[FFML] Re: [Xover][Trigun/Outlaw Star][Lime-ish]Trigun Star 1 (draft)

Hey,

All in all this is pretty good. I'm guessing that Vash
ended up in that box sometime before episode 1 of the
Trigun TV series. If so, I think you should make that
a bit more clear.

The problem I had with the fic was that parts of it
were pretty much just novelizations of parts of the
early episodes. Since I've see OS three times this
made those scenes fairly dull so I just skipped them.
You might want to give them a bit of twist somehow to
keep things interesting.

There were some spelling and grammar errors, but those
are to be expected in a draft. Watch your commas. The
biggest problem here was the word "carbonite"
'Carbonite' is what Han Solo got frozen in at the end
of "The Empire Strikes Back". A 'Corbanite' is an
alien race in OS universe.

Now for the good parts...

You've got a good solid take on everyone. I think a
hardcase like Hilda might be a little less trusting of
Vash, but the way things worked here was fairly
believeable. It was good that you mentioned that
almost no one knew about Gunsmoke. Though I'd like to
know just what Hilda was doing there. I'm sure you're
going to be drawing a paralle between Gene and Melfina
and I have to agree that they do have a lot in common.

I hope later in the story you play the Aunten (sp)
Seven as being like the Gung-Ho Guns. Sure, Vash
doesn't know about the GHGs at this point, but it
would still be fun. Heck, maybe the OS guys could
swing by Gunsmoke while in search of the Galactic
Leyline. Twilight Suzuka Vs Raidai the Blade could be
cool. Gene Vs Kain the Longshot or Chapel the
Evergreen would be also be interesting.

Anyway, you're off to a good start here. Keep it up.

Skyrocket

=====
"There are countless ways of achieving greatness, but any road to achieving one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity."
-Buck Rodgers

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