Disclammer:

  Well, I've never plucked a rooster, and I'm not too good at ping-pong,
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've
never kissed a chipmunk, and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never
been to Boston in the fall!


  Oops. That's not it.  ...AH, here we go. Take two!

  Disclaimer:

  This fanfic is strictly for non-profit use only. The characters and
situations of Ranma 1/2, as well as the fantastically versatile Mr.
Yotsuya, are owned by Rumiko Takahashi and those she licensed them to,
including, but not limited to, Shogakukan and Viz. Naga the Serpent is
a character from Slayers, originally created by Hajime Kanzaka. Segata
Sanshiro and associated characters are owned by Sega, developer of
excellent imported video games. Pereshte, however, is my own original
character. The Sony Playstation is not a webshooter. Disclammer inspired
by Larry the Cucumber. Terry's Chocolate Oranges themselves are produced
by Kraft Foods, and though the author agrees that they are tasty, this
story is not a paid advertisement for their product; it is a free and
unsolicited advertisement, selected solely by the discretion of the
author. The events and persons in this fanfic are completely fictional
and any resemblance to actual events or persons is completely
unintentional, and the author is not responsible for any injury,
trauma, or other detrimental condition resulting from proper or
improper use of this fan fiction. Do not apply internally, severe
tire damage.

  Share and Enjoy!


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


  Space is big. In fact, space is really, REALLY big.  Its size is so
spectacularly huge that most cultures simply give up at even trying to
fathom how big their own little niches in it are.  Moreover, when every
dimension in existence is considered, each with at least one vast
universe contained within, only a select few in some of the higher
dimensions attempt to fully comprehend the science behind this nearly
unimaginable continuum.

  Even in these dimensions, where science has been advanced to the
point where their own inhabitants cannot draw significant distinctions
between it and magic, the utter failure of attempts at significantly
influencing the space-time stream of other dimensions from a safe
distance has led the elites of their respective scientific communities
to the conclusion that the whole thing is a colossal waste of time.

  Still, there are those who try. Most meet with tragedy, but there is
at least one who had some triumph mixed in as well.

----

  "There he is, right where I predicted. And you thought I couldn't
do it!" the Vry'cian graduate scientist triumphantly remarked to her
partner. "Every single one of my formulae running at, oh, what was that
capacity again?"  She smugly turned to the schematic readout diagrams
on the display behind her.

  "Full...full capacity!" He still could hardly believe she actually
pulled it off; the equipment in the room, while not exactly the most
advanced to be found in the Empire, was handling every fluctuation in
the linkup between the two dimensions as effortlessly as if it were
calculating trivial integer multiplication.

  With a mere thought, she refocused the interdimensional scope to
rewind through that foreign timestream until the scope was filled with
individual moments from that distant young man's life, rapidly scrolling
back and forth through them.

  "Of course. And that look on your face," she withdrew her hand from
a pocket of her laboratory robe and pointed at him, "is EXACTLY what I
can't wait to see on the face of the Emperor."  She grinned in triumph,
walking closer to the giant spherical display to view her current
research subject a little more clearly.

  "Yes, I'm quite sure he'll be well-pleased with your research," her
companion agreed, "Just one question, though...where do we go from
here?"

  She looked, not at him, but rather at the human on the screen. Her
eyes began to take on a faraway look as she reminisced, "You know, I've
been keeping an eye on this boy ever since I started my research here.
Until now, I never had the ability to watch his life with quite this
level of signal resolution. He's having an extraordinarily interesting
life over there, even by OUR standards. Excitement, comedy, adventure!"
She shrugged. "Not to mention a large factor of sheer weirdness. And
now, I finally have the PERFECT way to test out the newfound abilities
we've just mastered."

  He looked at her. She looked at him. There was an expectant pause.

  "...And that is?"

  "I'm going to self-insert myself into this universe as his mate."

  "You're going to WHAT?!"

  She spun around in a happy daze, her robe billowing out in a wide
circle as she danced. "Think about it! Actually living AS a native of
one of the lower dimensions, and in one of their own bodies! Not just
watching the story from afar, but EXPERIENCING it as an active
participant! Besides..."  She stopped and gestured towards the bank
of omnilateral processors running along the far wall of the lab.
"Not only do we now have the ability to self-insert, but I'll also be
able to have advance knowledge of every major event in their lives
before it even happens! Have a sense of fun, will ya?"

  "Uh, sounds great...wait, is the picture supposed to be flickering
like that?"

  She froze and suddenly realized that the picture was indeed fading
out. Numerous systems all around the laboratory began powering down,
displays going blank and mechanical components slowing to a halt.
She pulled up a readout and frantically tried to figure out what
was going on.

  "What?! This is impossible! All the components are still running at
full capacity, but we're losing power! HOW?! We're on a dedicated
circuit!!" A high-pitched tone on the side of the room prompted her
to look over, just in time to see the door open and her Imperial
Representative walk in, looking solemnly depressed.

  "Hello, m'lady. I suppose...you have noticed by now what I came to
tell you."  He clasped his hands in front of his grey congressional robe
and looked down.  "Your budget allocation has been diverted onto a rider
bill by Senator Chaloria, and she is currently running a twelve-day
filibuster attempt to keep it from being passed."

  "SHE'S WHAT?!"

  "She is speaking at length on the migratory habits of certain species
of birds, I believe. In any case, the payment deadline of the energy
allocation for your laboratory passed but a few moments ago, despite our
most principled attempts to extend it. I am truly sorry, madam."  He
bowed in humble respect.

  She, on the other hand, began to quake in fury, shouting incoherently
at the meddling senator. Not wasting much time, she began to gather her
research discs and papers into her robe, all the while continuing to
mutter angrily. "Well, she thinks she's going to stomp on MY dreams
without a fight? Gentlemen, come with me! We're going to the Senate,
and as surely as our Emperor Vry'ci lives, today we're STILL going to
make interdimensional HISTORY!"  She stormed out, her colleague and her
Imperial Representative trailing close behind.

----

  Sadly, this was not to be. Their attempt to break the filibuster
would fail, their budget would not be reinstated, and within the day,
both of them would be forced to start a long quest to find safely
non-bureaucratic sources of funding for their dimensional research.
In other tragic news, Emperor Vry'ci died earlier that afternoon while
choking on some fruit. These facts can be safely revealed without
ruining suspense, since they have absolutely nothing to do with Ranma,
Nabiki, nor anyone else in this saga.

  And now, the conclusion....

----

             ______________________________________________
            /             Chocolate Oranges Pi:            \
            |==============================================|
            \ The Self-Serve Deli at the End of the Galaxy /



        [subtitle: This Is The Part Where It Starts Making Sense]



                        A Ranma 1/2 conclusionfic

                     by DannyCat (sabremau@yahoo.com)

----

  On the outskirts of Nerima, not far from the Sea of Nerima, a girl and
her father slowly trudged into town. The girl, Ranma Saotome, was still
walking with a bit of a limp due to injury, and was fairly tired. Her
father, Genma Saotome, donning a white gi that was thoroughly, though
accidentally, stained a light shade of pink from top to bottom, was
flat-out exhausted.

  "Hey, why can't we just get a hotel or something here, then go meet
your friend in the morning? There's gotta be --"

  He cut her off, wobbling awkwardly and panting out, "There is no hotel
around here. It will be dark soon. There is no hotel around here." He
took a couple more unsteady steps, stopped, and smoothly collapsed to a
seated position. He took a roast chicken out of his backpack and handed
half to Ranma. "By the way, boy," he asked his (at-the-moment) daughter
in between bites, "why haven't you changed back yet? I've still got
this, you know." He patted the kettle of tea he had been carrying tied
to his pack.

  Ranma stopped eating and angrily pointed at her shirt exasperatedly.
"Hey, you got ANY idea how hard it is to wash that red tea stuff out of
these clothes?! If I'd seen any other hot water on the way, I'd have
jumped in in an instant, but all you had was that TEA!" She sighed
in frustration and continued eating her snack.

  The sun began to dip low in the sky, and for a fleeting moment Genma
felt that he had arrived too late, but he breathed a sigh of relief as
it started edging back up to its previous position; that was only a
practice run.

  "Well, my son, we're in luck!" Genma jumped back to his feet,
completely re-energized by roast chicken.

  "What? You found some hot water?"

  "Nope. We're here!"  He grandly pointed to the house right next
to them, the sign on the gate clearly identifying it as the Tendo
residence.

  Ranma blinked. "Huh. That was quick. Hope they got some hot water in
there." She slowly got up to her feet, trying to put a little more
weight on her bruised hip.

  "Yeah, me too," Genma paused, looking thoughtful. "Ranma, do you
know how important being a man among men is?"

  Ranma rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Not like you haven't told me a
million times already, ya know."

  Genma walked towards the gate. "Well, you're about to find out."

  "Huh?"

  A flock of mice watched silently from across the landscape.

----

  Somewhere far away, in a densely wooded forest practically untouched
by mankind, a swift figure ran on the wind, moving quickly and with
great ease over miles and miles of countryside.

  His name was Idaten, and he was no mere mortal. As a Japanese
deity charged with defending justice, the law, and the kitchen, he
was uniquely situated to handle the newly arisen crisis that had
befallen Earth. Using his inhumanly fast running abilities, he had to
deliver what was possibly the planet's last hope into the hands of
the one mortal who could properly use it.

  "Assuming I can stay conscious long enough, that is...." he mused as
he ran. Nobody else envied him this particular assignment, since even
if he WAS immortal, it was still probably going to hurt.

  The pain started right around that point, as he ran smack into the
target of his search. The impact knocked him back several yards,
bowling him head over heels. As he began to scramble up to his feet,
he froze, finally realizing who exactly he had just run into.

  "Se...Segata Sanshiro!!"

  The judo master stood there unmoved, a scowl on his face and his
arms folded. With a single practiced motion, he raised both fists into
the air and charged at the diety.

  Initially, Segata Sanshiro merely tossed Idaten into some trees, but,
seeing as he was not quite convinced of the benefits of playing Sega's
fine quality video games, he kicked him towards Mt. Fuji, bounced him
off of it, then kicked him into the mountain again. Racing all-out at a
speed that would make the runner god himself envious, Sanshiro caught
up with his crumpled adversary about a third of the way up the mountain.

  "Segata...Sanshiro...I bring news..about your...brother...." Idaten
painfully gasped out. He slowly reached into his pocket to bring out
the device he had brought from his kitchen for just such an occasion.

  "What? Where is he?! Tell me, Idaten!!" Sanshiro angrily demanded.

  Idaten handed him the metallic sphere, coughed twice with no small
amount of difficulty, and explained, "He's about to face...the gerbil.
You...must bring this......to him. For...justice!"

  Finally, the exertion became too much for him, and Idaten, the
Guardian of the Law, collapsed into unconsciousness. Segata Sanshiro,
as a way of thanking him for his courageous efforts, placed a new Sega
Saturn on the runner's stomach before walking away.

  "Play it!"

----

  Segata Sanshiro put away his interdimensional cell phone as he neared
his winter cabin. He had just been on a lengthy conversation with his
brother, discussing strategy for putting the gerbil down for good and
saving an entire world from his corrupting influence.

  He scowled at the foolishness of Nabiki Tendo, erasing all that they
had worked so hard for. Granted, it was a rather clever reality parasite
they were up against, but she had fumbled a golden opportunity to keep
him deep in the ground, dead and buried. His springing back to life was
all due to a single miscalculation caused by that girl.

  Sanshiro finally reached the door of his cabin and swung it inwards.
Observing a time-honored Segata family tradition, he stepped inside, put
on his slippers by the door, and bellowed, "HONEY! I'M HOOOOME!!"

  His wife walked up to him, holding a lengthy printout. "Welcome back,
Sanshiro! Oh, and I think I've finally tracked down that bug in the new
game...you know, the one where it freezes on the Sega logo? We've got to
INITIALIZE the memory after allocating it to each thread." Then, looking
up, she finally noticed his somber expression. "Sanshiro, what's wrong?"

  He sighed. "Idaten ran into me while I was out training. He informed
me that the evil gerbil Pereshte lives on, and that I must bring this
over there; the Chocolate Orange," he explained, placing the foil-
wrapped sphere on the living room table.

  Segata Sakura blinked, looking confused. "Pereshte? I thought you
said the Tendo girl finished him off already...."

  "She did, but he had already engineered the timeline so that he could
be revived, and Nabiki apparently triggered it." He walked over to the
fireplace and sat down crosslegged in front of it, closing his eyes in
thoughtful meditation. "I was just speaking long-distance with my
brother, who lives in that dimension. He can use the Orange, but I
must get it to him quickly, or they are all most certainly doomed."

  Sakura frowned sympathetically and paced around the room for a moment
or two, glancing around their well-furnished cabin looking for some
inspiration. Suddenly, she noticed the Shinguuji family sword, Arataka,
on the mantle above Sanshiro. She pulled it off of its display and knelt
down behind her husband.

  "What if...what if we used a variation on my Ouka Houshin technique
to punch a tunnel through the dimensional barrier so you could get
through, bring them the Orange, and help out in the battle?" she
suggested, holding the sword out towards him.

  Sanshiro looked back at Sakura, shaking his head slightly. "The timing
and aim for that would have to be magnificently precise," he said,
sounding concerned, "and there's no telling what that gerbil could have
waiting on the other side of the rift. It would be quite risky, for you
as well...and it might not even work."

  She gently squeezed his shoulder and smiled back at him. "If we work
together, I'm sure we can do it. Shall we start training, then?" She
drew the ancient sword from its sheath and held it up to the light. The
fire in the hearth crackled encouragingly, casting a warm glow over the
ancient sword. Gradually, a smile came over Segata Sanshiro's face
as well.

  "Let's begin."

----

  Meanwhile, back in our previous timeline, the Port of Tokyo was having
a spectacularly bad day. Shipping traffic was down, the nation's economy
was in a general malaise, and workers were fleeing their stations due
to the nearly constant barrage of incoming cannon fire.

  Normally, such an incident would be brought to the attention of the
Self-Defense Forces, who were sure to respond if cannonballs, missiles,
or enormous mutated animals were causing all this mess, but the fact
that the entire port was being pelted by an apparently limitless supply
of herring, instead, caused the officials much confusion. This led to
chronic indecision among all concerned.

  The source of all these fishy missiles sailed triumphantly into Tokyo
Bay, its dozens of special-order cannons firing rapidly at anything that
tried to get in its way. Giant sails, painted with the likeness of the
ship's captain (though not very skillfully), guided the junk as it sped
along the surface of the water, kicking up an impressive wake behind it.

  Happosai stood on the bow, enjoying his front-row view of the mayhem
surrounding him. Ever since he had escaped from the cave in which his
disciples imprisoned him, he had been dreaming of this moment. Long
years in total darkness had been spent formulating the perfect way to
exact revenge for his former students' insolence, and it was now
tantalizingly within reach.

  A thought momentarily occurred to him, but the constant booming of the
ship's cannons knocked it loose before he could notice it.

  He raised his arms in triumph and laughed, long and loud and clear.
"Finally!! The master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts will reign once
again, and this country will now be MAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

  It should be noted here that Happosai had no real intention of making
the country maaaaaaaaaaah, but he involuntarily said it anyway. The
reason for this is that at that very moment, the junk had run aground,
knocking him from his perch on the bow and causing him to plunge to the
ground, where he landed with his arms planted firmly in the dirt over
his head in triumph.

  "Oh, that's right, NOW I remember," he muttered, extracting himself
from the shore and climbing back onto the deck. He grinned evilly. "Time
to add the magic touch!"

  The cannon fire died down, and Happosai pulled an especially large
herring from a nearby ammunition pile. Exerting all his martial arts
skill, he leapt from mast to mast while swinging the herring around in
circles above his head. With the speed he was twirling it, bits of
sparkling dust began to emit from the fish and float down to the deck,
which itself began to glow.

  After a couple minutes, the junk began to creak. After a couple more
minutes, it began to float higher in the water. Finally, after one more
couple of minutes passed, the keel lifted completely out of Tokyo Bay.
The sails reinflated upon catching a hefty breeze, and Happosai was on
his way once again, the sparkling ship flying in the direction of his
former student's home in Nerima.

  Happosai resumed his laughing.

----

  Nabiki Tendo was irritated to be continually interrupted by the sound
of Nabiki Tendo.

  "Hello out there!! Nabiki!! I know you can hear me!" Her own voice,
though not under her control, kept echoing loud and clear within her
head, making slight progress towards dislodging her self-image as the
sane one in the family.

  Nabiki winced and sipped some tea, hoping the rest of her food would
arrive shortly. She had come to this cafe in the hopes that a little
recreational spending on something unusually tasty would distract the
voice in her head from yelling at her. Still, even with the big plate
of ginger yakinuku, large slice of cherry pie, and cup of steaming hot
red tea on the table in front of her, her mind continued to yell loudly.

  "Listen, Nabiki, I'm in here and you're in here, so why don't we get
this discussion behind us, okay?"  The internal voice fell silent, and
for a brief moment, Nabiki opened her eyes and figured it had finally
gone away, but then it began to sing. It wasn't a song Nabiki was very
familiar with, but it had three particularly annoying attributes.

  First off, it was comprised of a single note. Secondly, said note was
repeated at random intervals for random lengths of time. Finally, it was
earth-shakingly loud.

  "All right, all right!!" Nabiki thought, clapping her hands over her
ears, in spite of the fact that the noise was coming from inside anyway,
"Who are you and why are you in my head?!"

  The singing mercifully stopped and the mysterious voice resumed.
"Thank you. Time is short, so I'll make this brief. I'm you, or rather,
I'm the part of you who knows what's actually going on. To put it
simply, I'm the sane one. Normally, we're fused as one, but in this
world, we've been disconnected, and THAT's why I've been trying to get
your attention for the past two hours. Took you long enough...."
Nabiki-II grumbled.

  Nabiki herself was a bit unnerved by the idea of having two of her
inside her head, so she decided, instead, to imagine that her other
self was talking to her through her teacup.

  She glanced down and whispered to her tea, "So, assuming I'm not
crazy...what exactly IS going on?" She didn't really mind not having
control of the situation, but not even knowing what the situation was
was, admittedly, a bit of an unfamiliar and worrisome territory to find
herself in.

  Nabiki-II sat in Nabiki's mind, her metaphorical jaw hanging open at
the sight of her alter-ego talking to a cup of tea. "Uh...well, there's
good news and, er, bad news."

  Nabiki nodded at her tea. "Okay, I'm following so far. What's the good
news?"

  "Okay, the good news is that you are, today, the sixth most important
person in the world." Nabiki-II sighed. "The bad news is that the world
will probably be ending in a few hours anyway."

  An uncertain numbing chill went through Nabiki's body as she realized
that one of two things was probably true: either she had accidentally
gone insane and was holding a conversation with her tea, or that voice
in there was actually telling the truth and the two months worth of
homework she had finished yesterday was all in vain.

  Nabiki sat there staring at her tea, somewhat rattled, so Nabiki-II
continued, "Now, you'll at least get a chance to do something about it,
but it's going to be a team effort," a certain edge entered her voice,
"and the Nabiki *I* know isn't going to clumsily fumble this opportunity
like some Tendos I know, *RIGHT*??"

  "Wha..? Oh, yeah...right." Nabiki responded, somewhat startled. She
tried taking some deep breaths to calm her nerves, but this was all
beginning to get too weird too fast for her tastes.

  A sudden silence fell over the cafe, causing Nabiki to look around.
Aside from her, the restaurant had inexplicably become deserted, though
the street outside still contained a normal amount of pedestrians, as
she could tell through the window.

  Her psyche decided to use that moment to take her nervousness and kick
it up several notches. Spooked, she uneasily glanced back at her tea.
"Uh, hello? Something seems to be happening...."

  Nabiki-II sighed. "Yes, that gerbil's up to his tricks again. Really
sorry, but I've got to go now. You should know one more thing before
I leave, though...."

  "WHAT?! WAIT!!" The unexpected mention of "gerbil" caused the image of
Pereshte's furry little face of evil to run screaming into her mind. In
an uncontrolled chain reaction, this unleashed a relentless torrent of
other memories from that world, flashing through her consciousness.
Genma the elk, her father's bathing song, a pomegranate tree, and her
little sister being possessed by a gerbil, among other images, all
revealed themselves in one horrifying instant of clarity.

  Her voice had now dropped all pretense of her usual controlled and
calm demeanor, something made much easier by the fact that nobody else
was in the cafe who would be hearing her. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

  "Look behind you."

  She did.

  "Nabiki Tendo."

  She froze. That voice was outside her head, quite a bit deeper, and
coming from the other side of her table. She spun around and saw that it
was Mr. Yotsuya, now sitting on the chair opposite hers, his facial
expression perfectly neutral, his hands folded on the table, and his
fedora and trench coat both covered with perspiration.

  "GYAAAAAAAAH!!!" she didn't scream, even though she was ridiculously
startled.

  "Wh..what are you doing here?!" she didn't ask, though she was indeed
very curious at his sudden appearance.

  "It's you, isn't it? YOU'RE the one who knows what's going on! What
happened to Pereshte? How did he survive? What on earth happened to
our universe?! Tell me, please!!" she didn't demand, although she very
nearly did. She was not quite in the proper gear of mind to suddenly
shift and begin down any of these potential conversation-starting paths.

  While all of these things were busy not being said, yet another
awkward silence settled over the cafe. It snuggled in for a good
twenty seconds this time before it was finally evicted.

  "Yes, yes, I know," Yotsuya calmly intoned, deciding to take the
initiative in restarting this conversation, "it's been a long reality
for all of us. However, we have precious little time to work with, and
you must be ready to accept your destiny...should the need arise, that
is."

  "......Huh?" Nabiki finally croaked out.

  "Breathe. I assure you, it will make the rest of this conversation
pass much more smoothly," he advised. After a couple moments of
indecision, Nabiki followed his suggestion, and to her great relief,
began to calm down significantly.

  Yotsuya smiled. "Much better. Now, we know that the gerbil is around
the area somewhere, but he's rather adept at masking his presence; we
have no idea where he is. He should, I suspect, make his move fairly
soon, so we must be ready to move fast once he appears."

  Nabiki, however, was momentarily distracted by something. "Wait a
minute, Mr. Yotsuya...why is your coat all wet?"

  The smile disappeared, and his usual neutral face returned. "I've 
been training. For the time being, that's all that needs to be said
about that."

  Another thought occured to Nabiki, about six seconds after she had
hoped it would. "Uh, didn't I already squash Pereshte? I seem to
remember that being a big part of that weird world back in the...well,
wherever that was...."
 
  "After you killed Pereshte, returning to your original timeline," said
Yotsuya as he leaned forward, staring down Nabiki with more seriousness
than a human being is normally allowed to possess, "what exactly did you
do, afterwards?"

  "Well, I...I thought I had been dreaming, so I got off the floor and,
well, Akane came in, saw the hole in my shirt, and then...wait a second.
That panel! And...and the inscription...."

  "'THE BEGINNING,' am I correct?" He raised an eyebrow at her surprised
reaction. "My dear Miss Tendo, if I'm not mistaken, I do believe you
managed to rewind an entire universe."

  Nabiki's jaw dropped, a look of stunned incredulity on her face, and
she all but shouted, "I DID WHAT?!?!"

  "Do not be alarmed, it wasn't by your power; you just happened to
trigger a far greater mechanism simply by reading those words. Still, to
make a long story short, we are currently in a time long before your
gerbil-stomping expedition." He glanced at his watch, then reached into
his pocket. "Nabiki, the events of today are already set into motion.
Your portion of the plan, as it has been decided, is to take this and
guard it with your life."

  He placed the smooth orange ball on the table. Nabiki looked at it for
a moment, looked back at the irratingly calm face of Mr. Yotsuya, then
back at the ball.

  "It's a c..."

  "Yes, yes it is." He quickly interrupted her, holding up a hand to
stop her from saying it out loud.

  Nabiki blinked. "But it's a c..."

  He broke in again, more forcefully. "We both know what it is, MISS
Tendo, but for the time being, it shall have to suffice. It is a
dangerous opponent we face, and the wrong words spoken in haste may
quicken our destruction." The grave weight of his words clamped heavily
upon Nabiki, so she didn't try to say anything more about the device.

  Even if it IS a cardboard prop, she decided, it's gotta be important
somehow....

  She picked it up, briefly surprised at how unnaturally light it was,
and asked Yotsuya, "So, now that you're here, what do we do?"

  Yotsuya raised his other eyebrow. "'Now that I'm here?' I'm sorry to
disappoint you, but at the moment, I am most definitely not here." He
smiled enigmatically.

  Nabiki looked at him, her mind trying to wrap itself around this
rather unexpected claim. "Uh, yeah. Okay, if you're not here, then
how come you're sitting right in front of me?"

  Yotsuya shook his head and indicated the plates of ginger yakiniku
and cherry pie, still sitting on the cafe table. "Please try to
understand. If I WAS here, as you claim, then think: why have I not
asked to share in partaking of your fine meal?"

  Nabiki realized, after a second or two of consideration, that he had
a point there. "I...guess so...." She buried her face in her hand,
trying to stave off yet another confusion-induced headache. "So then,
where exactly are...?"

  She looked up. Yotsuya had vanished. The cafe remained eerily empty.

  "...you?"

----

  Mr. Yotsuya was a very busy man.

  While busily not being at the cafe talking with Nabiki, he was the one
man on the entire planet fully aware of the situation they had now found
themselves in, courtesy of a certain reality-warping rodent. Due to his
unique position, his time been very occupied with equipment training
and coordinating strategy with members of his immediate family, who were
not currently in his local dimension at the moment. As a group, they had
finally come to the conclusion that Pereshte, in his new state, could
not be permanently killed.

  This presented a problem, as the gerbil had entrenched himself into
the fabric of local space-time quite thoroughly. After Nabiki's failed
attempt at squashing him, evicting him this time would be prove to be
nearly impossible.

  Fortunately, that was not his plan.

  As such, he and Segata Sanshiro had agreed on a delaying strategy,
buying just enough time for their mother to arrive and take care of
business. With her help, along with the Chocolate Orange, they could
finally exile Pereshte once and for all time, delivering humanity from
a bleak future of being tossed around by his every whim.

  Yotsuya knew, as Nabiki-II did, that the sixth most important person
on the Earth, based upon their significance to the success or failure
of this undertaking, was Nabiki. He himself was not, however, the most
important person; he was merely the coordinator of the entire thing.

  The single most important person on Earth was, at that moment, sound
asleep, dreaming a dream of both her past and her future.

%%%%

  The chamber erupted into spontaneous applause. Representatives from
nearly every inhabited world in the galaxy rose to their feet as one,
paying their respect and admiration in the form of a standing ovation
to their queen. Her words, being broadcast in real time to an audience
of several trillion throughout the empire, had managed to inspire an
astounding level of optimism, confidence, and hope.

  The technology of Subspace-Link Instant Constituent Polling, created
specifically to dynamically gauge the mood of millions of subjects
during speeches like these, had never before recorded so much positive
sentiment than this queen had acquired, mere days after ascending to
the throne.

  In her role as the supreme ruler of what was perhaps the greatest
interstellar federation ever to appear on the galactic stage, Kasumi
was, all things considered, doing a pretty good job.

  Much of this was due to the fact that she had an uncanny ability to
project vast and nearly unchallengable military power over dozens and
dozens of star systems (as her predecessor had done quite well), while
at the same time putting forth such a pleasant and good-natured public
image (as her predecessor had been completely unable to do) that hardly
anybody despised her leadership much, if at all.

  "Thank you," she bowed slightly, humbly accepting the cheers coming
from the assembled crowds. "Thank you all very much." She smiled, one
of those comforting Queen Kasumi smiles that gave the average citizen a
sense that all was right with the galaxy.

  Kasumi looked down at her notes, quickly doing some mental preparation
for one of her favorite parts of these public addresses: the question-
and-answer session with the press. She had such a pleasant rapport with
this current batch of reporters that...

  "Huh?" She caught herself in mid-thought, interrupted by the sight of
her reflection in one of the video panels down below. Something was most
definately not right. Momentarily concerned, but not yet worried, she
tapped a few controls to bring up a video feed of herself on a monitor
to her right.

  Her hair was dyed.

  The sudden realization that she had been standing before trillions of
people while sporting a quite unnatural hair color stunned Kasumi to an
immense degree, so much so that she very nearly let a rather disturbed
expression slip onto her face, but she managed to regain her senses and
catch it at the last instant.

  Using all of her self-control to keep her subjects from knowing the
discomfort and embarassment caused by this unexpected revelation, she
turned back to the microphones and gently announced, "Excuse me just a
moment, if you please," before quickly turning around and walking off
the balcony and back into the palace.
   
  An aide rushed up to her. "Queen Kasumi, what happened? The conference
is not yet completed...."

  She looked at him steadily and asked, "Tell me, how long has my hair
been this color?"

  He paused, looking confused. "My queen, has it not always been so?"

  Kasumi shook her head. "No, it's supposed to be brown. I've always
had it that way, and I didn't notice this new color until just now.
What is going on?"

  Her aide pondered this a moment. "Oh dear...well, we could perform an
emergency dye job, but that would take some minutes."

  "Yes, that might work..." she paused thoughtfully, then sighed. "Yet,
I do owe it to my people to finish this session...." She then looked
around. "Do we have a hat, or a crown of some sort, which I could cover
it up with until then?"

  "Well, we do have something..."

%%%%

  The crowd was beginning to murmur in confusion, wondering why Queen
Kasumi's public conference had been interrupted unexpectedly. One voice
near the stage gave a shout, and within a second the audience was back
on their feet, applauding at their monarch's return to the podium.

  Kasumi, her hair neatly tucked into a ten-gallon cowboy hat, smiled
warmly and resumed her former position before the microphones. "Thank
you all very much for your patience, and I'll be taking some questions
now." Several hands went up in the private press box nearby, and she
pointed at one by the edge. "Yes, Mr. Todain?"

  "Queen Kasumi, much talk has been made recently over your decision to
marry or not to marry. As you know, the Holy Committee has just narrowed
the official list of suitors to three, and we have been wondering: have
you made your choice?"

  Kasumi closed her eyes and smiled at this remark, finally deciding to
use this moment to make her announcement. "I'm very glad you asked that
question, because I have chosen..." she drew out the pause, secretly
enjoying the hush it caused, settling the crowd, "...to marry." She
grinned.

  This news had much the expected result, as waves of surprised yet
excited jubilation rolled in across her balcony from every segment of
the crowd. One cloaked figure towards the back, not personally taking
part in the cheering, took that as the cue set his plan into motion.

  "A follow-up, Queen Kasumi, if you will...!" Mr. Todain raised his
hand again, and was relieved that she beckoned towards him once again.
"Out of the three official candidates, have you yet chosen any of them?"
He, along with the rest of the assembled masses, fell silent once again,
awaiting her answer.

  She paused and thought this over for a few seconds. She had seen the
candidate list much earlier, when it was still several dozen strong, but
she had not yet developed any solid preferences. Wanting to quickly
refresh her memory, she pulled up profiles of the three on her local
monitor.

  The first was a fairly handsome and rugged prince from one of the more
rural worlds out towards the Northern Quadrant of the galaxy. She had
met him some months earlier at a state dinner, she recalled, where he
had proven himself to be quite an intelligent and thoughtful statesman.

  The second was a dark-haired youth, wearing a much less ornate robe
and wielding a wooden practice sword. Kasumi raised her eyebrows, also
remembering him attending the same state dinner, although he had gotten
a crowd to gather around him primarily for his ability to converse with
everybody at once for over eighty minutes without taking a breath.

  The profile of a third suitor popped on screen, and Kasumi stopped in
confusion. It was a red-haired girl, wearing some strange outfit of a
red shirt and black pants, and yelling indignantly at her through the
monitor, despite its lack of an audio speaker.

  "HEY!! I'm a GUY!!"

  At that instant, the figure in the back of the crowd tossed off his
cloak, leapt into the air, and flew directly at Kasumi. Startled, she
looked up from her monitor in alarm as several people attempted to jump
and tackle the assailant, but were instead knocked aside.

  Several of the Royal Guard, their powered staffs at the ready, ran in
front of their queen in formation to protect her, but were swatted away
by the dark force emanating from this creature. With them down, nothing
stood between him and Queen Kasumi.

  Kasumi, not by any stretch of the imagination defenseless herself,
tossed up a mental force field, which was immediately struck by the
energies that were surging forth from the Gravity Elemental.

  Initially, it seemed as if she would subdue the creature, as her power
reserves were, for all practical purposes, limitless. However, a sudden
authoritative voice behind her caused a critical distraction, and with
a renewed charge, the elemental slammed into her, knocking her cleanly
from her hammock and to the floor, where she woke up instantly.

%%%%

  "Kasumi, are you all right?"

  She groggily blinked, rubbing the side of her hip where she had landed
on it awkwardly. "Yes, Father, I'm okay...what is it?"

  "We have guests here, and I wanted you and your sisters to meet them,
but I can't find Akane or Nabiki anywhere." Soun stood at her door,
looking concerned at his eldest daughter sitting on the floor. "Are you
sure you're fine?"

  Kasumi stood up slowly, but steadily. "Yes, I am, thanks. I think
Akane and Nabiki left a little while ago."

  "Ah, okay...well, if you're SURE you're not hurt," he slowly turned to
leave, "then please come downstairs and meet them. I do hope the others
get back soon...."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                           [INTERMISSION]
              Continued in Chocolate Oranges Pi, Part 2.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-



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