Moving this to the head of thepack:

Sailor
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
by Ginrai

Interesting title.

      Ranma stared incredulously at the girl in front of him.  She had
short blue hair in a style similar to Akane's, though they were not
alike in any other way.

Hmm. Part of that SM/Ranma challenge someone mentioned?

      The day had already become strange the moment he saw a black cat
with a moon-shaped tattoo on its forehead trying to talk with him.

Sounds like it.

      Ranma nodded and continued.  "So, Ami, what you're saying here is
that after months of searching, you and your friends, the Sailor Suits
--"

      "That's 'scouts', Ranma," Ami corrected

Better than 'Sailor Sluts' :)

..  "Actually, we prefer to

be called 'senshi'."

      Ranma shrugged.  "Same thing.  So, from what you're trying to
tell me, you guys think that I'm some reincarnated warrior from the
past?"

Why do I think, coming from you, it's not that simple?

      "That's what the signs emitting from you seem to showing."  Ami
points at her computer and adds, "Also, your descriptions seem to match
those of a Sailor from the Silver Millennium."

Ami: Sailor Putz.

Ranma: Hey!

      "Ah, yes... about that...."  Ranma scratched his head, thinking
of a way to ask his question.  "Do I have to wear a mini-skirt?"

      "I believe so."

      "Goodbye."  Ranma turned around and started to leave.  There was
no way in hell he was going to be caught wearing something similar to
what Ami was clothed in.

Not couting the one time he tried to be a better looking girl than Tsubasa.

      "Wait!"  The senshi desperately tried to think of something to
say that would bring Ranma back.  "Becoming a Sailor can cure most of
your problems."

      Those words caused Ranma to halt, his interest suddenly piqued.
Turning back towards the blue-haired girl, he asked, "Will it be able
to solve my fiancee situation?"

Ami: Did I say you were going to be transformed into a god?

      Ami smiled.  "I'm glad you agreed.  Now I just have to find your
name."  The short-haired girl turned to her computer and started
searching through it.  "Now, lets see... which one are you....  Sailor
Earth?  Nah, too easy.  Sailor Sun?  No, you'd burn up....

Heh

 Aha!  I've

found it!"

      And thus Sailor Toutatis had returned.

Sigh.

***

      The Sailor Senshi were in trouble.

What Tux Boy not show up to turn the tide by giving a speech?

      The Youma of the day, a demon from the deepest pits of hell,
covered in what looked like dried-up blood with long sharp objects
protruding from most of its body, had them cornered.  The look on its
face, drool coming down from its huge teeth, gave them an idea of what
its next meal would be.

Youma: I smell bacon! Baconbaconbaconbaconbacon!

      "Wow!" Ranma exclaimed, "This Sailor'ing stuff is pretty easy!"

Ranma: But then, Ultimate Pretty Joyous Disintegration Blast is a potent
attack.

      "Why?  It's not like I need to extra strength to defeat it."  To
Ranma, the only real use for the transformation was to help with his
problems, and for when he wanted to be obscure to those in Nerima.

      "Yeah, well... you see....  It's that, every time we transform,
the path towards Crystal Tokyo gets one step closer.  Kind of like
those credit card plans where when you buy something, you get special
bonus points."  Sailor Moon started to sniffle.  "Except, when I
finally got enough points to buy the dress I wanted, they said my
points already expired!  THOSE BIG MEANI-- OW!"  She turned around to
see who was it that knocked her on the head.

Heh

      The initial transformation felt strange.  And when it was
complete, he had to say something; as if his past self was causing him
to open his mouth and shout out to the world.

      "Halt, vile creature!  For in the name of whatever the hell is
Toutatis, I shall punish you!"

Heh

      That was when Ranma felt a draft around his legs.  Looking down,
the pigtailed boy saw that he was wearing a red and white mini-skirt
with a huge blue bow and matching red boots.

      "ARRRRGGHHHHH!"  He clawed at the clothing, trying to rip it off,
only to find that it stuck to his body like glue.

She did warn him he would have to wear the outfit.Didn't say it would switch
for his gender.

      Ranma was pried from his current dilemma when he felt green-
colored droplets falling on his hand.

Good thing he wasn't looking up with his mouth open

      "Those who try to harm others will find themselves halted by I,
Sailor Gienah."  Seeing that the Youma she attacked was too busy with
having its blood being soaked by the ground, the girl turned her
attention elsewhere.  "Ranchan!" she squealed jubilantly, running up to
the still-skirted pigtailed boy and hugging him with all her might.
"I'm so glad you're alright!"

Heh. And things just got even worse for him. I wonder how many other change
as well.

      Looking up at him, joy etched on her face, Ukyou answered,
"Because you're my true love.  And true loves always know who the other
is, no matter what.  Same thing with you."

I thought he was still a guy as well.

      Now there was only one more thing to do -- to take care of one of
the biggest annoyances in her life.

Hmm. This will be bad.

      Akane didn't understand why, but it had seemed that her rival was
bothering her even more so the past week.

      First was when she went to bed, only to find out too late that it
was covered in noodles.  Along with it was a note saying that even
after being slept on it would taste better than her cooking.

Heh

      A few days later, Shampoo's bike had 'somehow' gone off
trajectory and fallen on top of her.  The worst part of that was when
she got up, both the Amazon and Ranma were gone.

Hmm. Why was Ranma there?

      Giving off a small laugh and looking at the Amazon straight in
the eyes, Akane said, a false tone of innocence to her, "But how would
that be possible when you're not my superior?"  Seeing that it got the
right reaction from Shampoo, her smile turning to scowl, the short-
haired girl snarled out, "All those months ago, you gave me the Kiss of
Death, since then bullying me around like I was trash.  Well, after
this past week, enough is enough!  I don't have to take your abuse
anymore!  So come out with your foolish pride and let's see you fight
me."  Pointing her finger towards Shampoo, she said, "I challenge you
for Ranma's hand.  The winner will be his husband."

Umm, shouldn't that be 'his wife'?

      Smirking at her opponent, Shampoo taunted Akane.  "That all
pervert-girl got?  Shampoo as good as married to Ranma."

So she got senshized as well. I want to see what Kodachi turns into, myself.

      She didn't expect to see Shampoo rolling on the sidewalk,
laughing out loud.  "Yo.. You think that you able to defeat Amazon...
with...."  Unable to finish what she was saying, she began to laugh all
over again, clutching her stomach while doing so.  "That stupidest
thing Shampoo ever see someone do!  Maybe Akane want Shampoo to lose by
laughing too too hard."

And sure enough, Shampoo laughed so hard her heart gave out and she died.
Afterwards, even Ranma admitted it was the stupidist victory he had ever
heard.

      That was when two huge chunks of granite landed, one on each side
of where her head was.

heh. Cute touch.

 Immediately getting up from the ground, she

said, "That just luck.  It not even hurt."  Shampoo wiped off the tears
coming from the corner of her eyes, brought her hands together, and
said, "Shampoo think she had enough laughter for the day.  Will be
generous and end Akane's misery early."

      This was unexpected, but Akane still had other moves to defeat
Shampoo with.  'No Amazon techniques, eh?  One roast

roasted ( I think would be better)

      Akane was shocked when she saw the green ball of ki dissipate
halfway towards her target.  'How?  Even if Shampoo knew the technique,
I have more power than her.  She still should have been knocked out
cold by that.'  Her eyes suddenly widened.  'Unless....'

      Pulling out her black transformation pen, Akane saw an equally
stunned Shampoo, who was holding a purple-colored pen that was similar
in every other way to Akane's.

Heh

      Both girls turned their attention towards the sky and gave off a
loud scream of frustration.

      Sailor Arrakis, aka Shampoo, and Sailor Deneb, aka Akane, have
met again, for the first time.

Heh. Nice addition to that line.

      "OTHER TWO!" Ranma screamed, dropping the person he was holding
onto.

      Rubbing his bruised rear, Mamoru said, "Yeah, some purple-haired
Chinese girl and a short-haired girl that looks like Ami."  Mouth open
in order to say something, he suddenly screamed out in agony, a _very
loud_ voice on the other end of the transmitter in his ear saying, "WE
DO NOT LOOK ALIKE!"

Heh. Agree.

      Looking back at him, Ranma said, "Yeah, did any of us actually
end up with someone?  For that matter, was I able to make a choice?"

Mamoru: Well, due to the Process of Elimination--

Ranma; No fanfiction puns, please.

      "So they were all guys?"

      "No."  Before Ranma could exhale, Mamoru continued, "They were
all lesbians."

Haruka: Damn straight. We outnumbdered straight senshi nearly two to one
back in the good old days.

      Shaking his head, trying to forget what was just said, Ranma
continued with his questions.  "And just how did we all die back then?"

      "Oh, that one's easy.  You died in a suicide attack, causing one
of Beryl's ships to explode.  The other three were on the ship, arguing
over who had the right to stay and die with you."

Yes, I can see that.

      "You know... I'm _not_ surprised anymore."

I wouldn't be either.

      "Oh, yeah, and it seems that afterwards Tuxedo Betelgeuse was
lamenting over the tragedy and that you died while pregnant with his
child."

      "Who...."  Then Ranma comprehended the second part of what Mamoru
said.  "I WAS WHAT?"

Ohh. Evil addition.

      Mamoru took a few steps back so as to prevent himself from again
being at the other end of Ranma's grip.  "Though he does tend to
exaggerate things a bit; actually a lot.  That and he was rather
obsessed for Sailor Toutatis."  Closing his eyes, he slowly began to
remember bits of his past.  "It is strange that I'm unable to remember
much about him.  But it does seem that we had secret meetings for
bokken practice."  Though he could only vaguely recall it, Mamoru did
know that it included some very special techniques, such as the
'Thrust!  Thrust!  Thrust!' technique, or the 'Backdoor Shove', to the
very special 'Deep Penetration and Jerk'.

Just... plain... evil.

      Ranma, while Mamoru was reminiscing, immediately placed Tuxedo
Betelgeuse on top of the list of people he never wanted to meet.  "Was
there anything _good_ from that life?"

      "Hmm... seems that you've had a secret (as far as the other girls
and Betelgeuse went) relationship with Sailor Algol.  Though I have no
idea who, if she was even reincarnated, that is at this point."

Prolly his mother. :)

      It stopped and noticed a girl in a black and white mini-skirt.

      "Your evil days....  Oh will you stop whining and come out!"

      "I don't want to."

      Seeing that it'll

it would

take more than two senshi to pull her out,

Sailor Deneb sighed.  "Will you please wait for a minute?" she asked
the Youma, who was still waiting for the speech to end, before walking
away.  A few seconds later she was seen dragging a reluctant Sailor
Toutatis onto the scene.  "The other's

others

      Interrupting the speech was the sharp sound of a rose whizzing
through the air, landing in the space between Toutatis and the Youma.

      All looked up and saw a man in a blue suit, wearing a mask though
with no top hat, perched on the roof of a nearby building, his cape
billowing softly in the air.  Giving a slight chuckle, he said, "So it
seems both of my Goddess' and I are fated to be through thick and thin,
as I have always known."  Pointing his cane at the Youma, he shouted
angrily, "Vile demon!  You dare to defile girls so innocent with your
evil ways?  I shall not have it!  Fear not, my loves!  For Tuxedo
Betelgeuse has arrived!"  And with that, the soon to be hero to all
leapt onto the scene--

Ranma is going to kill him the first opportunity he gets.

      But before he could land and deal his punishment, Toutatis' fist
met with his jaw, sending Betelgeuse off into the horizon.

      "You know," she said slowly, so as everyone around her can hear,
"I first became a senshi because I thought it would help out with my
problems."  Grabbing the nearest object, which was the still-motionless
Youma, she began to repeatedly slam it against the ground.  "BUT NO!
All this did was make things worse!  Just.  What.  Did.  I.  Do.  To.
Deserve.  This!"

This?!"

***

      Ranma sighed.  She very much didn't want to be here and in senshi
form.  But protective instincts took over after hearing that the others
were in trouble.

      Scanning the scene around her, Ranma saw that others were barely,
some unable to even stand up, with Tuxedo Mask seemingly in the best
condition of them all.

He was giving speeches from the sideline, no doubt.  Senshi run on words of
encouragement, you know. :)

      Raising a pen above her, Cologne incanted the words to begin her
transformation.

Heh. I didn't even consider her. Thankfully. A pity you did. :P

      "Who," Ranma said, backing away, "are you?"

      Brushing away her lovely locks, she answered, "I'm Tsunami,
Sorceress of Baldscalp.  And you," she said, pointing at the pigtailed
boy, "are our destined warrior...."

Ah, tied it into that old fic, eh? This one was more of a parody, and less
silly and more coherent than that one.

Don't ask how I ended up getting this idea....  Just, don't ask.

I shan't. Like most Lovecraftian monsters, I doubt my sanity could take
seeing it.

Algol - Part of the constellation Perseus.  Means 'the ghoul'.

Arrakis - Part of the constellation Draco.  Means 'dancer'.

Betelgeuse - Part of the constellation Orion.  Arabic for 'the armpit
of the mighty one'.

Deneb - The brightest star in the constellation Cygnus.  Arabic for
'the tail of the hen'.

Gienah - Part of the constellation Corvus.  Means 'wing'.

Toutatis - Asteroid whose orbit is from just inside Earth's orbit to
the main asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.  Named after a Celtic
god.

Cute.

Overall approve. nice parody. Any longer might have been stretching things
too far. You took the idea for all it was worth and it worked. Grammar
flowed well and was very minimal, as it should be since you needed to keep
the humor level high. Can't think of anything else to say.

D.B. Sommer



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