Aaron E Nowack wrote:
I've been sitting on this chapter for a really long time, mainly because
I'm not very satisfied with. (For this reason, C&C on this chapter is
appreciated even more than usual, even one line "good chapter"/"bad
chapter" responses.) The good news for you Shades fans (whoever you are)
is the during this time I have made some (read almost insignificant
amounts of) progress with Chapter 12, which will hopefully appear
sometime before the end of the year. (Of course, I was hoping to _finish_
this story this year, as well as make progress/start a number of other
fics...)
I hear your pain, my Evil Twin. Delayed, but never stopped -- I C&C ON!
This is the same draft that was published a couple months back on the
Refuge, so anyone who read it there will find nothing new.
You're assuming, of course, that I had time to read it there. >_<
Once again, C&C is greatly appreciated.
And I'm glad to get to read the story, too!
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/
Shades of Gray
A Sailor Moon Fanfic
By: Aaron Nowack
Chapter 11: Collision Course
"What is the Way of the Warrior?"
"The Way of the Warrior is Death."
- seventeenth-century Japanese proverb
***********************************************************************
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi, whose creative
talents far exceed my most humble own. Distribution and other rights to
Sailor Moon belong to lots of different companies that I do not own. I
make or imply no claim to ownership of Sailor Moon or its characters.
However, the text of this fanfic and all original characters presented
within are mine, and should not be used without permission. Thank you.
***********************************************************************
Jadeite frowned as he entered his chambers. Something was
amiss... there was a foul scent in the air, a corruption even greater
than usual. The shadows seemed alive, moving and whispering in the
dimly lit room. The former general whirled around, certain he that
heard someone sneaking up on him, but no intruder was revealed.
Ack! Formatting....
Jadeite never completed his thought, as he finally felt the
source of all his problems. Good arm grasping at a nearby table,
Jadeite slowly pulled himself up. "By all the Ten..." he muttered,
ignoring the anachronism of the ancient oath.
"Aaron Nowack! YOU did this to me!"
Well, you DID say the source of all his problems. ;)
Outside the palace, the skies opened up and spewed forth
millennia of pent-up wrath. Rain lashed against the dark castle walls,
leaving shallow, steaming pits where it struck. When the storm cleared,
the low clouds did as well, revealing to one and all the blazing sky
known as Metallia's Eye.
The entire sky, or just a sun?
And on Earth, in a small cafe on the outskirts of Tokyo, a pale
Meiou Setsuna dropped a 2000 yen note next to her unfinished coffee and
vanished, uncaring of whether she was seen.
Nice.
"Ami's late." Rei worriedly glanced out the window onto the
rapidly darkening twighlight. "I hope..." She left the sentence
unfinished. She didn't even know what to hope for. What was Ami doing
that was so dangerous?
hope..." -- hope...."
Haha! None are safe from my ellipses-laden knowledge!
Silence greeted her pronouncement. Frown deepening, Haruka
reached to activate the message. However, her hand stopped at the sound
of four beeps. As one, the Inner Senshi reached for their
communicators.
Ya know, I'm willing to bet that the message would have been... mmm...
BAD, if it had gotten played just then.
"I'm sorry, everyone," Ami's voice could be heard emanating from
the devices. "I'm going to be just a little bit longer. I need to make
sure I'm not followed."
A second later, the room was flooded with feedback, as each of the
communicators fed the signal into one another in a continous loop.
This would take quite some time, and the sun had finished
setting by the time Ami reached Juno. At this point, Ami halted her
narrative a moment, trying to sort out how to relate the next phase of
the story. Obviously what she had heard was filtered through the biases
of the teller, but how much did that bias twist the facts? With a
sideways glance at Hotaru and a sigh, Ami made her decision. "I think
it would be best to just let you hear the same thing I heard about the
next event." A moment's work on her computer, and the recording she had
made began to play from the appropriate point.
How could she record it on the computer that wasn't there, exactly?
"But we can guess. Somehow, the cultists were trying to summon
Metallia. Gaia... Gaia died. She used her true power, and sacrificed
herself in an attempt to save us. We could feel the darkness below, and
could do nothing to stop it. And Iris... Saturn..." The venom in
Hermes's voice was obvious. "Saturn went berserk. She attacked us,
tried to kill us all. And then... and then that bitch destroyed Juno!
She murdered Hera... and billions of others. And your precious Queen
Serenity saved Iris's worthless life! Her life, and no others!"
Remember, when an ellipses terminates a sentence, it contains four periods.
At that, Ami stopped the recording, and risked a glance around
the room. It was obvious that most of the Senshi did not know what to
think- not that she did herself. Ami knew there had to be another side
to the story... but how to get it? Hotaru did not, could not
remember...
And again!
Sailor Pluto was not scared. She refused to be scared, even if
the timestream had shuddered and fractured, splitting into a thousand
times a thousand paths. In one, a critical battle went wrong, and one
by one the Senshi fell, her last of all. In another, a sudden change of
heart brought new allies to their side, and victory was seemingly near
assured- but far too soon, and at great cost. In a third, betrayal
shattered the Senshi, the hope of ten thousand years lost to an ill-
advised romance. Another path showed that same romance saving them all
from horrible defeat. Pluto saw herself fall prey to foolish choices,
and damn all who depended on her with her failure.
Well, now. What'd she do, fold her own reality into the world of endless
possibilities? That's not entirely a bad thing, you know....
Slowly and painstakingly, she found what she sought, and saw
what must occur. And with a sudden crash, her staff fell to the ground,
nerveless fingers no longer holding it in a firm grasp.
Heh.
"I have no need for the 'others', little girl." The voice was
now harsh as steel, playful mocking left behind. "The Senshi of Silence
will not escape me this time. I know what blood she carries, and I am
prepared. Your little Princess died facing the merest fraction of my
true power, wielded by a half-sane sorceress. What will she do when I
return in full glory?"
Vu ja'de!
"Hotaru?" Haruka's voice was unusually quiet. "Are you all
right?"
Hotaru?" Haruka -- Hotaru?" Haruka
"Help me?" Hotaru spat out angrily, driven by churning feelings
she barely understood. Her small hands clenched into fists, and
Silence filled her ears. "I don't need your help. Just... leave me
alone." She could see the other Senshi slowly approaching, and she took
a step backward, stumbling slightly at the sudden drop from the curb to
the street.
Just... leave -- earlier you omitted spacing on the elipses. Either can
work, but the spacing in an elipses needs to be consistant.
Something inside Hotaru snapped, and the Silence roared. Power
flowed through her, the power that defined who she was. The ground fell
away beneath her feat, and she rose into the air. She could feel the
sigil burning on her forehead, the image that named her as the harbinger
of destruction. "Stay away!" Hotaru screamed, power arcing away from
her.
feat -- feet
Feats are what you gain every three or so levels (and get a bonus for
being a fighter, or a human, or two for being a human fighter!), and
feets are what carry you to the game every week.
Did I say game? I meant work.
'cause that's why I've been too busy to C&C for such a long time.
... though I wish I weren't kidding, for all it got me. �_�
"I think we should probably head home," Haruka said. Hotaru
nodded, relieved at the prospect of not having to face the others for
another day.
"We'll hear the rest of the story tomorrow," Haruka told Ami,
and shortly thereafter the three were speeding to the questionable
comfort of their home.
The last 'three' being mentioned being... Hotaru, Haruka, and... Ami? ;)
"That short?" Nyxan asked. "I've done the calculations myself,
but to see it happening before my eyes..."
Last time I'll mention this one.
In this e-mail. ;)
... -- ....
When terminating a sentence.
The retelling took quite some time, and when Meno finished the
tale of the Dark Kingdom's first return, it was closer to midnight than
to sunfall. The tale of an incident involving two aliens was much
shorter. When he reached this point, Meno paused, and pondered what to
say next.
Then, it came to him. "But why take my word for it? I've got the first
few seasons on DVD."
With a sigh, Meno turned to Tamori. "I'm afraid your daughter
has been meddling with the timestream." As Tamori stirred, Meno quickly
summarized what he knew of Crystal Tokyo and the Dark Moon Family.
Tamori settled back into his seat. "I had feared something
similar. If what you say is true, and there has been time travel
involving this 'Crystal Tokyo', in both directions even..." Tamori
trailed off for a moment. "I fear we may already defeated."
already defeated -- already be -- already have been
Tamori sighed. "It is hard to put into to words." He paused a
moment. "I believe... that if we can change the future at all, the
timestream will remain coherent so long as the particular future
exists... is sufficiently probable to allow travel to it, at the moment
of the travel. Whether it actually becomes the future would be
irrelevant." Tamori smiled slightly. "Were it as easy as you fear to
cause a paradox, surely somewhere, somewhen in the vast universe it
would have already occurred."
The future of the present, and then the future's future.
At Tamori's nod, Ikawa opened his mouth to continue, it was
interrupted when Motoki spoke, knowing what Ikawa was about to say.
"Wait a minute, Ikawa. I take it you were about to call a vote?"
First sentence is disjointed.
Would suggest: it was -- but was
"Then there is no need," Motoki replied. "Since we have all ben
awakened, the motion prohibiting seeking conflict with the Senshi is no
longer in effect."
ben -- been
Ikawa smiled. "Very well. So, now that we are fighting
again... how shall we win this war?"
"Kill the Senshi," Uji stated quietly.
... uh....
You mean Ami and Hermes totally failed to reach ANY form of accord? They
seemed to be getting along so well, last time....
This took several minutes, and Tamori then seated himself at the
table and began to ravenously consume the motley collection of leftovers
he had assembled. It took him a moment to realize that he had all this
in near-pitch darkness. Tamori shook his head, glad that no one was
around to spot his display of supernatural nightvision. He rose and
flipped on the light. Better safe than sorry, even though he was sure
that the rest of the house's inhabitants were long since asleep.
had all this -- had done all this (?)
The Senshi did not remember the Silver Millenium. It had been
obvious that there recollection was poor, but Tamori had never even
considered that it might be that bad. Until today... yesterday now,
they had not even known what the Champions were fighting for. Iris was
gone. The Sailor Saturn of today did not even know that Juno had
existed. The vengeance that he longed for had been stolen away without
him noticing.
that there -- that their
Tamori frowned as a sudden thought came to him. Why had his
daughter not told the Senshi of the past? She surely remembered it
well. What possible reason could she have for denying her sisters that
information? The frown deepened to a grimace. His daughter, he was now
sure, had stopped time, and most likely more. He had thought her
incapable of such feats. After all, that had been the point of the
compromise with Serenity the Peacemaker. By making Sailor Pluto the
Senshi of Time, the forbidden powers that had wiped away the Golden
Millenium would be forever lost.
Ah... mysteries within mysteries. Still, he didn't choose to reveal the
information he had discovered, and that confuses me.
Tamori shook his head. These questions could not be answered
for the moment, but one had been. There were enough reasons to continue
the fight, even with vengeance stolen from him. Sailor Saturn must be
destroyed, and the abomination his daughter worked had to be stopped.
Bastard. I'm losing respect for him left and right.
Tamori had opened his door when he realized that he heard
footsteps in the adjacent room... Hotaru's. Who could it be? Tamori
quietly walked over to the next door and slowly opened it, careful not
to make any noise. When he realized who was in the room, he let out a
gasp of amazement.
Er... I can't remember the situation that put him in the same house as
Hotaru, but shouldn't he exercise a bit more caution, entering a girl's
room?
Tamori nodded. "Hello, daughter. Care to explain what you're
doing with Hotaru?" he asked, sword appearing in his hands. He couldn't
let Pluto hurt her.
daughter -- Daughter (Being used in place of a name)
Sailor Pluto laughed harshly. "This is too rich, Chronus. One
would think I would have to protect her from you."
Actually it is.
Kill Saturn, protect Hotaru... I like this irony.
Orinas grunted as a small piece of metal hit him in the side
with enough force to cause him to stumble momentarily. The youma turned
with alarming alacrity in the direction the projectile had originated
from, and his mouth settled into a fanged grin as he observed a human
waving an odd wand threateningly.
You know, if I remember correctly, almost all policement in Japan carry guns.
They are trained NOT to use them, but they still have them.
This has no bearing on anything whatsoever. My C&C is too rambling, so
I'll try and focus. Sorry about that. ;)
Ares frowned as he watched the commotion. This was no clumsy,
random attack. This was a well trained and likely just as well led
strike force. The youma were securing a perimeter, and Ares had little
doubt that he would be in dire straits if he tried to cross that line
alone.
One thing I neglected to mention before -- it's quite foolish of the
Champions to declare against the Senshi, given that the Youma threat
hasn't been conclusively dealt with. Only fools fight a war on two fronts.
Then again, these aren't armies, and the Champions are letting emotion
rule them, so they aren't making the best judgements they could.
assume that their obvious strength would be offset by lack of speed.
Ares looked up at a new sound. A gunshot! He watched with a
sinking feeling in his gut as a police officer approached one of the
larger youma. He knew that the man's efforts would be worse than
futile.
by lack of -- by a lack of (?)
A hellish conflagration erupted around the Champion of Mars, who
merely gritted his teeth and rolled out of the worst of the blast.
Before he could recover, however, a half-dozen weaker blasts strafed the
area, as the other youma made their presence known. Ares rose from the
attacks, but the youma were soon upon him.
Sheesh. These guys really need to learn the levels of their power that
grant them immunity to their own element.
As the melee began, the policeman backed away, taking an
occasional ineffective potshot. When he ran out of ammunition, he fled,
glad that the youma were more concerned with dealing with the Champion
than slaying an impudent human.
He shoulda sniped for the eyes, I tell ya.
"What should we do?" Sailor Saturn's voice was flat, almost
inhuman. When there was no reply, she continued. "I can take out at
least thirty of them in one strike."
Hmmm.
Nearby, Ares continued to fight his way through the youma,
intent on removing the leader. A youma fireball knocked him back, and
he was quickly surrounded. A grim look on his face, the Champion
plunged his sword into the asphalt. "Raging Inferno!"
The firestorm only killed a single youma, but succeeded in
forcing them out of his path. Ares raced forward, but his charge came
to a halt as another group of youma confronted him.
Attack description? ;)
I want to see a fountain of flame two meters wide rising from around the
sword and flinging youma to-and-fro, at least one of them howling
something in inhuman terror as its flesh is rendered into ash, bub!
... er... don't mind me. ^_^;
"Ice Storm!" As shards of ice assailed the youma, Hermes joined
his brother, joined shortly thereafter by Medea and Chronus.
C'mon! A shower of icy death, jagged crystals of ice harder than steel
tearing through the air to drive themselves into the youma's flesh,
driving them back.
... er... sorry 'bout that. ^_^;;
"That one's the leader. If we take him out, this whole attack
might fall apart." Ares took his own advice and resumed his charge.
The other three Champions quickly followed.
Key word: Might.
This time the youma moved out of the way, allowing a clear path
between the Champions and their commander. Orinas smiled as he faced
the oncoming warriors. "Storm of Wrath!" The flames sent most of the
Champions flying, leaving only Ares to face the youma commander.
Missed this one the first time. What's 'storm of wrath' excatly? I see,
in my mind's eye, a raging horrizontal torrent of flame, probably
two-to-five meters wide that washes across the street, leaving hissing
and steaming asphault in its wake, not stopping until it reaches a
cement wall from a nearby building and then billowing upwards in a large
cloud of fiery-smoke.
But I'm not sure that's what you meant. ^_^;;;
Hermes stumbled to his feat, using another Ice Storm to cover
Chronus and Medea as they rose as well. "This isn't looking good," he
commented.
feat -- feet
Unless you've established these attacks in another chapter, which, come
to think of it, you may have. Hmmm.
But the second time around, you don't need to be quite as descriptive. :p
Across the battlefield, Ares narrowly dodged one of Orinas's
massive fists before delivering a sword blow that succeeded only in
scratching the youma's tough hide. A moment later he leapt above a
powerful roundhouse kick, then scored a wound on his opponent's arm.
And that's another question. What exactly does Orinas look like? I
imagine him to be about two-meters high at the shoulder, were he not
slouched over, and with massive muscled arms that will drag on the
ground if he doesn't raise them, two clenched fists probably being the
size of -- if not larger than -- his head.
But I'm not sure. ^_^;;;;
Ares laughed as he swung his flaming weapon around to neatly
separate an overconfident youma's head from the remainder of his body.
"Good to see you too, Aqoran."
Mmm. Flamberge.
The council chamber was not one of those rooms, much to Scalae's
present irritation. She was hungry, but eating in human form would only
satisfy her until she returned to her true body. But for the moment, it
would have to do, as she needed to speak to her councilors. Her
featureless red eyes swept the gathering, and she nodded. "I'm sure you
know why I have called on you to attend me now."
I wonder where the Dragons came from.
Chresk, one of Scalae's Overlords, spoke. "Of course, my lady."
Chresk was a reptilian beast, with dull red scales. "The entire world
rang like a bell."
I once heard that because the entire moon was essentially a solid piece
-- no liquid core -- that it actually resonates like a bell when struck.
I never researched it because it seemed so unlikely, but....
It took a moment for the statement to sink in, and then the
meeting dissolved into pandemonium. "Quiet!" Scalae demanded in a loud
voice that seemed incongruous emerging from her small form. "Gather all
my armies. I want them ready to head north in two days!"
To swear fealty, if you know what's good for ya.
"I see them," Zeus replied. "Thunder Bolt!" The lightning
knocked a youma down, and for a moment Zeus thought the beast dead.
However, the youma quickly regained his feet.
I'd replace the last instance of 'the youma' with 'it'.
"Blazing Light!" Aphrodite's attack targeting the same youma as
her brother's, and this time the youma did die, much to her relief.
targeting -- targeted
A moment later, the five surviving youma were upon them,
fireballs exploding and fists swinging. Zeus leapt over the first youma
to reach him, delivering a perfect backstab that left the youma a
disintegrating pile of dust. However, another youma tackled the
Champion, sending his blade spinning across the street.
Five? I thought their way was only blocked by four initially. Four minus
one equals five? Youma math. Only explanation. ;)
Aphrodite flowed through and around the remaining youma's
attacks, striking out at will with her glowing blade. A fireball forced
her back briefly, but she soon resumed her assault, and shortly
thereafter the youma was dead.
Artagel's blade... that would by Chryosaur, I think. It's name means
'good as gold'.
A rose hit the youma's hand with surprising force, forcing him
to drop the shaken Champion. A second hit an instant later and sent him
to the ground to join his foe. A third followed, and the Champion now
lay beside a vanishing pile of dust.
See, FINALLY someone has the right idea.
Zeus rose to his feet, retrieving his sword. A wordless glance
passed between him and Aphrodite, and then the two Champions' attention
returned to his savior. Tuxedo Kamen was alone. If they could take him
out, they would destroy one of the cornerstones of Crystal Tokyo. As
one, the two Champions raised their swords.
Now, these characters are not making themselves sympathetic.
"Hold it," Uranus stated calmly. "I think we have more pressing
concerns at the moment." She gestured toward the sounds of the ongoing
fighting.
Uranus. One of the two who gladly betrayed all her friends for power. And
she's the voice of reason.
That's so horribly, horribly, HORRIBLY wrong.
The sudden flank assault relieved some for the pressure on the
Inner Senshi's embattled position. Mercury took advantage of the lull
to finish off the closest youma with a Shine Aqua Illusion, but another
youma soon confronted her. A second attack was countered by the youma's
fireball. Mercury took a step back and used her Shabon Spray to buy
herself some time.
I'd suggest dropping the last 'youma' entirely. It's a word that pops up
a lot, and 'but another soon confronted her' works just as well.
Elsewhere, Hades had arrived, and he strode unconcerned through
the battlefield, blade striking out at any youma that presented itself.
Each sword blow was fatal, and soon the youma gave the Champion of Pluto
a wide berth.
Hrm.... This makes a bit more sense. Nice tie-in with mythos, by the way.
The champion of Death. So, which planet does Chronus belong to, again?
Orinas emerged from the shattered storefront into which he had
been flung and quickly surveyed the battlefield. It took him only a
moment to decide his course of action. "Retreat!" he bellowed before
returning to the Dark Kingdom. The surviving youma followed his advice,
breaking off and vanishing themselves.
Pity. Now they fall on one another.
Fools! Fools!
*throws popcorn at the screen until he's 'asked to leave' by six burly
ushers*
Chronus frowned, but spoke. "And my daughter. She has
abandoned her oaths by creating this 'Crystal Tokyo'. We will not allow
that abomination to become reality. So long as you defend Pluto and
Saturn, there can be no peace."
creating -- trying to create
It's not done yet.
Pluto grimaced. "Dead Scream!" Chronus blurred, and the energy
ball passed by harmlessly.
Er... she overstepped her bounds there, didn't she? Shouldn't she have
been following, oh, I don't know, Usagi's commands?
Speaking of which, why isn't she saying anything?
Saturn wordlessly dropped the Silence Wall, allowing the
Champions to resume their charge. No matter. They would not complete
it. A grim smile on her face, Saturn leveled the Silence Glaive and
began to gather power.
No... no.... The Champions are letting their total bloodlust rule them
here -- they don't bother to consider the defensive screen being, say,
their opponents rallying forces.
Too closeminded.
The Senshi and Champions were looking about wildly, seeking to
determine the source of the fire. Ishamanar knew the smart thing to do
would be to leave now, but he could not resist the temptation to gloat.
Nyxan would not do such a thing, but Ishamanar was not Nyxan. A fierce
grin on his face, Ishamanar strode into view.
Pride goeth before a fall.
And with that, Ishamanar returned to the Dark Kingdom.
Surprising.
Didn't think that Hotaru would die.
A flare of light appeared as the chamber's only door briefly
opened and admitted Ishamanar. The four-armed general laughed harshly
as he walked to stand beside Nyxan, then bowed deeply toward the
chrysalis. "A fine day, and an even finer victory."
Four-armed, eh? Well, four-armed is four-warned.
Author's Random Ramblings
1) And another one bites the dust! Now, only four chapters and a lone
epilogue stand before me and victory! Never mind that this chapter took
far longer than I thought it would to complete. Oh well. To paraphrase
the almighty Blue Thunder of Funrikan High: I write on!
As do I... no, actually, that hit me pretty hard. Gonna take a break from
C&Cing for the night.
2) This space is dedicated to uttering my thanks to the incomparable
Angus MacSpon for his efforts prereading this chapter.
Additional thanks for helpful comments goes to: [Your name could be
here!]
It never does, tho.
3) As is ever the case all comments, positive or negative, are greatly
appreciated.
I hope that this helped, then.
4) Previous chapters of Shades of Gray can be found at my website
(http://www.geocities.com/anowack/) or at Fanfiction.Net
My turn to ramble:
I like it, it's STILL the only pure-Sailor moon fic I've read, and it's
still worth it.
Hotaru's death caught me by surprise. I thought that the Champions
weren't so zealous, but I was wrong, and that... while believable in
this story... got me by surprise.
I have to see if the Champions and the Senshi realize what's been done --
it strikes me that with Hotaru dead, the Champions would be more willing
to negotiate, but I can't imagine the Senshi would be as amiable, given
that same loss.
I AM surprised that Hotaru didn't surender herself. I'm also surprised at
Usagi's nearly complete silence once the battle began. I suspect there's
a good reason for that, but no need to dwell on that here.
I REALLY want to read chapter 12, but I need some sit-back-and-think time
over Hotaru and Chronus, so that will wait until tomorrow.
Good work, Evil Twin. Excelent work. I... can't thing of anything else to
say at the moment.