Aishuu wrote:

Aishuu Offers:
How Could an Angel Fall so Far?

Answer: Skeet shooting.

I never figured out how the small teenager managed to
drive back Nagumo Shinji, or how he and his friend
saved my life.  Subaru was always at the back of my
mind when I thought of how I wanted my grandchildren
to turn out; sure, he dressed a bit strangely,

and he was, you know, gay. But aside from that, I wanted them to turn out
just like him.

I looked up at the night sky,

repeat of 'night sky' I'd use a different word here.

One was still the brilliant emerald I remember so
well, but the other was a brown amber that seemed to
pierce through me and dismiss me as worthless. When
Subaru looked at me, it was like one eye was promising
me heaven as the other banished me to hell.

Nice imagery.

man who had saved my life nearly a decade ago. The
routine was the only thing that kept me from going
completely over the edge, and I wondered why he was
here... It had to be a mistake.

He smiled at me, and it

Think it would be better as two sentences 'me. It'

 >

"Yes, detective?"

Detective

Something about that made me wonder. With mystiques,
you never knew what they meant. I had once questioned
a woman who had sworn that she had eight past lives,
and each live had its own burdens. It had driven me up
a wall when life six had stonewalled life four...

Heh. Cute past experience.

Subaru seemed to vanish again, and I wondered if he
was holding a mental battle against a spirit that was
trying to possess him. "You know me, Yamakawa-san...
Do you think I'm capable of killing someone?"

Heh. Answering questions with question is never a good sign.

He sighed. "I was out... On a job. I didn't hear
anything that was, out of the ordinary, but then might
out of the ordinary varies wildly from the ordinary
person's."

The last sentence was awkward. I'm not sure what you're trying to say.

Subaru blinked his mismatched eyes slowly, and I
almost shivered at the preternatural quality he now
held.  "Yamakawa." and this time he dropped the
honorific, and rose out of his seat so he could lean
across the table.  He was so close to me that I could
feel his breath on my cheek, but it wasn't warm; it
was icy, and it felt like I was standing naked outside
in the middle of a blizzard.  "Do you believe in
destiny?" he asked me.

Yamakawa: Only after it's happened is it truly destiny. Anything before that
is just odds.

Subaru smiled faintly, and fell back into the seat,
and adjusted his collar.  He seemed amused and
saddened by me.  "There is a destiny for all of us,
even Nagumo. his

His

 destiny was to be destroyed that

night."

"What does destiny have to do with it?" I demanded.
"I'm investigating a murder, and if a murderer says 'I
was destined to do it,' as a defense, we're still
going to lock him up!"

For the first time that evening, I had his complete,
undivided attention.  "You. are a good man.  The world
needs more men like you. you

You

nice work. Definitely a moody piece. It worked.Not much more I can say.

D.B. Sommer



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