Too big for AOL!?!? An attachment, then.
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: dbcc.txt
Catbert: I don't normally do this.
Dilbert: Do what?
Catbert: Help people.
Me? Giving public C&C?
(Looks out the window as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
ride by.)
Right, then.
A bit less humor this time out:
That's mah line, boy! ^_-
I've been looking for a proper piece to provide C&C for,
and, quite frankly, I haven't found it.
Your stuff's too good. Read through it and couldn't find much
of anything wrong with it. So, I'll be giving a review and commentary
along the way instead.
I'm sure you're crushed, shocked, and bewildered by all this. ^_-
It has been said that everyone has a different review style. Well,
here's mine. Prepare yourself!
Ready?! Fight!!!
(Ringing of the gong)
The Things We Wish For...
"Can I have a bloated wombat for Christmas, Daddy? Please?
Pretty please?!"
Chapter 4
Funny how you manage to churn these chapters--at a very good
quality, I might add--out while I'm stuck at one chapter every
couple of months...
Just goes to show ya, everyone has a different inspiration
rate as well.
Stefan Gagne's Slayers trilogy. Now THAT was a quick piece
of great work there...
At the opposite end of the speed spectrum: Zen. Everyone loves Zen.
I like Zen. He's funny. ^_^
Any and all C+C is appreciated.
I hope this ends up being the right kind. ^_^
You can contact me at
sommer@3rdm.net
Another thing to add to the cc line...
All of my fics are stored at the following:
Larry F's new address at:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/
<plug> That's a REALLY nice site there!!! </plug> ^_^
Or R+C books at:
http://dbsommer.rcbooks.org
Haven't seen that one yet...
And also Angcobra is now storing all of my fics, at
http://dbsommer.web1000.com/dbsommer.html
The more sites the fanfics are located on, the better chance
of getting it seen!
Except fanfic.net. For some reason, I'd feel a bit edgy
putting my stuff on fanfic.net. I don't quite know why...
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the Ranma 1/2
characters. They belong to Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.
Think they're still going to do new adaptations and movies, or
are they pretty much done with what they've got?
Note: I'm now experimenting with using the 'xxxx' to denote POV changes in
the same scene sometimes. I'd just double line breaks, but it isn't obvious
on plain text message like I usually send. If it's too distracting, let me
know and I'll try something else.
Nah, 'xxxxx's are good. 'xoxoxoxox's would be a bit too confusing, and
I've already got dibs on the three-character '---' and '...' scene breaks.
In any case, it's better than changing perspectives mid-scene. It's always
nice to know which character to root for. ^_^
Preface: What's happened before: Akane got her hands on a wish and used it
to wish her mother had never been in a car accident and was alive in the
present. Well, her mother wasn't in an accident, and is with them in the
present, there's only the slight complications that she's there at the ripe
old age of seventeen...
That would mean that she was, perhaps, fourteen or thirteen when she gave
birth to Kasumi. Gosh...
Perhaps I didn't skim through the previous chapters thoroughly enough.
Maybe the Kachiko they got back was before all that...
xxxxxxxxxxxx
It can't be THAT sharply rated, can it? ^_^
The muscles in Akane's back woke up in protest.
Muscles(with signs and marching around): UNFAIR! UNFAIR! UNFAIR!
(flag burning, starvation protests, etc.)
Their complaints lessened
only slightly as she sat up and attempted to massage them from their
uncomfortable slumber. It had been too long since she had slept on the
floor, even with the tatami mat underneath her. It was beyond her how Ranma
could have lived on the road for so long and subjected himself to sleeping
in that kind of discomfort.
Ranma(blinks): You mean it's not normal to sleep in the freezing rain on the
rocky craggs of mainland China? (glares at Genma) Pop!
The next time Akane went shopping, she would
have to purchase some additional padding for the mat he used on the floor.
Akane? Being nice? There was a time that fanfic writers thought she was
nothing more than a heartless mallet-wielding monster...
Then more material became available and people actually READ the series!
That's when things changed: when people stopped relying on past fanfic
writers and started basing things off the actual series. ^_^
Now fully awake, Akane took in her surroundings. She was in Kasumi's room.
Little did she know, when she took a step toward the mirror, that she WAS
Kasumi! During the night, Soun and Genma, conducting one of their bizarre
experiments, had swapped her brain with Kasumi's, and to make matters
worse, a memory transfer device had been employed to switch their memories
as well. So, Kasumi, with Akane's body and knowledge, walked outside to wreak
havok upon the world...
Hmm. That's almost as bad as the age-old pun, "Oh no! Someone broke into
our house and replaced everything with exact duplicates!" ^_^
Now that she thought about it, she had never slept in it before. The handful
of times they had guests, or Akane's room had been rendered uninhabitable
due to everything from leaks to termite infestation, she had slept in
Nabiki's room rather than Kasumi's.
Considering that the alternative would be Soun's room or the Dojo... or
the guest room.
It was probably because they were
closest to one another in age.
Nah. Nabsy's just worse at bargaining with her father than Kasumi. ^_^
Of course, the last time had been over four
years ago, and Nabiki had changed enough since then that Akane felt more
comfortable staying in Kasumi's bedroom.
Wow... Background information that makes everything feel so much more
real.
Gotta have reality, so we can bash it to pieces in the next few
paragraphs. Ahh, tricks of the trade! ^_^
Sleeping in the same room with
someone who had a bad tendency to sell compromising pictures of their sister
for pocket change was never a good idea.
Unless, of course, you can blackmail Nabiki for royalties...
But that's the Otakufic solution. Anyone'd groan at that. ^_^
But the feel to Kasumi's room, as pleasant as it was, still made Akane
uncomfortable.
Maybe it was all the pink frills, or all the ChuChu plushies...
Or maybe it was the Bubblegum Crisis and Shin Seiki Evangelion
posters... Why would Kasumi have such a fixation on Quincy,
Dark Schneider, and Ikari Gendo, anyway?
It was different enough that it bothered her. What Akane
really wanted to do was sleep in her own room, with its own feel, in her own
bed.
...with her own fiance.
Of course, concessions had to be made with her mother returned to them,
and because it was Akane's wish that had set the events in motion (although
now that she thought about it, Kasumi bore some responsibility in the matter
since it had been her suggestion to wish for their mother back), it only
made sense she had to give up her room, but it didn't make her sore back
feel any better.
Oh, sure, blame Kasumi for having your mom back. ^_^
"Why can't she just get back together with Dad the way she was before she
died?" Akane grumbled.
Akane, just find some of those age-switching mushrooms and that'll solve
all your problems. Whether ya make Kachi older or Soun younger, that's
your choice.
One good plot device deserves another. ^_^
As it was, her mother was causing far more trouble
than even the usual visitor to the Tendou household, which was doubly vexing
since her presence should have made everything better instead of worse.
But it is better!
...
If ya count that you've got everyone together now. Sure, there's all
sorts of problems, but that's family life! Surely it was noisier and
messier back before Kachi died, what with all the lil' ones running
around and causing mayhem.
A life without problems is a life without meaning. ^_^
But there was no way around it. Kachiko Tendou had returned, all of one year
older than Akane, and there was simply going to have to be a period of
adjustment.
That's the spirit, Akane! You can take it!!!
Oh, but what an adjustment they were undergoing.
Keeping Kachiko out of Akane's wardrobe has GOT to be a challenge. ^_^
Akane just
hoped Kachiko returned to normal soon.
Normal is such an interesting term. All things considered, it's
always normal, and yet constantly changing...
Back to the status quo? Not too hard. Ranma 1/2 was a pretty stable
continuity, along with Love Hina and many others. It'll take 'em
one--perhaps two volumes. ^_^
She had wished for her mother back, a
second parent figure that she barely remembered, not someone that wanted to
'hang' with her.
Mushrooms, Akane! Use the mushrooms! Set everyone back a decade or
so and things will be just fine. Back to normal, like they were
before your mother died...
Shooting a glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand,
The alarm clock wheezed an fell over when the glance penetrated its
heart, and it made an overly melodramatic show of falling down,
holding a bouquet of roses to its face.
Akane made note of
the time.
"Hmm... Happosai just ran by the front door with all of mom's underwear,
so it must be just past seven o'clock."
It was getting late, and she had to get going. Throwing an extra
bathrobe of Kasumi's over her nightgown, Akane headed toward the bath.
Good idea, the bathrobe. Wouldn't want to walk into the bathroom
and find out that the girl that says she's your mom is really
Pantyhose Tarou in disguise.
Living in a house with two sisters and three other men meant making a sort
of unofficial schedule for when people could make use of the bath in the
mornings.
And anyone who violated said bathing schedule got put to the mallet!
Akane: WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?!!?
Unfortunate one: Why didn't you knock?!
Kasumi was always the first up and finished with it before anyone,
so that was never a problem.
Or so everyone thinks--they never actually _see_ her coming out of
the bathroom. She's really a sinister robot from another dimension,
you know.
Nabiki was second, with Akane third, and the
men in some other order.
Genma: Out of the way, boy! My turn! (tosses Ranma out of the furo)
Right about now Nabiki should be finishing up and
Akane would have free reign for half an hour.
Nope! Now your bathing time's split in half. Unless, of course,
ya wanna share with Kachi.
Upon opening the door to the bath, Akane learned otherwise.
"SWEETO!!"
*GLOMP!!!*
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"Move over."
"Oh yeah?! Red rover, red rover, let mommy move over!!!"
"No, you move over. I was here first."
"First!? Well, I was here second!"
"No, I was here first. It's my house, and you're my child, so you need to
learn to behave and mind your place. Mommies go first."
"Eh?! I distinctly remember that you used to do the bathing. With me."
"Oh, please. You might get Daddy and the others to roll over for you, but
that's not going to work on me."
*CHK-CHK!* "I said move OVER! Unless you wanna go back to the afterlife!!!"
"Sheesh, you're awfully picky about bathtime..."
"I summoned you, and I can destroy you just as easily!"
"All right, all right. I'm not some zombie queen, you know."
"Really? Then what's with the undead things hanging around outside?"
"Those are just my fan club!"
"Fan club. Right."
"Go use the furo and let me brush."
Compromise, Akane! You've done it before!
"I always brush my teeth first, then use the furo."
My, someone's sure set in her ways. ^_^
Akane sighed. It was quite the scene. Nabiki stood clad only in a towel, and
their mutual mother wore only a sleeveless halter top that ended nowhere
near her waist and a pair of pink panties.
And Nabiki was, for some random reason, snapping pictures with her new
digital camera. Was she making so much off of those photos that she
could afford such a thing now?!
Both were armed with toothbrushes
and jostling for position next to the sink. "Can't you two just share it?"
Sharing isn't in their nature. Fighting is. It's genetic. ^_^
"I was here first and want to brush my teeth in peace," Nabiki said.
"...but I offered her my time-share, and she paid up just fine, so
I'm not complaining."
"I'd do it, but there isn't enough room since her hips are nearly as wide as
yours."
You don't need the mirror to brush your teeth, Akane! Surely you've got
it memorized by now...
"They are not."
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Not not not not!"
"Too too too too!!!"
Nabiki breathed a sigh of relief. Things were getting back to exactly
how she remembered them.
"The heck they aren't. All of the clothing you loaned me was just as loose
as Akane's, Hippy." Kachiko used her own hips to push Nabiki to the side
slightly.
Lease your time-share, Nabsy! It'll be worth it!
Nabiki forced her way back to where her previous spot, though her attempt to
bump her mother away proved futile. "And speaking of renting things, exactly
where did you get the money to not only pay for that, but for your new
wardrobe?"
"Cousin Vinnie always has some extra cash on hand."
"Ah, right. Cousin Vinnie. Why didn't you say so?"
"I have my sources."
"Are you tapping them?"
"Some." Nabiki paused to place one card near another, then
turned it over before rolling a pair of dice. "I damage you
for fifteen."
Kachiko held up another card. "Counter." She rolled the dice.
"Looks like you're out for sixty. Pay up."
"Those sources wouldn't happen to be my pockets, would they?"
"What do you take me for? A common thief?" Kachiko tried to hide
what she'd recently filched in a nearby drawer.
"Oh ho! As though someone who would rent clothing to her destitute mother
has the right to accuse her of stealing as well. And by the way, you don't
have a job, so what's your source of income, besides shaking down time
traveling parents, hmm? Maybe I should be the one accusing you of doing
something wrong."
"I'm just doing what you taught me, Mommy!"
"Do as I say, not as I do!"
"Hypocrite."
"You're just BEGGIN' for a spanking, aren't you?"
"I have my sources," Nabiki stated every bit as firmly as her mother had
before.
"Ah, you haven't tapped them yet, I see." Kachiko put down another
card. "That means all of them are mine now."
"Dang it..."
Akane was chilled by just how alike the two girls were, shooting cold glares
at one another.
Like mother, like daughter? Think about it, won't you?
Quickly inserting herself into the fray, before the duo
really started tearing into one another, Akane walked up and said, "Come on,
guys.
"GUYS? Ranma's the one with the weird curse!"
"I, ah, meant it in the general sense..."
We can all get along.
"Can't we all just... get along!?"
(whistles) Things must be getting pretty bad in the Ranmaverse for
someone to plead for everyone to just get along...
We're just under a little pressure from all the
changes we've undergone over the last few days.
Indeed, the gauge on the wall had risen several notches
since Kachiko's return.
We have to make concessions
until we can learn to live under the same roof."
"Peanuts! Popcorn! Milk duds!"
"Not those kinds of concessions!"
"Oh..."
She turned to Nabiki. "Why
don't you let Mom have the sink first, just like you would a guest? Later on
we'll discuss who should get the bath second tomorrow and everything will
run a lot more smoothly."
"Oh, well, if you want to SOLVE the problem, fine!"
Kachiko gave a hard, affectionate slap to Akane's back.
'Least it wasn't to 'er rump, eh?
"Yeah, listen to
your younger, and far more respectful, sister. She knows the proper way to
treat house guests. I can tell who my favorite child is going to be."
(ding-ding-ding!) Let the competition for affection begin!
Kasumi will win. She always wins. ^_^
Akane shifted uncomfortably under the grip. Even coming from someone that
was only seventeen, the words had an odd, almost pleasing, effect on her.
Dear ol' mom, at any age, has got to be a great help.
Except, of course, for the rebellious teenagers. Then again, Kachi IS
a rebellious teenager...
Still, the situation was too odd to truly relax in, so Akane tried moving
away. "Mom, cut it out."
"You're scaring me! NOOOOO!!!" Akane ran screaming into the night.
The words seemed to stir Kachiko in some way as well, and she hurriedly
removed her hand from Akane's shoulder. Turning back to Nabiki, she said,
"All I need to do is finish brushing anyway and then you can have the sink.
In fact, I'll show you my Ultra-Quick Brushing Style."
The argument took fifteen minutes and the brushing took two. Go figure. ^_^
Nabiki said, "No thanks. I don't need to learn how to brush my teeth from
you yet again."
"Oh yeah!?" Kachiko stuffed a mushroom down Nabiki's throat. "Heh. NOW
ya do, Chibi-biki!"
"WAAAH!"
As with everything else in the Ranmaverse (like gender and species), age
is quite flexible.
"But this is the quick way. Give me your brush." Without waiting for a
response, Kachiko snatched Nabiki's out of her hand before she could react.
Tendo School of Martial Arts toothbrushing! Akane, you can use this to
fend of anyone who wants to capture you!
"Hey! Give me that back. I don't want your germs all over it."
Mommie cooties! Eeew! ^_^
"Relax. I've only got one cold sore, so there's nothing to worry about."
_< I HATE cold sores.
Kachiko brandished the toothbrushes in hand, as though there were stubby
daggers of death rather than bristly tools of oral hygiene. "Once, during
the long and difficult journeys of my youth, I discovered a lost temple in
the Himalayas. It was there that I conquered its ancient guardian and
discovered this ancient Indian technique of the obscure, and dangerous art
known as Brush Fu."
Excellent delivery. No complaints whatsoever. ^_^
"You made that up," Nabiki said.
Not in the Ranmaverse, she didn't!
"I did not!" Kachiko insisted. And it was the truth. Of course, she had been
in India because of a school field trip, rather than some exotic training
journey.
And she learned peaceful forms of very deadly martial arts from the Ghandi
clan...
And she hadn't exactly found the temple on her own. It was on a map
Wakaba had given her that listed the temple as being in the deepest, highest
part of the Himalayas.
Okay, I get it. Soun wasn't the mastermind behind the Tendo school of
martial arts. Kachiko was and Soun just sort of picked a few things
up. ^_^
Then again, maybe Soun knows more than he lets on about. Like Yoda
or something. ^_^
Although for some reason the map failed to mention
that the path was prone to avalanches, the constant temperatures were well
below zero, the freak snowstorms were bad enough to cause even the Sherpas
to shun it, and that numerous tribes of carnivorous Yetis frequented the
area.
Not to mention all the would-be pokemon trainers on the way...
And the course on the map actually led to a bottomless pit rather than
a temple, but it wasn't Wakaba's fault the map was slightly off. It turned
out the temple was close by, and it had an ancient guardian too; ancient in
the sense that he was a ninety-year old man who was suffering from
arthritis. But in his prime he had probably been tough. It ended up with the
master of the temple consenting to teach Kachiko the ancient technique of
Brush Fu in return for leaving him alone. When Kachiko returned, Wakaba had
been so relieved that she broke down and cried hard enough that she had to
be sedated.
That was a good delivery. Had it included any fewer sentences, you could
not have possibly sold it and it would've looked bad for Kachi, but with
what you've got, it has just the right level of absurdity.
But there was no need to bother the girls with such minor details.
Of course not. She could do that when she hit sixty. "In my day, I had
to go hunting for martial arts techniques in the himalayas during the
winter, uphill, both ways, in knee-deep snow..." ^_^
"Observe the pinnacle of what one thousand years of training in the art of
brushing can achieve!" Kachiko loaded up the brushes with toothpaste until
it was falling off the sides, then brought them up to her teeth. She smiled
once for the girls, then went to work.
*VRRRRR-VRRRRRRRR!!!* Sounds like a blender or dentist's drill. ^_^
Her hands were two blurs that could have rivaled Ranma's Amagurikan on a
good day. The air was alive with electricity and a hum that made the very
air itself vibrate. The smell of fluoride filled the air, and even Nabiki
raised an eyebrow at the amount of white foam that began to drip for
Kachiko's mouth.
I see Kachi didn't deign to show the bigger techniques to Soun. Either
that or Soun got so laden down with grief after her death that he vowed
never to practice much of anything again...
And as suddenly as it started, the brushing stopped.
And the room was still intact? Amazing. I imagine things got strewn
about a bit...
Akane whistled in appreciation. "I can see where that could be useful. That
took less than three seconds, and you had to have gotten every spot with how
vigorously your hands were moving. I can see where it might be... Mom, why
are you making gagging noises while your eyes are bulging?"
Hmm... Well, at least Akane can appreciate her mom's abilities.
"I think she's choking on one of the brushes," Nabiki said casually.
MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! ^_^
Good follow-up. Good follow-up.
Thinking quickly, Akane grabbed the struggling Kachiko from behind and gave
her a Heimlich Maneuver. The toothbrush went flying across the room.
Did it fly across the room with a German accent?
"You owe me a new toothbrush." Nabiki decided she would skip the brushing
today and started to clean herself off before heading for the furo.
Better than cleaning herself off after soaking in the furo for a while...
"What kind of a stupid technique was that?" Akane said.
Yeah, the Heimlich Maneuver IS quite a stupid-looking technique, but
you can't argue with the results.
"Told you... It was... Dangerous. Only a true... Master... Can use such
techniques... Safely," Kachiko gasped out.
All the more reason to try and master it!!!! A martial artist's life
is fraught with peril! ^_^
"I have enough dangerous things going on in my life without adding brushing
to it," Akane said firmly.
No, she doesn't. She needs to be kidnapped by the Tooth Fairy before
she can say that.
"A true martial artist... Fears nothing," Kachiko rasped out, along with a
good quantity of foam. She wiped her mouth off with a towel, leaving a huge
quantity of foam on it, and headed for the door to the bathroom.
Huge and good quantity of foam... I'd recommend an alternate term for foam
and for quantity. How about 'amount' and 'froth?'
"Mom," Akane protested.
"What?"
"Can I marry Ranma?"
"Absolutely not! *I'm* going to marry him."
"Dang it... MAMA NO BAKA!" *WHAM!*
Akane pointed to her skimpy outerwear. "You shouldn't be walking around the
house dressed like that."
"Why not?"
"Happosai's still staying here. Remember?"
"What?!"
*GLOMP!!!* "Kachi! HOTCHA!!!"
"AAAAH!!!"
Kachiko reexamined her garments. "I suppose you're right. I'm not used to
other guys being around. Dad used to be the only other man here, and I liked
prancing around in my underwear because he thought it was so improper. He
was so uptight it was really annoying. He never let me do anything that
wasn't absolutely 'proper' for a woman. Be happy your old man isn't that
strict. Of course's he's way more perverted than my Father is, still, I
think you've got the better end of the deal." Kachiko exited the room.
Of course, that's sort of understandable, considering who Soun's master
was. ^_^
A moment later, the girls heard a gasp that could only be their father's. It
was followed by an, "Eek! You pervert! Don't look at me like that!" and the
sound of a fist meeting flesh.
Kachi really needs to put things into perspective. Soun, you need some of
them there mushrooms to set things right!
"Yep, some adjustments definitely need to be made, oh sister of mine,"
Nabiki said idly to the cringing Akane as she relaxed in the furo.
"Did you order the age-changing 'shrooms?" Akane asked.
"They won't be here for a week," Nabiki lamented.
"Darn..."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"NO, Akane, you CAN'T see a movie with that rating!"
"Aww, but Mom!"
"No buts. Now go back to toothbrush training!"
"Today's shaping up to be a wonderful day."
Either that was sarcasm, or if it wasn't, she just jinxed it. ^_^
"You need to be more upbeat," Akane told Nabiki. It had taken them longer
than usual to finish in the bathroom, put on their clothing and make up, and
finally head downstairs to the dining room for breakfast.
But the makeup took them the longest, since they had each tried too hard
to hog the tiny mirror.
Akane entered and saw everyone but Kachiko was already present at the table.
She smiled at Ranma and walked over to take her usual position between him
and his father. As she sat down, she found the floor unexpectedly lumpy and
warm.
So she jumped up and down to squish it until it got comfortable again! ^_^
"Damnit, you're too big for my lap! Get off!"
"Back, back, down, down, mine, mine! Mwa-hahhahahahahaha!!!"
Akane nearly jumped in the air. She turned to see her mother had somehow
been quick and agile enough to contort herself into the position between
Ranma and Genma even as Akane had been in the process of sitting down. A low
growl issued from Akane at what had just happened.
Kachiko's purposefully trying to anger Akane, isn't she?
A martial artist that quick ought to see that the place is about to be
taken, and the one who had been in front ought to get the position by
default.
I'm serious! Wars have been fought over less! ^_^
Kasumi cleared her throat. She said to Kachiko, "There's a space next to
Father."
Gotta get 'er acclimated again.
"Good." Kachiko responded, then said to Akane. "There you go. Plenty of room
over there."
Kasumi smiled harder and cleared her throat. *CHK-CHK!* "I SAID: There's
a space next to Father."
Kachiko stared at the gun, wondering how her eldest daughter had gotten
so fast at pulling out firearms. "You'd shoot me? Are there even any
bullets?"
"Mother, the question is not how many bullets there are, or if there are.
The question is: do you feel lucky?"
Akane relented and accepted the seat, decidedly displeased that her mother
was sitting next to Ranma and smiling at him in a way Akane most definitely
did not like. Not that Ranma was doing anything about it either.
A married woman, so unfaithful...
Soun, get some of those 'shrooms, so you can taunt 'er the same way!
As breakfast was served, everyone directed their attention to the newcomer
at the table, who seemed oblivious to it for the most part as she accepted
some food.
And, naturally, the new character is a superior martial artist when it
comes to eating...
Shouldn't it be the typical free-for-all here? (Unfortunately, I'm one
of those that only has the fan fiction to go on, for the most part.
That's why I don't write much Ranma fanfiction. ^_^)
"I'm not sure you attending school is such a good idea," Soun said, staring
longingly at Kachiko.
"Mother," Kasumi prodded. "If you insist on being so cold to Father,
I am going to have to take measures..."
"Measures? What are you talking about?"
"I ordered some special, secret Chinese potions off Amazon.com.
Keep it up, and I'm locking you two in a room and experimenting at
random."
"I need to further my education and get a college degree, since all the
martial arts instructors are getting them. Besides, I want to hang around
people my own age and do the same things they do. And it's where I belong."
Kachiko accepted a bowl of rice offered by Kasumi.
She's still in shock and denial. Time to whack 'er over the head and talk
some sense into 'er. ^_^
"But Mother, instead of spending time in school, you could stay here and get
to know Father better," Kasumi offered.
"No, I don't want to."
*CHK-CHK* "Nonsense. Of course you do!"
"No, I don't."
*BLAM!*
"That was a warning shot, Mother."
"Errrr..."
"All the more reason to go," Kachiko said icily. "Look, we'll just say I'm
your cousin who's a transfer student. And for God's sake, don't call me
'Mom.' I don't want people to think I'm some sort of weirdo."
"I don't think you understand," Kasumi insited. "You will stay here and
get to know Father again." Perhaps her pleasant smile was the
creepiest part of her expression. "Or else."
"People won't think you're a weirdo because we call you Mom," Nabiki
provided.
"Good."
"They'll think you're a weirdo 'cause you're the newest girl after
Ranma."
"URK! How did you know--ah, er..."
"I have pictures. You want them released to the public? Go on ahead to
school. We'll have your face plastered on every street corner in
Tokyo."
"This is blackmail!"
Nabiki smiled back at her mother. "Precisely."
"It'll be for other reasons."
"Like the badger you've got on your shoulder."
"What? B-chan is perfectly normal!"
Kachiko shot Nabiki another glare. She placed her chopsticks into her bowl
and met nothing but the bottom. She looked down to discover it empty. She
stared at it curiously before asking Kasumi for seconds. "Actually, I want
all of you to start calling me Kachi from now on, even when we're outside
of school. This whole 'Mom' thing is really starting to freak me out. It's
like you're my kids or something."
I probably missed something... Either she doesn't believe them about what
happened, or this Kachiko is long before she had children, or...
"Well, DUH, Mom!" ^^_
"All right, Kachi," Soun said happily.
"You can call me Miss Tendou," she started coldly.
I don't really like Kachiko. But I suppose that's my problem. ^_^
Soun's moment of happiness passed and he stared depressingly back into the
table.
Poor Soun! ^_^;;;
Kachiko said, "It's just I want my life to be restored to some semblance of
normalcy."
"Whelp, awl ya'z gots ta dew is take three a' these..." (holds up a mushroom)
"And call me when ya get ta Cleaveland!"
Nabiki said, "I doubt if your life held any semblance of that. On the other
hand, I think you'll fit right in, Kachi."
Things are already back to normal. Kachi's the one in denial. ^_^
"Thanks, I guess," Kachiko said reluctantly. She went to take a bite, and
discovered her bowl empty once again. She hadn't realized she was that
distracted if she finished two bowls of food and not realized it. She got a
third helping, narrow waistline be damned.
Ha-hah! Food battle!
Ranma: Too slow, Akane's mom!
"How are we going to get you admitted?" Ranma asked as he continued
shoveling his own food in his mouth.
"Hah! Like anything else around here. We'll use a Deus ex machina!"
"Deus ex machina?" Nabiki asked, stroking her chin. "I've heard of
those..."
"I have a few upstairs," Kasumi offered. "I'll go get them!"
"We'll just say my transfer information must have gotten lost in the mail.
Then we can slip in later and alter my old high school files and make them
into new ones or something," Kachiko said as though breaking and entering
and falsifying records was as natural as walking down the street.
No, Kachiko! It is pointless to resist. Accept your destiny and take your
place at Soun's side! (Hooo-prrrr!)
"I guess that can work," Ranma finished swallowing the last of his rice.
The last of Kachiko's rice, you mean. ^_^
Kachiko said, "Oops. You have some food on your cheek."
"Here, let me wipe it off for you..."
"No!" Ranma protested while Kachiko licked a napkin and started to wipe
off his cheek. "Sheesh, you really ARE a mom, aren't you?!"
*You're such a sloppy eater, Boy,* Genma signed as he continued helping
himself yet again to Kachiko's bowl of rice while her attention was
elsewhere.
Right. Genma was the only one taking Kachi's rice. Of course... ^_^
Ranma rubbed his left cheek with his arm.
"It's on the other side. I'll get it." She grabbed Ranma by the head and
licked the offending grain of rice from his cheek running her tongue far
below where it lay and continuing long after removing it.
Ranma's gotta start feeling a bit creeped-out by now. ^_^
Akane made a strangling noise. She was about to shout in outrage when a
booming voice at the head of the table bellowed, "RANMA! HOW DARE YOU SIT
BEFORE ME AND SEDUCE MY WIFE!"
Naturally, everyone gets completely the wrong idea and blames Ranma when
it's all the new character's fault. ^_^
A demon head three times larger and radiating an aura or naked rage greater
than any had seen before emitted from Soun. All save Kasumi cringed away
from the aura of raw terror he projected.
"Kachi," Ranma whispered sheepishly, "I think you should stay here with
your husband..."
"Aww, but I wanna be with you!"
So great was the fear that even Ranma found his hair standing on end and his
legs involuntarily moving him to a far corner of the room. His mouth ran on
automatic as she got out, "ItsnotmyfaultshediditIllbelesssloppyfromnowon!"
"What did he just say?" Akane whispered to Nabiki.
"I don't know. I think it was in Elvish..."
"Presley?"
"Yeah..."
The demon head shrank down. "You'd better watch your step, boy. I'm not
putting up with your usual shenanigans," Soun warned. He was going to say
more, but felt the table tremble under his palm.
Shenanigans. That term is only used by very old men who wave canes around
in the air.
He's not doing much to help his position, is he? ^_^
Akane felt the same thing and looked under it. "Mom, I mean Kachi, what are
you doing there?"
Eyes wide with fear, Kachiko said, "I'm hiding from that scary thing. It had
a huge demon head, and looked evil and had a long snakelike tongue. Didn't
you see it? It was a monster."
"Eh? Well, I'd think you'd at least have a sense of humor about it. I
mean, after all, YOU MARRIED HIM!!!"
Nabiki looked under it as well and smirked at the sight. "I thought you said
true martial artists weren't afraid of anything."
"Except cats, first-class demons, forest imps, and clowns. Mimes, too!"
"You've got to draw the line somewhere, and terrifying demon headed things
are over the line. So are tentacle demons." Kachiko shuddered.
"Tentacle demons are WIMPS!" Ranma protested.
"How would you know?"
"I, um, ah..."
Soun finally stuck his own head under the table. "I'm sorry, Kachi-chan. I
just-"
"Keep away!" she screeched and scurried out from under the table and behind
Ranma. "Protect me!" she shoved him forward.
Denial. Definitely in denial. She loves 'em, and she's just afraid to admit
it! ^_^
"I'm the one he's angry at! He likes you! You protect me!" he switched
around so that he was behind her and shoved her forward.
That's the way!
"Be a man!" she grabbed him by the shoulders and thrust him forward again.
He switched them again. "You be a man."
^_^ Nice comeback.
"I don't have a gender curse so I can't be." She ducked behind Ranma.
"That can be remedied!"
*SPLASH!*
"AAAAH!"
Soun burst into tears. "My own wife is afraid of me."
She hates the moustache, Soun. She just can't stand the one
you grew after she died. ^_^
Kasumi tried consoling her father. "Now, now. I'm sure it'll be all right."
she turned to Kachiko as she and Ranma continued jockeying for cover behind
the other. "Mother, Father promises not to do that again in your presence."
*CHK-CHK* "And," Kasumi continued pleasantly, "I promise not to pull the
trigger if you apologize for upsetting him." Her left closed eye twitched
a little.
Kachiko relaxed slightly, now regarding Soun in a more cautious light.
"Well, just so long as he doesn't. That was way too creepy. My hand's still
trembling." She held it up to show them.
"BANZAI!!!" *THWACK!!!* She knocked them all down with that vibrating hand
and made her escape!
"After her!"
"Don't let Mom get away!"
"Well, it's not completely uncalled for," Nabiki said, with a sly smile.
"After all, you did go over the line there. I mean, do you really think it's
proper to lick the face of your daughter's fianc�?"
Good point, Nabiki! Get 'er on lack of ettiquette!
It took a moment for what Nabiki said to register with Kachiko. "What's that
supposed to mean?"
"Well, you see..."
About five manga volumes later...
"This hunk engaged to that tomboy?! I won't allow it!"
Akane gaped at her. "Mother!"
"Sorry, dear..."
With obvious pleasure, Nabiki said, "Oh, that's right. In all the confusion,
no one thought to mention it to you. Ranma's engaged to Akane."
"Yeah!" Akane shot back. "So NYAAAAH!"
A pall that eradicated any lingering vestiges of Soun's aura suddenly seemed
to hover all over the room. The air around Kachiko distorted slightly, and
her eyes narrowed as she was surrounded by an aura of her own rage. And
then, even more suddenly than it formed, the storm broke loose.
"Thare she blows! A hump like a snowhill!"
"AAAAH!!!"
"It's Moby Richard!!!"
"That's insane!" Kachiko wailed in dramatic fashion as she pleaded to the
skies. "Sixteen is too young to be engaged! You have your whole life ahead
of you! No one should be issued a death sentence when they have so much
potential awaiting them! You haven't learned anything yet about the way life
really works. You're still changing and growing into the person you'll go on
to become. It's always a mistake to marry at such a young age. Given the way
marriages during or right after high school turn out, especially with such a
high divorce rate, it'll practically guarantee things will end up doomed.
It'll lead to nothing but misery and woe. I absolutely forbid this travesty
to take place." She slammed her hand down hard enough to nearly crack the
table in half, the look in her eyes an open challenge to those that would
oppose her will..
Look who's talking. Seventeen with three daughters. ^_^
Besides, she's just saying that because she wants to be engaged to Ranma.
And... AND!!! There's no way ANYONE in the Ranmaverse is that sensible
and actually believes such a thing. So, she has to be just making excuses.
^_^
Akane, openly moved by her mother's concern, stepped forward and spoke.
"Mom. It's okay with me." She blushed slightly. "I mean, it's not like I'm
being forced-"
Post manga volume 38, the eventual marriage is all but assured. (I haven't
read much, but that part I DID read.)
"Who said anything about you? I'm concerned about poor Ranma. There's no way
I'll allow him to throw his life away by marrying now."
Yup. She's just saying that because she wants Ranma all to herself. Right
now. ^_^
"Um, I," Ranma started to say.
Kachiko gave Ranma a tearful glance. "You don't want to settle down before
you're ready, right?"
At least she isn't hanging onto his arm and rubbing her cheek against
his shoulder. ^_^
"Umm, well of course I don't want to before I'm ready. But-"
"--but... I AM ready, gosh darn it! Akane, let's get married later
today."
"You got it, Ranma!"
*PHOOMP!* They departed in a puff of smoke.
"Awww!" Kachiko complained. "But I wanted to... Oh, darn..."
Before he could continue, Genma ran up behind his son in order to give him
words of encouragement, as well as a shove in Akane's direction. "But you
have to get married, boy."
And it might as well be to the one that a very famous (AND talented! Can't
forget talented) mangaka has spent so many volumes and seasons getting
him to like.
Soun joined his friend and helped push Ranma from the other side. He nodded
solemnly. "That's right. I'm sorry, Kachi-chan. But Genma and I swore an
oath that our families will be united through marriage. It's a matter of
honor."
That's the way, boys! Show 'er who wears the pants in the family!!!
Kachiko stomped her foot like a petulant child.
I like this description. It suits her so well. ^_^
"No! I forbid it. I'm the
mother here and I have some say in the matter."
"No, you don't. Not until you're eighteen, anyway."
"What?! D'oh!!!"
Being young can have its drawbacks as well...
Soun appeared on the verge of tears from the heated argument with his
beloved. However, the weight of the promise in his heart enabled his resolve
to remain firm. "It is not negotiable. The Tendou and Saotome schools must
be united."
That's the spirit, Soun! Show her who's boss!
"NOOOOO!" Kachiko shouted at the top of her lungs. "I forbid... wait a
second. The schools need to be united. You mean it's not an arrangement
specifically for Ranma to wed Akane?"
"No, it can be to either Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, or even to me."
"Ahah! It can also be to me!"
"No, you're officially declared dead," Genma noted. "I will not have
my boy marry a dead girl!"
"Now you've gone and done it," Nabiki said in a tired voice.
It just depends on how you want the plot to go. I'd say that if you
wanted to complicate things, you could let it go like you've got it...
The plot determines all. ^_^
Hesitantly, Genma said, "Err, well, not exactly. Tendou and I agreed to
unite the families so the schools would be joined. He had three girls at the
time, so it seemed unwise to make the agreement specifically to any one of
them. We wanted to keep our options open."
"Options open?" Kachiko said pensively. "Options open. Yes. Options open."
"I am NOT marrying Akane's mom!" Ranma shouted.
"Yes, you are!" Kachiko replied, locking arms with Ranma. "I'm sure you'll
get to liking me..."
"Akane! Nabiki! Ryouga, even! HEEEEEELLLLPPPP!!! GET HER OFF OF ME!
GET HER OFF OF MEEEEE!!!" Ranma pried around with a crowbar...
Everyone in the room could practically hear the gears of Kachiko's mind
turning.
Then the snapping when she finally gave up and decided to go with the
most direct solution.
Finally, Kachiko came out of her thoughtful pose. Now she bore an expression
brimming with confidence and understanding. "Here's a solution that will
satisfy everyone. I have no argument against the agreement. In fact, I think
it would be a good idea and it has my blessing."
"You heard her, boy!" Genma said. "Hurry up and get married to Akane so
we can finally get this done and I can retire in peace!"
Soun breathed a sigh of relief.
"Wait for it, Daddy," Nabiki warned.
Ominousness. ^_^
Kachiko followed up with, "However, there are some stipulations."
Silence...
"Oh?" Soun said as everyone but Nabiki tensed up.
"The first is that Ranma is allowed to marry whichever girl he chooses."
Dahn-dahn-daaaahn...
No one found they could argue with that. If anything, the room seemed to
take on an air of relief at the reasonable suggestion.
People being reasonable in the Ranmaverse?! NEVER!!! I forbid it!!!
Kachiko smiled beatifically. "And the second is that no marriage will take
place before both participants graduate high school."
"Quiet, girl! The laws say you have no say for at least another year!
My boy's gong to be long married by then!"
That roused Genma and Soun from the air of lassitude that had begun to
surround them. Together, they got out, "But it would be better if it was
sooner."
Do it now! Before it can get interferred with!!!
The cold glare Kachiko shot both men managed to silence even Genma. "No. It
would be better if we wait a couple of years and see what happens. There's
no need to rush into something as serious as marriage. It's not like there's
a time limit or anything. I don't think anyone's ready to be parent here?"
She turned her gaze to the three girls and Ranma.
"Yes!" Akane replied instantly, desperate to assure the marriage she'd gone
through so much to get. "Yes! I wanna have babies!" She grabbed Ranma by
the arm and hauled 'em upstairs to her room, where she put a "do not disturb
sign out front before slamming and locking the door.
Nobody quite knew what to say to that.
Kasumi looked uncomfortable. Nabiki scoffed. Akane blushed furiously and
said, "No way!" Ranma looked as though Ryouga had just punched him between
the eyes as he tried to conceive little versions of him running around
shouting, "Daddy!" His body convulsed once.
Hey! You can get married and wait a couple of years to have kids. A lot
of people do.
Kachiko appeared satisfied at the results. "I'd say all the participants are
in agreement. Oh yes, one last thing. It's a minor matter, really. Since I'm
a Tendou, I'm qualified to fulfill the promise as well."
"Not in this country, you don't! You're already married!"
Soun nodded. "That's understandable and makes sense... What? No! You can't!
Hmm... Was it a mailer error or is there a missing quotation mark?
Kachiko openly scoffed at the statement. "Of course I can. I'm a female of
the species. Single. Heterosexual. Obviously capable of bearing children."
She ruffled Kasumi's hair.
"But she's engaged to ME!" Kasumi cried.
Everyone stared at her.
"Mother," Kasumi added after a moment, "I don't want to have Ranma as
a stepfather!"
"But you're married to me!" Crying full bore, Soun latched onto Kachiko's
leg like a drowning man thrown a life preserver, which he would actually
soon need with the amount of water his eyes were generating. Kachiko
responded by pounding him on the head, trying to pry him off, shouting that
she wasn't a paleontologist so she had no interest in 'Old Fossils' and that
he should release his deathgrip on her leg before she really let him have
it.
"Man," Nabiki muttered, "I'm going to have to bribe some people to get
those mushrooms here faster..."
That signaled an end to breakfast. Everyone else left the room as Kachiko
was forced to drag the sobbing Soun attached to her leg.
So heartless. That's why I don't like 'er (reason two).
But I'm not supposed to like 'er. I'm supposed to watch 'er! ^_^
Her characterization's fine, other than my badly-skewed opinion. Couldn't
be handled better.
Akane and Ranma left together. As they made their way through the house,
Akane asked, "So, do you think Mom's going to get her way this time?"
"Not if I have anything to say about it! It's just that marrying someone
that got brought back from the grave after twenty years is kinda... creepy."
"Probably. Although, now that I think about it, it's probably not such a bad
thing. I think maybe she's right." Ranma stopped and became lost in thought
as he tried to find the right words. He closed his eyes, and tried
visualizing everything as he said it. "I mean, I have to admit, I've always
felt kind of trapped or forced into doing things with my Dad and yours
always pressuring us to get married. But the idea of waiting a while really
appeals to me. It's like no one's trying to force me into something and I
can just take it easy since there ain't a hurry. Don't you think so...?"
Ranma trailed off, finding Akane nowhere in sight.
Eh, you love it, Ranma. Admit it!!!
Kasumi walked out of the Tendo household, holding a cheek to her hand in
concern. "Now, where did I put that deus ex machina? It could cause some
real problems if it got into anyone's head..."
xxxxxxxxxx
A miasma of anger mixed with disappointment shrouded Akane.
Did it have a side order of fries?
She had left
Ranma's side after he said the postponement was a good thing. Not that she
was in a hurry to be married or have kids either, Kachiko was right about
that, but he could have at least had the decency to put up a token protest
about the ultimatum. Instead, he was his usual carefree self without
considering how other people might feel about the matter. Even if said
people were not entirely certain about how they felt.
He could be such a jerk sometimes.
It's not his fault, Akane. Obviously, that's not your real mother. It's
some evil banshee princess that's come to take your beloved away from
you. DESTROY HER NOW!!!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ranma whistled at the rating of the movie. "Now, should I invite
Kachi to that one, or the new Pokemon movie?"
Ranma walked along the top of the fence, fully aware of the wall of silence
that had somehow risen between him and Akane as the two of them, and
Kachiko, made their way to school. Evidently Akane didn't feel the same way
about the delay that he did. Sure, she had been willing to marry him once,
but one of the reasons he had not pressed the issue about marriage even
after the wedding was disrupted was because somewhere deep down inside he
felt the timing was off.
Now he starts to justify it. ^_^
Kachiko had been right on the money when she said
marriage at sixteen was too soon. There was plenty of time for that sort of
thing later in life, when he didn't have school, constant training, people
harassing him left and right, and the rest of the chaos his life held to
distract him from the importance of family life.
By the time he gets around to it, he'll be three centuries old and enshrined
as the greatest waffler in the known universe. ^_^
Regardless of how his father had raised him and how well he had turned out,
*Smirk* ^_^
Ranma wasn't going to do things the same way. Settling down in marriage and
having children was important and all-consuming, and if he was going to be
married, it wasn't so he could run off with his child for a decade or so and
leave everything else behind. On the other hand, maybe if he married now, in
five or ten years he would want to run away, like his father had, and live
on his own with only a child in tow. There were times during the very worst
of moments when he felt sort of trapped in his situation with all the other
girls and rivals hounding him.
Eh, he likes it. What'd life be without constant challenges? Boring, that's
what. If they were to suddenly stop, he'd hunt 'em down and ask 'em why.
Either that, or the series would end...
Those times usually passed quickly, since in
his eyes things being boring would have been far worse to deal with, but his
mind could grasp the edges of the concept of what being married and settling
down in one spot for the rest of his life right now would be like. He
thought he just might be able to empathize, however slightly, with how his
father felt being married and tied down and why he would have left the woman
he loved for so long.
Right about here is when he should break down, snap, scream, and run off to
the mountains to become a turtle hermit. ^_^
He's thinking too hard. That can't be good.
And the idea that Ranma might feel the same way at any
point in his life disturbed him. So with unusual seriousness, he considered
the matter and felt it would be best to hold things off until he was certain
he was ready to settle down for good. He didn't need any further
complications like that now. In a few years, who knew.
Wussie! There's no time like the present! Go for it!!! ^_^
Akane was just going to have to deal with it. He would have discussed it
with her, but he had no idea where to begin, wasn't comfortable with sharing
the serious feelings (with her or anyone), and knew she wouldn't take it
well no matter how reasonable it was. So he let the matter alone, confident
things would return to normal, like they always did.
Yup. Back to the status quo, at the end of each episode, usually. Ignore the
problems and they'll go away.
It was ironic that someone who had otherwise caused him nothing but grief
since her arrival had finally done something in his favor, even if Kachiko's
motives were stemming from her own interests rather than his, regardless of
what she claimed. What made her worse in some ways was that he couldn't deal
with her they way he could others because of the connection to the Tendou
family, as well as the fact that until a couple of days ago she was dead.
Gotta be at least a little creepy. You'd do her a favor to let her mind
settle back down. She's still in shock. Any decision she makes should
be considered suspect.
Even he could sympathize with being given a second chance under those
conditions. It was just a pity she wasn't directing her attention to Mr.
Tendou instead of himself.
"I know! I'll get 'em some age-changing mushrooms! That'll help solve
things..."
Who's to say Soun wasn't all debonair and smooth-talking when he was
younger? ^_^
Still, with Kachiko actually helping him for a change, maybe it was a sign
of things to come, and that she wouldn't be causing him any more problems.
Ranma, by that thought process, the curse is now upon you.
"Ranma, why are you walking on the top of the fence?" Kachiko asked.
"To get away from you. Undead people creep me out. Akane, got any
crossbows?"
"Balance exercise."
"Oh." she said, then lashed out with her right, striking one of the fence's
supports just as Ranma put his full weight on it. The blow was enough to
bend the metal forty-five degrees. Gravity took over from that point, and
dumped Ranma into the water of the canal running alongside.
"Nice move, Creskin!" Ranma yelled sarcastically from the canal. "While
you're at it, why don'tcha stab me in the back and try to get me engaged
to you! Oh wait, you already did!"
That's certainly going to endear her to him. ^_^;;;
"It's not working very well," Kachiko said in all earnestness.
Another reason why I don't like her (number 3). Too smug. That's
my job.
But the near-immediate retribution more than makes up for it. ^_^
Ranma dragged her drenched person out of the canal, spitting water out along
the way. She raised her fist in Kachiko's direction. "What'd you do that
for?!"
"To prove my superiority over the nearest male. Why? Didn't you see that
it's eight o'clock?"
"Testing your balance." She walked ahead past the damaged section of the
chain-link fence, and nimbly jumped up to the top. She proceeded to walk
backward effortlessly along it. "You failed, by the way."
"You remind me," Ranma began, "of a very young Cologne..."
Ranma jumped over the fence and onto the street next to Akane. Now his
fiancee's ire was replaced with some measure of sympathy, and she handed
Ranma a handkerchief. The cursed-girl used it to dab at her face.
That's the way! Get the happy couple back together!
"So what's the school like nowadays?" Kachiko asked as she continued walking
backward.
At least she isn't showing off some deft level of acrobatics to further
demonstrate her superiority.
Ranma shrugged. "It's school. They teach boring things. You talk with
friends. Your enemies harass you. The usual. Oh, the principal's a major
nutcase. He's got a Hawaiian fetish, makes up stupid rules, and is always
trying to cut your hair short. Worse, he's a Kunou."
And Kachiko brags that she's had worse... "In my day, kiddo, we used to
have real TYRANTS for principals. N' they used ta FLOG us daily, and that
was if we were good. If we were bad, they'd lock us in solitary, for
THREE WEEKS without food, water, or sunlight... MAN, back then, they knew
how to keep us straight..."
That perked Kachiko's interest. "The principal's name is Kunou? You mean
they finally got rid of Principal Faust?"
Should've been good ol' Principal "Dark" Schneider. Eh, well, Vader's
already taken. ^_^
Akane and Ranma looked at each other. Akane shrugged. "I've never heard of a
Principal Faust. Principal Kunou has been in charge since Kasumi was there.
I don't know who was there before."
"Ever hear of Ming the Merciless? Well, he was worse."
Kachiko seemed surprised, then visibly brightened at the statement. "Wow. I
didn't think they'd ever get rid of Principal Faust."
"Oh! Now I remember," Akane said. "Faust was the one the UN sent a task force
in to take out. Carpet bombed the area and stuff. Then they rebuilt the
school and put Principal Kuno in charge."
Seeing her distracted, Ranma at last acted on her plan. The redhead pointed
directly behind Kachiko and shouted, "Look! It's Haley's Comet!" Then hit
the support Kachiko had been standing on.
*Applause* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! Way to go, Ranma!!! That's how
ya do it!!!
Akane rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Ranma, no one is stupid enough to fall for
that-"
If Kachiko IS stupid enough to fall for that, my respect for you as a writer
will increase tenfold.
*Splash*
Woo-hoo! ^_^
The two looked at the disturbance in the canal where Kachiko's body had hit.
In her place, they saw a soaking Pantyhose Tarou...
"Mom?!" Akane shrieked in fright. "You're really Tarou!?"
"Yes, Akane. I _am_ your mother! Mwahahahahahahahaaaa!!!"
"All right, maybe Mom, I mean Kachi, is stupid enough to fall for it."
Go ahead and call 'er Mom. Remind her where her place is. ^_^
The two waited for Kachiko to surface and begin cursing at Ranma. Fifteen
seconds passed, and the last of the ripples had disappeared when the pair
realized something was wrong.
And she can't swim, either! Good job! ^_^
If ya can't take it, don't dish it out!
"Looks like we know who you inherited your buoyancy from," Ranma said as she
leaped over the newly ruined section of fence and into the water.
"No more 'built like a brick' jokes, okay?!"
Akane had reached the shore of the canal by the time Ranma surfaced with
Kachiko tucked firmly under her arm. She made it the rest of the way, Akane
helping with the burden and placing Kachiko's limp body on shore.
Nah, Kachi's just faking it so she can do mouth-to-mouth with Ranma.
Unfortunately, she forgot that Ranma's a girl right now. ^_^
Ranma looked down at the motionless girl. "Umm. she might need
mouth-to-mouth. I think it would be a really bad idea if I-"
DO IT!!! DO IT!!!
"Yes, it would be," Akane confirmed. She went to her knees next to Kachiko's
head and bent over.
No! It's a great idea, Akane! Ranma's a girl right now!
It was at that moment that Kachiko sat up lightning quick, shouting "But I'm
not a lesbian!" Her head impacted with Akane's hard enough to knock the bent
over girl backwards and onto her bottom.
Keeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaacccccccccccckkkkkkk!!!
Then, magically, Akane and Kachiko had switched bodies...
"HAHA!" Kachiko yelled in triumph. "Now you HAVE to marry me!"
Oh, wait, that's the Monkey Headbutting fanfic... ^_^;;;;
Seeing Akane was only momentarily dazed, Ranma turned her attention to
Kachiko, who was obviously out of sorts as well. "Are you all right?"
Well, considering that she's still in shock from being brought back from
the dead and displaced in time, I'd imagine she'll be out of sorts for
quite some time now. ^_^
It took several blinks for Kachiko to focus on Ranma. "Yes. That was
strange. One second everything was fine, then all of a sudden the world
seemed to lose focus and I got dizzy. The next thing I knew you were fishing
me out of the water."
It's temporal/destiny mechanics, Kachiko! You're trying to die and make
everyone feel sorry for you again!
Well it won't work! They're keeping you alive and making you get back
together with your husband whether you like it or not! Wouldn't be
proper otherwise.
"What was that bit about not being a lesbian?" Akane asked, her
sensibilities returned.
"Well, maybe I am, but just a little. Only enough to like Ranma, whatever
form he's in. Really. No more than that. Why are you looking at me like
that?"
Kachiko made a face that promised violence for someone. Through gritted
teeth. "I was remembering this Grade-A bull dyke named Yumi that used to go
to school. She was pure evil, always trying to come up with ways to trick
girls into kissing her and making them as perverted as she was. She was
always causing trouble. She hit on me constantly."
"Did you go out with her?"
"No! Well, once. Twice. Okay, fine! I went out with her three times a week
and I got to know her parents and extended family, but it didn't go any
further than that. No, this isn't an engagement ring in my pocket!"
"Okay..."
"Well, we don't have anyone like that," Ranma assured her. "Plenty of jerks
at school, and energy draining teachers, but no lesbians trying to trick
girls into kissing them."
"Except for that one girl, but we'll never run into--"
"Akane-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! How are you?"
"Eeek!" Akane shrieked. "Hide me!"
"I can deal with anything, as long as I don't have to fend of the advances
of women." Kachiko said. "By the way, how did I end up in the water?"
"Well, since you're as much if not more of a tomboy than Akane, I'd still
worry about that."
"You, ah, fell in," Ranma said.
"Actually, I kicked you in. And I'm glad. GLAD, I tell you. Mwahahahaha!"
Ranma ran off, laughing maniacally to herself.
Kachiko looked at the fence she had been standing on right before everything
went dizzy. "No doubt because the defective metal the post I was standing on
just happened to give out as I crossed it, right Ranma?"
"No! I take full credit--er, responsibility!"
"Nonsense, someone as nice as you wouldn't do that to me... It just gave out."
"Sounds good to me." Ranma put on her best poker face.
Kachiko punched her in it.
I take that to mean that Kachiko punched Ranma's poker face. I understood
it and all, but still, it seemed a bit oddly phrased...
She then whipped out a small notebook and spoke
aloud as she scribbled in pencil, "Can't lie worth a damn." And replaced it
within her blouse.
"And YOU want to marry me?" Ranma asked incredulously.
"Of course," Kachiko replied. "I need a puppet husband to help me complete
my conquest of the world with my undead minions--er, did I say conquest
with undead minions? I mean, I want to open a chain of fast food restaurants.
Yes, that's it."
"Hey, you knocked me into the water first!" Ranma protested.
"He's right, Mom. I mean Kachi."
He is right! I declare it to be so!
"It's different when a girl knocks a guy in the water than when a guy knocks
a girl in the water. Everyone knows that."
That's generally true, but when they're as stuck up as Kachiko, who wants
all the glory and power of a mother without the responsibility... It can
be overlooked in this case. ^_^
The point at which tormenting Kachiko is no longer any fun is when she
starts crying. Unless they're crocodile tears, in which case, the teasing
must continue.
"Oh, good point," Akane said.
No it isn't.
"It is not!" Ranma shouted.
Darn right! ^_^
Kachiko gave a laugh, one that was reserved for people watching small dogs
try to chase cars in vain. "Of course it is."
Well, Ranma can kinda, sorta use the girl defense on this one, if he so
desired. Physically, it was a girl that just knocked Kachiko off the fence...
But Ranma'd never admit it.
Akane nodded in solemn agreement. "Ask anyone. They'll tell you."
Ranma just has to find someone who has no problem doing just that and
then he can honestly say, "Not everyone believes that."
Of course, he'll have to look among the more hardened villians, but still,
he could find someone.
"It's not the same thing!" Ranma insisted, but it was to no avail as the
girls, confident in having made an unarguable point, continued on to school.
Two girls against one boy, sort of. ^_^
"I'll prove it!" she shouted at their ever dwindling forms. Ranma looked
around until she spotted someone that could answer the question. "Hey, you!"
Random person. You've got to be more selective than that, Ranma!
"No time to talk. Little Azusa is late for school." Azusa speeded along
<Shampoo> Aiyah! Azusa speeded along without punctuation?! I kill! </Shampoo>
Either it's some funky problem in the mailer, or a section of the sentence
got forgotten in the revision stages.
Azusa sped by them.
Thinking quickly, Ranma dug around her pocket until she came up with what
she had been searching for. She held it high above her head for Azusa to
see. "I'll trade you this really, really cute thing if you'll answer a
question."
Ranma keeps cute things in his pockets for just such an emergency? Good
work! ^_^
Azusa turned on a dime, picked it up, named it Marcelle, and skated up to
Ranma.
Very appropriate. I like this sentence. I'll take it home and name it
Jean Luc.
She looked at the item he held. "It's just a bottle cap."
That was unexpected. "Err, it's a cute bottle cap."
That's the way! Gotta convince people that it's worth it, 'cause cute
things can get away with anything!!!
"It's rusty. Rusty isn't cute. I'm going to school."
"Rusty IS cute! Haven't you seen it in the newspaper?"
"Aw come on. I'll give you something else cute if you answer a question for
me."
"Like dat widdle piggy gnawing on your foot?"
"Uhh... Yeah!" An evil gleam came to Ranma's eye as he picked up Ryouga.
"I'll give you the 'widdle piggy...'"
Azusa made a circle around Ranma, looking over her the way a vulture might
examine a man lost in a desert and fifty miles from the nearest oasis. She
said, "Okay. If Azusa can have Louis, she'll answer your question."
^_^ Appropriate comparison.
Ranma nodded, happy to finally win by making her answer the question. "Is a
girl knocking a guy in the water the same thing as a guy knocking a girl in
the water?"
"Hmmm... Only if I didn't like the girl."
"Haha! Yes! I knew it!!!"
"Don't be silly. Of course not. Everyone knows that. Come along, Louis."
It'd have been better if she could have been asked to explain why it's not
the same. ^_^
"But it is the same thing! They aren't different in-- Hey! Give me back the
drawstring on my pants!"
At least Azusa hasn't gotten into underwear theft yet. ^_^;;;
"You said Little Azusa could have Louis, and now she does. Bye-bye."
She's got a point there.
Ranma lunged at the diminutive skater, but she darted into the busy street
to avoid the clutching grasp. Ranma tried to pursue, but her pants fell to
her ankles and she tripped over them, falling facefirst into a pile of gooey
mud. She remained motionless.
Naturally, things go badly for Ranma. ^_^
"This just ain't my day," she complained to the ground.
Cue the additional effects...
There was the sound of two vehicles colliding. A moment later a voice
shouted, "Oh no! That container full of deadly snakes just broke open."
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Ranma found the energy to pull her face out of the mud. Sure enough, a small
army of serpents was heading right for her at eye level. "Nope, not my day
at all."
^_^
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hmm," Akane began, while looking at the rating on the school movie. "It
says here I'll need a signed permission slip from my parents... Mom, can
I go?"
"Sure!" Kachiko replied, signing the slip, then signing her own. "I'll
go with you."
"Waiwai!"
"And there's no concertina wire along the top of the wall either."
There she goes again, bragging about how bad things were in her day...
She'll probably get bored at this school.
"No, M... I mean Kachi."
"Eh, what the heck. You can call me Mom. It's not like anyone'll notice."
"Highly trained, genetically enhanced, intelligent guard dogs?"
"Only a couple in the basement. The principal keeps them well-shaved."
"None of those either."
"Lasers to fry anyone trying to escape the school grounds?"
"You're thinking of Tomobiki High. The districts got rearranged after
the aliens started blasting the school buildings."
"Oh! That's right, I wonder why I didn't think of it before..."
"No."
"Things sure have changed around here."
The more things change, the more they stay the same...
While Kachiko stood in the middle of the school yard, taking in all of the
changes since her days of attending Furinkan, Akane turned to see Ranma, now
male, had finally rejoined them. "What kept you?"
"Snakes. Lions. Tigers. Bears. Happosai. Enough said."
"You know, the usual," Ranma said casually.
Kachiko turned as well. "Hey, I like the belt and vest, but I'm not so sure
about the boots. Are those snakeskin?"
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! Good recovery for Ranma. ^_^
"Yeah."
Akane said, "Um, Ranma, you look a little puffy."
"Yeah, I know you think I'm cute and all..."
"It's just the snake venom. Don't worry. It'll pass."
Good ol' comically damage-resistant Ranma. ^_^
It's sad that so many fanfics ignore this angle and have
him die of cancer or some other rather un-funny malady.
If he's going to die, it might as well be due to some
alien disease that causes random mutations that he continuously
shrugs off. "Eh, I've had worse." ^_^
Just as Akane was about to say more, the familiar form of the Principal
popped up before the trio. "Aloha everybody."
*BZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!* The electric razors got fired up...
"Aloha," Kachiko said merrily. "I didn't know they had cruise directors at
the school."
Compared to what she's had before, that's practically what she's getting.
"That's the principal," Ranma said dryly to Kachiko.
Kachiko considered that. "It's still an improvement over fascist dictators."
"Wait for it..."
The Principal turned his full attention to Ranma. "I be given ya da good
news first, my little keike."
At least he isn't acting Jamaican. ^_^
"If you're bothering me with it first, that means it's something
extraordinarily bad," Ranma retorted.
Ranma? Insightful? Naah. ^_^
"Be showing a little more faith, Mr. Saotome. I be getting de great
inspiration on how to raise de school spirit and showing support for
Furinkan."
"And just how's that?"
"We have ya dress up in dis hula skirt and dance ya across the halls."
*SPLASH!*
"AAAH! COLD!"
"Here's ya skirt. Get ta dancin'."
The Principal whipped out a needle and some jars of dye. "We be giving all
the little keikeis tattoos to be showing their loyalty to de school. Here's
what they be looking like when they're done." The principal rolled up his
sleeve and showed them the tattoo on his bicep. It showed a picture of the
Principal's smiling face with the letters 'Furinkan Forever' directly above
it.
Oh. That's not so bad. It'll only take a laser treatment and horrific amounts
of scarring to get it off. Practically a walk in the park for the Ranma
cast...
Akane backed behind Ranma as he recoiled in horror at the image. "No way am
I getting that hideous thing put on my arm!"
"Your arm? No, we be puttin' dis full on ya back!"
The Principal brandished his tools like they were hair clippers. "Don't be
so reluctant. All de keikeis be getting de ink done nowadays."
"Ranma," Kachiko said, "if you get that on your arm, I'm not marrying you?"
"You're not!? Great! Sign me up, Principal Kuno!" ^_^
"No way!"
Ranma met the Principal's lunge with a boot to the face.
"Dan Dan Boot To The Head!"
Showing more
resolve than usual, the Principal continued to press the issue, trying to
put the tattoo anywhere on Ranma's body.
Gotta get the job done. School spirit's important. Wouldn't be proper otherwise!
As the fight began in earnest, Kachiko backed away and assessed things with
a critical eye.
Sure, assess it all you like, but it's your turn next!!!
The Principal might have appeared the buffoon, but he had
some measure of skill. Ranma was the real object of her attention, though.
Of course he is. ^_^
She could practically feel the power within him, and there was no doubt he
was holding back, most likely for the Principal's sake. She hadn't realized
he was that good. That made her a bit wary. She was used to being the top
dog around school, and very much liked that position.
That would explain the haughty manner she's been handling everything so far...
Just because you're handling her characterization perfectly well doesn't
mean I have to like 'er. ^_^
She had automatically
assumed that would be the case here as well. The idea that Ranma might be
stronger irked her, even if she did like him. Martial arts and romance were
two different things.
Not in this series, it ain't!
Still, strength was different from skill, and she had
encountered people with more raw power than her.
But they were all eight-ton orc Uruk-Hai wizard barbarians with enchanted
rings, possessed by first-class demons...
It was tactical skills,
adaptability, deception, and ruthlessness that were the keys to victory,
especially when it came to powerful opponents.
WRONG! It's love and na�vet�. That always beats an opponent, no matter
how powerful!
She'd just have to come up
with something to counter Ranma's superior power when the time came for that
rematch he'd been harassing her for.
Love and na�vet�! Dye your hair blonde and start wearing a lot of white!
And learn to be more clumsy!!!
If you can hone incompetence to such a point, then, if Einstein is to be
believed, your power comes back around to invincibility!!!
You'll never get anywhere unless you get people to love you!
Kachiko's attention was so totally focused on studying Ranma's style that
she failed to notice the man approaching until he was next to her. Suddenly
she found her vision blocked by a taller, intruding form.
*Dahn-dahn-dahn...*
"Can it be?" he said
"Can it be?" he said, rising over Kachiko and Akane like a skyscraper built
at stop-motion-photography speeds.
Caught off guard, Kachiko looked around to see if he might actually be
asking someone else, but she was the only one present. "Can what be what?"
"Can it be that I, Tatewaki Kuno, have misplaced my bokken? Surely you have
seen it...?"
"Can it be that I have suffered a blow to the head and am seeing double, or
is it that I have been blessed with not one, but two Akane Tendous?"
"Not yet," Ranma said, leaping into the air. "But it is now!"
*WHAM!!!*
"Oh, that," Kachiko said. "Actually, my name is Kachiko, but you can call me
Kachi. The strong resemblance I have to Akane is because I am her cousin,
and definitely not because I'm her mother who traveled through time and
ended up stuck here because of a wish."
I like it when people phrase things like that. It's fun. ^_^
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Ranma heard Akane gasp.
Ranma looked over and saw Akane examining a movie poster. He whistled.
"Wow, that IS surprising. How'd they get a rating like that?"
Since something potentially important might have
come up, he finished off the Principal, and turned to see what had caught
her attention. "Oh, crap. We should have seen this coming."
It's all part of the plan!
"Ranma, make him go away. We shouldn't be letting Kunou harass Mo... Kachi."
"It's good for her! Lets her feel some pressure for once."
"Aw, come on. She can handle him."
"But I don't want her thinking everyone in the school is as much an idiot as
him."
"Well, they are, aren't they?"
"Yes, but--"
"So, let it go. Maybe it'll give her a chance to think that staying home
with your dad isn't such a bad idea."
"Hey, you're right..."
"Don't worry about it. There's only one Kunou, thankfully. And besides, if
he's bothering her, that means he's not bothering you."
Only one? He's got a dad and a sister. ^_^
"Well, there is that," Akane admitted.
Yes! Take the reprieve while it lasts!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!"
Unaware of the conversation, Kunou continued gazing down at Kachiko. "Of
course, no fair maiden such as yourself could be the mother of any child.
Pristine and pure, you are like the driven snow, untouched and unsullied."
"But I am. Really. I'm also a zombie that's been brought back from the
dead to raise my legions to take over the world. Say, you're kinda cute. How
would you like to be captain of my skeleton warriors?"
He latched onto her hand, holding it up to his chest. "Can you feel it? My
heart racing like the gentle beat of the birds as my eyes bask upon your
beauteous form?"
Kachiko stood motionless, her mouth agape.
She's a sucker for some good poetry. I'll bet Soun used to recite it to
her all the time before he got embittered by her death. ^_^
Kunou went from holding her hand to his chest, to clasping it in both his.
Invite her out!!! Invite her out!!!
He looked down at her, his eyes tearing as he said, "A fierce lioness of
passion such as yourself is almost too much for my countenance to bear. Were
I to be struck blind at this moment, I would be grateful, for it would mean
the last sight I beheld on this earth would be you."
"Your wish is my command!"
*THWACK!!!*
He backed off, and looked forlorn at the sky. "Your Beauty. The Winds. The
Oceans. My Passion. All the same: Relentless."
Forlornly perhaps? Or are we being poetic here? In poetics, normal rules
of adverbs and syntax do not apply. ^_^
"Was that poetry?" Kachiko asked as she stared at the youth in disbelief.
"Nope! I read it off the back of a cereal box. Here, would you like some?"
"Nay, for there are no words that can do your beauty justice. All they might
do is describe its effect upon me." He raised his bokken to the heavens. "I
woke this morn without hope, but now I see that it was but the first day of
the rest of my life, one to be filled with joyous rapture for all of my
existence!" He grasped Kachiko firmly by the shoulders. "What say you to
this, oh Angel of Elegance? Would you bless myself with your presence for
eternity?"
"Er, yes! Would you marry me?"
"But of course, Gift from the Heavens..."
"Waiwai!"
Three failed relationships later...
"Man," Ranma commented, "I can't believe your mom divorced your dad... and
married mine!"
Ranma and Akane winced slightly as Kachiko drew back and said...
Something positive, naturally.
"Oh wow! That's so cool. No one's ever made up poetry about me before. Oh
sure, some guys try it, but all they manage to do is stumble over themselves
and only get out 'You're cute' or something else that anyone can say. But
you do it so well it's really sexy. And you're good-looking too. Do you have
a girlfriend?"
That's the way! Ranma, Akane... Leave 'er be!
The reaction stunned Ranma and Akane as well as making them recoil in
horror.
I get this image of that one nosferatu vampire thing from a certain early
1900s German video, recoiling at the light...
"This can't be happening," Ranma said.
"I refuse to believe it," Akane seconded.
Believe it! Annoying new character comes, and falls in love with the
original character everyone else hates. I like that kind of story,
actually. ^_^
"She's setting him up to kick him in the balls or something."
"No member of my family, especially not my mother, can possible think Kunou
is anything but an idiot."
Maybe she's got a certain amount of na�vet� after all... She may yet be
able to beat Ranma!
"She can't think he's cute. She said she thought I was cute!" Ranma
protested.
"Well, it just goes to show you: there's no accounting for taste. And
no way to know if anyone else has any."
Akane punched him in the head. "You're missing the point here! My mom thinks
that idiot among idiots is attractive and datable material."
"And she thinks the same about me... HEY!"
"And she said she thinks I'm cute. Which means in her eyes Kunou is equal to
me. Or worse, since she met him after me, that he's even cuter than me. I
refuse to stand for that kind of insult!"
It's not about setting things right now. It's a matter of pride and competition
to see who's the cutest now. ^_^
That earned him another smack. "That's not what I'm saying, though I admit I
can't understand it either. Think of it this way. Worst case scenario.
Horror story stuff. Let's say they hit it off really well and things result
in her... I can't believe I'm actually saying this, marrying him."
They're just jumping to conclusions here. Actually, that's quite in character.
Good job. ^_^
Ranma shuddered. "That is horrible. Three Kunous in the world is more than
enough."
And worse: when they start having children... Lots of half-brothers and
sisters. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
"It gets worse. And then you marry into our family. Three words for you:
Father-in-law."
Ah, the in-laws. Well, it can't be much worse than having Genma as a
father in law, can it? ^_^
Ranma held his hands to his head screamed at the top of his lungs.
Correct response.
Akane trembled in rage. "Mom doesn't understand the situation. She's still
disoriented from her time-travel.
Indeed she is! I couldn't agree more.
I can't let this atrocity happen. Not at
any cost." Akane rushed forward to put a stop to things.
There are worse things that could happen. I can't think of any, but I'm
sure there are worse things...
Events between the two had gone far enough for Kunou to be gazing deep into
Kachiko's eyes and saying, "I would date with you."
DO IT!!! DO IT!!! DO IT!!!
Kachiko turned her head shyly away. "I'm not sure if I have any openings in
my busy schedule. Let me-" she found her hand ripped out of Kunou's. "What
are you doing?"
Ranma! At least it'll keep ya from having to worry about another girl after
your affections!
Unless he enjoys having so much attention...
"I can't let this farce go on anymore." Akane inserted herself between Kunou
and the object of his ardor. "You stay away from her, Kunou, or so help me,
you'll answer to me."
Yes, prevent the atrocity. Or let it happen. I'll be happy either way.
Kunou brushed his hair back dramatically. "I see, fair Akane Tendou. You are
jealous of the attentions I am lavishing upon your cousin, who is clearly
not your mother. Fear not. There is room in my heart for you as well. I
would date you both!"
Nice to have such an open view, eh? ^_^
Akane gave him an uppercut that prevented him from embracing her.
Kachiko looked at Akane curiously. "So, you're dating Kunou-chan too?"
"Only on Wednesdays!"
"Absolutely not!"
"Then I can have him?"
"Yes! I mean... NO!"
"Absolutely not!"
"My, you're a greedy little thing, aren't you?"
"I'll sell him to you for ten thousand yen..."
"Nabiki, what are you doing here!?"
"I am not! I'm trying to save you from making a mistake."
"What do you mean? Does he have some kind of communicable disease?"
"Maybe. He's got a minus ten Brain of Stupidity, if ya catch my AD&D
drift..."
"No, at least, I don't think so. Stupidity isn't contagious. But you don't
know him like I do. He's completely deluded."
"Not that deluded. He thinks I'm attractive."
"My point exactly."
"He's arrogant."
"I like men that are a self-assured. It's the soft-spoken basketcases that
bore me. Give me someone who's confident in himself any day of the week."
Good point. Confident people tend to be more fun to be around than submissive
types. Even if they are mentally unstable some of the time.
Even horrifically ugly people can get to be well-liked if they've got
confidence. Just look at Danny DeVitto. ^_^
"He won't take no for an answer."
"I like persistent men. It means they're really interested in you instead of
just passing the time away."
DATE 'EM, KACHI! DO IT!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!
"He's completely insincere. Sure, he says he likes you, but in the same
breath he'll say he likes me and someone else. You heard him just now."
He's just locked in a fantasy world. Pay it no mind. ^_^
"So he likes playing the field. I can respect that. There's no reason you
can't date more than one person at the same time, unless you're serious
about someone. Have you been on a date with him?"
"Well, if you want to date him so much, then do it! I don't care anymore!"
Akane stormed off.
"Of course not!"
"Then why would you expect him to chase only after you if you keep rejecting
him?"
"I don't want him to chase after me!"
"Then why are you concerned about who he says he likes besides you?"
Ya see, it's circular logic! Right proper, it is! ^_^
"It's the principle involved."
*Da-dum-thwish!*
A man wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt and a palm tree on top of his head
popped up between the girls. "Dat's right. I be involved since it be my
Little Tachi we be talking about. Now, either of you little wahines want a
tattoo?"
"If it means dating this guy here, then STRAP ME DOWN, Mister Principal!!!"
Akane punted him far away. "Now is not the time for stupid puns."
It's always the time for stupid puns. Hasn't she noticed?
The other member of the Kunou family that was present quickly took his
father's place. "Akane Tendou, there is no need for this jealousy. Your
cousin, who is not your mother, is clearly not at fault, and it would pain
me to be the cause of a rift between such close members of a family. As I
said, I would be more than happy to date you both."
Then Akane and Kachiko take the challenge, dating Kuno simultaneously,
treating it like some kind of torturous martial arts training, leaving
Ranma to wonder aloud, "Okay, WHAT just happened?!"
His attempt to embrace them was interrupted as Ranma booted him in the head.
"Knock it off, you jerk."
Awww, is that a way to treat such an... open and loving specimen of the
human race? ^_^
Kachiko swooned. "Oh, now Ranma is acting jealous. I haven't been here a
week and already I'm involved in a love triangle."
"You read the sign when you came to this part of town, didn't you?"
"I am not jealous and there is no triangle!" Ranma protested.
"It's more of an octogram..."
Kunou reappeared, brandishing his bokken. "Saotome, foul sorcerer. How dare
you ensnare yet another woman in your fiendish grasp. Bad enough you have
captured both Akane Tendou and the pig-tailed girl, but now you have the
audacity to hold yet another who has been here but a handful of days. I will
dispatch you and free all of them from your clutches."
He wants 'em all for himself, too. ^_^
"Wow! Now they're fighting over us," Kachiko said in delight.
"Not for long." Akane watched Kunou take a third hit in as many seconds.
Never does last long... except when Kuno does some weird martial arts
watermelon training thing...
"I didn't say it was an even fight. It's the principle of the thing."
The Principal appeared again. "You called."
*Da-dum-thwish!*
*Chirp-chirp!*Chirp-chirp!*
"Enough!" Both Akane and Kachiko bludgeoned him this time.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It's roughly this time that I should be doing another odd rating joke,
but I'm fresh out, I'm afraid.
It was between classes that Nabiki Tendou made her way through the school
hallways, looking for one person in particular.
She didn't know who, but she'd know when she found him!
Like Dirk Gently, actually.
Ordinarily, she could have
taken her time with things, but after the events of the morning, the
predictable misinterpretation of what had happened led nearly everyone to
conclude that Ranma was not only involved with Akane, but Kachiko as well.
Naturally. So, she should convince Kachiko to go and make up with her
dad.
Nabiki wondered how Ukyou took the news. Not that her interest was anything
other than idle curiosity, but it might have made Ranma a touch more
irritable than he was this morning.
Gotta include the other characters' reactions. When Ukyou, Shampoo, and
Kodachi get thrown into the mix, Kachi'll fit in just fine.
That would be good. Part of her plan
involved Ranma reacting in his typical unthinking manner.
Shouldn't be too hard. ^_^
Finally arriving at her destination, Nabiki knocked on the door and waited
for the appropriate, "Come on in," before entering.
But it didn't come... So, she walked inside and saw...
"AAAH! DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
Principal Kuno, also known as the Elephant Man, had taken off his makeup.
Miss Hinako, in her younger form, was sitting in her chair. Chocolate marred
her impish features as she put the candy bar she had been in the middle of
ravenously devouring down. "What can I do for you, Miss Tendou?"
Down is not necessary here...
Nabiki noted among the debris of the garbage can next to the desk a number
of empty packages of pocky. A sugar high would make things ever easier. She
made a show of appearing surprised. "I have to say, Miss Hinako, you're
taking the news rather well."
Hinako twitched, grinning like a maniac from all the fluffy, happy sugar
in her system. "HIYAHOWYADOINGWHATCANIDOFORYOU???" Twitch twitch. Giggle.
Hinako blinked. "News? What news?"
A student peddling the school newspaper walked by the door. "Ex-tray,
ex-tray, read all about it!"
Nabiki's 'surprise' doubled. "You mean you didn't hear?"
That made Hinako rise to her feet. "Didn't hear what? Is it about a
delinquent?" A coin suddenly appeared in Hinako's hand. She began adroitly
flipping it between the fingers of one hand with a skill that belied her
apparent age.
Nothing like a delinquent hunt to fire up the ol' engine.
"Ah, sort of." Nabiki shifted the conversation back on track. "I'm not sure
if I should tell you this. It's not my place."
Yes, bait the trap...
"I'm a teacher. You can tell me anything. Are you pregnant? Does your father
know?"
"No!" Nabiki snapped.
"I haven't told anyone yet. But... I'm carrying your child!"
"WHAT?!?!?!"
"It's about Daddy."
"Oh. Him. He's pregnant?"
"Nooo..."
Hinako's interest instantly doubled. "Soun-chan. What about Soun-chan?"
Ah, yes, play on the emotions, and then extort 'em for all they've got!
Hearing Hinako speak her father's name in such a familiar way made even the
usually stoic Nabiki wince. "Maybe it would be best if someone else told
you."
Don't try to back out now, Nabiki. You've dug your trench, now open the
floodgates!
Hinako began tugging insistently on Nabiki's skirt. "Tell me! Tell me what's
wrong with Soun-chan."
"His wife's come back from the dead, only she doesn't like him now."
"That SHE-FIEND! If she can't appreciate my Soun-chan, then I'll have to
go teach her a lession!"
With a hesitation that was reluctant only in the sense that she wanted to
say it faster, Nabiki said, "Well, you know that new girl that transferred
into my class today?"
Plan it out. Yes, plot it.
"She's your cousin, right?"
"Well, this is sort of embarrassing to admit, but that's not entirely
accurate. Actually, she's Daddy's wife."
"Soun married your cousin!?!?"
"Nooo..."
Hinako's coin fell from limp fingers. "Wife?"
"Afraid so. If you ask him, he'd tell you he's married to her."
Yes. Make it sound bad...
"But, it can't be. He's still mourning your mother."
"He's not the only one in mourning about her," Nabiki said acidly.
She wants to see Mommy back with Daddy as much as Soun does. ^_^
She
cleared her throat and regained control. "It appears Daddy likes them even
younger than I guessed."
Mwa-hah! As young as Hinako usually is, perhaps?
"No! I refuse to believe Soun-chan would marry someone like that!"
"Believe it! And she forced him to marry her! It was horrible! You
should have seen it!"
"After learning her personality firsthand, I'd like to refuse to believe it
too, but it's the truth." Nabiki said. "You can check with Ranma for
confirmation."
Yes, check with Ranma...
Hinako decided to do just that as she picked up her coin and raced out of
the room.
Nabiki followed, a smirk on her features.
Gotta find some way to make Mommy uncomfortable at school. ^_^
Xxxxxxxxxxx
"There's three X's on the back of your neck. Nice coincidence, since you've
just got three strikes."
Ranma was standing in the hall, trying desperately to figure out how to
explain to everyone that he most assuredly was not engaged to Kachiko and
that he was not monopolizing every girl that came to town, when a yellow
blur appeared next to him.
It's a losing battle people tend to assume the worst.
"Ah." He instinctively leaped up to a nearby light fixture. It took a moment
for him to only calm semi-down, since it had been Hinako who had appeared,
and that when she accosted him, it usually meant trouble. "What didn't I do,
that you think I did do, and why did it make you want to try and drain me?"
"Appearances, Ranma! Appearances!"
Hinako placed her hands on her oversized dress
I believe I saw her dress once, and it was just about the right size for a
cute, all-covering dress for a little girl, while being a bit snug and short
for an adult...
Unless, of course, she has multiple dresses lying around. ^_^
and pouted as only an
eight-year old could. "This isn't about you and your delinquent ways, Mr.
Saotome."
"Whew! I'm so relieved!"
"Oh."
"Is it true that Kachiko girl is Soun-chan's wife?"
"Yup! Sure is. They made a wish and brought her back from the dead. Neat,
huh?"
Ranma paled. Reflexively he said, "How did you find out about that? It's
supposed to be a secret."
^_^ And said line gets misinterpreted, of course.
Hinako began bawling her eyes out. "Waaa! It is true! It's not fair! I was
only standing out of the way because Soun-chan was still mourning his wife!
I was waiting for him to be ready to romance! But now some little delinquent
got there first!"
"Well, you know what they say, move it or lose it..."
"Err, it's not exactly simple."
Hinako was beyond hearing. She boldly proclaimed, "I will not stand for
this!" and zoomed off as quickly as she appeared.
And let the battle begin!
"This is really bad," Ranma lamented.
He's had worse. ^_^
"Want a tattoo to make it better?"
"Eh, sure, why not--HEY!!!"
"Would you go away?!" Ranma booted the Principal out the nearest window.
Aww, and not through the second floor and the roof? ^_^
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"QUIT IT, MOM!" Akane shouted. "You don't have to give me THAT many
hugs!"
"But I've missed you so much!"
Kachiko was busy answering the questions of her fellow students.
"Yes, I AM their mother, come back from the dead. Now, please explain
to me what happened to all the records and LP casettes! What IS this
'CD' thing?!"
The
reactions weren't a surprise.
"Wow! You are from the past, aren't you?"
They were pretty much the same thing in her
day when a new girl came to school. All the other girls would feel her out
for possible friendship or rivalry, and the guys would ask questions to see
if she was acceptable dating material.
Ya know. The proper questions. Gotta scope out the territory.
It was nice to know that no matter
how much things changed, human nature remained the same.
And would not likely change until the next evolutionary step. ^_^
That Kachiko was
'related' to Akane, who was fairly popular to begin with, only helped
matters and made people inclined to like her.
Trust the new character to be instantly liked...
Of course it was lonely at the same time to be in such relatively familiar
environs, and yet none of her old friends and acquaintances were there.
Look 'em up in the phone book someday, and they'll be quite alarmed...
"I'm baaack!"
"NO! You died! I made sure of that!!!"
"Eheheheheheheeheheeeeeee! You cannot escape me now. Your debt has more
than increased by tenfold... You have a debt to pay, Mister Rukobuki!"
In
some ways it was like her home; a place where everyone she knew had been
exchanged for a pack of strangers.
"Care for a pack of Strangers? Real cheap! They're quite sweet, I assure
you."
It was times like this she really wished
she could tell Sakura the truth.
Sakura... Don't tell me, I missed something while skimming through the
past chapters.
"I don't know, Kero-chan... Mrs. Tendo should have been a lot older by
now. Maybe she has a Clow Card keeping her young."
But it wouldn't be fair. Her best friend
had made her peace with Kachiko's 'death'.
So? She should be made to face reality! "I'm baaa-aaack!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!"
Bringing up the old memories,
especially when Sakura had her own life full of concerns, wouldn't be
right.
Everyone's got problems. It's only if they don't have a capacity to
deal with them that they should be locked in a mental institution.
Most typical human beings can deal with big shocks. Especially if they're
"pleasant" surprises such as a loved one not being dead!
Unless Sakura didn't really like Kachiko in the first place. In any case,
the 'shrooms can fix the age differential!
And in some ways, it would remind Kachiko of what she had lost as a
result of the time trip.
Hey! Beats being dead. And if you don't like it, then just toss yourself
off a bridge. Problem solved, status quo resumed. Happens all the time
in episodes of other series.
I don't like it either, but hey, it happens.
No, far better to abandon the hopes and plans of an
out of reach past and go on to forge a new future with the material she had
been dealt.
You've got your new deck, so DEAL WITH 'EM ALREADY!!!
Make up with Soun. Remember: if age is a problem, it can be remedied.
Just ask the Amazons for something!
And now there were so many more possibilities with the interesting Kunou, as
well as Ranma, now vying for her attention. So much potential, and this was
just the tip of the iceberg. It brought a smile to her face.
Reasons why I don't like her (number four). Running away from the past.
(Reminder: Her characterization is just fine. I simply do not like it
very much. Of course, I couldn't stand Rinoa from Final Fantasy 8,
Aribeth from Neverwinter Nights, or Kid from Chrono Cross, so take it
with a grain of salt.)
"How dare you sit there and smile so smugly, you delinquent!"
Ha-HAH! Now the battle begins!
Kachiko turned to locate the speaker of such a high-pitched voice. She
noticed all of the people that had been crowding around her had chosen to
back away both from her and the person that had uttered the insult. "What's
your problem, little girl?"
Now is NOT the time to be stuck-up, Kachi...
On second thought, maybe it's for the best. Keep it up! ^_^
"Ha! You call me a little girl, but I say it's you who's really little. I
won't let you get away with this."
Mwahahahaha!!
Kachiko shifted uncomfortably at the vague insinuation. "Um, get away with
what?"
Now she decides to get wary. ^_^
Hinako leveled an accusatory finger at Kachiko. "How dare you steal my man
away, you delinquent. I had prior claim on him, and was only holding back
because I knew if I tried to pressure him into something, it would've hurt
him because he wasn't ready for a relationship, even if it is unhealthy to
mourn for that long. And then I find out that you sneaked in and tried to
take him out from under my nose. But I'll be generous today. I'll give you
one chance to back off, or else you'll be sorry."
One warning, and...
Now Kachiko understood. It must have been some elementary school student
that had a crush on Kunou. How sweet, in that annoying way only verminous
little kids could muster. Snotty little loud-mouthed brats like this were
exactly why Kachiko was not enthusiastic at the idea of having children.
Still, she forced herself to be civil and reached forward to pat the girl on
the head. "Now, now, little one. I think he's just a wee bit old for you.
Why don't you run along and find some pre-schooler that's closer to your
age?"
One misinterpretation.
Equals: Fun, fun, fun! ^_^
Turning a deep shade of red, Hinako said, "So you openly admit you seduced
him?"
Yes, make it worse. ^_^
Kachiko primped her hair. "If you got it, flaunt it. Although I haven't
settled on him. I might be interested in someone else instead. I'm a young
gal, you know. I want to keep my options open."
Oooh, this has gotta sound bad from Hinako's perspective.
A strangling sound came from Hinako. "You... you're worse than a delinquent!
You're a faithless slut!"
*cheers* Hear hear!
Kachiko's temper snapped in an instant. "Excuse me, you sawed-off runt. I am
not some tramp that puts out unless I'm firmly convinced I have met Mr.
Right! And where do you get off trying to tell me who to date, you annoying
little brat? Why don't you go get some Silly Putty, roll yourself into a
ball, and scram?"
"Your overconfidence is your weakness..."
"Your faith in your coin is yours!"
A murmur of, "Was that supposed to be a humorous insult?" and "It wasn't
funny," rumbled through the crowd.
It was, but only if you knew what was going to happen next. ^_^
Now absolutely livid, Hinako pulled out a coin and softly intoned, "For not
only being an unrepentant delinquent, as well as a slut that seduces older
men away from women who are much better suited for them, but for that awful
joke, you will face divine retribution!"
MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Kachiko smirked and kicked back on her heels. "Look, kid, if you're trying
to buy me off, it won't work. I'm not some-"
"HAPPO-GOJUUEN SETSU !"
YES, KILL!!!
Instantly Kachiko felt every ounce of energy sucked out of her body. Her
flesh withered and muscles gave out as she was drained dry. All she could do
was lay on the ground in a motionless heap, unable to do more than wonder
exactly what just happened.
*Applause* Encore! Encore!
At the same time, Hinako grew to her older form, filling out her now too
short dress in every way. Now much taller than her 'rival',' she stood over
"Apostrophies are your weakness!"
"Your faith in your friends is yours!!!"
The same joke quickly in a row... But it's a CLASSIC, so it's okay.
the sack of emaciated flesh and stomped her heel on it, twisting her foot
around.
*YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!*
"I'm afraid you're that one that's bitten off more than she can
chew, 'Little Girl.' If you think you can go around seducing men, marrying
them, then toying with their hearts by seeking other men, you can think
again. I'll steal him away from you, and show him what true love is all
about. And if you try to get in the way, I'll drain you until all that's
left is dust."
"Now go back to your husband and treat him with the respect he deserves!!!!"
"Hai, Hinako-sensei..."
Hinako turned once more on her heel, the one embedded in Kachiko, and
stomped off.
YES! That's the way to handle 'er!
"Okay, that's a new one," the withered Kachiko weakly moaned.
She wants her old Principal Faust and Miss Mussolini back. At least then,
she only got flogged. ^_^
Nabiki came into Kachiko's view, bent low enough so that her face was less
than half a foot away, and said in a voice dripping with delight, "That was
your new English Teacher. She seems to think you're a rival for Daddy's
affections. She doesn't respond well to rivals. Welcome to your first day at
Furinkan High School. Hope you enjoy your stay."
"Of course, if you were to stay at home and make up with Daddy like a good
Mommy..."
Kachiko merely lay there, concentrating on difficult things that took a lot
of her remaining energy, like breathing. It was beginning to look like being
run over by a car and settling down might not be such a bad thing after all.
*Applause* A very good ending to a very nice chapter.
I thank you for writing it!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ten times ten times ten times... That's Two hundred and ten!
In case anyone was wondering, no, Kachi getting a harder time this chapter
was not the result of people complaining about ANC syndrome.
Right. Of course. We believe you, DB. ^_^;;;
Nevertheless, I'm glad it happened anyway!
It was always
going to turn out this way.
Sure it was! You can plan how fanfics turn out, can't you?
...
Well, at least partially. But it's the unexpected stuff that's usually
the most fun.
It's whatever has the most humor potential at
any given time, and the Hinako-Kachiko-Soun thing was planned from the
beginning.
As it should be
Special thanks, as always, to
The Apprentice
I remember him helping me out way back when... It was a Grande Olde Thyme...
Chris Horton.
I think I remember him...
Eternal Lost Lurker
Who could forget him? ^_^
Max M
Don't remember him, right off hand...
David Johnston
Yes! He gives good comments...
And so, in summary, I would like to say that the chapter's just fine
how it is. To quote Scotty, "There's nothing wrong with the bloody
thing!" --Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
I have my preferences and opinions, and since I'm one that likes
dealing with Annoying New Characters as well, I have to say that
you're handling Kachiko's characterization just fine. She is who
she is, and that's pretty honest. She's also a bit disoriented,
so there's no telling how she will react when the shock disappears
and "reality" sets in. However, I don't have to like the character
to enjoy the story, which is a much greater piece put together.
There are also a number of plot devices that could be employed to
solve various problems, like age differentials and who's in love
with who. It'll be purely up to you how and if you want to
resolve them.
A clever solution (and annoying, but what the hey? ^_^) would be
to simply clock back everyone's ages except for Kachiko's, then
conk 'er over the nogging and have her see the younger Soun when
she wakes up and explain to her that she's been out for a few
weeks, and they've moved, etc... "No, it's 1993. You remember
that you were born in '76, right?"
Or, clock Kachiko's age ahead (whether she likes it or not),
and shrug off the lost years like one would have if just coming
out of a very long coma.
Those are the easiest magical solutions, and for that reason,
I doubt they'll be used. Looking forward to seeing how you're
gonna get 'em out of this one. I'd probably botch the story
if I were to try and write it. So, be glad you're the one doing
it and not me. ^_-
I'd be surprised if you got anything useful out of this commentary,
since there was precious little to correct. But at least I've had
a chance to look it over more in depth and appreciate it more
fully.
Until the next time I decide to crawl out of the woodwork and do
a long review...
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
Collective works available at:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html
"Battle over! Battle over! The winner is... the Blitz Team!"
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