Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 15 Jun 2003 01:43:41 +1200 R E <ranma_e@hotmail.com> wrote:
"Yeah?" she asked, lifting her head. Her brother stood on the opposite
side of her desk, an uneasy expression on {her : his} face. She regarded him for a
moment. He had become increasingly listless and preoccupied over the past
few weeks. Certainly, the Seraph Wing project could be directly blamed for
his change in demeanour.
"What else did you expect?" Yoiko said, flashing a smile. "I do quality
work - that's why they hired me."
That's always the problem with hiring people with initiative.
This had the side-effect of casting him forever in the role of Colonel's
{Lackey : lackey} with the majority of the soldiers. It was an unfair and unfounded
assumption on the part of the troops, one he loathed; but on this occasion,
he hoped to take advantage of it.
Casting such thoughts aside, he reached across and grasped the sword that
lay against the far wall of the drawer. He knew very little about swords,
having only ever held one in his life, and that only for a brief moment,
but even with his lack of experience he was instantly aware of just how
-light- this sword was. He lofted the weapon, still contained in its
scabbard, and peered closely at it. The weight was barely {discernable : discernible}; it
was as light as a feather.
There was ... something {unususal : unusual} about the sword. It grew warmer the
tighter he gripped it, as if it were urging him on. A compelling curiosity
filled him - why was this sword hidden from scrutiny? Why had none of the
analysis staff been told of its existence? Why was he violating a dozen
regulations and ignoring security protocol to get a look at it? He might
have done such a thing a few years ago, before the incident, but in his
recent life he had calmed, become more conservative. Why, then, was he
going to such lengths for her? Was it to satisfy her curiosity or his own?
The sword acting like it did here will make it much harder for Ryoga
to think that Ukyo is just a little different. Was the guard alerted
by all that sound and fury?
"I don't have time to explain, Yoiko. There's something about this sword -
I can't leave it locked away in that drawer. I have to find out more about
it. I need you to access the inventory of A47 and remove the sword from
the list. If it stays in the inventory, they're going to notice it's
missing."
Eventually. Just removing it from the inventory might not be enough
if the same person performs the periodic inventory. The sword is odd
enough even in its scabbard to be memorable.
"You have got to be kidding. You have GOT to be kidding," Yoiko stammered,
unable to piece together a {coherant : coherent} counterargument. Entering to look was
one thing - but modifying military logs? That was grounds for ... she did
not even want to imagine the punishment for such a crime. "You TOOK it?"
Compared to her, they were slow, clumsy, and weak. They all were. She was
beginning to understand why nearly everyone aboard regarded her with such
apprehension. Fortunately, there were those who did not treat her with
{suspiscion : suspicion}.
"What does that mean?" Ukyo asked evenly. She knew Yoiko enjoyed her
technical jargon, but for now wanted her answers in {laymen's : layman's} terms.
"The primary energy shield could stop a bullet, sure. It could probably
stop a dozen or so before it overloaded. Once you run that shield through
the Frame, though, you could hold back the gods themselves," Yoiko said
with a proud smile. "Here, look at this."
Interesting she should say that since it will eventually have to stop
gods, or reasonable facsimilies.
"It continues into your hand, but the fibres there are subdermal. They
have to be, they're thinner in order to be more precise. Far too thin to
be hanging around on your skin. {Espescially : Especially} given how much punching you
grunts tend to do."
On the topmost side of the bracer was a small {glass : clear : transparent} panel, illuminated with
a number of graphs, information and displays, glowing a variety of pastel
greens and oranges.
I'm reasonably sure the panel is not glass.
Ukyo's eyes widened as a flood of information filled her mind. Suddenly
she became aware that the distance between herself and Yoiko was exactly
1.72 metres, that the ambient temperature was 21.3 degrees {Celcius : Celsius}, that
one of the fluorescent tubes overhead had developed a malfunction that
caused a near-imperceptible flicker of dimness, forty times a second.
-Thank you, my lady.-
I think 'My Lady' should be capitalized in this and similar places.
"She took to him like a duck to water," Yoiko said as Ryoga looked to her
in bewilderment. "It surprised me too."
I suspect it's because of her relationship with her sword. It will be
interesting to see how the Wing and the sword interact.
He would soon find out if the Wing was all that the Phoenix had promised it
would be. He hoped with all of his heart that it was. Ranma had to be
stopped. An elder dragon spirit unleashed upon the world was not something
he dared to contemplate.
Ranma has been loose for centuries. Is Hunter aware that she now has
a companion?
As many times as Ukyo has fought Ranma, it's a little odd that Phoenix
doesn't know more about her than they appear to.