You know, this could have been a good piece, save for the completely
unneccesary villainization (and OOC behavior) of a character. Most people
probably won't even detect it, since it's been horribly overused to the
point where it's more of a standardized fanfic convention (like the idea
that Akane hits Ranma every time he's obnoxious or  the existance of an
'Amazon Cabinet of Love Potions') than having any reasonable basis on the
actual series (which implies the exact opposite direction would be taken).
In 'ND's case it's even worse than most since there's absolutely no reason
for it. It adds nothing whatsoever to the story, other than to go out of its
way to cast a character in a far more negative light than they ever really
were. Do I think in this case it's bashing? I'm not sure, but probably not.
I would guess it comes more from relying too much on automatically using
fanfic convention (a sin I HAVE been guilty of on more than one occasion)
than actual antipathy of the character, though I could be wrong.

I will say it's well written and the prose flowed beautifully. Actually
those are probably contributing factors to why I pointed it out in this
piece rather than others it's been used in; it stands out all the more
because it's so terribly out of place. My recommendation, axe them
completely and read through it again. You'll discover the story isn't
changed in the slightest, since what you put in was uneccesary and
gratuitous.

Just my two cents worth.

D.B. Sommer

(Who is tired of seeing fanfic cliches and being told how 'great and
awesome' they are, and will probably get flamed for it)






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