DB Sommer wrote:
Back from Vacation, and boy, was it busy on the list. Glad I stepped out
when I did and avoid the messy work.
Bah. Lazy slacker. ;)
The small amount of annoyance left at having to sleep as a
woman to satisfy Motoko's temper faded, and Ranma sighed, ruffling
Suu's hair gently.
Suu's hair is silver? Looked more gold to me.
Hang on a second, I'll pull up the Tarzan and Suu AMV to check.
Maybe need to watch that twice.
Hmm. Looks like it silver with tints of gold in it. Really _really_ pale
for gold. I'll call it white-gold, which is another alloy, so that works
for me.
"Too early," the girl mumbled. "Motoko-chan sleeps longer."
Ranma; That's because she's fat and lazy.
Motoko: (Bursting into the room) You'll die for that one!
HAH!
The redhead tensed uncomfortably at that. "What about?" she
asked cautiously.
"Eight treasures," Suu said, frowning. "What's that? Is it
delicious?"
Heh. Very nice teaser.
:D
Cut it all.
O_O
^_^
�_�
"It's about the most distasteful thing I've ever heard of,"
Ranma assured the girl, shuddering.
Suu: It's about a Dog Soldier/Silent Service crossover.
Ranma: Well, it's not that bad,
I've never seen either of those series.
For some reason, that suddenly makes me very happy.
Motoko growled, "I had to make sure you wouldn't do anything
untoward with Suu."
"Just because I turn into a girl doesn't mean I act like
you,"
Heh. Nice comeback.
Thanks; I have difficulty writing interactions between people, so I never
know if I get it right, or if it's horrible.
Ranma nodded, yawning slightly, and putting some toothpaste
on his toothbrush. "Pretty good," he said after a moment. "I fell
asleep the moment I lay
laid or layed (I think)
Could be, but it's in dialogue, and Ranma's grammar isn't perfect. :p
The girl couldn't help but giggle at the stern looking
stern-looking ( I think)
I believe you are correct.
Laughing harder, Shinobu put her hand over her mouth to
avoid spitting at Ranma,
and then she was overcome with the desire to bite him.
NOT that kind of fanfic.
"You choked on your toothbrush," Ranma explained, chuckling.
"Ah... that was my fault, I'm afraid."
But he was still laughing.
He wouldn't be if she were seriously hurt.
mouth out and spitting into the sink. "Aniki used to write down
notes like that, too. One of them was, 'The human head is not meant
to turn one hundred and eighty degrees. I tried it today. It hurt.'"
Yes. That I can see.
Heh!
"Could be good advice," Ranma reasoned,
He wrote that down too.
Makes you wonder what all he recorded.
Ranma threw himself into the task of cooking, glancing up
>from the stove only as Keitaro and Naru wandered into the dining
room, quizzing one another on various topics in the upcoming test.
Naru: 5+5 equals?
Keitaro: Ten
Naru: Capital of Mexico?
Keitaro: Mexico City
Naru: Color of my panties this morning?
Keitaro: Pink with a picture of a turtle on the bottom... Oops. Wasn't
supposed to admit I accidentily peeped on you. Is this the place where I get
hit?
Naru: Yep! (punches him into orbit)
Keitaro: Not in the house!
Naru: Shoot! (Restrains herself at the last instant)
Keitaro: I think, uh, I'm going to stay home sick today.
Naru: I think otherwise.
Keitaro: *whimper*
"Oooh, that smells good, Shinobu... Oe?" Mitsune asked
Shinobu: No! I'm not married to Oe-san. I just met him. Maybe in a few
years, when I get out of high school...
Hah!
"I worked a summer at a hot-spring resort with Akini,"
Aniki
Drat.
"I guess," Ranma mumbled. "Aniki's got pictures.
Ranma; But the coolest ones were of me in bondage gear.
Kitsune: Really? Want to make some quick cash?
Ranma: ... I was kidding.
Kitsune: I wasn't.
"Someone's stolen all my panties!" Shinobu wailed. "I can't
find any of them!"
Ranma shuddered, making a face. "This _can't_ be happening,"
Of course it can. It always did before, and now its doing so again. You
can't stop a force of nature.
Perversion. A force of nature.
Sadly, this is quite true, when one stops to consider it.
Motoko released the girl, scowling. "It's not like that! I'm
trying to save you from the perversions of men!"
"That only makes it sound worse!" Shinobu protested, running
to hide behind Mitsune.
True
One of my favorite scenes so far. :p
Motoko crossed her arms over her chest, and narrowed her
eyes suspiciously. "I sense something," she murmured. "Something
ominous."
By the pricking of my thumb.
Something wicked this way comes.
A dark, rounded blur like a massive troll or ogre, gigantic
upper body supported on a set of tiny legs, moving so quickly that
Shinobu almost couldn't see it at all flashed towards her.
Awkward. I'd reword that.
Done.
Ranma growled, reaching into his shirt, pulling out a frilly
black lace bra, and throwing it to the ground. "Saving you a lot of
trouble," he spat. "Now stay out of the way, little girl. This is
_my_ fight."
Heh.This could be cute.
Or rather grim, for no readily apparent reason.
"Ranma!" the creature exclaimed, batting suddenly large,
innocent eyes at the man. "You wound your old master!"
Well, that's what he intends to do, yes. :)
Heh!
"Oe!" Motoko snapped. "You've trained beneath this beast?"
Boy that sounds kinky.
Didn't think about it. Think I'll leave it in, though. :)
"Beast?" Happosai asked. "How cruel! But you're a feisty
little thing, aren't you?" The old man -- if he was a man -- looked
at Ranma slyly.
I don't think you need the 'old man' part.
Hmm.... You could be right.
"Almost reminds you of Akane, doesn't she?"
Err, no. Kunou, yes.
I imagine Naru would remind him more of Akane, so Happi's off base, but
the damage is still done. Ranma doesn't appreciate reminders of his past
very much, though Happi was only able to guess. He missed his intended
target, but hit something....
"I wonder what their relationship is," Suu mused quietly,
one finger placed between her lips as she studied the two. "Is a
Happosai stronger than a Ranma?"
Well
It's a good question.
"Sounds like a challenge, Ranma m'boy!" the man cackled.
"Your father Genma may
,Genma,
You sure? He's not being addressed, so I'm not positive it's neccessary.
The man leapt backwards, his arms crossed before his face.
In slow motion, his braid seemed to leap across his shoulder,
trailing in front of him as he flew backwards, then, as Happosai's
projectile struck the earth and detonated, the braid flipped over
Ranma's shoulder and fluttered behind him. His hair only came to
rest when Ranma landed on the far side of the lawn on both knees and
one hand, wincing. Happosai landed on the lawn, and chuckled for a
moment, before producing three more of the spheres from his gi.
it does seem a bit wordy for the action that just happened. Could be just
me, though.
I like the imagery, but I was going for something along the lines of
Hitokiri/Kenshin for Ranma's normal state and his current state. Not
sure if it worked, though. Consensus?
"Yours?" Mitsune asked under her breath. "I think those are
_ours_!"
were hers, with the shape they're probably in. :)
I doubt she'd really want them back anyway.
Happosai stared at Ranma disconsolately, with large, sad
eyes. "Ranma!" he sputtered. "You've destroyed my pretties! How
_could_ you?"
"I was aiming for your head!" Ranma snapped.
Happi: I would have preferred you hit my head too.
HAH!
"Why, you little..." Happosai muttered. "Take this! Happo-
dai-karin!" Barely giving Ranma enough time to react, the old man
lobbed a trio of his explosives,
can drop the 'his' We know who they belong to.
Done.
"It's 'Anything Goes', Ranma!" the old man mocked. "Are you
going to show me your higher art?"
Still, I don't recall Happi intentionally going after bystanders.
No, he is OOC. But there is a reason for it.
So it's IC, but I haven't shown the why of it, yet. Which is a bad move
on my part. All will become clear. When I finish chapter four. x_x
"Sounds like a plan!" Happosai said cheerfully, moving far
too quickly for the other man to stop, and sending Ranma hurtling
through the air again. Ranma vanished over the fence, but this time,
there was no resounding thud from his impact against the ground.
Happosai blinked, frowning in surprise. "What's this?" he asked
quietly, glancing around in consternation.
He had a plan is what. :)
Or whipped one up from nowhere.
"We'll fight again," Happosai advised, smiling softly. "At
sunset tomorrow, I'll return. Then we'll really fight. Until then,
my heir, that was a fair warm-up. But next time, I want you to show
me the true Oe Ronin-ryu." Done with his speech, and cackling
loudly, the old man bounced away, vanishing into the trees, though
his laughter echoed for far longer.
Hmm. Interesting.
Isn't it?
[FORESHADOWING]
Haruka raised an eyebrow at that, taking a drag from her
cigarette. "If he trusts Oe, I suppose," she allowed. "If he can
hold his own against Happosai, he must have enough ability to at
least run an inn."
Hmm. So she knows him.
Odd, isn't it? But Seta thought he remembered Genma, too, so....
"You said I was stupid!" Keitaro protested, struggling out
the door after Naru. "What was that all about?"
Naru: I mean stupid in behavior, not stupid in intelligence.
Keitaro: Really? THANKS!
Naru: That wasn't a compliment.
Keitaro: Huh?
Naru: Fine, I take what I said back.
Keitaro: Narusegawa! You believe in me! I know I can be smart, for you!
Naru: ....
"So I'm not stupid?" Keitaro asked, brightening. "You think
I'm going to make it?"
Heh. He'll latch onto anything.
Hope springs eternal.
The foreman for the construction seemed familiar to Ranma,
somehow, but she couldn't quite place her finger on _why_ he seemed
to familiar to her.
Hmm.
:D
"It's early enough," the man reasoned. "We'll whip up a
quick plan and move in some equipment -- the real work won't begin
tomorrow,
begin until tomorrow (perhaps?)
You are entirely correct.
"Oe?" the man asked, surprised. "Oh! The new guy we hired is
named Oe, too! His name is Ranma -- are you related to him at all?"
Hehehe. He forgot where he was working?
Bingo.
"Well, you seem nice, and I'm already working with your
brother -- why don't you let me take you to lunch so we can get to
know each other better?" The foreman stepped closer to her -- not
threatening, but protectively.
Hehehehe. Cute.
I'm sure HE thinks so. I'm betting Ranma would disagree.
"Um, well," Ranma hedged, looking around frantically, "I'd
love, but, um... you see...."
Ranma shouted, "I'm a lesbian!" And kissed Motoko.
Now, that WOULD make things interesting... but no. :p
"Yeah, that's right," Mitsune said, crossing her arms
beneath her chest and nodding. Leaning slightly closer to Taiso, as
though she were confiding in the man, she added, "Her brother's a
martial artist -- really strong, and very protective of his sister.
I also think there's something going on between her and the manager
of the inn, anyway, but she's really shy about it."
Hehehehe. That should work.
Again:
Hope springs eternal.
"I have a better idea," Ranma posed. "See, I don't like to
talk about the past, because it's, well, in the past. But I do owe
you for helping me out with Taiso, so I'll buy you lunch someplace."
Heh. Couldn't outfox him that way.
Actually, she could. Which is why he disagreed. :)
He wrestled internally for a long minute. He wanted nothing
more than to speak about it to someone, but... but why open up to a
woman he'd know for three months, at best?
Actually since she'll be out of your life quickly, that makes it relatively
safe. :)
Since when does logic apply to Ranma? ;)
"Um, I met him... a while after something that changed my
life forever. In a bad way... I mean, it was what I think was the
worst day of my life, and he... stopped me from doing something
stupid."
Mitusne; Killing yourself?
Ranma: Nah. Becoming a monk. Did you know they have to be celebate?
Mitsune: Actually, some of them don't.
Ranma: Well, shoot. Sign me up.
Mitsune: But they have to shave their heads.
Ranma: Or not.
"Is your brother as cute as you are?"
Ranma; Yep. And he as a sweeter ass. Not that I would notice something like
that on a guy.
Mitsune: And I would likewise never notice that your girl form's got a
nice rack.
Ranma: Exactly. Wait a minute.
Treading lightly, Shinobu was the slightest bit unsettled to
watch Suu leap off of
can drop 'of'
Done. It bounced off Keitaro's head and fell into a gutter.
"I know what I'm doing," Suu assured, a heartbeat before she
slipped at the edge of one roof. An ancient shingle, coated on both
sides with a thick layer of moss, shot out from beneath the girl's
foot, caroming
think you need an 'h' in there somewhere
I'm not sure meself. Let's ask dictionary.com.
Huh.
http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=caromed
Word got it right. I'm stunned.
Shinobu blinked at that, drawing her hands together before
her chest reflexively. Whenever things started to turn strange, she
had a nearly uncontrollable desire to curl into a ball,
Probably the most well-adjusted person there.
So true....
"Oh?" Mitsune asked skeptically.
Ranma; Her name was Handmaid May
Mistune: Why, you were in another crossover before this one, weren't you?
Ranma: The author implies it.
Mitsune: I'd better not be losing screen-time to random cameo-bimbos.
Ranma: ... I'm sure he'll keep it in mind.
In answer, Mitsune dropped the black dress into her lap.
"You want me to return this for you?" Ranma asked hopefully.
"I want to see how you look in it," Mitsune said cheerfully.
Heh
:D
Mitsune grabbed the bottom edge of her tanktop, and began to
pull it up, just as the door to Mitsune's room opened, and Naru
walked in, sighing. Mitsune froze, her hands atop Ranma's breasts,
as the dress slipped from Ranma's fingers, and the redhead began to
giggle nervously. "Mitsune?" Naru asked tiredly, staring at the
floor.
Hehehehehe.
I rather enjoyed writing this part, too. And not just because Mitsune is
feeling onna-Ranma up. Really!
"Auuugh," Shinobu noised quietly, running towards the inn,
followed shortly by Suu.
Hehehehe
:D
"Yep! Papa-san teaches me martial arts -- he said he was
teaching the new person martial arts, too." The girl grinned.
"This'll be fun!"
Only if you disappear.
Why no, I don't find Sarah amusing. Why do you ask?
Heh! She's a difficult character for me to write, so I'm afraid we won't
be seeing her as much as the other characters.
I know how big a disapointment this is to you, Mr. Sommer.... ;)
The flow of Naru's words melded into a low distressed
mumble, of which Mitsune paid only partial attention to, most of her
thoughts instead centering around the outfit that had seemed to stun
Ranma. "... and I'm afraid to let anyone know how badly I did on the
practice tests," the woman concluded sadly. "What should I do?"
Mitsune: Drink excessively, like I do.
Naru: That's not an answer.
Mitsune: Sure it is! I bet by the end of the series I'll practically be
handed my own tea shop!
Naru: That's hardly serious!
Haruka: She's right. You should take up smoking, instead.
"This calls for investigation," Mitsune announced,
Which will lead everyone to the wrong conclusions.
Always always always.
"Actually, I do," Keitaro admitted, chuckling ruefully. "My
parents made me learn it when I was younger. Erm.
I'd drop the 'erm'
Will do. It's now lying in the gutter next to the 'of'.
Creeping along carefully, Naru a step ahead, and Shinobu a
step behind, Mitsune peered around her newspaper cautiously. She was
dressed in an inconspicuous trenchcoat,
Unless you're in a Bogey film, there is no such thing as a 'inconcpicuous'
trenchcoat. :)
Of course. But Akamatsu did it, so.... :p
"Nah, I'm not saying anything bad, but she's just... eh, not
my type." There was a pause, then, Shinobu waving away a server as
Mitsune and Naru traded glances.
That seems way out of place. I mean the way you have them listening in while
the men's conversation continues.
You're right. I will adjust that.
Naru was obviously uncertain how to deal with the
revelation, so she decided she couldn't fault herself for being
unsure, as well. But... it was so unfair! She had never gotten a
chance to confess her own feelings to Keitaro!
Oh? She's admitting she likes him, or is she referring to something else?
She's admitting it.
Her musing was interrupted by a sudden succession of noises.
The first was a loud, deep rumbling, one that made itself felt
throughout the evening air, and reverberated through the street. A
shrill squealing echo that bounced eagerly across the close
buildings lining the road to assault her ears followed it. The next
in the rapid procession of sounds was the deep, grating blat of an
air-horn, sending a chilled shiver of panic up her spine. As she
turned around to try and look at the source of the noise, a final
sound joined the ensuing cacophony; that of tires scraping for
desperate purchase on a too-slick road as several tons of truck
skidded towards her, faster than her reflexes would carry her away.
Oh dear.
I love the over-the-top descriptions. So much fun....
Probably needs to be slimmed down a bit, though.
Kintaro had shown him the basics, but Ranma had always felt
that Kintaro's martial arts simply weren't up to par with Anything
Goes.
Only because he didn't put his mind to it. He could come up with anything,
given time.
Actually.... This is very important.
Later.
"I spent a few months with the Department of Public Works in
Hokkaido," Ranma said, shrugging. "They'd get boulders and trees
falling all over the roads on the pass I was working at. Luckily, it
was mostly snow and hail, so the work wasn't bad," Ranma reasoned.
"Why?"
Heh. Such a casual answer.
I enjoy the stuff Ranma does while working with Kintaro.
A woman eerily similar to Motoko stepped out from behind the
girl. "It's been so long!" she enthused, rushing him while he was
trapped, and hugging him tightly, his face pressed into her bosom.
"Ranma! How are you doing?"
Oh dear. And just how does she know him? And boy, this is going to tweak off
Motoko,
Well....
"You know my sister?" Motoko yelped. "How? Why? This is not
fair --
No, Moko. It isn't. :)
Never is.
Very nice work. Lot of little things covered, as well as dealing with Happi
once again. Looking forward to more already. Don't know what else to say. It
was a bit slow over all, perhaps, but it needed to be with the slow
uncovering of thing as both the LH cast and Ranma learn more about each
other. Nice work
It was a bit slow, but it was setup for the next chapter, where lots of
stuff happens. I just hope I can fit it all in, because the story proper
hasn't begun yet! It really begins (at this rate) in chapter five. >_<
D.B. Sommer