From the diary of Delia Ketchum:

---

Dear Diary,

   What a week it's been!  Do you remember that spoiled, rich,
arrogant brat who'd been bothering all the women of Pallet
Town?  The man who thought "vain" was a complement, and had
his name legally changed to Vain?  The one who's supposedly an
undefeated pokemon trainer but never lets his pokemon out of
its pokeball?  I decided it was time someone did something
about him.  So, I did.

   I'd say I stroked his ego, but I barely had to touch it.  I
thought I'd take him out on a date, but apparently the fact
of a woman paying that kind of attention to him was so
overwhelming that he proposed to me before we were halfway
through dinner.  In hindsight, I suppose I shouldn't be
surprised: every woman probably gave him the cold shoulder,
so that's what he became used to.

   I accepted, of course.  His own family was too busy to
care, and this town has become my family, so it was little
problem to have the wedding ceremony right here on short
notice, especially since I told the other women I was doing it
mainly to keep him from harassing them.  If any of them
noticed me carefully not saying I loved him, they did not
mention it.

   Of course I had no intention of letting it last.  We went
home after the ceremony - I'll admit, he wasn't too bad once
I finally got him in bed - and the subject of a honeymoon did
not come up until the next day.  I'd already picked out a
pokemon trainers' tour, for pairs of pokemon trainers.  He
seemed a little nervous, but he had no will against my
pleading (and a few more bed exercises).  Of course, I would
need a pokemon of my own, and I'd need to get a license, but
his word as a pokemon trainer would speed the latter along.
The former was the trap.

   I told him about some spearows just north of town.  He
seemed extremely reluctant to catch one for me until I told
him of a way he could do it without having to battle.  Just
sneak up on it and toss the ball.  Even I could have done
that if I had some way to weaken the spearow first, but that
wasn't the point.

   Before he left, I served him a drink to his success.  Just
some old wine...at least, that's what I had.  One part muk
sludge and three parts urine tastes like extremely sour wine.
I could see his nose wrinkle, but he dared not pass up what
his new wife served.  One would think an experienced pokemon
trainer would have been poisoned by accident at some point,
and remember what it felt like.  He probably thought his
stomach cramps were just intestinal gas.

   He was quite dead when Jenny found him.  As I'd hoped, the
poison was assumed to be some random pokemon, even though no
poison types live anywhere near where he died and no trainers
in town at the moment would admit to battling him.  His
pokemon's pokeball was still closed, but the pokeball I gave
him was open.  He actually tried to catch one!  He failed, of
course, but...you know, that's the only thing I feel slightly
guitly about.  Maybe he really was starting to love me?  Oh,
well, too late now.

---

Dear Diary,

   Sorry it's been so long.  It seems his family wanted nothing
to do with Vain, so as his wife, I inherited everything he
owned.  Dealing with it all has been a major hassle.  Let's
see...

- His big, gaudy mansion has got to go.  It's been the eyesore
of Pallet Town for far too long.  I thought it was large for
the two of us; now that I'm alone, it's way too big even if I
have guests over.  Besides, I still have that house I was
living in before.  I've heard that pokemon genius, Professor
Oak, is looking for an out of the way site for his new
laboratory.  I'll see if I can sell this to him on the
condition that he raze the mansion and build a proper
laboratory.

- His trophies and awards turned out to all be fake.  So far
as I can tell, he was only "undefeated" because he never
battled.  No wonder he was so nervous about letting his
pokemon out!  I tossed the forgeries once I found out.

- His pokemon...well, I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
Maybe, if Professor Oak does build his lab here, I'll give it
to him for his use.

- His body I had cremated.  Medical science is making amazing
leaps and bounds these days, and I want absolutely no chance
of that creep coming back from the dead.  I'm keeping the urn
with his remains as a trophy.  A bit ironic, I suppose: he
used to dream of having a trophy wife.

- His child...that's right, we only slept together twice, but
he still got me pregnant.  I've certainly got enough money to
properly raise a child now.  I think I'll do so, as the final
bit of revenge.

---

Dear Diary,

   Wow!  Nine months and only three entries, counting this one.
At this rate, maybe I should just stop keeping entries.  Just
kidding.

   Professor Oak went along with my suggestion, but on one
extra condition.  His daughter was pregnant with twins, and
he wanted her close since her husband was not available.
(Dead?  Abandoned her?  Divorced?  He did not say, and I did
not push it.)  As it happened, the house next to mine was for
sale.  Its former tenant actually had a crush on Vain - can
you believe it?  When he died, she went into a depression,
which she got out of by getting rid of everything that
reminded her of him, including moving away from here.

   I really hope the new tenant will be okay.  The doctors say
there's a chance she won't survive childbirth, and then her
children would have no parents save Professor Oak - and he'll
be busy.  Maybe I could volunteer to help raise them, if he
helps me with Ash.

   That's right, Ash.  He's a lovely baby boy, and he's all
mine.  Yet, when they asked me what his name was, I couldn't
help but remember why I kept him.  I think I'll raise him to
be a real pokemon trainer, not like his father.

   By the way, it seems Vain's pokemon was a pikachu.  Once
Professor Oak let him out of his pokeball, he couldn't get
him back in no matter what he tried.  If that pikachu was
never let out before, I can understand why.  Oak says maybe
he'll give him to some trainer someday, but who would take a
pokemon that won't go in its pokeball?


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