Continuing from where we left off...

=====

"Okay class, we will be reading aloud today," the third period
teacher announced as he took his place at the front of the class.

"This is all you're fault, Ranma!" some lost boy could be heard
yelling from the front courtyard.

It might make better sense to state that the fight is still going on 
outside, instead of inserting a comment from someone who wasn't there just a 
moment ago.

"Um, sensei?" Akane hesitated.

"Yes, Tendou-chan?" The teacher glanced over and sweat-dropped.

Honorific inconsistency.
Tendou-chan --should be-- Tendou-san. This teacher is faceless, so there's 
really no point in showing a more intimate relationship with the established 
characters.

"Could I please be allowed to go change?" Akane stood, still
sharply dressed in the tux from earlier.

tux--should be--tuxedo. Also, you can end the sentence at "tuxedo".

"Why are you wearing that instead of the school uniform?" The
teacher inquired sternly.

"Well you see," Akane gestured toward the window.

"Well you see,"
--should be--
"Well, you see..."
--and maybe--
"Well, you see..." Akane made sighed, and made a helpless gesture toward the 
window.

As the teacher went to look, so did the rest of the class. They
had only been able to hear the battle cries and were itching for
any excuse to see the chaos after two full classes of fighting.

Out on the field, five figures were squaring off against Ryouga,
Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyou, Kuno, and Konatsu, who had joined in last
period. The school field had large chunks torn away, large gashes
tore through trees, rocks, and wall.

Replace "tore through" with "were evident"

Several of the boys turned green as Konatsu's wedding dress,
gained earlier in the fight, was replaced with a formal tux. They
had been fooled.

As they watched, a giant pig charged into the melee while a cute
girl in sun dress hopped off its back and began shouting
encouragement to a white veiled Ryouga.

"That still doesn't explain your attire, Tendou-chan."

One massive face-fault later, she responded.

Facefault is compound.

"Well, none of the other teachers would give me time to go change
into my spare uniform." Akane shifted back and forth. 'So help
me, if he says.'

"says" should be followed by an ellipse.

"I wouldn't mind." Akane smiled. "But class has already started."
Akane's shoulders slumped. "Besides, I doubt you'll have too much
difficulty with your attire, considering your iinazuke hasn't
seen fit to wear the required uniform all year."

Is Akane talking? POV maintenence, Omniscient Observer. Must be able to 
determine that yes, the teacher is talking, and yes, Akane is reacting.

Yuka and Sayuri jumped to restrain Akane from attacking the poor
teacher.

Ranma only flinched. Again. That was what the two previous
instructors had said. His days of ignoring the school dress code
were over. The strategy that had allowed him so much leeway had
relied heavily on quiet acceptance. Now someone had actually said
something, three instructors in fact, and the day wasn't over
yet.

... Good one. ^-^

"And since," the teacher continued, unaware of how close he was
to a thrashing, "you two seem to like to attract attention to
yourselves." The rest of the class was still watching the fight
outside. "You two may go first."

Go first in what? You might want to specify, since you have several 
paragraphs between here and the initial statement of the oral assignment.

--example--

(The rest of the class seemed fixated on the outside battle. "You two may 
start the reading.")

"Yes," Akane droned while wincing at the chastisement.

"Yes sir" would be preferable.

"Now stand up here and read this aloud."

They were each handed a three by five and stood where there were
told to.

"Good, now you begin, Ranma."

This can be combined.

--example--
The teacher handed both teens a 3x5 index card and beckoned them to the 
front of the class. "You may begin, Ranma," he said with a nod to the 
pigtailed martial artist.

The young Saotome, for his part, flushed slightly from
embarrassment, but it helped that everyone was looking out the
windows in stead of at him.

"I, Akane Tendou.."

"Opps!" the teacher called out. He quickly switched the two
cards. "Now continue."

"Opps!"
--should be--
"Oops!"

"Why 's our names on here anyways?" Ranma asked plaintively.

Akane began looking through hers as well.

"Just read it, or you won't pass."

Description would help separate the dialogue here.

--example--
"Why are our names on here, anyways?" Ranma asked plantively.

The teacher favored the boy a cold glare. "Just read it, or you fail my 
class."

Akane blinked, and began to look through her own card.

"Uh, okay. I, um, Ranma Saotome, do hear by."

Better to end this sentence with a hyphen, since Akane's next one totes 
enough emotion to warrant a cut-off. ^-^

"Hey! These are wedding vows!" Akane screeched.

"What!" Ranma dropped the small card like it was a plate full of
Akane's cooking.

"Just read it, boy!" someone bellowed from the closet in the back
of the room.

"Pops! What are you. no, I should have guessed." Ranma spat.

Rewrite.
--should be--
"Pops?! What are you...no, I shoulda' guessed." Ranma groused

Akane blinked.

A sign popped out from under the door reading: No one in here by
us fur-coats.

Akane stiffly marched back and tore the door open. Out spilled
two men, no make that one man and a panda. Behind them on a
tripod was a Sony cam filming the whole thing.

"Out spilled two men, no make that one man and a panda."
--should be--
"Out spilled two men, which was actually just one man and a panda.

But that raises a question. It was evident Genma was speaking earlier, so 
how was he suddenly turned back into a panda?

"Why I ought to." Ranma began cracking his knuckles.

"ought to"
--should be--
oughtta, outta, or somesuch. Sounds cooler.

"Never mind, let's just get out of here," Akane interrupted by

Nevermind is compound.

grabbing a hold of a certain pigtail and began dragging her
iinazuke out the door. She paused to shoot their instructor a
disappointed look, then they were gone.

"Is that a cat wearing a wedding dress?" one random student
puzzled.

"I didn't even know they made them in that size," a second
responded.

Those last two bits of dialogue completely throws what was previously 
established. They can probably be omitted, since they're hinting at 
off-screen action without enough detail to warrant their staying.

=====

"Ranma! Ranma! It's okay! No more cats, see?" Akane yelled as
they landed on some roof.

A full body shiver worked its way down then back up Ranma's body.
Then he took a deep breath.

"You can put me down any time now," Akane said, though without
any real anger.

"Huh? - Oh!" Ranma was suddenly standing about a meter away.

Akane shook her head at him, while she gave him a playful smile.

Again, events have taken place off-camera. You have to show what you are 
telling, otherwise it makes the story look really hasty and incoherent.

They had been heading out the front when Ranma had been
confronted by the image of Shampoo in a wedding dress. Of course,
she had been a cat at the time. She had spotted him and Akane and
leapt at him. Fortunately, depending on your point of view, a
bouquet of flowers had embedded itself in the ground pinning her
long train just as she jumped, stopping her about fifteen
centimeters from his face.

Ranma practically teleported away, taking Akane with him. After
several minutes of high-speed roof-hoping in his arms she had
finally gotten him to stop.

This scene, standing as it is, is not needed. There's not enough detail to 
warrant it being here. If you want it in and keep the story flowing, you'll 
have to show what happened instead of summarizing what happened.

=====

Meanwhile, in a room not to far away.

"And now, if anyone here should have any reason these two should
not be wed, speak now or for ever let them hold their piece."

Suddenly, the roof gave in. Shrieks and screams echoed up and
down the hall.

Once the dust began to settle, everyone began to look for the
source of the disturbance.

One short, and obviously well-endowed female emerged coughing

>from the center. She was quickly followed by a second short

haired figure wearing a tux. Both strangers looked up too see
their impromptu audience.

Quick nervous eyes flittered about the crowd. Then, the two
slowly glanced at each other. The two began screaming loud enough
to wake the dead. After about five minutes of pure screaming,
they bolted out of the room.

"Wherefore art thou Ushiko-san?" could be heard from under one
pile of roof.

"Wherefore art thou Umao-san?" came from under another pile.

I'm afraid I miss the reference here. I'm assuming it was Mr. Soup, and Ms. 
Noodle? Still, it upsets the flow of the story, and doesn't really add much 
to it. It might have more merit at the very end of the story, but that's 
questionable.

And lets not forget more detail! ^-^

=====

It was late evening before the two finally returned home.

Nabiki was sitting with her abacus, as she was deciding how much

"Nabiki was sitting with her abacus, as she was deciding how much to charge 
everyone tomorrow..."
--should be--
"Nabiki was sitting with her abacus, deciding on how much to charge everyone 
tomorrow..."

And other marriage attempts took place? When? Detail! Not fair to leave us 
out of the loop! ;_;

to charge everyone tomorrow to find out to whom they where now
married. Soun was crying about how his little angel would never
be married while Genma was drinking. Kasumi was smiling, but it
was an extra happy smile.

Akane and Ranma stumbled in and crashed in the living room.

"Are you married yet?!" "Did you two get married?!" both fathers
jumped up and shouted.

"Wha-" was Ranma's response.

"No way!" Akane yelled.

"Now, now, Akane," Kasumi tisked. "You no you shouldn't lie to
you're father like that."

"But we didn't!" Akane half-yelled and half-whimpered.

... Quite and amazing feat, that. @__@

"I know all about it."

"Know all about what?" Nabiki interrogated.

"Yeah!" Ranma seconded.

"Your marriage, of course."

"We are not married," Ranma and Akane exclaimed in stereo.

--should be--
"We are not marrried!" Ranma and Akane exclaimed in stereo.

"Then what is this?" Kasumi asked as she held out an official
looking paper. "This arrived this morning."

"This arrived this morning."
--suggest--
"It arrived this morning."

Ranma and Akane both grabbed it at the same time. Miraculously,
the page survived.

"Who's Tahashi?" Ranma inquired, after the couple had stared at
the page for over a minute without blinking.

"Isn't she the school secretary?" Nabiki asked from her position,
looking over both their shoulders.

Akane and Ranma looked at each other. He blinked. She blinked.
They both blinked again, for good measure.

* * * Flash Back * * *

The first Wednesday afternoon after Ranma had started school.

Several huge piles of papers sat haphazardly stacked around the
living room.

"Hey, Pops," Ranma called from somewhere behind the stacks. "If
ya got me in school already, then why am I haven' ta do all this
paperwork?"

"Boy, don't question me. Just get to work!" Genma exclaimed just
before Ranma tossed him into the koi pond. He would have jump up
and retaliated, but if he taught the boy his lesson right now, he
might wind up filling out the forms. That was not something he
planned on doing.

... Why would Genma wind up filling out the forms? POV caution. ^-^

"Hey!" an outraged cry came from another area of the paper
mountain. "If I have to help you do this, then you better get
over here and work!" Akane growled. "Why do I have to be the one
to do this anyway?"

"Well, he is your fiancee," Nabiki quipped on her way through the
room. "And he doesn't know our mailing address or medical plan."
She wasn't about to get trapped into it either.

"Grrr, if you want my help, you'd better get to work, Ranma."

"Okay, okay." Ranma flopped back down and signed his name on the
indicated line. He had stopped reading the forms hours ago.

Akane turned exhausted eyes back to the page in front of her. She
frowned at the page.

"You forgot to sign this one."

Ranma glanced at the page in question.

"Nope, signed it right there."

Akane tried to blink her eyes clear, then looked at the page
again. There were spots for two signatures. Through the paperwork
headache, she realized that the second space was for her to sign.
Just why the school cared or needed to know about their
engagement she didn't know. Not that after Kunou blabbed it all
over the school it was much of a secret. She shrugged it off and,
putting signature to page, slipped it into the return-to-school
pile.

* * * End Flashback * * *

"You signed this?" the young couple accused each other at the
same moment.

"B-b-b-b-bu." Genma babbled incoherently to anyone that would
listen.

"You were marred this whole time?" Soun actually managed to say,
visions of all the failed plans and resulting damage running
through his head.

Nabiki was just rolling on the floor laughing.

"This isn't funny!" Akane protested; to which, Nabiki laughed
even harder.

"Wait!" Ranma called out desperately. "If this was signed back
then, why'd ya only get it now?"

"Oh, that's easy," Kasumi replied with her gentle smile.
"Apparently, after Mrs. Tahashi notarized it for you, she mailed
it from the school. So, Your copy was mistakenly sent to the
school where it was filed with your school records."

Both nodded as one.

"She came across it while moving the student files to a new
cabinet. When she couldn't find you at school today to return it,
she decided to bring it here. Wasn't that so nice of her?"

"Yeah." Ranma agreed.

".nice," Akane finished.

rewording.
"Yeah..." Ranma agreed.

"... nice." Akane finished.

=====

*SNIP*

AN: This was may answer to how those two would possibly wind up
married and all the chaos, martial arts, poor planning,
interferences, and roof hopping it would likely entail. All of
which ending up as unnecessary.

Any suggestions to improve the ending will be welcome. As is, I
think it may be a little weak. Anyway, hope you enjoyed my
attempt at WAFF. Now to head back to my regularly scheduled fics.



kit                 http://jeruind.i8.com/

This was a good little chaotic romp, save for the eyecatches I pointed out.

POV: Be sure to keep a cautious eye out for what point of view you're using. 
Always ask yourself, "Is my character doing the storytelling, or is it Mike 
the Watcher?" If you're still not sure, then consult a prereader. If one 
cannot be found, don't be afraid to envoke a little violence; that always 
gets 'em coming. ^_~

DETAIL: I can't say how many wonderful little sight gags and dialogue I 
missed out on merely because of a lack of imput. S'not fair, I say! Always 
strive to be sure that your story makes sense to more than just yourself! A 
good hint is simply thus, if you wouldn't turn it into your teacher in full 
confidence, then it might warrant some looking through and adding on.

SHOW: Summaries are pleasant, but are really only necessary if one has a 
multichapter work going on, and feels the need to update his/her reading 
audience about what had previously occured. Other than that, summaries in a 
story are rarely needed, and can often subtract away from the enjoyment of 
the story. SHOW you're edited-for-time scenes! You'd be surprised how cool 
they might be to someone.

In the end, a great story with a lot of comedic potential. Since you were 
aiming for WAFF, I can't give you a complete thumbs up, but I'm always an 
avid fan of chaos. Hope my pontificating helped in some way, and thanks for 
sharing the story!


- Kenji M. (KMurasaki@Hotmail.com)

Kenji's Nexus:
http://www.geocities.com/nexuslink

Random Plug:
http://www.gamefaqs.com

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