I guess it's time to come out of hiding and start making
myself useful to the list. And so here is my contribution
after almost a year of silence.

The following are my comments to your story thus far:
1. The experiences of Ranma that you wrote have not varied
greatly from the ones we know in canon. However, instead of
the tough teenager that we've come to know and love, you've
presented Ranma here to be a weepy kid who couldn't beat
his mother in a match in spite of Ranma having had almost
ten years of training.

Couple things to note here.  First, and foremost, the Genma in this fic is
very, very different from canon fic.  That's one of the main points in my
summary (although you would've had to go to my website to see it).  This
Genma is a very honorable man, almost akin to a samurai.  Thus, he grew up
in a much friendlier environment.  Imagine how much someone would change if
instead of constant hearing, "What's the matter, boy?  Quit acting like a
girl.", you heard "That's pretty good, but you need to rotate your wrist
just a tad bit more.  Let's do it again."  Even though he still retains his
stupidity and is a little rough around the edges, this Genma actually tries
to be a good father.

Second thing, this Ranma is 14, not 16.  When someone's 14, they're much
more vulnerable, and as the story pointed out, think about what it'd be like
to go through puberty as a boy AND as a girl.  @_@

2. Regarding Nodoka's fighting skill: as far as I can tell,
canon does not give us any indication of her skill in the
martial arts. This of course gives writers like yourself
enough license to explore the possibility that Nodoka
is herself an accomplish fighter. However, you did not
take advantage of this; that is to say, you do not give
us any reason to believe that this Nodoka is different
from canon in so far as her past training and present
skills go. To simply write a fight sequence where Nodoka
severely outclasses Ranma seems too much to believe
without justification.

Actually, there is justification.  Martial arts requires extreme focus, if
one is to be good at it.  However, Ranma's mind is in chaos (hehe...get it,
chaos :P).  Thus, he's no where near where his abilities should be.  Plus,
as mentioned above, the fight does take two years ahead of when we initially
meet the canon Ranma.  If you think about it, imagine how much Ranma
improves in the amount of time the series follows him (not sure, but I think
it's around two years).  He goes from, extremely good to demi-god.  That's
quite a leap within two years, ne?

A later post to the FFML points out that we actually do have an indication
of Nodoka's skill in canon form.  I'll be sure to implement it as such in my
later stories.  For now, she will remain as she is, because its my fic and I
say so. ^_~

3. Finally, it does not seem logical for Nodoka to insist that
Ranma spend one year as a girl. If what she wants is to teach
her son to be less of a sexist, certainly a week or even a month
of being a girl should be sufficient, but certainly not a
whole year. If Nodoka has a more adequate and believable
reason, it has not been made clear in your story.

Hmm...not all things necessarily need to be presented in the story.
However, it's not because he's sexist.  Not completely, anyway.  It's mainly
for himself, to realize that he's of value, even if he isn't a he a lot of
the time.  She realized that this may only take a month or so, but she also
realized that it could actually end up taking more than a year.  After all,
who can tell how much time it could take for a 14-year-old to realize that
something they've been taught their whole life is incorrect?  A very long
time, in my opinion.  Sometime's even never.

I hope that these comments have helped. I look forward to the
next installment of your story.

Regards,

DarkHorse

I think I'll replay to the others while I'm at it.  No need to eat up space
on the FFML with countless emails.

Alex Timiney:  Yes, the idea of Nodoka forcing Ranma to be a girl is done
quite often.  However, I don't think it's overdone, since it's all a matter
of personal opinion.  I still enjoy such fics, as do a lot of people.
However, some people think fanfiction in general is overdone.  *shrug*  To
each their own.

One pointer about your idea.  I'm not sure where, but I think I've seen
something similar done.  Might want to check around on that, but if not, I
think that's okay.  After all, it's not like any of my fics are all that
original.  :P

Last, but not least, I'm sorry that I didn't have a fourth knight.  I
originally wanted to, but changed my mind.  I just didn't feel like I'd be
able to give each of the characters equal ground if I did that, which is
something that I REALLY want to do in this fic.  Thus, I didn't even include
Hikaru.  *sigh*

Benjamin Goldberg:  Umm...nothing really to add.  *shrug*  ^_^

Okay, everyone.  Sorry if I seem a bit defensive.  I really DO appreciate
the critiques, it's just that I thought over these things before and felt
like I covered them fairly well.  Just trying to present my views.  : )

Oh yeah, almost forgot.  Before someone makes a comment on the name change,
it's because Ranma can masquerade as a visiting cousin.  Everyone in the
neighborhood knows that Nodoka never had a daughter, so that leaves Ranma
high and dry in that dept.  Thus, she went with the name they would give
their kid if it was a girl: Hikaru.  True, the last name didn't really
change, but...*shrug*

Thanks again, mina-san!!

Asgeras
http://www.geocities.com/asgeras@prodigy.net/index.html


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