Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Thu, 27 Jun 2002 10:52:32 -0400 Sam Vilsmeier <syp104@email.psu.edu>
wrote:
http://www.geocities.com/psyckosama
Thanks for adding that. I'd lost track of it somehow.
"Good morning, Hotaru-chan," muttered Setsuna, her eyes drilling into Ranma'{
:}s.
Something between your keyboard and my inbox really likes to break lines at
apostrophes. I don't think I've ever seen MS Wierd do it; are you using MS
Works?
"Ranko-san?" The {outer most : outer-most} Senshi turned her head toward the two teens. Her
features slowly softened as she saw the unease in the eyes of the two youths
{' :}. With a small smile on her face, which was now devoid of all obvious
negative emotion, she turned back to Michiru. "Yes, I know Ranko-san."
Looks like you tried the other form and decided you liked this one better.
"You didn't seem {to : too : very} happy to see her," commented Haruka.
Setsuna shrugged. "Well, it was a surprise. Seeing such a close connection
of the boy who impregnated your 'daughter' first thing is not exactly {a
pleasant thing : pleasant} to wake up to." She paused for a moment and turned her head
to Michiru. "Could you please get me something for my head? I have a
horrible hangover."
Setsuna is trying to appear all-knowing while still telling the truth, but
I think 'relation' instead of 'connection' would read better.
Setsuna smiled as shook her head. She had absolutely no idea why the hell
Ranma was here, but if they kept this lovey-dovey crap up, their cover would
be blown like Mount St. Helens on {a bad : the big} day. She really needed to talk to
them alone. She winced as another pang of pain screamed its way through her
cranium. God, all {: this} thinking was aggravating her hangover.
Setsuna laughed lightly, and said, "Let me guess... Martial Arts Catering?"
The young redhead blinked, "Yeah, how'd you know?"
Issue 4 of last year's Nerima Review, with more commentary in issue 5. Is
Ranma aware of Nabiki's publishing empire?
"Where are you two going anyway?" {questioned : asked} Michiru.
Setsuna slowly shook her head, "Don't worry about Hotaru's eating habits. In
a couple of months, you're going to be putting more effort into keeping the
pantry stocked {then : than} making sure she eats enough."
Hotaru froze in place {and began to mutter : muttering} numerous curses, then growled and
twisted around, meeting Setsuna's gaze with a venomous glare. "No, you can'{
:}t! There are no damn sandals! I was buying pregnancy tests! Now are you
happy?"
The room remained completely quiet and devoid of action{, :} for a long moment.
Slowly, Ranma turned to Setsuna. "You sure know a lot about this stuff, you
a mom?"
I can see how Hotaru would be a bit testy about those sandals. Everyone's
reaction to her blowoff is understandable too.
Setsuna shook her head {a : and} chuckled, "Much better."
It's all that heavy drinking that keeps her looking young if a bit ragged.
Setsuna's {faces : face} twisted with barely contained laughter. "Saotome, you really
need to learn to keep your loud mouth shut."
"Ranko, I'm ready to go," said Hotaru as she {reentered : re-entered} the room.
Ranma blushed as he looked {over : at} his future wife. She was dressed in a purple
sweater, black miniskirt, low-heeled boots, and long black stockings that
left just a small ring of skin visible between them and the bottom of her
skirt. It was times like this that he was glad to be a man.
I don't know if the house has an entryway where they remove and don shoes.
If it does, she wouldn't be wearing the boots yet.
The two lesbians looked at each other, and in one voice said, "Yuck..."
I like that exchange a lot.
When the three were clear {from : of} the house, Setsuna twisted around and glared
both teens in the eyes. "Hotaru, Ranma, there {: had} better be a damn good
explanation for this. If there {is not : is not,} I'm going to march back in that house
and tell those two everything I know..."
Ranma sighed, "Ok, {what : whatda : what do} ya wanna know?"
"And you're using you Ranko persona because they are more likely to let
Hotaru's female friend stay over {then : than} the boy who got her pregnant," stated
Setsuna.
Setsuna smiled slightly. "While I'm slightly annoyed for reasons that I can'{
:}t mention in present company, he's not a bad choice. He's honorable and
caring." Setsuna sighed, shook her head, then continued. "Tell him the
truth, Hotaru. He'll find out eventually, and it would be better if it was
on our terms. Don't worry, he's trustworthy."
"...he is also one of those precious few individuals who possesses a pure
and honest heart. If he gives you his word, he'll never..." Setsuna's face
twisted into a small smirk, "...'squeal'."
I like that little hint about P-Chan.
"Err... okay..." he responded, not sure {of :} what to make of this.
Setsuna lifted her arms, refusing the card. "Keep it. 100,000 yen is not
enough for a ring worthy of a girl like Hotaru. That card has a one million
yen limit. Just buy what you want and pay me back later. Consider it a
loan."
There's still an extra space in front of 'loan'.
"No problem." she replied, waving it off. "I have more money in my mattress
{then : than} I know what to do with..."
With an uncharacteristic angry twitch, she said, "First lesson you should
have learned in life kiddo: know when {
:} to shut the hell up!"
Setsuna sighed, and turned to Hotaru. "As I was saying, he's a good kid, but
{need : needs} to be house broken. I think you can pull it off... {oh : Oh}, and you two
should cut down on the lovey-dovey crap in front of the others. It might
expose you."
In other words, he's a serious fixer-upper.
Hotaru blinked, and nodded. "{Ok : Okay}, Setsuna-mama..."
Setsuna's eyes slightly narrowed, but she said nothing. The painkillers she
had taken were slowly starting to take effect, dulling the agonizing pain in
her skull, and slowly {ebbing : reducing} her vicious irritability level.
"Good," said Setsuna with a long sigh. Talking to herself, as much as to
anyone, she said, "Well, I'm going to get out of here. I have a splitting
hangover to nurse, and if I don't get an Espresso in the next forty-five
seconds, I'm going to scream..." With a shrug and a wave, she started away
from the youths. "Arrivederci..."
Hopefully she whispers if she screams. Not only shouting might level
several blocks, it would hurt like the devil with her hangover.
I don't object to Arrivederchi as long as it's spelled right. She's
traveled a lot and probably speaks a lot of languages very well. Her
Italian is probably accentless, but a bit archiac. Just don't get her
started swearing in Old Norse.
"Hotaru-chan, think this would be a good place to look," said Ranma{: ,}
interrupting her train of thought.
Her head {tuned : turned}, following his outstretched hand to the welcoming sign of a
jewelry store. She looked at the name for a moment. The Osa-P, where had she
heard that name before? After a moment, she smiled in recognition. "I know
this store! Usagi's friend Naru's mom owns it!"
"She's..." Hotaru paused for a moment. "... a very close friend of the
family!"
Cosa Nostra.
"What..." inquired Ranma, and he looked at the sign above the door. "You
have got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed. This was a {cheap : love} hotel.
I think it is worthwhile to be explicit what sort of hotel this is. It
adds to Ranma's unease and will add fuel to Minako's fevered imaginating
about about poor Hotaru's dire situation.
With little else said, the two entered the hotel. Unfortunately, it was {: not}
unobserved. Across the street a blonde with a red bow in her hair had seen
the whole exchange.