Kazuki, ones that had demonstrated
in
interest in her. Yet none of the ever interested her, even before she
had
met Kazuki. So what was it about someone so unassuming that set him
apart
from the rest of the male species?
well girls can smell an agenda a mile away (just like Hannibal Lecter)
Which is probably part of why her growing affection for him sneaked up on
her. He didn't have an agenda.
could
probably be worked with and that Kazuki was not a complete loss. Though
it
would have helped if he was better looking, or at least a little taller.
And
he was just so passive. A little aggression wouldn't hurt him. What he
needed was a few courses in assertiveness from Mitsuki Rara's other
half,
Miss Ra. Sort of another version of that, like a Mr. Ra, or something.
hahaha always great dialogue
(but I thought Mitsuki *was* Rara's other half?)
Mitsuki Rara is her 'counterpart' in the other world. They only have the
same mother, so on a biological level they're half sisters. Miss Ra would
probably qualify as Mitsuki Rara's 'other half' though. Her behavior is
completely different when she's dressed in her Miss Ra outfit. I'll be
playing on this later.
Mitsuki's reaction was to stop giggling and shoot guilty glance to the
speaker. Thinking of the Devil, and she would appear, or at least the
more
timid version of her would. Mitsuki let out a nervous chuckle as she
stared
into a face that was far too familiar for her liking. Before her stood
Mitsuki Rara, clad only in a towel that barely reached either the top of
her
chest or the bottom of her rear end.
<bzzzzzzt> -Passengers please fasten your seatbelts-
Yep. Now that is the proper lead up into a lemon.
Rara turned back around. "That'll be nice. Working out with friends is
much
more fun than doing it by myself. It's sort of boring exercising alone,
actually."
"I know what you mean. I usually don't like being alone either. I'll
definitely start working out with you."
If she really felt so antagonistic toward rara before, i doubt this little
chat would have changed her demeanor 180 degrees.
Yep. It is highly peculiar. Even Mitsuki later wonders what happened in such
a sudden shift in emotion.
doesnt rara know mitsuki
resents her?
Rara is borderline Kasumi-like in personality. Even if she did know, she
probably would just fret about it, and it's likely she doesn't even realize
Mitsuki gets jealous when Kazuki is brought onto the field of play.
and if not, wouldnt something similar to this have been said
long before such that they would make up?
Dont get me wrong, im certainly not complaining about it...
No prob. As I said, it's supposed to look odd.
With that decided, Mitsuki returned to the task of cleaning. Her mood
improved, the work was done more enthusiastically than before. Gently
her
hands brought the washcloth to the back, caressing as much as cleaning.
Now
that Mitsuki reconsidered things, it was silly to be jealous.
very silly
But people are that way.
Why shouldn't
her cousin-sister be allowed to have a sexy body?
let the girl have a sexy body!
It wasn't like Mitsuki
ever considered herself the most gorgeous woman around, just in the
upper
ten percent.
(inserting mental image of favorite underwear model here)
Heh.
Mitsuki smiled at her handiwork. No wonder Kazuki would stare with his
mouth
open and all but drool whenever he accidentally managed to catch sight
of
Rara's body in any way. Mitsuki was finding herself incredibly aroused
by
the intimate contact, and could hardly fault Kazuki from reacting
exactly
as
she was. If anything, she should congratulate him on his restraint in
refusing to jump Rara's bones when he had the opportunity yesterday. If
Mitsuki had been in his place, awakening next to the nude form that was
pressed close to her now, she probably would have-
"What are you guys doing?"
D'OH!!!!
You knew it was going far too easily. It's too early to get the money shot
anyway. :)
The question, asked with such innocence, shocked Mitsuki out of the
trance
she had somehow fallen into.
christ almighty
It's a fair description of her state of mind, though.
"That's not what it looked like to me." D raised an eyebrow as her gaze
darted between the two.
room for one more?
Heh. Not that much of a lemonfest.
"Okay. I understand," D said, then removed her robe. "Would you check my
breasts like that, too?"
"NO!" Both Mitsuki's shouted as one.
aw
(D isnt a child or anything is she?)
Early to mid-teen body. Around 15 or so. Technically it's not her real body,
she's an alien life force inhabiting it, and is probably ancient. But she
acts and reacts to the world like a 15 year old would, so they think of her
in those terms.
"Geez, why are you being so touchy today?"
Mitsuki nearly choked on her soup. "I didn't touch anything today!"
hahahaha
That line seems to have gone over well.
Noticing how the veins were popping out of Mitsuki's forehead, Kazuki's
survival instincts took over. He raised his hands defensively. "I'm
sorry,
I'm sorry. I'll just forget about it."
"That's better." Sensing Kazuki was properly kowtowed and would let the
matter drop, Mitsuki relaxed and took another sip of soup.
D said, "Actually Mitsuki was touching the other Mitsuki's breasts while
they were in the bathroom."
doh! again, she had to go and ruin the tension (damn bratty aliens)
But as you might suspect, there will be tension, a lot more of it, later.
This time Mitsuki did choke on the soup. By the time she forced most of
it
out of her windpipe, she saw Kazuki staring off into the space between
the
two Mitsukis, his mouth slightly agape and a tiny trickle of drool
fleeing
while the opportunity presented itself.
im with the drool
Dr. Sanada agrees with you.
Using his role as man of the house, Dr. Sanada chose this moment to
enter
the conversation. "I'm inclined to agree with the Kazuki. I don't think
he
was being perverted at all. I think it's perfectly normal for a boy that
age, after hearing the way D phrased her statement, to jump to such
conclusions. Furthermore-"
hahaha! i picture him like Jims dad in american pie 'furthermore we've
both got perfectly healthy raging boners right now and we could use some
special attention, am I right honey?'
Cute. Haven't seen it yet myself, but I haven't seen a lot of movies lately.
Too busy writing and watching anime with what free time I have.
wrong you are is no excuse for that sort of behavior. Kazuki and both
Mitsukis are at an age where such behaviors, no matter how innocent they
might seem on the surface, or even normal, are in fact incredibly
dangerous
when they are all living under the same roof. It's further complicated
by
the fact that they've been through so many potentially life threatening
situations together, further strengthening both real and perceived bonds
that-"
I love this, its from her library: Somewhat-To-Mildly-Peeved Teenager
Lecture #23
She once talked to a metal door (thinking Kazuki was behind it) for the
majority of an episode. He had left seconds after she began her speech.
Kazuki, obviously eager to join in her flight, rose out of his
cross-legged
sitting position and said, "Wait, and I'll go with you."
(we'll order chinese food!)
Nah. Rara is an excellent cook when it comes to Chinese. It would be a waste
to order any.
had happened? One moment she perfectly normal, dealing with Rara the way
she
had always had, when suddenly it was like a switch had been thrown
inside
her. Instead of behaving normally, she had acted just like some
hormonally
crazed guy who couldn't keep his dick in his pants, though in her case
it
was more like smothering Rara with her chest than with any anatomical
features between her legs.
forget 'anatomical features between her legs', we're trying to conjure a
memory here
Odd. I thought it would serve to be rather vivid for conjuring up imagery.
The way she had groped her cousin was downright
disgusting.
oh the humanity
I think many people, outside West Virginia, regard fondling their cousins as
being a no-no. :)
ripeness
of her melons' as some of the more crude male members of her class
tended
to
refer to it.
But purely for congruity's sake, how ripe were the melons exactly?
Mitsuki S: As perky as they looked.
Mostly the guys that had never even engaged in the action.
However, Mitsuki certainly didn't fit into the category anymore. What
had
been going through her mind? Actually, it was easy to recall, most of it
having to do with how sexy she thought Rara was. "Am I a lesbian?" she
said
no, no, youre just experimenting, and thats perfectly natural
Heh. More will be explained later.
Besides, it was ridiculous, wasn't it? Women didn't become lesbians
overnight. One didn't suddenly wake up one day and say, "Hey, instead of
guys, I think I'd like to get it on with someone that I can share
underwear
with since we have the same bra size."
there there, its okay
Heh
At least Mitsuki didn't think that
was the way it worked. It wasn't as if she knew any lesbians. At least
none
that she was aware of. And she had never entertained any romantic
thoughts
concerning Rara; of that she was certain. The girl had been in many
categories in Mitsuki's mind. From enemy to defector to rival (though
not
for Kazuki's attentions, she assured herself. Mostly), to friend to
family.
None of those roles had included 'romantic rugmunching interest.'
though that may be something they'll need to discuss for the monogrammed
towels later
I rather liked the phrase myself. :)
Yayoi? No. There wasn't the slightest hint of attraction
there. There were occasions Mitsuki had seen Yayoi naked, both at public
baths and after changing out of their flight suits when they had been
fighting in robots during the war.
what the hell kind of fight were they having?
War between robots for domination of the world. It was quite civil, really.
Robots were chosen as champians for each side. Certain areas of the land
would be chosen to be at stake. The Rara army always made sure to buy air
time and publically announce where the fights would be and give civilians a
chance to evacuate. Rara as Miss Ra was their announcer and figurehead.
Her breasts were even larger than Rara's
and she was unquestionably in better shape, but Mitsuki didn't feel the
slightest urge to feel Yayoi up or try looking at her in the buff again.
at least not without all the whipped cream
But Mitsuki was trying to lose weight, so whip cream was right out.
As Mitsuki continued walking, she noticed a billboard of Natsumi
Ayakawa,
one of the top models in Japan,
you get bonus points for knowing that
I made it up, actually. Google just turned up a Naomi Ayukawa as a Japanese
model, though. Looking at her picture, I can see why. :)
forced to wear that scanty Miss Ra outfit that rode high up into her
crotch). Continuing upward, they lead to narrow hips, soft curves
eventually
winding their way and blending into firm breasts with dainty reddish
nipples. Above those was located a set of lips that were made all the
more
desirable by the way the red contrasted with alabaster skin-
"Oh no! I am a lesbian!" Mitsuki wailed.
is she still in class?
Nope. Still on her way to school.
for Mitsuki. It was one of the reasons she systematically rejected any
love
letters. Anyone that forward was not for her. But the idea that Kazuki
would
send any girl a love letter was about as likely as Ayuka reconciling
with
Mitsuki's father, except that Ayuka had never been her mother, which
meant
she had never abandoned her father. Instead Ayuka was her aunt, while
someone that had never been related to Mitsuki at all was her mother.
this last bit doesnt seem to go anywhere important
It's just to show her confused state of mind and that she can blame Kazuki.
OTOH, it doesn't add that much. I think I will cut it.
[End Part 1]
Now I think I've babbled on quite enough. Thanks for reading. Hopefully
the
second part won't be long in coming.
And thats no joke, friends.
Heh.
Seriously, great fic, cant wait for the second part and im sure you
wouldnt
get any bad feedback if you made this even longer.
Wahahahha! You'll get your fill of fic. Unrevised it's 136 K total. Part 1
is right around 40 of that K. If I had known how long the second half would
be, I would have gotten up to Mitsuki enacting the first stages of her plan,
then slicing it in two there. Odd how the first part was shorter than I
thought it would be and the second half ended up much longer. Really am
going to try and trim that second half, though. I'm sure there are places
where I rambled. Around the 4th hour of writing I tend to do that. :(
While keeping the lemony
bit to about four great paragraphs,
Nah. I'm satisfied with the way it plays in the first half as is. Second
half, though the scene is longer, the whole thing is longer, so it's
proportianal.
the whole thing was completely
entertaining to the end. This was probably the lest helpful C&C youve ever
gotten,
Hardly. I've had some pretty weak ones in my life.
but I hope it was worth something as positive audience responce.
Detailed C+C is more useful, but responses that are postive, including one
liners, I enjoy as well. They always encourage me to write more.
Take it easy, man.
Have to. I'm still pretty tired. And I have real life things to do, since
writing yesterday took up most of my free time. Ideally should have the
second half up by next week, if not the end of this one. Depends on my mood
and how much C+C I do before posting.
Thanks for the comments. They're apprecaited.
D.B. Sommer
Max M.
aescension
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