[FFML] [Fruits Basket][Fanfic][oneshot] Until You

Until You
- a "Fruits Basket" fanfic
- by Stiffanie Flores

***

I would never belong

Even in the Souma family, I am the outcast. I can never belong in the Juunishi. But there is another side to the Cat curse, a far worse fate than being barred from exclusive New Year's parties. Because only the child born in the Year of the Cat is cursed with the twisted, skeletal monstrosity of the Cat spirit.

Fortunately, the black and white beads around my wrist lock the cursed form. I can hide it forever, as long as I wear the bracelet. The normal cat body is not so bad. At least people, even my relatives, do not cower in fear of it. But even my own mother could not stand to see my ugly body. I do not blame her. Even if she did not fear me, she could never accept that part of me.

The only friend I had was Kagura. She was my older sister, the only person who would hold my hand when I was alone. Even if she chases me around like a psychotic wannabe fiancee, I will never forget that.

And then my parents died. My relatives talked about me as if I wasn't there, pretending to be sad and sympathetic, but I could hear the underlying cruelty behind their words. No one wanted anything to do with me. Until Shishou. Kind, gentle, smiling Shishou. I owe him everything. He was like a father to me. In my heart, he IS my father. But I could never tell him. Not until I become a worthy son.

I settled everything with my fists. My constant rivalry with Yuki was as if to prove to myself that I was no less than he. Anger was the only emotion I trusted. I did not bother to control my emotions, because I didn't have any friends. Aside from Shishou and Kagura, I never thought there would be anyone who would accept this other side of me. Not even you. Especially not you.

I don't know how it began, but you're a part of our lives now. You fill our home with warmth and comfort, brighten our lives with your smiles and gentle encouragement. Your kindness, your unique idealism, has touched our lives, and the lives of other Juunishi, so deeply. Why is it that we are all drawn to you? Could we have hoped that you could save us from our fate?

I've spent my entire life not knowing you exist, but without realizing it, I've drawn comfort from your presence, the way you stand beside me, offering a smile and a plateful of treats. You're naive and clumsy, and I find myself worrying about you falling down the stairs or being taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. But despite all that, I always find acceptance in your warm encouragement, and strength in your unwavering faith.

More than ever, I lived in fear of my secret being discovered. No one could possibly love me after that. Especially not someone as sweet and innocent as you.

The first time I transformed in front of you, I kept my eyes on your face, as if stunned in morbid fascination. My eyes watered as the air filled with the scent of burning flesh. I felt my body stretch and tighten, as if being pulled in many directions all at once. When I lifted my head to look at you, your eyes were wide in shock. And yes, even fear. My ugly body evoked that reaction even from you.

I ran, because it was the only coherent thought in my head. I had to get away, as far as my legs would carry me. I ran without knowing where I was headed, but it did not matter. Because I had just lost the one pure, innocent thing in my life.

My entire life flashed before my eyes. My mother, telling me she loved me, even though she could not look into my eyes when she said it. Akito, staring at me with narrowed, mean, calculating eyes. Shishou, gentle and smiling, offering the only kindness I've ever received.

Until you.

You held onto me even as I shook my arm and tried to fling you in the air. You were frightened, I could tell even if you did not admit it, because I could feel your small body trembling with contained emotions. But even though you were afraid of me, you told me you would stay with me. Your tears splashed on my arm even as you begged me to stay.

It felt like years of coldness and blame melted away at your words. A warm glow spread all over my entire body. I felt your tears streaking my arm, and when I looked down, I had reverted back to my human form. And you were still holding my arm.

You said you did not have the strength not to be afraid of me. But that's not true. Because it would take great strength to look upon the real me and still accept me, taking the few good things about me, along with so much that was bad. Without realizing it, I reached out to touch you, to draw you into my arms, without fear or hesitation.

A hug is such as strange thing. Scared of my curse being discovered, I have never reached out willingly to touch another person. It's so much more than kissing, or hands linking. A hug speaks of loving and cherishing, protecting and comforting... to hold a woman in my arms, to derive human warmth from her body.

It lasted for only a moment, before my body shrank once again into the familiar orange form of the cat. I had only a moment to cherish the feeling, to burn it into my memory as the first time I received absolute acceptance from a normal person.

It's okay to be selfish, if you cannot love everything about me. It doesn't matter that you were afraid of me. Your fear is proof that you have looked at the real me, that you would still want me, even though you have seen the worst part of me.

How do you do it? How can you say the things that I need to hear? Why is someone like you with me, always?

Perhaps that is why I love you.

You hold me in your arms, your touch as gentle as the morning breeze. I feel your cheek pressed against the top of my head, your hands curled around my small body. And in your arms, I found peace at last.

>From now on, I will cherish you like the fragile, beautiful rose you are. Even so, I will never undermine the strength that comes with your gentle spirit. With you beside me, I can hope to become a better person, to look forward to the future with a heart full of hope and dreams, to live life without worry or hesitation.

I will stay, as long as you're here. You are the place I call home. Thank you, Tohru, for gifts beyond price.

***

Author's notes:

I've seen only the anime episodes of Fruits Basket, not the manga. Some lines in this fanfic were directly lifted from the story. Basically, it's just me telling the whole episode again, adding a little thoughts and feelings from Kyo. I guess I felt the ending was a little too abrupt.

As always, C&C are welcome and appreciated. Send all comments stiffanie@myrealbox.com

- Stiffanie