Nodoka Saotome frowned.

 In her short time staying at the Tendo residence, she had come to
understand certain truths. Cold and hot water were always available; demons,
evil spirits, and powerful martial artists/finacees made regular and
destructive visits; and there was always magic of one sort or another flying
around. In fact, she'd come to think of all that as proof of how manly Ranma
truly was. After all, why else would all these things come to
challenge/curse/kill/marry him?

 Still, Nodoka thought a migrating Tendo-ke was a LITTLE over the top.

Vintage.
 

"YOU!" Ryoga roared, his nostrils flaring and the number of gold teeth
showing increasing. "I'm gonna make you wish you'd never 

increased

Finally, as Ranma wandered back to the door to see what Ryoga was up to, the
martial-artist-gone-pro-wrestler finally finished his extended speech,
ending with, "And now it's time to pay, Saotome! Face the wrath of..."
dramatic pause, "MAAAAN CRUSHER!"

ellipse unnecessary if you're declaring the pause.
 

where as the normal Ryoga would fight honorably to the letter, Man Crusher

ehhhhh. Honorably usually, yes. Too the letter? ehhhh, not always.

"Then again..." he mumbled as he flew backward.

again," 
 

Ranma Saotome was now attached by the wrist to Akane Tendo by a huge,
manacled chain. A dozen conflicting emotions played hopscotch in Ranma's
tired and very put-upon brain, but eventually, embarrassment did a
complicated triple skip and took over.

Didn't this happen more than once in the OS? The cave of somethingorother arc and later towards the end?
 

As Ranma's face practically burst with the pressure of the blood rushing to
it, he noticed absently that Akane's reaction was just a LITTLE bit
different.

Why exactly is he embarassed? They naked or something?
 
As for the rest, well, it worked for me. 

Miashara


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