The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
Kind of a short one this time, folks. Didn't want it to wear too
thin...also, just slightly more Japanese usage in this one. It's not
gratuitous, really.
Ah, so? We shall see, then.
Hehe....
Anyway, didn't have to wait long for more; this should be fun.
No infringement is intended, no profit is being made, and I make no claims
of ownership to anything here except my own original characters.
As always, my comments are only suggestions, take them or leave them,
(cold, alone, and in the street, to be taken in by some cruel fiend who
uses them for vile ends, and it's all your fault!) as you will.
The young woman looked at the house they had just pulled through the gates
of. "Aa...it's bigger than Chiyo-chan's house..."
She walked up to the door and rang the bell.
Hmmm. Curious.
CHAPTER FIVE:
BEANS AND PORNBREAD
O_o
Ranma chuckled. "So, whatcha wanna do today?"
Ayumu lowered her hand, and stood silently for a long moment. "Aa..."
Since I'm sure you've heard my while shpeil/rant/whine about elipses...
I'll mention that the elipses rant/whine/shpeil exists, and move on.
"Ah...err..."
Not saying nothing.
"I'm afraid a trip to the moon would take considerably longer than a single
day, Miss Kasuga," Kuromaki said.
Quite the pragmatic individual, isn't he?
He'd reached it by the time he realised the dark-haired girl wasn't with
him. He walked back over, took hold of her arm, and led her out of the
manor.
I really need to learn more of this anime series.
"You got it," Michaels said, and LIMO-Z pulled out onto the main road.
I really need to learn more of this fanfic series.
Ranma blinked. A couple of those names sounded familiar... *Oh yeah! She
must go to the same school as--*
Interesting. I wonder if this is a co-incidence, or if... I need to
read the previous chapters.
"Ookini," Ayumu replied, opening the plastic wrapper. Ranma handed her a can
of hot milk tea also, then helped himself to a curry bread and a cola.
Dunno that word. (Might want to add something to the narrative to imply
the meaning to dense readers, like myself.)
Ayumu bit into her roll. "Oishii," she said dreamily.
Know that word. (Might want to add something to the narrative to imply
the meaning... no, wait, you already have, which is how someone as dense
as me understood it. Nevermind -- carry on.)
Ranma grinned, gulping his soda.
I thought he only got juice? Must have gotten a variety of drinks, then.
As Ranma opened another bread roll, Ayumu spoke up. "I saw an anime once
where demons were doing hentai things to high school girls."
BOOM.
Out of no where. Sir E.L.L., I hereby award you a Ninja Point, to use
as you see fit.
"Aa--?" Ayumu turned to look. "Aa! Lost-boy-san!"
Hah!
"Melon-pan," Ayumu said.
Ryouga stared at her, the bread dangling limply from his hand.
"Melon-pan."
It could be abstract, or it could be the first signs of my descent into
insanity, but in some sense, this is all working out quite well, methinks.
"So, Ranma," Ryouga said, a hint of bitterness in his voice, "Having fun
with your little playboy dating thing?"
voice, "Having -- voice. "Having -(OR)- voice, "having
Ayumu pointed southwest. "Tokyo." She pointed directly south. "Kyoto." She
then pointed north. "Fujiyama."
Er... I thought Tokyo was northeast of Kyoto.
"Eh-heh...yeah, somethin' like that." He glanced at her. "You really know
your directions, huh?"
She stared at him with her milky brown eyes. "I guessed."
Ranma facefaulted.
Erm....
o/Sou koko ni, time pavement...o/~
Don't recognize this song.
Ranma blinked. "Eh? Hmm...okay."
This elipses is used correctly (unlike when I use them (I know)).
o/~Iitai koto mo ienai konna yo no naka ja, Poison...ore wa ore wo damasu
koto naku ikite-yuku, oh oh...o/~
Nor this song.
Ranma paused. This girl was definitely a bit on the loopy side. Even now,
she wore a blissful, spaced-out expression, as though she were stoned. A
sudden impulse seized Ranma, and he smirked. *Let's see if I can shock her
out of it.*
Would Ranma be familiar with that kind of counter-culture?
*Che,* Ranma cursed inwardly. Sighing, she selected a song, and picked up
the microphone again...
Hmm. Was he looking to get a reaction from her at all, then?
I'd think in a way that such calm would be welcome, given the normal
reactions... then again, he might think she didn't notice.
o/~Anata no kokoro ni kaze ga aru nara...soshite sore ga haru no kaze
nara...watashi hitori de fukarete mitai na itsu made mo, itsu made mo...o/~
Or THIS one....
"Lai-lai girl ya," Ayumu declared.
This is the name of a song I do remember. I think.
It's been a while.
"Nah," Ranma replied. "This girl's a little weird, yanno?"
yanno -- ya know (?)
Kasuga Ayumu woke up slowly, yawning. She glanced around. "Aaa...?"
Once she realised she was at home in bed, she laid back down on her futon
and went back to sleep.
Hmmm.
I have trouble seeing a relationship form from this, unlike the last one.
However, I'm guessing it's really more because of the character I'm not
familiar with, than anything else, so....
All-in-all, not a bad piece, and fun to read, if it did feel a bit abrupt.