This is quite a fun story, it's a very interesting crossover that I
haven't seen before.

First, some positives:
Your characterizations of both the Mogwai and the NWC seem right on, I
didn't really notice anything that OOC.  In the case of the Mogwai, I
could very easily imagine their little high-pitched muttering and
squeaking as you described.

As far as things that could be improved, I noticed you had no disclaimer
in this or the later chapters, only the prologue.  I would suggest you
keep the disclaimer in every fic post you make.

Before I begin with the specific comments, let me make my own
disclaimer.
It is without a doubt, very possible that I may make a mistake in my
comments below.  If so, feel free to call me on it. ^_^

-----Original Message-----
The Tendo's and Saotome's gathered around Akane in the darkened dining
room.

Tendo's and Saotome's -> Tendos and Saotomes

An apostrophe would be used as a contraction (Tendo is) or as a
possessive (Tendo's sandwiches), in this case it's the plural form of
Tendo and Saotome.

"Do you know how much this thing would be worth as a Pet?" Nabiki

asked,

wondering how many more were out, running around Nerima.

Pet -> pet
were out -> were out there

"A fitting Engagement gift if I do say so myself. Wouldn't you agree,
Saotome?" Soun said, a grin plastered to his face.

Engagement -> engagement

Unless you're trying to emphasis the word, I think "engagement"
shouldn't be capitalized.

"I think... I think I'll call it 'M-chan!'" Akane said, thinking the

name

up as she stared into her pet's eyes. Ranma frowned a little, thinking
about the other friendly consonant Akane had as a pet.

I must say, I really like the phrase "other friendly consonant".

Nabiki took a step back, raising her hands in a non-agressive manner.

"No!

No. I Just meant, you should probably have people pay to even look at

him.

That's all." The fire in Akane's eyes died, and she muttered a small

"Oh."

Before looking down, and continuing her games with M-chan.

I Just -> I just
muttered a small "Oh".  Before looking down, and -> 
muttered a small "Oh", before looking down and

"Hold on a second, Akane. I want to check something." Ranma called

from

the Kitchen. Everyone turned to see Ranma emerge with a steaming

kettle.

Kitchen -> kitchen

Ranma thrust the kettle forward, launching water at Akane the Mogwai,

and

a Gemna too lazy to bother moving.

I think you should replace this sentence with:

Ranma thrust the kettle forward, launching water at Akane, the Mogwai,
and Genma, who was too lazy to bother moving.
 

Akane and her subspace mallet. "What were you THINKING, throwing hot

water > all over a little animal? Don't tell me. you WEREN'T! Oh,
M-Chan.."She 

said, crouching to hover over the screeching creature.

Don't tell me. you WEREN'T! Oh, M-Chan.."She ->
Don't tell me. You WEREN'T! Oh, M-chan..." She

"It's back! It's like it's boiling, or something!" she cried out in
horror.

It's back -> Its back

In this case (the possessive rather than the contraction), you don't use
the apostrophe.

Nabiki and Kasumi stare at each other for a moment, before staring out

the

door again.

stare at each other -> stared at each other

You've been using the past tense throughout this fic, so I suggest you
remain consistent.  When you change tenses, it throws off the flow of
the story.

"Ahh... young love." Soun said, slapping Gemna on the back. Genma just
nodded solemnly.

In this scene, it was essentially good, the only room for improvement is
that we didn't really get enough descriptions of facial expressions.
The only reason I mention this is with more of those kind of
descriptions (i.e., Nabiki smirked, Ranma's jaw dropped, etc) the reader
gets more of a general picture of what the characters look like, and
therefore will get more into the story.

Akane was running through the dark streets of Nerima, hoping to see

her

destination soon. She was too distraught to notice the furballs that

would

occasionally pop out of M-chan's back. Suddenly, a figure appeared in

the

darkness ahead. She frowned, hoping it wasn't anyone looking for a

fight,

and the frown changed into a scowl as the figure spoke.

that would occasionally pop out -> that occasionally popped out

In this case, the former is passive phrasing, and the latter is active.
What this means is that with the latter you get more of a sense of
action.

 

"Akane Tendo, Come, leap into my arms and I shall free you from the

bonds

of
wicked sorce-UMPH" Kuno was cut off as a small ball of fur ended up in

his

opened mouth. Akane sped past the suprised kendoist as she made her

way

towards her destination.

of wicked sorce- -> of the wicked sorce-

Kuno, put off by this odd display of love and thanks, spit the growing
furball into his hand. "What odd gift is this that the fair Akane

Tendo

doth
present to me this eve?" He asked no one, as the ball of hair

continued to

grow.

spit the -> spat the
eve?" He asked no one, -> eve?" he asked no one,

"love and thanks"? Heh, a very Kuno-like interpretation.

With his fierce tigress gone off on an obviously important errand
(why else would she so disappointedly turn down a change to be with

the 

Blue Thunder of Furinkan High?) Kuno turned towards home, carrying his
gift with him.

a change -> a chance

She drew back, staring, as it continued to throb,
and on occasionally pulse larger, before it suddenly popped open,
revealing...

and on occasionally -> and occasionally

 

"Oh Akane. Akiri... what Hell is it that forces me to choose between

the

two
of you? What good is my strength if It doesn't help me overcome this
obstacle? Am I doomed to.. huh? What's this?" Ryouga asked, as a

running

figure dropped something warm, fuzzy, and vibrating in his hand.

Akiri -> Akari
if It -> if it

Finally spotting her destination, Akane slowed, which turned out to

save

her
from a painful meeting with the ground. Instead, Shampoo landed with

her

bicycle in Akane's way. a big grin on her face. "Nihao, Kitchen

Destroyer!

Akane's way. a big grin -> Akane's way, a big grin

Know where Shampoo Airen is? What that?" She asked, realizing Akane

was

holding something that seemed to be squirming. Suddenly, a ball of fur
popped
out and bounced of Shampoo's nose before hitting the ground.

"something that seemed to be squirming"? I'm not sure what that really
means, do you mean something like "something seemed to be squirming"
instead? I think that works a little better.

bounced of -> bounced off
 

Akane stared at it for a moment, before shrugging, and running around
Shampoo and her bike, and entering Dr. Tofu's office. Shampoo, in the 
meantime, was staring at the ball of fur, and wondering why Akane had 
tried to attack her with it. Finally, it opened, revealing another

Mogwai, 

this one with a white stripe of hair down it's back. IT was all the

same 

length, but stood out, nonetheless.

before shrugging, and running around -> before shrugging, running around
it's back -> its back
IT was all the -> It was all the
Actually, I'd suggest replacing this line with "All the hair was the
same length, but the stripe stood out, nonetheless."
 

"How cute! Grandmother love this!" Shampoo exclaimed, reaching out to

pick

the Mogwai up. As her hand got near, it tried to bite her, and shampoo
squealed with delight. "Oh! Is too, too cute. No bite Shampoo little

one.

and shampoo squealed -> and Shampoo squealed

AN: This takes place after the Failed Wedding in the Ranmaverse, and
before
the first Gremlins Movie. Gizmo hasn't been named yet, and if I do

decide

upon a name, it won't be 'Gizmo' for obvious reasons. Also.. as my
favorite
Movie, I know the storylines to both movies backwards and forwards,

but

never
really enjoyed the "buildup to mischief" sections, though, as in all

forms

of
entertainment, a buildup of anything is to be expected. Still.. I
apologize
for appearing to move fast here.. though.. how long do you think

they'd

stay
dry in the Ranmaverse? .. ohyeah.. I know Tofu isn't supposed to be

around

anymore by this time.. but in my story, he just sorta.. is. Nothing

like

having all the cards in place.. or whatever that phrase is...

I think it works just fine to have Tofu in the story - where did he go
anyway? Also, it's clear you do know the storylines of the movies, so I
would not be worried about that.

All in all, it's a pretty good story.  A few spelling and grammar fixes,
and it'll be great.

Hope to see more soon!

-Jeremy Fogelman

"My oh my, I don't remember where I put my panda shears."
	- Kasumi Tendo in "Panda Panda Loco"


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