Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sat, 28 Dec 2002 00:29:15 EST JLee100441@aol.com wrote:
I'm sending this again after some revision at the {requist : request} of my fans. I would
like to thank my pre-readers and all the people the sent me C&C on this. I'll
try to do a better job next time. I would {esspecially : especially} thank Animeaddiction
and Tangent for their suggestions.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko
Takahashi. Gold Digger belongs to Fred Perry. {Sueing : Suing} me would be pretty
useless.
I don't know. It get at least a little upset if someone called me Sue.
"I {see." Said : see," said} Ranma, looking thoughtful. "And the school tolerates this?"
"I wouldn't {worry." Said : worry," said} Akane, her face somewhat softened. "The
challenge was to date me. He doesn't seem to like you, so he probably won't
want you dating here."
[(Sccceeeechh!) Now here this! I, Takiwaki Kuno, here by declare that if
anyone wishes to date the {fare : fair} Akane Tendo. They must first rid our noble
school of the kokujin Monique Pincer! So I command!]
"I'm going to make an announcement{. : ,}" Ranma said in a cold tone. Monique
could only hope he didn't do something too rash.
"Ha! As if I have to justify my actions to you." Said a smug looking
Kuno. He was sure that by tomorrow the foreign witch and her {guard : lackey} would be
gone. There was no way the cowardly cow would face the might of Furinken
High, let alone his awesome power.
Lackey just seems more in Kuno's way of thinking.
[Now hear this. I am Ranma Diggers. For those of those who don't know,
I'm Monique's boyfriend. And now you're all going to listen to this
announcement! If any of you primates even {think : thinks} of touching her, I'll feed
you your ass. And if you don't think I can then I'll gladly meet Kuno on the
soccer field after school. That is of course unless Mr. Kuno is a COWARD!
Which he is, since he has others do his own dirty work! You hear me Kuno? I'm
calling you out! You got the balls to face me or are you going to use someone
else's{: ?}]
{Yep, and I'll be there too. Making a fortune!} {Thought : thought} Nabiki. She could
just see the yen coming in.
Noon...
"I can't believe your boyfriend's going to fight {Kuno." Said : Kuno," said} Shori. She
had decided to join Yuka and Monique for lunch.
"Yes, this is what Ranma {do." Said : do," said} Monique. "He always likes to be hero."
"Well he better watch himself. Kuno's the second best in the school and
he's really good when he's {angry." : angry,"} Akane warned, though a part of her wanted
to see Ranma get pounded. How dare he suggest that she wasn't the best
martial artist and that Kuno was holding back?
"Yeah{: ,} and how can you stand that perverted curse."
The dark-skinned girl shrugged as she described her boyfriend. "Umm{: ,} well{: ,}
he nice and very brave. I first meet him when I was being robbed. He came out
of nowhere and beat robbers up."
"Who're Penny and Gina?" {Asked : asked} Nabiki, joining the {group's :} conversation.
"Gina is Ranma's sister, Penny my cousin. They no like each other."
"Wow! Just like Romeo and {Juliet." Said : Juliet," said} Yuka with a sigh.
"I hope not, no want Romeo and Juliet {end." Replied : end," replied} Monique.
Which shows to anyone paying attention that she's no dummy even if she's
not fluent. Akane and Nabiki should be familiar with the play, if no one
else.
"Interesting... So do they ever bring anything back?" Monique nodded and
pulled something from her shirt.
No not that you hentai! :}b
"Well it small {one." Said : one," said} Monique{: ,} slightly embarrassed. Nabiki nearly
choked. That diamond was the size of a {: large} cockroach and she said it was one of
the small ones!?
{: }"H-How big were the big ones."
Monique blinked{, :} as she looked at all the people gathered at the soccer
field. It was almost like Monday Night Fights. She then noticed Nabiki and a
few other girls surrounded by a noticeable crowd. Walking up, Monique decided
to find out what was going on. She stopped however, at seeing the glares from
several of the boys. Monique started to back away.
"Hey {Monique." Said : Monique," called} Nabiki, as she made her way through the boys, glaring
at the ones that didn't move fast enough. Although some of the boys grumbled,
{most : all} quickly got out of Nabiki's way.
You've used 'said' a lot, maybe 'called' would be better here.
Monique was caught off guard by the sudden question. "Oh{: ,} ummh{: ,} Ranma."
"Do not try to lie to me Diggers! I know that you and that witch have a
young maiden under your power. I have seen her myself. She is a beautiful
vision with fiery red hair who is {only :} worthy of {: only} the Kuno loin."
"Hi{: ,} Nabiki." {Said Monique. :}
Who is speaking is obvious from the context.