AJ Andreason wrote:

Aaaaand here we go again. Be warned; I came up with this.

That only makes it sound like a challenge.

Um... Back, thou scurvy nave?

And the DDRAMV's still going strong.

Disclaimer: Don't own Ranma 1/2 or anything having to do with it. You're
surprised, right?

Would still disclaim more clearly than that....

*Sigh* See previous disclaimer rant.

Ranma considered himself lucky.

 For one thing, it looked like it wasn't going to rain this evening. For
Ranma, that always added a little extra plus to otherwise horrible days.
After all, what kind of person can be truly comfortable when they change
into the opposite sex? Well, except maybe when he's having ice cream...

or

sunbathing... or getting free food... or distracting enemies... Ranma

made

himself stop listing. It led down a dangerous line of thought.

That formatting seems to wander in and out....

Yup. See previous Outlook Express rant(s)

Like that intro.

I live but to serve. Me.

 There had been swearing and cursing, death threats and rages, thrown
objects and attacks in full armor with a staff that had a huge,
wicked-looking blade on the end. And, after a few hours of watering the
lawn, Mr. Tendo joined Nabiki, and had been pretty angry at him, too.

Nabiki with a naganita. Hmm. I have to mull that over for a moment.

It passed. Interesting image.

And I was so worried... ^_^

 Thankfully, Ranma had lots of training in combating new opponents, and
using any means necessary to win. He'd even had to create a special new
technique for the occasion; successor to the Crouch of the Leaping

Tiger.

I thought it was 'wild' tiger. Then again, I never translated it myself.
I could be wrong.

No, you're probably right. My memory ain't what she used to be-- when I was
seven.

 "So," the Master of Anything Goes began, frowning at a large stick of

TNT

he'd just discovered, which Nabiki snatched from his hand, "This Mr.

Weird

is supposed to show up again tomorrow, then?"

hand, "This -- hand, "this -or- hand. "This

Ooo, this game again! I choose.. the first one! YAY!

 Tendo's head deflated to its normal size, and he thought it over. His

eyes

immediately began to fill with tears.

Tendo or Soun? Might be good to be consistant, unless we're talking PoV,
here. I think I understand PoV, but people always readily point out
that, in fact, I don't. So feel free to ignore me on this one.

An interesting habit I have is to always cycle my terminoligy for a
character/place/object. I MAY have gone overboard. We'll see.

 Ranma said something that was muffled by a floor board. It was just as
well, because it was probably highly unflattering, not to mention
inappropriate for non-adult readers. All right, if you really want to

know,

it sounded something like "Mrrpher irkin' mprfener!" except with more
reference to body parts and illustrative explicatives.

Allright vs. Alright

Round one:

*checks lower on the thread*

On second thought, I ain't touching that one.

Many thanks. It already gives me a headache.

Whichever word you choose, though, I would let it start a new paragraph.
Looks better to me, but you already know my suggestions are only that;
suggestions. I don't tell people how they have to write.

Good sugestion. Will do.

Unless it concerns elipses.

BIIII--DA!

 Streaks of light drifted and played across the remains of Tendo-ke as

the

sun surmounted the skyscrapers in the distance, rather like a really

bright

King Kong--that is, if King Kong were a burning ball of gas millions of
miles away. Even so, if anyone had looked on the place where the Tendo

Dojo

had until recently sat, they would see something quite extraordinary

resting

on the room's tatami flooring.

I think the King Kong tangent deserves, in fact, more attention.

Well, I'll definitely look into it.

dirt and grass around it all had been converted into a makeshift

minefield

full of bear-traps, small explosives, and  pop-up pictures of Marilyn
Manson.

and  pop-up -- and pop-up (extra space)

My own mistake, I'm afraid...

 Nabiki looked out over it all and nodded, a half-smile curving the

corner

of her mouth. When all others failed, she always had a plan. With just
calling on a few favors, keeping strict control of her "workers," and

some

decent ingenuity, she had constructed something that was capable of

holding

off a small army of wackos--which is exactly what they were

expecting--at

least for a while. That is, if everybody did their job.

is -- was (?)

Hmm, would fit for tence, but not with common usage of the phrase. Eh,
whatever.

 Speak of the devil, her Father poked his head over the stockade, his

eyes

darting beneath an old samurai helmet. "You see anything, Saotome?"

speak -- speaking (?)

Not sure. I'd go with the L33tmaster's advice on this one, if he has any.
Tenses seem a bit confused.

Again, argument of strictly proper grammer vs. common phrase usage.

 Nabiki smirked. Mr. Saotome had been set as Head Watchmen because of

his

keen survival instincts. Therefore, once Genma whipped out his Saotome
Secret Technique--that is, ran away--Nabiki knew they had about two

minutes

to get ready before something came.

Watchmen -- Watchman

Unless there are several Genma.

No. Too scary. Horrible, in fact. What kind of maniac would do such a
thing?!
...
I'll have to remeber that for later...

 It looked like Daddy knew it, too.

Who's PoV is this from?

Um, I thought I was clear enought it was Nabiki, but I guess it wasn't as
clear as I thought.

 "And I suppose that all this I hear about you running like a coward

when

the Master appeared was because you were going shopping? Isn't that

right,

Saotome?"

Like Tendo is some shining font of courage?

As Saotome retorts.

 "I heard my name," Weird thundered from somewhere outside the "fort."

"I

know I did."

Here, I'd offset 'fort' with single quotes, just to avoic confusion. I
usually offset all non-dialogue with single-quotes. That way words that
deserve only a single quote can be inserted into dialogue with none the
wiser... but that's me.

That's okay. You'll do just fine.

And this is you:

No it ain't. This is a Ugandan dogmeat dealer, with roight fresh slobering
tongue sizzilin' in me grill.

"Okay, so maybe my estimate was a little off..."

... -- ....

Four periods in an elipses that terminates a sentence. Raar.

Hiss.

"Do your worst, squirt!" Ranma roared, and chucked a lit piece of

dynamite

at the diminutive figure in the distance. Mr. Weird snatched it out of

the

air, looking at it curiously.

"Hey," he boomed, scratching his head, "isn't this--"

*BOOM*

... somehow, I didn't actually see this coming.

Ah, that's half the charm, sonny boy.

  Finally, he rolled back to his feet, and snapped his fingers twice, so
fast it sounded almost like a single snap. There was the same rushing

sound

that Ranma described that had come before, and an earth-shattering

CRACK.

earth-shattering -- Earth-shattering

No, I'm refering to soil/rock/land formations, not the planet. The
Earth-shattering sound would have to be MUCH louder.

Then, as the burly men struggled past the first line, small explosions

and

fiery bursts flared up around them. At least three of them began making

a

strategic retreat, flailing their arms and running around with fire

licking

at their furs. Nevertheless, most of the stubborn savages continued

onward

as the ninjas watched with interest, eating popcorn and making a running
commentary.

making a -- offering (?)

Hmm... nah.

But if ninja are silent, is it silent commentary?

As I said to another commenter on this point--That... is a secret.

"Fire the cannons!" Nabiki shouted, and her Father nodded briskly. With
several lit matches, he sent bowling balls flying through the air into

the

ranks of the ninjas, who had apparently decided now would be a good time

to

attack. As the projectiles neared the men in black getups, there was the
sound of slicing and whirling. The defenders of Tendo-ke watched the

pieces

fall to the ground around the unhurt assassins.

Father -- father

Okay.

Hmm. Interesting, all told. Lost some of its edge, I think, but far from
a bad read.

Forgive me. I shall have to sharpen my whits a bit, then. Now, where did I
put that file?

Thanks oodles,
AJ Andreason



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