[FFML] Re: [ranma] [crossover/fusion/alt] [unfinished] [draft] untitled


<Cue Music> "Dr. Who is gonna fix it!"


"Cute Kitsune Kaydee" <fox1@colla.com> wrote:


Here is something I am working on. Could you please c&c it. Also could you
suggest who ranma would go to and should nabiki get sucked into the book
with him or someone else instead?



@@Hmmmm. . . it all depends on who you think has the biggest - - oh wait,
this isn't a lemon, is it? ^_* 

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Frankly, if you've EVER read any of my C&C you probably already know my thoughts on �story ideas. ^_*
The idea itself isn't really very important. �It's what you DO with the idea. Interesting, well developed characters, doing interesting things (solving a problem) is what makes a story, IMO. 
@@@@


@@<Cue Music> "Richard Corey" (Simon & Garfunkel) 
@@@@

Disclaimer : I don't own them, so don't sue.


@@Give proper credit. ^_+

Besides, they don't sue over fanfiction. They drag you through the street, then hang you from a meathook . . . no, sorry. That's fascist Itallian dictators. For fanfiction they make you watch reruns of "My Mother the Car"@@@@




� �Untitled

� �A Ranma 1/2 Crossover Fusion



� �Prologue

� �By

� �Cute KItsune Kaydee



� �Ranma was walking along the fence with no particular destination in mind. He was just walking around to get out of the house for awhile. Suddenly a few feet up in the sky above him a rift opened.


@@Already established he's "walking around". you might want some variation. And more vivid description of this "rift" thingie. Add some sight, sound, smell . . . eerie Suzaphone music. Something.
@@@@


� �Ranma stopped and stared as the sky had a huge hole appear in it. Looking through the hole one could see stars. Out of the hole fell a book and it fell on Ranma knocking him off of the fence and onto the sidewalk. The hole flashed brightly then. Then the hole closed and was gone.


@@as descriptions go, this one doesn't. ^_* I realize this is a rough
draft. But in the final version, you need something different. (Something more descriptive than simply "hole" for example)
UNLESS you're going for the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" type of story. In that case, you're pretty close. [And i'm not going to be much help, since other than myself and a retired Basque zither player, everyone else on earth LOVED "HGttG". I just didnt' get it. Me and that zither player. ^_*)
@@@@


� �"What the hell!?", exclaimed Ranma.


@@ Now THAT'S understatement. ^_*
Of course, having the sky open up and books pour forth, it pretty much 
ho-hum stuff for Ranma. well, actually, there should have been a naked girl attached. AND, it should have happened JUST as Akane was passing by. THEN Ryouga should have showed up. BUT, other than those minor omissions, pretty standard stuff for Ranma. ^_+
@@@@@


� �He picked himself up and looked at the book. He picked the book up and read the title.


@@Then the book picked Ranma up. (since one good pick-me-up deserves another) But, since it was too early in the day for a drink . . .
<sigh> never mind. Sometimes I try too hard to be funny.
But you might try to vary the language a bit. ^+^
@@@@

� �"What's going on here?", he asked.


@@Who did he ask?
<Cue Abbot and Castello>
Bud: Who's on first?
Lu: That's right.


Maybe: "What's going on here?" Ranma muttered to himself. 

Or something similar.

@@@@
@@@@


� �Shrugging Ranma opened the book and saw a picture moving inside it.

� �"Cool!", said Ranma. "I wonder how someone got a movie inside a book?"


@@BILL GATES: "Tremble with fear, puny worm and be amazed at my power!"
STEVE JOBS: "It's called 'Quicktime'"
@@@@

� �Ranma turned the pages and found strange text like symbols he couldn't read. There was no sign of any technology.


@@Like vacuum tubes?

ARTHUR C. CLARK: "Any sufficiently advanced technology - -"
AUDIENCE: "We KNOW!"
ARTHUR C. Clark: "I helped invent RADAR. Show some respect!"

@@That section couldstand some tweaking. More vivid descriptions.
@@@@


� �"Magic.", he muttered. "Why's it always got to be magic?"


@@IMO, you need a bit more tweaking to demonstrate that it IS magic. ^_*
@@@@




~things I might be adding~

ranma takes the book to someone who can help him figure out what it is (cologne or tofu - which would you suggest?)

akane and nabiki (or someone else) find ranma when he is talking to whoever

nabiki (or someone else) finds the book interesting

nabiki (or someone else) is looking through the book while ranma is making akane upset

akane hits ranma with the mallet and he flies into nabiki(or_someone_else) and both touch the picture in the book and are transported to myst island

<Eeeeeee!!!!!> Too much like a "Choose your own Adventure" ^_O
There is no right answer. It all depends on how you write the story.
Each choice would give you a different story, or at least take the story in a differet direction.
Of more importance, IMO, is the underlying WHY? (or WHAT?) WHY did the book
fall through the sky at that time & place? The 'logic' of this and of the 'magic' of the book are going to control the rest of the story. So that MUST be established first. (especially the 'logic' or 'rules' that govern the book & it's magic. You need this to give structure to your story.)

The SECOND thing you've got to establish is the 'problem to be solved'. This will drive the story. finding a way back home is going to be one problem. Surviving an 'alien' world and 'magic' is another problem? perhaps someone else want the 'book'? yet another problem.

Once you've established the 'rules' that govern your 'magic' AND given your characters a 'problem(s) to be solved', THEN you've got a story.

WHICH characters you put in your new world(s) will affect the details of the story, but Cologne isn't any 'better' than Tofou,(for example) just different.

hope this helps a little.

A few links I find useful:
� �
http://www.sff.net/people/lwe/miscellaneous/laws.htm

http://www.geocities.com/twadvice/

http://hobgoblin.net/resources/createlink1.asp

http://www.dragonsquillandink.com/Resources/writing_resources.html

http://members.aol.com/MacedonPg/writing.htm

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