--On 5/15/02 6:33 PM -0400 Roja Cyd wrote:
There appear to be missing newlines between some paragraphs. There's lots
and lots of them. If you'd like, I can show you off list.
The silence was growing thick with unsaid things. Ranma abruptly pulled
notes from his wallet, stood up and left.
Uh, what's with the notes? They don't seem to add anything here.
"Ranma..."I called. Reaching him, I put out my hand to touch his
Missing space: "Ranma..." I
shoulder, but he wheeled and grabbed my wrist, and imprisoned me between
his body and the rock.
...he wheeled and grabbed my wrist, imprisoning me...
Suddenly, Ranma reached down and pulled off his shirt. I couldn't resist
a peek. His shoulders had broadened out and his chest had widened and
sleek, powerful muscles were sheathed by smooth, pale skin that glowed
like white marble.
What, no scars? :-)
Before I could speak, Ranma hands clamped my wrists and pulled my fists
...Ranma's hands...
He sat up. "This might hurt a bit, tomboy." He eased down his jeans and
slid inside me seemingly in one motion. I gasped and arched until my
spine was bent like a bow. He felt huge and hot inside me, and as he slid
in deeper it began to hurt.
What, he thinks he's so big it'll hurt? Nice to see someone with ego
strength. :-) Or has he somehow figured out she's been celibate?
"I realized you were a virgin halfway through, Akane. It didn't stop me,
Never mind. :-)
He smiled. "After I left you, I went a bit mad. I figured, if you'd been
screwing around, why should I miss out? So, I made up for what I thought
was the lack." I couldn't say anything. I could hardly blame him. We'd
never thought we'd see each other again.
'We never thought...'
I shoved at his chest."What, you?"
Missing space. ...chest. "What...
He caught my hands, laughing. "Yes, me. Why are you so surprised? If you
could, why couldn't I?" We sobered at that.
"So, tell me. Why did my eyes deceive me then?"
I told him.
I wonder if it wouldn't be better to have the Ch5 flashback after this
rather than before?
Jim