I know and love and adore Fruits, so I can tackle this one. *cuddles 
the manga -- is volume ten out yet?*

No major grammar problems I saw, so I won't do a line by line.  
But . . .

1. You referred to Momiji as 'she.'  I don't recall Momiji ever being 
referred to in the feminine, since Momiji is a boy.  He just cross 
dresses all the time. (He looks so kawaii too!) Being around Ayame and 
Ritsu probably did that to him . . .

2. If this is "five years" after the series, Momiji is 20 and therefore 
no longer in middle school.  He was 15 in the TV series, despite all 
appearances.  (I kid you not. I hope I didn't just spoil you.)

3. Momiji's mom doesn't even recognize him as her offspring anymore, so 
why would she even go to his school family day?  No need to send her to 
Germany. Sending off his dad, however, is very plausible, since he dad 
does own buildings and stuff.  

4. Killing off Akito = YAY! *throws confetti around* Same goes for 
giving Tohru to Yuki.  It's enough for Kyou that Tohru accepts him for 
who he is, and that Yuki does as well.  (Since you didn't mention them, 
I'll just assume/pretend that Shigure and Rin are being a couple in the 
background. ((roots for her fav couple silently)))

*reads through the fic again*

5. Oh! Now I remember.  I like the sense of alienation you portray with 
Momiji, but I'm not sure how much of it is canon.  Momiji seems like 
the ONLY mostly happy member of the Souma family.  When he talks about 
the special dance that the Juunishi get to perform at New Year's, he 
seems very much a Souma right down to the tip of his little bunny 
toes.  He lives with Hatori on the Souma property, after all, so he's 
with another Juunishi member most of the time.

Anyway, hope there's a good mix of constructive and positive comments 
in there.  There needs to be more Momiji character development fics, 
although as it stands this fic itself is AU.

*sighs happily and finds Nuguy to make him translate volume 9 again*

-Cat Who



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