Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 24 Nov 2002 01:12:10 -0500 Django Wexler <dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu>
wrote:
[This,] thought Kei, as she ground her teeth together in an effort
to ignore the pain, [is it. This is the last time I follow that
long-haired *lunatic*. No more taking his orders, no more {idiot : idiotic} traps.
I'm done.]
Unless it's meant to trap idiots.
The thought that she might one day {end] : end} had not occurred to Kei in
a long time. Not since she'd clawed her way out of Limbo and carved out
a space in the Domains, anyway, and that had been so long ago she barely
remembered it.
{: * * *}
"Hello? Anybody home?"
It may be useful to have a more explicit marker for scene and viewpoint
changes. It's too easy to gain or lose empty lines and sometimes the
change isn't as obvious as this one is.
The gathering was in a massive conference room that Tsuiren had
created for the occasion, mimicking a high-tech office tower. [He's
always up on the fashions of humans, I'll give him that much.] Some of
his guests, who were gradually popping into existence around the big
table, were not so current. Byore and his party, for example, were
still decked out in skulls and black iron, while Tsfair had apparently
set his heart on the cloak-and-big-shoulderpad craze that had been
popular a couple of {Temporal :: temporal} years ago.
"Expeditions on the part of individual lords proved fruitless, so I
directed a group of our most powerful daemons and a few lords to look
into it. They were ambushed{, :: --} and defeated."
Kei snorted. "Tsuiren couldn't plot his way out of a paper bag.
I'd put odds {against : on} the human being smarter than him any day."
"That depends on how long this takes." There was something odd in
her expression, Robyn thought -- as though she found the situation
darkly humorous. "Try after five or so."
I had been thinking Mary was the semi-deities (emphasis on semi) opponent.
This makes me wonder if it's Sumiko. Perhaps Sumiko is also involved on a
different level.