My parents are both fighters, you know.  Warriors.  I guess they
weren't used to being creative, so when it came time to give me a name,
Dad had the bright idea to use the first syllable of his name, and the
last syllable of Mom's.

Well, this was certainly an unexpected matchup... ^_^;

Oh, I'm sure someone's done it before.  I mean, Ryoga gets
an Akane, and Kima gets... uh...  Someone with cute fangs?

For some reason I keep seeing images of p-chan running around frantically,
searching for cover, as the shadow of a large predator quickly skims across
the ground, diving towards a fresh meal.  ^_^;

Well, every couple has their own version of foreplay.  ;)

I'm a little unclear why Dad was there.  He probably was trying to
go somewhere else, and he just bumped into her.  Apparently she was a
wreck, blaming herself for what happened.  She'd left her home and was
contemplating suicide.

Um.  So she didn't consider herself to be responsible for raising the reborn
Saffron?

[...]

Or did Saffron REALLY die?

Yes, in this "alternate universe continuation to the manga,"
he did buy the farm.

Oh, did I mention?  When my dad is splashed with cold water, he
becomes a little black piglet; Mom's a girl.  When they're splashed with
hot water, they turn back to their normal forms.

mom should be a girl.  you should probably be more specific in saying that
she's a girl when splashed.  maybe even say she's a HUMAN girl when splashed.

Well, I'm trying to dodge the issue of identifying the parents.  I can't
say she *turns* into a girl (as she's one already), and if I say she
turns into a human girl, the cat's out of the bag.  This is my compromise.

You know, it was quite a shock, the first time I saw Mom in a hot
bath....

[...]

Okay, what mother doesn't give their child baths?  Hot ones, even?  I doubt
Ryoma can remember THAT far back... she would have grown up with it.  She
wouldn't have just, at the age of 15 or so, accidentally walk in on her mom
bathing.  "Mom, you have... wings!"

This is Ranma 1/2!  At the age of 15 or so, she accidentally walked
in on her mom bathing.  :D

RYOMA:  Geez, Mom, put out the sign if you're in the ba--HOLYCRAP
  Who--?  WHAT are you?!"

That's when I figured it out.  Ever since it was created, Jusenkyo's
whole purpose was for me to be born.

...?

How did she come to this conclusion?

Does she discount the possibility that some other person might have inherited
a curse at some point, simply because she doesn't know about it?

Well, she's a teenager, so she might be overstating her importance
in the world.  Remember, it's her opinion, not the author's.  :j

 

You remember The Day of Peace?  The day when wars and fighting all
over the world just happened to stop?  It was the same day I mastered
how to move in my cursed form.  I bet if you checked, and took the time
zone differences into account, it would be the exact same moment.

Um.  I don't get it.  Did they stop, permanently, or for the period of that
day?  There isn't enough worldwide warfare, as far as I know, that a cessation
of hostilities for a single day would really be noticed.  It's not like every
country is constantly at war, or something.

Read it as you want.  It's purposefully vague, although important
enough for the name of the date to be capitalized.

And if they stopped, period, why?  How does Jusenkyou have anything to do with
that?  Or is it supposed to be that, somehow, Ryoma, the pig-bird, startled
the world into sensibility the first time took flight--and it was televised?

I believe this has already been answered in another message.

The magic of Jusenkyo has been waiting all this time to make sure I
was born.  So that--  Oh geez, where did those rainclouds come from?!
Sorry, I gotta go.  Weird things happen when--.

...what?

When she gets splashed with cold water and changes into a flying pig.

Too subtle?  Has it already been before?  Enquiring minds want to know.

Either it's too subtle, or I'm an idiot.  Well, I'm an idiot, but it might
just be too subtle, too.  I really didn't understand what the whole concept
behind Ryoma's causing world peace was, nor did her explanation for why
Jusenkyou existed merely to create her seem at all believable.

>From other feedback I've gotten, it's not too subtle, but it is close.
Only Vince seems to have immediately jumped to the right conclusion,
and more than person had to read through more than once to get everything.
 

Unless everybody else jumps out saying, "Wow!  Incredible!  I understood this
perfectly, and it was a work of genius!' you might want to consider
re-examining your goals for this fic, figuring out what makes it hard to
understand, and rewriting for clarity.  As it is, all I got out of the fic was
the startling idea of a Ryouga/Kiima matchup, and a new character to identify
as being clearly insane.

Well, my purpose was to do Yet Another Guess-Who-The-Characters-Are fic,
with the added bonus of the sort of visual pun at the end.  I did *not*
want to spell it out.  Never would such a base pun escape my lips.  Or
keyboard...

(In the first draft, I didn't even spell out that Ryoma flew away; the
noodle guy pointed out the "ugly bird" that was "carrying off someone's
clothes.)

So the question isn't how I can make it clearer, but whether I should
even post it.  Given the feedback, I do think I'll post it.  When I do,
it'll include your corrections.

Thanks for the comments!


Doug
----
Douglas MacDougall
http://www.dougmacd.net/             Fanfiction * Drawings * Roleplaying


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