Hi, here are a couple of comments. Please ignore if they're nonsensical.

He was greeted by the most hideous sight he had ever seen in his entire
life. It had the general form of a man, but was twisted into a hideous
mockery of it -- Its flesh was marred, misshapen, burnt, rotting, green,
hideous! Green lumpy skin knotted around the creature's joints and was
absent on areas of the skull and chest, exposing sickly yellow bone. The
arms were gaunt and skeletal, liquified flesh dripped from them onto the
floor below. It wore a tattered and bloodstained smock of some sort, as
well as frayed pants covered in what appeared to be years' worth of
filth and grime. The worst aspect by FAR, Ranma thought, were its eyes.
Its left eye hung from its socket, suspended by a frayed and rotting
optic nerve. The other eye was bloodshot and splotchy, it appeared to
have some sort of fungus growing in the whites of its eyes -- they were
more mauve-yellow than white. The pupil was clouded immensely, and yet
the lone functioning eye was looking directly at him as the creature
began to smile, lips cracking to reveal a row of broken teeth and a
mouth full of metal and leather.

I was eating as I reading this too... Gross! First time I've ever been made ill by something I've read! :)

<snip>

He held his arm too stiffly, and was thrown back repaeatedly, until at
last Genma siezed his forearm and snapped it back against itself. His
training would suffer while the arm healed, of course, but Genma felt
this was a lesson he must learn early, and well.

Ranma did not echo the sentiment.

"What the flapping fuck did you do that for, Pops?' he howled, once the
animal cries of pain had passed his lips.

"You let me," came Genma's deadpan reply.

Ranma looked about to speak, but just bit his lip and held back another
cry of pain. His right arm dangled uselessly at his side. "Damn it,
Pops, how am I supposed to fight if I can't use my right arm?"

"Learn to fight with your left. I think you'd best do so quickly," Genma
replied, before effortlessly flipping forward and landing a hard kick to
Ranma's stomach. Genma could have broken both of the boy's legs as well,
but that would be counterproductive. Ranma took the hit without so much
as an attempt as a block, and fell over in a heap, landing on his arm
and provoking a new outburst of howling.

Genma broke off a stick of bamboo from the shoots around him with a
little effort, the broke another and tossed it to his son. "Are you a
man, son, or are you a mewling gecko pup? Get up and fight me, you
pantywaist!" He brought the stick down, hard, on the boy's broken arm.
He screamed, but not so much this time.

"What's wrong with you, Pops? You said we were going for a training
trip, not a torture session!"

"Less talking, more fighting." Genma slammed him again, this time across
his face. The boy yelped. "And if you think I'll show pity or remorse,
you're wrong. In fact, I won't even give you a splint until you've
managed to hit me. Better get to fighting, son!" Genma swung again, this
time for the chest, only to find his strike blocked by the boy's staff,
clumsily held upright to guard himself. Genma knew it would be easy to
throw the staff from his hands with another strike or to simply strike
again before the boy could block, but that would be too hard on a boy of
six.

Besides, he was already learning.

***

Why did you switch time and setting so suddenly? Now I'm all confused and unsure of what's happening. This is more of a bad thing than anything else, really.

Is it a dream or a flashback? If it is one or the other, then there needs to be a bit more explanation as to what it actually is, because it totally throws off the whole chapter.

In fact, you may have been aiming for a mystery novel style opening, with the climax at the beginning, and then you return to when the story actually began. But then, with this, you would have ended the chapter too early.

My point is, I don't know what's happening, at all. Please, a bit more information would certainly help.

Anyway, the world of this story is incredible, with its good share of mysteries. The description of the mutants, or whatever they are, is wonderful, if a bit nauseating. And the introduction of the world, although it's a bit more talky than showy, does its job.

Troy Thomas

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