A nice enough read, though I'm not sure that you're
going anywhere terribly interesting (translation:
suggest more of a hook in chapter 1).

Subject: [FFML] [Fic] [Ranma] [OMG] Megumi's Wish - Chapter 1

Certainly not clear what the title means (yet).

      The beginning of the Spring quarter was always the 
busiest time of the year, or so she had been informed by the
manager, Mrs. Tanaka.  Of course, since Autumn was one of the
main enrollment periods for new students, it would make sense
that more people would be looking for places to live.

Verisimilitude issue: you're using a non-Japanese school
calendar here.

here to officially welcome you to the Westwood Apartments."

And an interesting name...

And Ranma Saotome always keeps his promises..."

      Megumi was unsettled by the bitter self-loathing that 
was evident in Saotome's voice.

Well, this is a _bit_ of a hook, but it probably would
have been better to give us a bit more info on what Ranma
is doing here by himself (i.e., without Akane).

      Belldandy Asgard, her brother's girlfriend, arrived at 

Interesting choice here, to supply that as a surname.
As far as I know, that's not canonical (as far as I know,
the question never even comes up in the manga), but I
can't think of any reason _not_ to do it.

      It was strange, now that Megumi thought about it, but
she almost never saw Belldandy eat anything.  In fact, as
far as Megumi could recall, Belldandy never packed a lunch
for herself.

Don't believe this is canonical, either, and it might get
in your way.  Unless you have plans to use this as a plot
point, I'd take it out.

There were at least two girls he knew of who still considered
him to be their fiance, though Ranma didn't see it the same
way.

Another hint, though a very ambiguous one.  One way to
read this would be that Akane is dead, but there are
many possible interpretations.

English teacher's pretty good, but I speak the
language better'n she does."

While that wouldn't take much, for an awful lot of Japanese
teachers of English, where did Ranma learn to speak it?
Could be either during the past 2-3 years, which we don't
know about, or you could be making a point about stopovers
in Hong Kong and/or Singapore during the earlier training
period (prior to the manga).

      "Me?  I'm the captain of the softball team.  "I'm also 
sort of an unofficial member of the motor club."

Why "unofficial"?  Not sure there is any such period in AMG
manga continuity, where she's certainly a member.  Unless this
is a plot point for you, suggest you just take the point out.
It's clear enough in the movie that she's a full member.

"They're the only responsible members of the club.

Suggest "They're the most senior members of the club with any
sense of responsibility."

Not sure why you'd be suggesting that Sora Hasegawa isn't
responsible.

if it was only on a social level.  There weren't to many 

(sp) that "to" should be "too"

Ranma noticed from up close the facial markings she wore were
not tattoos, at least not like any he had ever seen.  Rather,
it looked as if the skin itself was actually colored
differently.  It was far too real to be body paint, though.

Not sure if your intent here is that Ranma notices the markings,
while nobody else does, but that Ranma doesn't know what they
mean?  If everybody is supposed to be able to see them, and
they look like this to everybody, that might be a problem of
sorts; manga continuity makes it clear that everybody at Nekomi
knows that Belldandy is a foreigner, but nobody every mentions
the markings.  I would think assuming everybody can see them
would give you some kind of continuity problem.

The most common crossover motif is that Cologne and Happosai
can see the goddess' markings, AND know what they mean, while
no other Ranma characters even notice them.  Clearly you're
doing something different here, which is good.

      Still, there was something bothering him.  Ranma felt a 
slight but constant tingling sensation throughout his whole
body.  It was the same feeling he got whenever there was danger
around, or when someone was following him.

Interesting.  I think I like this touch.

This story takes place a few years after the end of the manga in
Ranma 1/2 continuity, and somewhere between the end of the Oh 
My Goddess OVAs and the movie (which I haven't seen).  Feel free
to point out any wild inaccuracies in the timeline, and I'll
think about changing them (if it doesn't mess up my story too
much).

Seems like you're ignoring the manga altogether.  Understandable
if you've not seen any, but may present problems:  the OVAs only
touch on a number of characters:  Sayoko, Sora; and ignore others
altogether:  Mara, Peorth, Banpei.

Not sure what I'd suggest you do about it; making yourself
familiar with the manga from scratch is a significant investment,
in time if nothing else.  Might be worth your while to solicit a
pre-reader or two who is thoroughly familiar with the manga, or
just make sure you're familiar with every detail you can glean
from the web.

You're certainly at liberty, as an author, to ignore the manga,
but I think you'll be cutting yourself off from a good fraction
of your potential readership by making a deliberate decision to
do so.  Most C&C I've looked at on AMG/OMG fanfic on this list
suggests that people who bother to C&C such fanfic possess, and
will assume on the author's part, a great deal of such familiarity.

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