more comments.

Looking back, she could see the attraction to Kazuki had started months

ago.

Not when they had first met; only a coincidence and a desire to help her
father and had made her approach Kazuki at all. After that, she had gone
after him to that other world as a responsibility to clean up after her

own

mistakes, not because she had thought he was anything other than just
another guy. But when they ended up trapped in that other world, when they
had lived under the same roof for over a month, she had come to understand
just how different he was from every other guy she had met. That was where
it all began. It was a subtle thing, like creeping vines that sprouted up
next to a house. The seeds of it had started out small and inconspicuous
next to her heart, beginning --or perhaps disguised-- as friendship. But
with each day, each time he did something to help her or the others around
him, the vines grew, climbing higher and rooting themselves deeper. They
were small growths, unnoticeable when one looked at them day to day, and
subtle, since even the vines didn't know what they were doing. They did

what

came naturally, just like Kazuki. It all had happened naturally.

KP;  from the first couple episodes, I also assumed she went because she
thought it would be cool.  There's also the jealousy thing, his paying
attention to... 'Q'(is that the androids name, and the the teacher.  (just
reinforcing what little I remember from the series)

Conflicting thoughts and desires surrounded Kazuki. How could one man
produce such deep and opposing reactions within her without even trying?

It

made no sense. No one had elicited such emotions, not from Mitsuki Sanada.

KP:  had elicited --->  had ever elicited
I think it would add emphasis

Most men hadn't been able to make her feel anything. She thought that was
for the best, and was content to leave matters like that. She was happy
without them, content to take care of her emotional wreck of a father and
know that he loved her, even if her mother... Ayuko, had not. It was safe.
It was secure. No one could get to her like her mother had. Everyone but

her

father was on the outside. She had never been on a date. She had never

given

anyone the chance. She didn't want them to.

It had been that way as far back as she could remember. When Mitsuki was a
child, the few times her mother would go somewhere and deign to take her
along --usually acting as though Mitsuki was a heavy weight chained to her
ankle-- everyone always gushed over the pair, saying they looked exactly
alike. It was because of that Mitsuki developed the odd hope that if they
looked alike, then they would be alike. To her child's mind, that meant

once

Mitsuki grew up, her mother would like her more since they would have so
much in common and her mother wouldn't be so distant and uncaring, like

she

always was.

KP:  the double edged sword of wishing...

Rara moved back out of Mitsuki's grasp and looked her straight in the eye.
There was a wry little smile on her face as she said in clipped tones, she
said, "Actually, I was going to take care of you."

KP;  heh

The instant they made eye contact, Mitsuki understood what had happened.

It

had been a while, but not so long that she could fail to recognize Miss Ra
standing before her.

"Not... " Mitsuki wheezed out. Never had it been so painful to speak.

KP:  the fury of the righteous is strong.

Miss Ra's voice dripped thick with an icy venom that made Mitsuki flinch.
"That bastard, Sanosuke, had us pinned down in his little car and was

going

to rape us. Mitsuki couldn't deal with it, so she let me take over.
Ordinarily I only get to run free when she needs me to act as spokesperson
for the Rara Army or out in the field. But this was one time she needed me
outside of uniform."

KP:  nice.

Mitsuki knew she should have been afraid, but couldn't seem to summon any
fear. In its place there was a self-loathing she never experienced before.
It was as though every bad thing she had done struck her all at once, and
then multiplied itself a dozen times. She was in this situation solely
because of her meddling. Deep down inside she had known she setting up

Rara

was wrong, but had done it anyway,

KP;  known she setting --->  known that setting

regardless of the consequences. It was
Rara (and perhaps Miss Ra), who had really suffered. Mitsuki couldn't
imagine what it must have been like having that pig Sanosuke fondling her
with his hands, placing them where no man had ever been allowed to touch
before. It made her want to retch merely thinking about it, and Rara had
actually suffered that bastard's slimy grasp, and all because she had been
deceived by someone she trusted as a friend. Mitsuki deserved to share in
the suffering she had caused. It was like when she had accidentally sent
Kazuki to the other world. She was not Ayuko. She would not avoid her
responsibilities. She would pay for what she had done, no matter what

nature

the currency Miss Ra wished to extract from her was.

KP:  nicely set-up thoughts, I had wondered where you were going with the
long internal dialogue at the beginning of this part.

As repelled as Mitsuki was at her impure thoughts, she still found the
resolve to accept what was to come. She nodded her head in acquiescence to
whatever it was Miss Ra had in mind, and gave out a muffled, "I

understand.

KP:  understand,"  (end-quote is missing.)

Seeing Miss Ra so distressed, Mitsuki, felt the urge to hold and comfort
her. There wasn't an ounce of anger, or even jealousy she could muster. It
was all pity and caring. She swore she could feel Miss Ra's pain, and

wanted

to heal it rather than take any joy in it. She found it impossible to
remember exactly why she had set Rara up in the first place. It would have
been as alien a concept as hurting herself.

Trembling in fury, Miss Ra raised the crop above her head, intent on bring
it down hard on Mitsuki's body. All the bound girl could do in response

was

close her eyes. A peace settled over her as she prepared for the upcoming
pain.

But the blow never arrived. Instead Mitsuki felt a finger touch her cheek,
not a move of anger, but of gentle affection. Something wet struck her
cheek. She opened her eyes to see not a look of rage, but one of

tenderness.

Mitsuki watched as a tear traveled down her captor's cheek, and realized
that was the moisture that she had felt, as incomprehensible as it seemed.

A soft sigh of resignation escaped from Miss Ra, though her hand never
ceased in its gentle strokes. "I can't hate you. I know I should. I hate
what you did, but I can't bring myself to hurt you, no matter what

happened.

It's too much like hurting myself, though it's deeper than that. I don't
pretend to understand what's making me feel this way, but I do."

KP:  the turn around of Miss Ra seems  a little too fast, but again, it
could be my lack of knowledge, because I haven't gotten to the part where
Miss Ra became part of the story in Dual.

Mitsuki said something through her gag. Miss Ra removed it.

KP:  this seems a little rushed.   It's is Mutsuki's POV so we can be privy
to her attempted talk.  Also, how did Miss Ra, remove the bond, reluctantly,
quickly, did she fumble at the bonds, straps... etc.  It's more jarring than
anything with the rest of the details in the piece.  ~_^

Miss Ra seemed shocked by the admission. "You really mean that, don't you?
You're not just saying this to save yourself. You were sorry for what you
did before I came back."

KP:  seemed shocked, how?  Her brow crease, he mouth move silently.  Okay,
I'm being overly critical.  But I think showing more physical descriptions
will make her turn-around a little more believable.

Mitsuki's hesitation was met with disapproval as the hold on her nipple
tightened.

KP:  Sanada appears waaayyyy to honest for her own good.

Miss Ra laughed. Not with the venom of before, but a genuinely amused one.
Mitsuki felt a peaceful seeing her cousin enjoying herself for the first
time this evening.

KP:  'felt a peaceful seeing' -- is either misssing something or the a is
extra.

For perhaps the first time since the bathroom incident, Mitsuki thought
about how Rara had reacted. Miss Ra was right. Rara had complied with
anything, neither hand nor voice raised in disapproval. Guiltily, she

said,

"So, you liked it too?"

KP:  do you mean--  'complied with everything'

"Oh yes." Miss Ra held the object out, a small utility knife, and extended
the blade. "It's called payback."

KP:  ^_^

"You can't do that!"

KP:  Poor, Sanada.  She forgot herself again.

Rather than blurting out a "Yes," Mitsuki considered the statement. Miss

Ra

was correct but not entirely so. "I wish he was here also, not in place of
you, if that doesn't sound too perverted."

KP: she does hold her toongue on occasion~_^

Mitsuki said, "What did you expect? You've been doing everything you could
to excite me."

"I'm not wet yet," Miss Ra said casually. "But we'll get to that later.
Right now, these things have to go." Not bothering with a knife this time,
Miss Rah simply gripped the cotton panties firmly and ripped them off. She
tossed the tattered remains on the floor.

KP:  hah

"Played? Yes. Eaten myself out? No. I'm not that flexible. And it doesn't
take that long to get me off either."

KP:  lucky woman...

Finished with her speech, Mitsuki allowed her head to sag back on her bed.
Her neck and tongue were both killing her. The next time it was going to

be

Rara tied down and Mitsuki riding her like a pony.

KP:  ^_^

"I knew that was going to come out wrong!" Mitsuki growled. "I know that.

I

agree, sort of. I don't believe for one second he would consciously tamper
with us like that; he's way too nice a guy. But I think maybe he might

have

subconsciously did it when he remade the world."

Mitsuki laughed long and hard, her laughter easily penetrating the bedroom
door and filling the house. Rara became so annoyed with it she was
considering berating Mitsuki when the girl stopped laughing and said,

"Don't

be silly. He wants both of us. I bet you that indecisive weenie couldn't
decide which one he wanted, so on some level of his mind he came to the
conclusion that if we liked each other, we'd get along really well and

then

he could have both of us without one getting angry or resentful at the
other."

KP; maybe he wished for them to like each other and things went overboard?
Sheesh, can't women every be happy~_^

Happy beyond belief, Rara said, "So now that we've settled things between

us

and how we feel about Kazuki, all we have left to do is inform him that
we've come to this mutual agreement for a three-way relationship."

KP:   heh.   Isn't she getting ahead of herself?

Rara playfully tossed one of the wrist bonds to Mitsuki. "I think this was

a

pretty persuasive method of delivering information. Don't you? He'll have

to

sit still while we lay down the ground rules. And then afterwards we can
show him examples of what our expectations of him are going to be."

KP: bossy now, ain't she?

"I have the number of the house he's staying at. We'll call and tell him
it's an emergency."

KP: no time like the present.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Got a bit heavier than I originally envisioned, especially with Mitsuki's
reflections on her behavior, but I prefer it to the lighter version I had

in

mind. it was rather fun taking a look inside her head to get a better

grasp

for her motivations. It meant cutting back on the lemon bits more, but it
was always going to be more of a story with lemon in it than a lemon with

a

little story in it. Hope you enjoyed.

I think the look inside her head, helped my undersstanding and the
believablility of the bondage scene, so leave it.

I enjoyed.  Although, I don't know the characters, and didn't care about
them before, even with the little bit of Dual I had seen, you made me.
Which is also the goal of a story, to make the reader care.  So in that
sense, this was wonderful, thanks.

D.B. Sommer

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