Suzi:  Will the nightmare never end?
Dave:  Sure it will.
Suzi:  Really?!  <gets a starry-eyed look on her face>
Dave:  Yes.  Nine more chapters from now.
Suzi:  Some reassurance *you* are.  Jerk.
James: Now, now, children...

Ranma 1/2
Chapter 5
Preperations

Dave:  And the typos continue...

         The next day, the group assembled outside the dojo's pond.  Orion 
had just arrived before a fight broke out between Ranma and Ryoga.  He 
stopped the fight by telling both of them that he would tie them up naked 
in front of a girl's dorm.  The group was ready to go.  Then what looked 
like female Ranma walked up.

James: Hey, go for it.  Those two might learn something.
Dave:  Yeah.  Just how much fun college girls can be.
Suzi:  I love the segue here.  So nonchalant.  As if it happens every day.
Dave:  "Then the Devil walked by."
Suzi:  A good example there, Davey-boy.
James: "Davey-boy?"
Dave:  I hate it when she calls me that..

         Shana saw Ranma-chan and walked towards her.  Orion quickly 
followed.  "Alleana?  Is that you?" Shana asked Ranma-chan.  Againist the 
sun, Orion could tell that this was a ghost.

Dave:  Wow, he *must* be fireproof, leaning against the sun like that.
Suzi:  What can I say.. He's a "hottie."
Dave:  ...
James: How about not saying anything at all?
Dave:  Now who might this odd, uninspiring character be?
Suzi:  Someone interesting?
James: Too much to hope for, my dear.

         Orion walked up to the confused ghost and began speaking to it in 
an odd langauge.  No one could understand it, except Orion and Alleana.

Suzi:  It's Loserese.

         +"Alleana, what are you doing here?"+ Orion asked.

Dave:  <as Alleana> I'm here to try out for Miss February in the new issue 
of Playghost.

         +"I don't really know.  Have you told them about what will happen 
if the demon is defeated?"+ Alleana asked.

James: <as Orion> That it will explode in a gory shower of blood, entrails, 
and other demon bits?  No, I thought I'd leave it as a surprise.  Should 
make lunch interesting.

         +"No.  I'll tell the cursed one who will remain first, just before 
I go through the portal."+ Orion answered.

Suzi:  Huh?  "The Cursed One Who Will Remain"?  Sounds prophetic.
Dave:  You mean "pathetic."

         +"So, when are you going to tell my sister about your other little 
secret?"+ Alleana asked.

Suzi:  Oooh...  A secret!  I wonder what it is..
James: <as Orion> I'm a complete knob, and have no more entertainment value 
that your average manure pile.
Suzi:  No, no... That's obvious.
Dave:  I think I can guess what it is.
Suzi:  Oh?
Dave:  He's going to pull a Vader.  Seems to be the only thing missing from 
this story.
James: A Vader?
Dave:  <nodding> As in Darth Vader, from "The Empire Strikes Back."
Suzi:  I don't get it.
Dave:  <makes his voice echoing and raspy> Ranma.  I am your father.
James & Suzi: Ohh! <looks at each other> Naaaah.

         +"Looks like I can't block my astral image after all.  I'll tell 
them all in good time."+ Orion answered.

James: A good time would be just before this fanfic started.
Suzi:  Good time for what?
James: To run.  Far and fast.

         Alleana nodded and disappeared.

Dave:  Thats one down.  Too many more to go.

         "Let's go." Orion told the group.  He waved his arms and muttered 
some words.  A glowing disk appeared before him (It's no bigger then one 
either) and began to grow till it was larger than Orion.  Each of the 
chosen group leaped through, until it was just Orion.

Dave:  Hold it.  <hits pause>  How big is the disk again?
Suzi:  Umm.. <studies the screen>  Just says its as no bigger than one.
Dave:  One what?
Suzi:  Disk, I suppose.
Dave:  But how big is *that*?
Suzi:  I don't know, why are you bugging ME with it?
Dave:  This just annoys the crap out of me.  These little "helpful" 
comments that daze and confuse the readers.  They don't serve any point, 
and would vastly improve the story if they were removed.
James: Relax, Dave.  This isn't the only fanfic I've seen them in.  They 
pop up even in the best of stories.  Try and ignore them, dear boy.
Dave:  <grumble>  They still annoy me.. <hits play>

         He turned to Genma.  "Genma, if we win, the spirit of the panda 
may inhabit your body.  If it does, it won't have any control so long as 
you are human, but it will have complete control when you're a panda." 
Orion told him.

James: I thought it always *had* been in control.  Lazy, slow, lacking in 
higher intelligence... Yeah, that fits.

         Genma was shocked, but nodded.  Orion leaped through the 
portal.  It disappeared as soon as Orion had leaped through.
         On the other side of the portal, Orion found a confused group.

Dave:  A confused group?  Must be the Cincinnati Bengal when shown a football.
Suzi:  Or one of the innumerable "boy bands" after being asked what 
two-plus-two is.
James: You're both wrong.
Suzi & Dave: Oh?
James: It's us.  The readers of this fanfic.  No one could be more confused 
than them.

         "We aren't in China." Ranma said noticing the obvious differences.

Suzi:  Anyone want to make that same Wizard of Oz joke?
James: No, thank you.  Too easy.

         "No, I told you I had means of extending time and this is it." 
Orion answered.

Dave:  <as Orion> This land is called "Florida."  Where time slows to a 
crawl, and living things never die.
Suzi:  <as Akane> I see what you mean.  How old is that man over there?  He 
looks to be at least a hundred.
Dave:  <as Orion> Or perhaps more.  It's very possible.

         They were on a grassy hill in a beautiful landscape.  "Now here, 
time works as this, 3 minutes here equal 1 minute in the real world.  And 
since we have 2 months to practice in the real world....." Orion said.

James: Since when have any of the Ranma characters been in touch with the 
real world?
Suzi:  Oooh, I can see it now.  Another crappy reality show for MTV Japan.
James: "Real World: Nerima"?
Suzi:  Bingo.  Give the man a cigar.

         "We have 6 months here." Akane finished.

Dave: <as Nabiki> Damn it, Orion promised you'd be gone for a year!

         Orion divided the group in to two.  Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse were 
in Shana's group.  Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo were in Orion's group.  Orion 
quickly set up camp before the groups split up to train.

Suzi:  Split in two, what a nasty way to go.
Dave:  Lucky bastard, he gets all the girls while the guys have to share 
Shana.  That just aint fair.
Suzi:  <glowering>  Watch it, "honey".

         "Why are we training?  We've been training all our lives." Ryoga 
remarked.
         "If you think you can take on a demon, take on me." Orion declared.

James: <singing> Taaaake ooonnn meeee...
Dave & Suzi: <singing> Take, On, Me!
James: <singing> Taaaake meeee ooonnn...
Dave & Suzi: <singing> Take, On, Me!
James: <singing> I'll be laaaame!
Dave & Suzi: <singing> We've beaten this gag, DEEEEAD!
Jame: <coughing slightly> Okay, we've run that one into the ground by now.

         Everyone, except Shana, attacked.  The fight lasted 10 seconds 
with the entire group on the ground (excluding Orion and Shana).
         "If I were a demon, you all would be dead." Orion told them firmly.

Suzi:  As opposed to us just WISHING it?
Dave:  Yeah, where's the bloodbath?!
James: And the earth-shattering *kaboom*?  What happened to the 
earth-shattering *kaboom*?

         "I should have expected this from the guy who beat Hopposai." 
Ranma muttered.

Dave:  Who's Hopposai?  Is he related to Happosai?
James: Could be, indeed.

         Later that day, Orion healed Mousse's sight and gave Ryoga a sense 
of direction.

All:   <massive facefault> WHAT?!
Dave:  Okay.  Hold the phone.  Major piss-off time.
Suzi:  What, because the author just eliminated two of the primary 
character points of the entire series?
Dave:  That, and that he did it in such an offhand manner.  Remember back a 
few chapters when he just up and said "Oh, Nodoka knew all along"?  This is 
even WORSE.  That time, he gave *some* kind of explanation.  Now he's just 
saying "By the way, Mousse ain't blind any more and Ryouga doesnt get 
lost."  CHEAP LAZY COP OUT.
James: Wow.  Certainly a passionate objection, lad.
Dave:  It just butters my biscuits when this important a plot development 
gets summed up and skimmed over like this.  Hell, this should be a 
signifigant part of the story! <grumble>
Suzi:  Whoa, calm down!
Dave:  But..!
Suzi:  If you calm down, I'll make it worth your while later, 'K?
Dave:  <quietly> Okay, I'm all better now.
James: Thats *some* motivation, lass.
Suzi:  <smirking> You'd better believe it.  Play on, your Majerksty.
James: ...

         Near the end of the 6 months, Ranma and co. had made HUGE 
advancements.  Their reflexes and strength had improved greatly as had the 
size of their battle auras.  Shana had continuely pestered Orion about what 
he and Alleana had talked about.

Suzi:  Huge advancements.  That anything like improvements?
Dave:  "She's got HUGE... tracts of land."
James: Where did that come from, Dave?
Dave:  Monty Python, one of your people's better exports.
James: ... I know *that.* I meant why bring it up?  And we've had much 
better offerings than Monty Python, lad.
Dave:  Two words, Jimmy: Mad. Cow.  Anyway, I just noted the emphasis on 
HUGE and that scene popped to mind.
James: <looking over at Suzi> I wonder why.
Suzi:  Ahem.  Watch the fic, not my breasts.
James: The story's not as interesting, but alright.

         Orion allowed the group to try and take him on.  The fight lasted 
three hours, but with similar results.  Orion had been beaten up pretty 
well along with the rest, despite the fact that he had won.  Later, after 
everyone had been healed, Orion gathered them around the campfire

James: Alright, one last time.
All:   KUM BA YAH, WE'RE BORED! KUM BA YAH!

         "You have improved greatly.  Now, for your rewards."  Orion announced.
Orion passed out bracers (Forearm guards used in the past) to the entire group.

Dave:  Bracers: The latest in medeival fashion.
Suzi:  I thought bracers were dental hardware.
James: "Now, for your rewards."  Sounds ominous.  Like he's going to hack 
them all to pieces.
Suzi:  Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.  Don't get a girl's hopes up like that.

         "I worked three nights to make these." Orion told the group.

Suzi:  <as Akane>  It shows.  They look like you made them in the dark.

         Orion went on to describe their defensive capabilities.

James: <as Orion> They, umm...  They protect your wrists.
Suzi:  <as Shampoo> Gee, thanks for news flash, Einstein.

         "Ranma and Ryoga.  Your bracers allow you greater speed and 
dexterity.  Akane and Mousse.  Your bracers will displace your images or 
make you and your shadow appear a few feet from where you really are.  Ukyo 
and Shampoo.  Your bracers allow you to disappear into your shadows and 
appear in others or basically teleportation through shadows.  Shana, your 
bracers allow you to become invisible." Orion explained.

Dave:  Oh great.  A bunch of magically-enchanced morons.  What could be 
more dangerous?
James: Akane with a microwave?
Dave:  You're got a point there.  I'm betting she'd make a frozen dinner toxic.
James: Now *that* takes skill.

         Each of them looked in amazement at their bracers.

Suzi:  <as Shampoo> They not go with dress.  You have in lavender?

         "Tomorrow, we'll have a huge sparring.  Members of both groups 
will fight, in GOOD will." Orion told them.

Dave:  A huge sparring what?
Suzi:  A sparring... sparring. <shrugs>
Dave:  The doesnt make any sense.  To refer to it like this, you call it a 
"spar."  No more, no less.
James: Ease off, chap.  This isn't exactly Shakespeare. It's barely English 
as it is.

         (Author's note:I really shouldn't bother with the Author's notes, 
but I just want to annoy you.)

James: And you do a superlative job, you yak.
Dave:  I just wouldn't know what I'd do with my life if it weren't for 
these notes.
Suzi:  Okay, now *that* sad.

         (We see Ryoga sit down on a bench and take off his boots.  Flames 
rise up.)

Dave:  <as Ryouga> My foot is on fire! I have disgusting toe fungus! RANMA! 
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

         "Tried of Athlete's foot?  Try Desinex." the announcer says.

James: No thank you, I've tried it already.  It tastes icky.
Suzi:  I wonder if it works on heartburn...

         (Ryoga screams and starts hopping around.  He sees a can of 
Desinex and races towards it.  He grabs the can and sprays his foot.  The 
flames rise even higher catching his leg on fire.)

All:   ROAST PORK!!

         "Or a fire extinguisher." the announcer says quickly.

All:   Aw, damn.
Suzi:  So much for lunch.

         (Ryoga gives the announcer the Evil Eye, then hops to a fire 
extinguisher.  He pulls the pin and sprays his foot.  He lets out a sigh of 
relief.)

Dave:  "Yes friends, you too can fool your buddies with the new Acmex "Fire 
Extinguisher Grenade."  Guaranteed to look JUST like a working fire 
extinguisher, or your money back."

         (We see small but legible writing on the bottom of the screen.  It 
reads 'Warning.  If your foot really does catch on fire, DO NOT use Desinex 
on the fire.')

Suzi:  Can we use fire on the author instead?
James: Roast chump.  Eww.

         (Standard disclaimer.)
         (End of Commercial)

Dave:  (End of My Rope)
James: (End of My Patience)
Suzi:  (End of The World)
James: What makes you say that?
Suzi:  There's more fic after this commercial.
All:   AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!

         The following day, the two groups assembled on separate hills.
         "The first fight will be between Ryoga and Shampoo." Orion yelled.

Dave:  <as Mousse> Damn you, Sao-er... Hibiki!  How DARE you try and steal 
Shampoo!
Suzi:  <as Shampoo> Somehow that no sound right...  Shampoo not want fight 
stupid Pig-Boy anyway.  Much rather fight forces of evil.  Author!  I kill!

         Ryoga and Shampoo walked down their respective hills, bowed to 
each other and began to fight.  The fight last for about an hour and 
neither one had the upper hand.  Orion stopped the fight.  The two bowed to 
each other then walked back to their hills and sat down to rest.

James: Exceedingly static prose here.
Dave:  I see what you mean.  "This happened.  And this happened.  And this 
happened."  Snoooooooooze.

         "Ukyo and Mousse." Shana called out.

Suzi:  <as Mills Lane>  In this corner, all the way from Whumpfuck, China, 
it's the Blind Waterfowl Everyone Wants to Pluck, MOUSSE!  And in this 
corner, from Whoknowswhere, Japan, the Okonomiyaki Hottie Everyone Wants to 
**COUGH**, UKYOU!  Let's get it on!
Dave:  <starts removing Suzi's clothing> Well, FINALLY!
Suzi:  Not what i meant, you dimwit.

         Their fight lasted the same length and with pretty much the same 
results. Akane and Orion fought next.  Despite the fact that he was a 
better fighter, Orion was having a tough time trying to fight Akane.
         After another hour, Shana and Ranma finally finished.  Their 
battle was similar to all the rest.  The groups gathered back at the camp site.

James: You know, from that first sentence, I almost thought they were doing 
something more interesting than fighting.
Dave:  True, it didnt say WHAT they had finished.

         "Soon, we'll see how much you really learned on this training 
trip.  We fight the demon at Juesenkyo.  I must tell about the new 
development.  The demon has called upon four others.  The demons of 
Humility, Despair, Alterego and Desire.  I have no idea how they intend to 
fight us, but rest assured they will." Orion proclaimed.

James: Humility is a demon?!
Suzi:  I knew it!  I knew it!
Dave:  Makes me wonder if Charity, Kindness and Selflessness are also demons.

         "Remember, we have three days left until the battle, so rest up 
and prepare." Shana said, finishing Orion's speech.

Dave:  ORGY TIME!

         That night, Akane walked outside and saw Orion sitting down on a 
log.  He was staring into space.

Suzi:  <as Akane>  Where did you get the telescope?
Dave:  <as Orion>  From Uranus.
Suzi:  <as Akane>  That explains my discomfort while sitting recently.

         "Akane, you know you should resting." Orion said suddenly.  Akane 
jumped.

James: <as Akane>  But I still have to do my jumping exercises.  Why are 
you watching me like that?
Dave:  <as Orion>  Oh, no reason.  <mumbles> Bouncy, bouncy...

         "Can't sleep, huh?" Orion asked walking up to her.  She nodded.

Suzi:  <as Akane>  Nope.  Raging case of crabs.  Keeping me up nights.

         "Why can't you and Ranma get along?  I know he's not exactly 
tactful at times, but he has been there for you when you really needed 
him." Orion asked.

Dave:  And so the cycle of the SI character continues.
James: This must be the "Solve All The Major Characters' Problems" phase.
Suzi:  Shoot them.  That'll solve everything and save US, too.

         "He's always insults me, he won't try my cooking and he always 
tries to get in my way or stop me from fighting." Akane answered.

James:  <plays an imaginary violin>
Dave:  <as Orion>  Well, you're a complete superbitch, your cooking is 
considered a biological weapon in eighteen civilized countries, and he's 
trying to keep from having to drag your dismembered corpse home to your 
father.  Did I leave anything out?
Suzi:  The constant PMS.

         "That's because he cares.  Well, not the cooking part, but he gets 
in your way because he doesn't want you hurt.  The insults are because he 
doesn't know how how to handle the situations.  But, he fights for you, 
looks for you, and does things for you and you don't seem to notice because 
you let your anger blind you to his actions when he's trying to get out of 
a sticky situation." Orion countered.

Suzi:  The SI: Beholds All, Knows All.  Fear him.
James: The B.A.K.A. Factor.

         "I suppose I don't really give him a chance to explain things." 
Akane replied.  Orion smiled at the fact that she understood.

James: Thus, her problem is solved.
Dave:  Now shoot her!

         He touched her forehead.  Akane felt sleepy and nearly collapsed 
right there, but she caught herself and went back to bed.

James: <as Orion> Now where can I go to sanitize my hand?

         The following day, the group silently prepared.  Akane, Ranma, 
Shampoo, Ryoga, and Ukyou all ran practice routines.  Mousse cleaned his 
weapons.  Orion sat and meditated.  Shana practiced each of her new techniques.

Suzi:  Well thanks for the play-by-play, Marv.  Sure wouldn't want to miss 
any of the interesting details.
Dave:  If we're lucky, maybe he'll describe how many snores each of them 
let loose that night.

         All in all, it was a pretty quiet day with standard conversations 
popping up occasionally.

Suzi:  <as Akane, bored> Ranma, you jerk.
Dave:  <as Ranma, bored> Uncute tomboy.
James: <as Ryouga, bored> Ranma, prepare to die.
Suzi:  <as Shampoo, bored> Wo ai ni, Ranma.
Dave:  <as Ukyou, bored> Ranma, you jackass.
James: <as James, bored> Another gag we've run into the ground.
Dave:  Yeah, but it was worth it.

         That night, Ryoga had trouble sleeping.  He walked outside and saw 
Orion still meditating.

All:   OMMMM....
Suzi:  O...
Dave:  WA...
James: TA...
Suzi:  LU...
Dave:  SUR...
James: AH...
All:   YAM...

         "You're worried, aren't you?" Orion asked, startling Ryoga.

Dave:  <as Ryouga> Yeah... If Ranma find's out that his mother's carrying 
my love-child...

         "Yeah, I guess so." Ryoga said, regaining his calm.
         Orion walked up and began talking to Ryoga.

James: Straight up?  Neato.
Dave:  Must be the stick up his ass that's giving him that kind of elevation.

         "You're worried we can't win or that Akane will die." Orion stated.

Suzi:  I'm hoping.

         "Uh, yeah.  How did you know?" Ryoga asked.

Dave:  <as Orion> You just tried to put her in a Pokeball for safety.

         "I can tell a lot about you, Ryoga or should I call you P-chan?." 
Orion said.  He put a hand on Ryoga's shoulder as Ryoga's jaw dropped.

James: How many times can he say Ryouga in one paragraph?
Dave:  As many times as it takes to annoy.
James: SUCCESS!
Dave:  No, that's "SUCKS ASS!"

         "Just go to bed." Orion said walking back to where he had been 
sitting.

Suzi:  <as Orion> Your OWN bed, Royuga.  Leave Shampoo alone.

         Ryoga's vision blurred and he walked into his tent.

Dave:  <as Ryouga> Ow-oOF!  Damn it!  Where did the door go?!  DAMN YOU RANMA!

         The day before the trip back to the real world came quickly enough 
for everyone.  The day was spent practicing and preparing like the day before.
However, today was quieter than usual.  No one was very cheerful.

James: They need an orgy.  That would certainly improve the mood.
Suzi:  And we're back to the static storytelling.  "And then. And then. And 
then."  Sheesh!

         Orion put everyone to bed by casting a sleep spell on the whole 
group.  Surprisingly, Shampoo woke up.

Suzi:  And for no readily apparent reason, I might add.
James: You might, but please don't.  It's terrible tacky.

         She saw Orion and walked up behind him.  "What you doing?" Shampoo 
asked.

James: <as Orion> The Hokey Pokey!

         Orion looked back casually and answered "Thinking.  Thinking about 
what I'm going to do after this fight is through."

Dave:  <as Orion> Thinking about the best way to cook each and every last 
one of your whackoloons.

         "Shampoo already know what she do after fight." Shampoo said, her 
eyes glazing over.

Suzi:  Brain implant?
James: Begin her porn career?

         We see chibi (Small and super-deformed) Ranma kicking chibi Mousse 
and chibi Shampoo is kicking chibi Akane.  Chibi Ranma and Shampoo hold 
hands and hearts appear in the air above them.  She shook out of the 
fantasy and sat down next to Orion.

Suzi:  Well thanks for that lesson in bad pidgin Japanese.  Shut the chibi up.
Dave:  Anytime someone says "super-deformed," I think of Ranma with three 
heads, four arms and his face mysteriously relocated to the sides of his skull.
Suzi:  Eww, Dave.

         "Ranma's love is else where, Shampoo.  I can see it in his 
eyes.  But, have you even considered how loyal Mousse has been, even after 
all these years you spent ignoring him, hitting him and mentally abusing 
him?" Orion asked.

James: <as Shampoo> Mousse is Shampoo favorite punching bag.  All Amazon 
have one.

         Shampoo stared at Orion briefly, before looking at the ground.

Suzi:  <as Shampoo> Shampoo no can look you in eye...
James: <as Orion> Because you know I's right, don't you?
Suzi:  <as Shampoo> No.  Is because you have too-too gross booger hanging 
from nose.  Use hankie, stupid!

         "I mean, Ranma hasn't shown the slightest bit of intrest in you 
and yet, you chase after him like a kissing fish.  You don't even know that 
Mousse has been there for you for a LONG, LONG time.  You and he are very 
much alike.  You chase after someone that doesn't notice you and he done so 
as well.  And yet, you've been left in the dust, so should he be as well?" 
Orion said.

James: Thus ends this presentation of "Gratuitous Resolution Attempts By 
Author's Selfless Simulacrums!"
Suzi:  <amused> G.R.A.B.A.S.S.??

         Shampoo looked up.
         "Shampoo consider what you say." She answered.  Shampoo slowly 
walked back to her tent.

Suzi:  <as Shampoo> Shampoo consider.  You is right.  Miller Lite IS less 
filling.

         Orion watched her, then went back to thinking.  [They shouldn't 
have to worry, especially about their futures.] Orion thought.

James: Yes.  After all, why think about something they don't have?
Suzi:  Their futures?
James: Quite right.
Dave:  Or sex.  Or really good lunchmeat.
Suzi:  <looks Dave over> You can't decide whether you're horny or hungry, 
can you?
Dave:  Bingo!

         [No one would have to worry if you made sure everything went 
right] a voice answered from within, [but, to do that, you'd have to be a god.]

Dave:  Don't even SUGGEST that this dweeb become a divine being. <shudders>
Suzi:  Talk about a "Holy Terror."
James: No, a "Holy Shit."

         Orion knew that win or lose, someone was going to die.  Whether it 
was someone in his group or a soul of someone caught up in this minature 
war, someone was going to die.  Orion allowed himself to smile a little, 
for sending that letter to the Tendo dojo.

James: Letter?  What letter?
Suzi:  <as Oscar the Grouch> This trashy fanfic brought to you by the 
letters P and U.  'Cause it STINKS.
Dave:  Okay, thats another one down.  Seems to me that this is getting 
easier as we go.
James: That's because you're starting to go numb, lad.  It'll pass.
Suzi:  Roll in the next turkey, let's get started.


Red Death
Archivist, Fanfic Reviewer & Author
Proprietor, Ranma 1/2 Superhighway
http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/superhighway/index.html



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'