A couple quick notes on the voting forms again, to clear up some confusion
I've noticed.

1. Please make sure you answer every item on the voting form. I've found a
few that missed things. Since I'm going by means and percentages, I need
everything answered so that the numbers all work out right.

2. Someone asked about the definition of "survive" as pertains to the third
item on the voting ballots. For these purposes, it means physically,
mentally, and emotionally being able to deal with a life spent together, and
being involved in each others' lives.

And now, without further ado...

=================================================

DISCLAIMERS, APOLOGIES, and RAMBLING

The following is a highly contrived piece of shite.

The following highly contrived piece of shite is based on characters from
Ranma 1/2 and other series.

Appropriate disclaimers will be posted at the beginning of each chapter.

Extreme suspension of disbelief is recommended for reading this story, as
many facets of reality are being disregarded in favour of the highly
contrived plot.

Feedback is encouraged. Flames are pointless, as the author is a flaming
retard.

...wait a minute, that isn't right. o.O;;

Ranma 1/2 is the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Viz, and other
corporate entities who are not me.

Di Gi Charat is the property of Gamers, Broccoli (nyo!), and other corporate
entities who are not me.

No infringement is intended, no profit is being made, and I make no claims
of ownership to anything here except my own original characters.

=================================================

The skirt of a plain brown school uniform slid to the floor in a shadowy
room.

"Stardom...my dream is stardom."

A pair of glasses was set on a dressing table.

"All my life...as long as I can remember...it's what I've worked for."

Long hair was slowly, carefully unbraided, fluffing out to its full length
and volume.

"The road isn't easy. I knew it wouldn't be."

A pair of panties slid to the floor, and were kicked aside along with the
skirt by a slim, pale foot.

"Otousan...Okaasan..."

The slim, pale foot and its mate stepped into a fresh pair of panties, which
were pulled up shapely legs by small, slender hands with carefully manicured
nails.

"I'll make you proud..."

A new skirt--frillier, puffier, and deep pink in colour--joined the panties
in their journey up the legs. A moment later, a pair of knee-high white
socks with lace trim joined them.

"I'll become a star..."

Loose hair was pulled into two long, slim ponytails.

"Even if it takes every yen Saotome Ranma has."

The room suddenly flooded with light: flourescents from overhead, a ring of
bulbs around a dressing mirror, a flashing neon sign above a series of
posters and glossy photographs.

The girl turned in place, inspecting herself in the numerous mirrors around
the room. She nodded in satisfaction.

"I'm going to become the top idol in the world!"

She paused.

"And get a really cute boyfriend. Heehee!"

=================================================

R A N M A D A T E

=================================================

CHAPTER THREE:

IT BECAME EROTIC

=================================================

Ranma stared at the outfit the maid had set out for him.

"What. The FUCK. Is THAT?!"

It was shimmery. It was bright white.

It was polyester.

"The girl you're dating today said in her personal profile that she likes
guys who are--what was it?" Haruka said, putting a finger to her lips. "Oh
yes. 'Cool like John Travolta.' So--" She gestured at the outfit hanging
from the open wardrobe door.

"No. Way. In. HELL."

Haruka looked at him disapprovingly. "Saotome-sama...please try to be a
little more cooperative. I glanced at the itinerary--you're going to be
going to a lot of very trendy places today."

"And you want me to wear THAT to trendy places?"

"Why, yes. It's...well...trendy."

Ranma stared at the nightmarish suit again.

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

Haruka shrugged. "What can it hurt?"

"It can hurt ME t' be seen in public dressed like that!"

"Saotome-sama...you're the heir to the wealthiest man who ever lived. If you
wore a fig leaf on a string and a cow pie on your head, the next day every
store in Paris would be selling them for thousands."

Ranma stared at her. At length, he sighed.

"Man, I *really* don't get all this rich people shit."

"So you'll wear it, then?"

With a defeated expression, Ranma reached for the suit. "Ah, hell. At least
if I get inta another mess like yesterday, I won't care if this gets all
ripped up."

=================================================

Someone among the staff had gotten the bright idea to pipe "Stayin' Alive"
over the sound system in the foyer as Ranma walked downstairs. He wore a
shimmery white polyester leisure suit with a blue silk shirt, a pale yellow
necktie. and shiny white patent leather platform shoes; his hair had been
slicked down with liberal amounts of hairspray, and his pigtail was tucked
into the collar of his jacket.

Kuromaki raised an eyebrow. "Good morning, Master Ranma. By the way, sir, I
can indeed tell by the way you use your walk you're a woman's man."

Ranma glared at him.

"Er...yes...I suppose there's no time to talk," Kuromaki said with a cough,
producing the itinerary from his jacket. "Your date will be arriving
shortly. You shall be attending a gaming convention this morning, followed
by lunch at Motomori Tokyo, followed by a Purple Fuckmuffins concert and
dinner at the Hard Cock Cafe."

Ranma shook his head. "Man, I ain't never figured on me goin' anywhere near
those kinda places."

"It is to be expected, sir."

The martial artist in a leisure suit shrugged. "Seems like every time I
think I'm gettin' a handle on this fancy life, somethin' new comes along I
never thought about before."

Kuromaki smiled. "You will adjust, sir. You are, after all, Saotome Ranma,
are you not? You should be able to adapt to anything."

"Heh. Y'know, you're right, Kuromaki. Thanks."

The doorbell rang. A moment later, the butler entered, a strange, stifled
expression on his face. "Miss Usada Hikaru, sir."

The girl standing behind him hissed something. He coughed, cleared his
throat, and said, "Miss--err--Rabi~en~Rose, sir." With that, he strode from
the hall, chuckling to himself.

A very pink blur shot toward Ranma, twirling like a ballerina. "Hi~iiiii!"

Ranma stared at the girl. She was short; he guessed she was maybe thirteen
or fourteen. She was, he reasoned, cute enough; trim, graceful, with long
pink hair and bright red eyes and a happy smile.

She was also wearing the strangest outfit Ranma had ever seen.

It looked like a cross between a waitress uniform, a maid's outfit, and a
bunny-girl suit: a puffy white off-the-shoulder top, an exceptionally
frilly, flaring dark pink skirt, lace-trimmed knee-high socks, and cute red
slippers with satin bindings halfway up her calves. She also wore a pair of
long, floppy white velvet bunny ears and lots of red bows.

And then there were the dice.

Attached to the red ribbons tying her hair into long ponytails were two
enormous fuzzy dice.

The girl gave a curtsy, extending one hand toward Ranma. "I'm Rabi~en~Rose!
I'm very pleased to meet you! Please treat me kindly!"

"Err...hi," Ranma said, taking the girl's hand and giving it a brief shake.
She pouted cutely, but shrugged and looked him up and down.

"I really like that outfit, Saotome-san!" she said, beaming. "It's really
cool!"

"Thanks," Ranma said, scratching the back of his head. "An' just call me
Ranma."

Rabi~en~Rose giggled. "Okay, Ranma-kun!"

Kuromaki cleared his throat. "Pardon me, miss."

The bunny-girl turned to him. "Yes?"

The butler was glancing at something inside the itinerary folder. "Are you
quite certain you are Usada Hikaru?" He pulled a photograph out of the
folder; it showed a somewhat mousy-looking girl with a long pink plait,
glasses, and a brown school uniform.

"Gah! Where did you get that picture?!" Rabi~en~Rose demanded.

"It came from official school records," Kuromaki replied.

The bunny-girl shuddered. "Please don't go showing that around. I want
people to think of me as a cute and trendy pop idol, not some...some...mousy
little schoolgirl!"

"Then you ARE miss Usada Hikaru?"

She sighed. "Yes. But I prefer to be called by my stage name, Rabi~en~Rose!"

Kuromaki raised an eyebrow. "Whatever you like, Miss Rabi."

"Okay, so, uh...let's get goin' then, okay?" Ranma interrupted.

"HAI!" Rabi~en~Rose said cheerfully.

=================================================

As LIMO-Z navigated the busy morning traffic of Tokyo, Ranma found he could
no longer restrain his curiosity. "Err...what's with the dice?" he asked.

"Hmm?" the pink-haired girl next to him asked. "Oh, these?" She reached up
and bounced the fluffy, fuzzy dice in the palms of her hands, making her
ponytails bob slightly. "They're my lucky token and my trademark. When I'm
famous, everybody will be wearing them!"

"Err...okay," Ranma replied. "So, you're really into this whole pop idol
thing, huh?"

"It's what I've dreamed of," she replied, smiling and looking off into the
distance. She idly adjusted her top; Ranma pointedly stared in the other
direction, uncomfortably aware that the rather younger girl was trying to
deepen the amount of cleavage she was showing.

"So, er--you're inta video games, then?" he asked.

Rabi~en~Rose snorted. "They're for silly geeks with no lives who eat too
much, exercise too little, and never learned to shower."

Ranma stared at her. "Then--why--"

"A gaming convention?" The bunny girl paused, putting a finger to her chin
in a thoughtful pose. "Because I work at a game store, and because there'll
be lots of cosplay idols there, so I can check out my competition."

Ranma blinked. "Lemme get this straight. You hate video games, you don't
like people who play 'em, but you work at a game store?"

"Yup!"

"...WHY?"

"Because gaming geeks also support pop idols, and I want all my future fans
to remember my good service!" She gave a cute wink and a giggle. Ranma
sweatdropped.

"We're here," Michaels said. "Got those pass badges ready, buddy?"

"Of course," LIMO-Z replied, as two colourful convention badges slid out of
a slot on the dashboard. Michaels handed them back to the duo; Ranma clipped
his to the lapel of his suit, while Rabi~en~Rose attached hers to her skirt.

"Right, then. Let's go!" the bunny-girl chirped happily.

=================================================

Ranma had to admit that his date was right; everywhere he looked there were
overweight, badly-shaven, pasty-faced guys who looked as though they only
left the house if they absolutely had to.

The stench was unbelievable.

"This isn't one of the big cons," Rabi~en~Rose said idly as they walked past
a flashing display showing a computer video of three cars crashing into each
other and ten guys with machine guns darting around them trying to kill one
another. "The really big shows don't let the general public in."

Ranma stared around him, baffled. "If this is a little con, I don't think I
*wanna* see a big con." The bunny-girl giggled.

They walked past a number of people standing around a free-standing game
station with four control consoles, around which three women in skimpy,
shimmery costumes were walking, giggling and simpering. Ranma shook his
head. "So, what're we gonna do here?"

Rabi~en~Rose looked thoughtful. "Let's go check out the Gamers booth. That's
the store I work for."

"Okay."

They walked around the crowded convention centre for ten minutes before
finding a booth with a huge neon sign that said "GAMERS" over it. Two young
girls were working the booth; one wore a costume with a white cat-shaped
hat, paw gloves, and a tail; the other was dressed similarly, but with a
tiger motif. Ranma cringed.

The girl with the white cat hat spotted them, and waved. "Oi, Usada! I
thought you had the day off-nyo!"

Rabi~en~Rose clenched her fists briefly before smiling sweetly. "Why, I just
dropped by to see how things were going, and to introduce you to Ranma-kun!"

The two girls looked up at Ranma; he suppressed a shudder. "Ah! You're that
guy who's gotta marry someone to get all that money-nyo! Are you gonna marry
Usada-nyo?"

Ranma blinked. "Err...well, it all depends."

"I'm certainly going to do my best to convince him to," the bunny-girl
giggled, clinging to Ranma's arm and winking up at him.

Ranma sweatdropped.

"Usada pads her bra-nyo."

Rabi~en~Rose glared at the kitty-girl. "I. Do. NOT!" She shot a fierce gaze
up at Ranma. "You can tell I don't, can't you Ranma-kun?"

Ranma sweatdropped even more. "Err--well--yeah, I guess so."

"See, Dejiko?" the pink-haired girl said, standing tall and putting a hand
to her chest impressively, her noise pointed in the air. "Ranma-kun knows
what a real woman looks like. OHOHOHOHO!"

Ranma felt a tug on his jacket, and blinked. He looked down to see the
younger girl, the one with the tiger-striped hat, looking up at him
imploringly. "How can you tell without touching them-nyu?"

Ranma stared. "Err..."

"Yeah! You gotta touch 'em-nyo!" Dejiko declared, pointing dramatically at
Ranma, then at Rabi~en~Rose.

The bunny-girl flushed. "Err. I, uh." She cleared her throat. "Ne,
Ranma-kun? I think we should let these girls get back to work now, don't
you?"

Ranma blinked. "Uh..yeah. Good idea."

Dejiko grinned triumphantly and waved. "Bye, Ranma! Bye Usada! Have fun
today-nyo!"

"Goodbye-nyu," the smaller girl said, also waving. Rabi~en~Rose dragged
Ranma forcefully away from the booth.

"Wicked little bitch," she muttered once they were out of earshot.

Ranma declined comment.

=================================================

They spent two hours at the convention, during which time Rabi~en~Rose posed
for photographs with several overweight gaming geeks and Ranma had to
discipline two guys that tried to get fresh with her (she'd cooed
enthusiastically and clung tightly to his arm when he did so, gushing and
simpering about how she was "so scared"). After they'd visited every booth
and display, they returned to the parking lot, where Michaels and LIMO-Z
were waiting at the curb.

"Have fun?" Michaels grinned.

Ranma shrugged. "I'm just glad we're gonna go eat now. I'm hungry."

Half an hour later, they pulled up to Motomori Tokyo. "I heard about this
place," Ranma said as they got out of the car. "Ain't this th' place that
guy from Bronze Cook runs?"

"Yep!" Rabi~en~Rose said. "It's very popular and trendy, and absolutely
anyone who's anyone eats here!"

"Which is why you wanna eat here," Ranma said with a smirk.

"Of course!" the bunny-girl said, giggling.

The inside of the restaurant was decorated in a haphazard modern style.
Different colours of bright paint spattered the walls, large glazed ceramic
pots in every colour of the rainbow stood in the corners, bearing enormous
plants, and plasma televisions hung every few metres, displaying bizarre art
which changed every few minutes. The main dining room was full of small
round tables with padded chairs, and the maitre-D who escorted them to their
table wore a loud, metallic red jacket and bowtie which made Ranma feel as
though his leisure suit was positively mundane.

Ranma winced as he saw the prices in the menu. He'd never have been able to
afford to eat here before the inheritance. He then goggled at some of the
items being offered. "Hot dog sushi? Sushi dogs with chili? Seaweed burger
with tofu? What th' hell?"

"Motomori-san is the father of what he calls Japanamerican cuisine. He
perfected his recipes in America," Rabi~en~Rose said.

Ranma shook his head. "This is some weird--hello, barbecued octopus with
black beans and rice. That sounds good."

"I've always wanted to try the grilled macaroni noodles with soy cheddar
sauce and tuna, myself," his date replied.

"Southwest-style okonomiyaki," Ranma read off the menu. "Seasoned beef,
onions, bell peppers, salsa, tortilla, guacamole, wasabi, and okonomiyaki
sauce." He shrugged. "Sounds...like it has a lotta sauce."

Rabi~en~Rose giggled.

A few minutes later, they ordered; a waiter deposited a pitcher of iced
green tea on their table and departed. Ranma poured a glass for his date,
then for himself. "So why d'ya wanna be an idol so bad?"

The bunny-girl sipped her tea thoughtfully. "I want to be famous and
popular," she said. "I want the whole world to adore me. I want to hear
thousands of happy boys and girls shouting 'Rabi~en~Rose, we love you!'" She
clasped her hands together and sighed dreamily.

Ranma sweatdropped. "I dunno if I could get useta that," he said. "I only
gotta worry about a couple dozen people as it is, an' it gets on my nerves a
lot."

Rabi~en~Rose tilted her head and blinked curiously at Ranma. "Eh?"

"My family, my old fiancee, her family, another old fiancee, a buncha crazy
people after me tryin' ta marry me or kill me or both--that's what my life
was like before that old man died."

The food arrived. Ranma looked at the sauce-laden mess that was the
southwest okonomiyaki, cringed, and decided to sample the barbecued octopus
first. "Hmm. This ain't too bad."

The pink-haired girl began delicately eating her grilled macaroni. "You were
engaged before?" she asked.

"Yeah. My pop an' her pop set it up. An' my pop engaged me t' some other
girls too. Then they all treat me like it's my fault, an' try t' make me
choose between 'em..." He shook his head. "It was hell, I tellya."

"Oh, that's so sad," Rabi~en~Rose said. "But what happened after that? I
mean--"

"Th' old man's will," Ranma said. "He knew all about my fiancees an' stuff,
an' made it so if I was gonna get th' money an' stuff, I hadda marry, but
not one'a them."

A bit of tuna fell from the bunny-girl's chopsticks. "And you dumped your
fiancee just like that, for money?"

"Hell no," Ranma said bitterly. "I ain't that greedy. But my pop an' a lotta
th' people I know have done some pretty messed up stuff, y'know? So these
government guys, they said I either gotta do the marriage thing an' everyone
gets a clean slate, or refuse, an' we all hang."

Rabi~en~Rose's eyes widened. "That's terrible!"

Ranma shrugged. "I was pretty pissed off at first, but..." He sighed. "I'm
startin' t' think maybe it's better this way. Make a clean break, y'know? My
life was hell before, but th' last few weeks've been pretty nice, an' I'm
meetin' some girls who ain't too bad." He smiled at his date, who blushed
prettily. "I mean, yeah, I don't reckon I'll ever be free from my old life,
an' there's some things I don't think even bein' th' richest guy in th'
world can fix, an' I do kinda miss some things, but..." He paused to sample
the mess of sauces and meat and tortilla on his plate. "I guess I was stuck
in a rut, y'know? All this's been a real adventure. An' I don't mean th'
kind where ya nearly get killed every few seconds."

He felt something touch his hand, and looked up. Rabi~en~Rose had placed her
hand on his, and was smiling at him genuinely, sincerely, with warmth in her
eyes. "I really hope everything works out for you, Ranma-kun. You're a nice
guy."

Ranma blushed. "Thanks."

=================================================

The crowd was insanely loud as Ranma and Rabi~en~Rose walked into the
packed, standing-room-only amphitheater where the popular rock band Purple
Fuckmuffins was performing. "I don't know much about music," Ranma had
admitted in the car.

"Oh, you'll love these guys, they're the best!" his date had replied.

"Reckon we'll be able t' hear th' band over th' crowd?" Ranma asked the
bunny-girl in a raised voice.

"They'll settle down--HEY! Who just touched my butt?!"

"Sorry, that was me," a girl in a school uniform behind them said, waving
sheepishly.

Rabi~en~Rose smiled at her. "It's okay, accidents happen."

The girl blushed. "No, I was actually trying to touch *his* butt," she
replied, pointing at Ranma. She then quickly pushed her way through the
crowd and disappeardd.

Ranma stared, flushing.

Rabi~en~Rose looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "Now there's a thought."

"Wha--h-hey!"

The bunny-girl giggled, Ranma flushed even more deeply, and the band emerged
onto the stage to a tidal wave of cheers.

Purple Fuckmuffins consisted of three men and two women; the male lead
singer had long, stringy purple hair, sequined bellbottoms which were ripped
and torn at the knees and butt, the biggest, dorkiest platform shoes Ranma
had ever seen, and no shirt (the word 'FUCK' was tattooed across his chest).
The bass player, a girl, had dark hair with purple highlights, a low-cut
purple top, ripped jeans, and platform shoes (*what is it with people and
those shoes?* Ranma wondered). The other girl in the band, as well as one of
the guys, wore huge purple muffin-shaped hats, and the last member of the
band had tall, spiky green hair and two rings in each eyebrow.

"He's so dreamy," a girl nearby gushed; her friends giggled.

"Girls LIKE guys that look like that?" Ranma asked.

"Uh-huh!" Rabi~en~Rose said with a silly smile. "Oh, but I think you're a
lot more handsome, Ranma-kun," she added.

"Thanks," Ranma replied, sweatdropping.

The band began to play a loud, energetic rock song about bread and sex.
Ranma blinked at the lyrics, but after a few minutes, ignored them in favour
of watching the way the people around him were reacting. There was a lot of
dancing and thrashing and cheering; next to him, Rabi~en~Rose was doing an
odd, complicated little dance which caused her bunny ears and ponytails to
thrash about wildly, her skirt to swoosh and swirl, and her chest to bounce
distractingly--she didn't have a lot there, but what she had was being put
to most effective use. Ranma flushed and looked away, deciding to focus on
the band. The bass player was thrashing about as she played (her rather
large bosom was bouncing quite violently); the lead singer was gyrating
wildly, his long hair flailing around in a manner that reminded Ranma of
Kabuki performers.

The song ended to wild applause; the singer made a joke Ranma didn't get but
which caused most of the audience to giggle, then motioned to the rest of
the band. They began playing a slow tune, and the singer crooned softly
(something about love and bakeries). Rabi~en~Rose tugged at his arm; he
turned to her. "What's up?"

"Um...wanna dance?" she asked, pointing at the people around them, many of
whom had paired off and were slow-dancing clumsily to the music.

"Er...sure," Ranma replied. He'd never danced before; it was a bit of a
clumsy affair, but as soon as he and his date (who didn't seem to know what
she was doing either) had figured out where to put their hands, they were
moving slowly in place in rhythm to the music.

Ranma looked down at her, smiling softly. *She is kinda cute. Weird, but
cute. And pretty nice, too.*

The song went on for several minutes, and when it ended, Ranma didn't remove
his arm from around his date.

=================================================

After the concert, Michaels drove them to the very trendy, very high-profile
Hard Cock Cafe. As they approached, they noticed that the Purple
Fuckmuffins' tour bus was also pulling up to the restaurant. "Ooh, they're
coming here too!" Rabi~en~Rose squealed.

Dinner was less of an adventure than lunch had been, although Ranma couldn't
help but notice that whatever his date was drinking appeared to be
alcoholic, as she was starting to develop a brilliant pink flush and was
giggling tipsily at everything he said. By the time they were ready to
leave, it was getting quite dark out.

They pulled up to the apartment where Rabi~en~Rose lived an hour later. As
they did, she turned to Ranma and said quietly, "I had a really good time
today, Ranma-kun."

"Yeah, I did too," Ranma replied. "It was a lotta fun."

The bunny-girl looked down at her feet for a minute, idly kicking at the
back of the seat in front of her. "I hope--I hope I get to have lots more
fun with Ranma-kun," she said.

Ranma flushed.

Suddenly, Rabi~en~Rose shifted around, drawing her legs up into the seat.
She began crawling slowly across it towards Ranma on all fours, catlike.
Ranma eyed her nervously. "Err--"

She reached up, wrapped her arms around him, and drew him toward her, lips
pursed...

A pane of thick black glass rose up between the front and rear of the car,
blocking the driver and the brightly-lit dashboard from view as the
pink-haired girl drew closer...closer...

Ranma's eyes widened.

=================================================

Almost an hour later, as LIMO-Z pulled away and began to head back to the
manor, the glass pane lowered, and Michaels glanced into the back seat. "So,
have a good time?"

Ranma grinned, though it was somewhat strained. He was busily adjusting his
suit, which had become somewhat disshevelled. "Well, y'know what they say
about rabbits."

=================================================

RATE THIS DATE!

Your participation determines the outcome of the Ranmadate project! Vote for
the bridal candidate you like best!

Below is a date rating form. Fill it out and send it to
lurker@lurkerdrome.com; results will be tallied during the course of the
Ranmadate project. The individual date-rating forms and the final voting
form at the end of the thirty days will be used to determine the outcome,
and Ranma's future bride.

IMPORTANT NOTE: PLEASE make sure the subject line of your e-mail reads
"Ranmadate Voting Form", and that you specify which candidate the voting
form refers to. Also, please DO NOT post voting responses to the FFML! Also
refrain from posting them to my LiveJournal. If you do not comply with the
above, I'll ignore your vote.

0. BRIDAL CANDIDATE NAME: ______________________

1. COMPATIBILITY

On a scale of one to ten, rate this candidate's compatibility with Ranma.
(1-worst, 10-best)

2. SUCCESS OF DATE

On a scale of one to ten, judge how successful this date was for both
parties (cumulatively; please do not enter separate values for both Ranma
and the girl). (1-worst, 10-best)

3. SURVIVAL CHANCES

On a scale of one to ten, rate how likely:

--Ranma is to survive this candidate. (1-worst, 10-best)

--This candidate is to survive Ranma. (1-worst, 10-best)

--Ranma is to survive becoming part of this candidate's life. (1-worst,
10-best)

--This candidate is to survive becoming part of Ranma's life. (1-worst,
10-best)

4. OPINION POLL

Would you like to see Ranma marry this candidate?

(yes or no)

Votes will be collected until the end of the Ranmadate project. Thanks for
reading!

=================================================

END OF DAY 3 -- RANMADATE

=================================================


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