AJ Andreason wrote:

Can we still make rubbing alcohol jokes, or are they passe?
 

Ranma considered himself lucky.

 For one thing, it looked like it wasn't going to rain this evening. For
Ranma, that always added a little extra plus to otherwise horrible days.
After all, what kind of person can be truly comfortable when they change
into the opposite sex? Well, except maybe when he's having ice cream... or
sunbathing... or getting free food... or distracting enemies... Ranma made
himself stop listing. It led down a dangerous line of thought.

 Second, and more importantly, he wasn't dead.

You've something of a talent for these. Quick opening line, slow
and dragging second paragraph, then a quick one liner that drives
the aburdity home. I like it.
 

 So, once Nabiki had been pacified--it took three promised photo shoots, a
ten-thousand yen addition to Ranma's a debt, and Kasumi's disapproving
"Nabiki..."--they got to work salvaging what they could. Actually, most of

I hate ellipses. Can you just hyphenate or put a period there?

 Mr. Tendo blinked. "Oh, right. Sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes. Clean up."

Cleaning

He abruptly let go of Ranma and started shuffling around, picking up bits of
broken ceiling beams. Ranma's face hit some of them with a loud thwack,

'thwack,' 

 Nabiki looked out over it all and nodded, a half-smile curving the corner
of her mouth. When all others failed, she always had a plan. With just
calling on a few favors, keeping strict control of her "workers," and some
decent ingenuity, she had constructed something that was capable of holding
off a small army of wackos--which is exactly what they were expecting--at
least for a while. That is, if everybody did their job.

After all, how should today be any different?
 

 Genma's head sprang up beside his friend's, topped with an old green army
helmet with three crescent moons and a big white star. "Nothing yet, Tendo,"

is that a reference?

 "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" Ranma and Akane shouted, bashing their respective
parents with respective blunt objects. The Masters of Anything-Goes sat down

respectfully?

"What's all this?" came the little man's big voice from some ways away. He
laughed like an elephant choking on a bass guitar. "You think this can stand
against MY powers?"

great imagery, but, of what? I can't follow it
 

"Do your worst, squirt!" Ranma roared, and chucked a lit piece of dynamite

roared and

"Hey," he boomed, scratching his head, "isn't this--"

*BOOM*

repetition intentional? It was beautiful.
 

 Two groups appeared in front of the Fort. On one side were what Nabiki

fort

You haven't named it yet

could only describe as barbarians. Dressed in untanned leather and furs, and
hefting huge broadswords and double-bladed battle axes that were obviously
magical--judging by the bright rainbow-colored glow they were emitting--they
grunted and snarled at each other, comparing the size of their weapons. On
the other side were ninjas. The black clothing, face masks, and totally
silent movement clued Nabiki in on this. That, and the kanji in blood-red on
each man's arm that read "Ninja of the Black Dragon with Green and Yellow
Stripes and Big, Nasty Fangs."

That's a lot of kanji
 
 

Soun Tendo went a little pale, and nodded shortly. He turned and loaded the
cannons quickly as the ninja band stalked forward, carefully avoiding traps.
In three short explosions the new ammo was fired off. Nabiki smiled as they
soared through the air. This was her last secret weapon. It was heavier than
the bowling balls, more tube-shaped, was lined on the middle with little
explosives and--

antecedent confusion. You switch between singular and plural for
the ammo. Pick one and stick to it
 

"EWW!" a ninja in front said disgustedly, trying to wipe the slimy petroleum
jelly off his face. Another jerked his sword to clean it off, causing it to

heheheh

slip from his fingers and stab another ninja in the foot. Said ninja hopped
around a moment, yowling like an old cat, until he lost his balance on one
slippery foot, and fell backward with his arms flailing behind him. In one

repetition of foot unnecessary. try "his balance one his other
slippery foot." or somesuch.

flailing hand, he just happened to be holding a small throwing star, which
shot out from between his greasy fingers and right into the man behind him's
groin. He squeaked something too high-pitched to make out clearly, and
toppled slowly to the ground.

More antecedent conclusion. Dealing with a bunch of guys leads to
problems with the pronoun he.
 

All things considered, the ninjas weren't half bad. They looked experienced
and fairly well disciplined, and had all the proper equipment. Even so,
Ranma Saotome was arguably the greatest martial artist in the world, and

More specifically, Ranma is Ranma. 

Not to mention the fact than any man who would join an organization called
"The Ninjas of the Black Dragon with Green and Yellow Stripes and Big, Nasty
Fangs" probably wasn't the brightest sort anyway.

Think about the tattooes. Imagine how much that would hurt.
 

"Hee hee hee HEE!"

The horror.

"I love you, you love me! We're all one big family!"

Oh, the horror.

You've been talking to Corwin, haven't you?
 

"He stays with you forever if you don't agree." Mr. Weird stated with an
evil smile. "He's also completely indestructible."

While the remaining forever bit would be bad, it would be kind of
pleasurable to beat the dinosaur down for a couple hours. 
 
Rock on, huzzah, and all that.

Miashara

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