----- Original Message -----
From: "Bickham Jourdan" <bikkamu@yahoo.co.jp>
To: "David Johnston" <rgorman@telusplanet.net>; <tabyk@attbi.com>
Cc: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, January 27, 2003 12:05 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] Diary of a Mature Child: Entry #2
--- David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> からのメッ
セージ：
tabyk@attbi.com wrote:
P.S.: Might end up rewriting this one, since
I think I fell
into the "give Akane a serious anger issue"
trap...
I agree. Why is Akane so angry? Or perhaps I
should be asking,
why is Akane so crazy? Ordinarily you'd expect her
to welcome the
arrival of another student as an opportunity to test
her skills and
improve them. What is so frustrating about the
situation for her?
Why is she even angrier than her counterpart in the
main time line?
Indeed. There was some kind of an attempt at an
explanation for her aggravation over the issue... Soun
intending to teach another student when he hasn't taught
her much of anything in awhile. However it just isn't
enough here. I think we need more to explain this
behavior or it needs to be toned down a little.
I would say that it needs to be toned down more than a little.
In canon, Akane, had been attacked at school by the "hentai
hord" for between several weeks to a couple of months, then
forceably engaged to a boy, whom not only saw her naked but
also demonstrated that he could do anything he wanted to her
and she couldn't stop him.
This Akane seems twice as violent, with even less reason.
The only hinted at possibilty raised thus far, is that Akane is
so starved for love and attention from her father, that she is
driven to this level.
Regardless, considering the high school mess hasn't happened
yet, I would assume Akane would be less violent/angry than
canon.
This the mandatory alternate universe "Ranma proves
he's better than
Akane, again" scene but what else does it say? It
doesn't say much
about Ranma except that he follows his mother's
orders without hesitation
or compunction. He's the Boy With No Personality.
It says that that
Akane is mental, of course. It says that Soun and
Akane are slobs
because they don't put her weightlifting equipment
away after use.
It says that Soun wants Akane to give up martial
arts entirely, because
after slacking off on her training, he just sat
there and let her be
beaten into unconsciousness instead of doing what a
sensei would normally
do when a student was about to be really hurt, and
say "stop". Since
Soun wasn't surprised by what happened and
deliberately set up Akane
for a beating, I can only assume that he wants
Akane's confidence to
be destroyed so he can forget about her as a
student.
YOur view of Ranma in this C&C is bad. Simply because
Ranma has hardly made an appearance at all, so it's hard
to judge what kind of personality he has other than he is
obedient to this mother... as are a great number of
Japanese males.
I agree with you here.
Although, I don't think anyone would accuse Ranma of being
a normal Japanese boy. : )
"Ranma beat Akane again... so what does it say" you ask?
How the hell are we suppposed to know?! This chapter
smells a whole like exposition to me still. Give the
person a chance to get the everything underway before you
start dropping criticisms like that. This chapter is
neither long nor is it like Chapter 5 or 10... so we are
clearly still in the beginning... I vote cut some slack
here. *BUT* in the next and following chapter we need to
start to have much light shined upon what is going on.
Keeping the reader waiting too long or just leaving things
as is isn't enough...
I would agree with this point, save for the way Akane is presented.
It feels more like this scene is suppose to justify how Akane acts
in the prolog (three months later) than really building up to
something.
I am all for not revealing everything in the first chapter or two;
however, some hint or sign that there are reasons would be nice.
Some foreshadowing that there are revelations to come.
Not to mention, that even Kasumi (whose POV we rely on)
assumed/hinted that Soun/Akane planned the match to start with
her launching the first aggressive strike, thus setting her up for the
fall. At least that's what I read into it.:
Father said, "In order to place your skill level, I have decided
that a sparring match will be used. My daughter, Akane, shall
be your opponent." Then stepping back to the sidelines, and
without further warning, he simply said, "Begin."
From the way Akane launched herself at him, it was obvious
it had been planned that way.
If Akane lost her confidence like that, she shouldn't have
bothered to start with (learning martial arts or any sport
for that matter). That's just life... sometimes you bite
off more than you can chew and you take a licking for it.
And so you gotta get up dust yourself off and work harder
to improve.
Unless I misread the prolog, Kasumi is in her second year of
Jr High. That makes her about 14, ne? (Assuming the
Japanese, 3 year High School and 3 year Jr High)
Ranma and Akane are three years younger. That makes
them about 11. About a year after the Cat Fist training
takes place in canon. (I don't remember when in "A Child's
Prayer" it was suppose to take place.)
So, you have an eleven-year-old girl, who probably at this
point in canon, only practices the art as an attempt to
gain her father's attention and praise.
This is her first real chance to do this and she is so completely
beaten that for at least a second she obviously feared for her
life. And her father did nothing but stand by and watch.
He doesn't even comfort her afterwards.
Scared, humiliated, and utterly dismissed by her father.
Do you really think it would be that unresonable if she lost
her confidence after all of that?
Taking this back to Soun. That is a good question. It
seems obvious to me by the end that we aren't meant to
know what Soun's intentions are, but that there is some
kind of plan in mind to be told in the next chatper or
two. As such... I think your C&C jumps the gun again a
bit. Although as I was reading I did wonder at Soun not
stopping or at least saying something about the weights
being thrown.
I have to go with Mr. Johnston here.
Regardless of what Soun's intentions may have been,
how much trust would Akane still have after this?
How much fear would she now face to even think of
stepping in the Dojo with Ranma?
So at this point it seems to me Akane has two
choices. She can
forget about athletics and decide to become a
girly-girl. Or
she can find a new sensei who is actually interested
in teaching
her and try to narrow the gap between herself and
Ranma.
Hmm. Depends on what Soun's intentions are here. He DID
agree to train her along side Ranma. My view on it all
is... as I said... the weight throwing should have been a
foul... even if Ranma is that good AND it seems excessive
for Akane. As far as her getting her ass kicked. Well.
Ever watch K-1 fights or even Kyokushin Karate
tournaments? If you have... you'd understand. Looks fair
to me. Full contact, minmal pads (hands and feet for
Kuokushin, just hands for K-1)... usualy blood drawn,
often times injured or broken fingers. If the author
intends this to be a Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu is the serious
shit -type fic... then that's fine. If it's intended to
be a wimpy-ass "self-defense" -type with a lot of babying
by the sensei... then it is too much. Think I'm
over-board... come take Kyokushin-karate classes in Japan
and then go spar with someone wearing their full pads with
head gear in Tae Kwon Do in the States and you'll see what
I'm talking about.
Serious martial arts are serious. They are violent and
people can get injured.
Sure. But we are talking about two 11 year-olds.
One of whom, has had little to no formal training.
Letting Ranma go as far as he did put Akane in even greater
danger of hurting herself since she was obviously over taxed
trying to mount any kind of defense against him.
While I agree, Akane is definately too agressive in this chapter,
I also think Ranma (who has had at best, half the
training of the original canon) was far too good, even if you
assume Akane hasn't had any training yet.
This is just my opinion, though.
kit'ari http://jeruind.i8.com/
=====================================
We the unwilling, led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful.
We have done so much, for so long, with so little
we are now qualified to do anything with nothing
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