Weee~ C&C as follows the snippets, comments at the end.
----- Original Message -----
From: "David 'Psaiyan' Hawthorne" <hawthorne@deeks365.freeserve.co.uk>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 5:04 PM
Hi guys. This is my first post to the FFML - and my first attempt at a
Hellsing fic. ^_^
--snip--
For the first attempt, this was done rather well. Unique too, since this is
a pairing you see almost none of. I think I've only found *one* piece of
fanart for the two of them.
This is the first installment of a new multi-part fic which I hope to
develop into a Seras Victoria/Alexander Anderson romance. There is
some lemony goodness towards the end of the chapter.
--snip--
Yeah baby! Woot! There is nothing better than priest smut. *cough, looks
around* I mean... -_-;
His long legs were cramped beneath the table - he would be glad for
the chance to stretch when the train reached London. For a moment, he
considered how good it would feel to kick off his boots and lie down
with the full length of his body across the double seat. A smile rose
at the corners of his mouth, exposing his sharp canine teeth and he
restrained a chuckle as he imagined the other passenger's reactions at
seeing a priest behaving in such an unseemly manner.
--snip--
The only thing about this is that Anderson really doesn't care what others
think. You should word it more along the lines of what they would think of
church members, since the Roman Church is the only thing that really matters
to him.
months previously). Hooking his toes through the carry handle, he
turned his head once more towards the window, resting his cheek upon
the cool glass.
--snip--
More like plexi-glass, which isn't very cool. I've been on waaaaay too many
trains.
They were little more than
flocks of human sheep - 'sheeple', lost and wandering aimlessly,
heedless of the packs of hungry wolves creeping amongst the long
grass.
--snip--
Sheeple! That's such a cool term! I'm going to use that now!
"Church business. It's a bit boring really..." he stroked the stubble
on his jawline, listening placidly as the man then proceeded to embark
upon a long rant about his disdain for homosexual priests and asylum
seekers. It was getting dark and Alexander was please to arrive at his
destination.
--snip--
Hmmm...Like I said before; Anderson holds the church in highest regards, and
I think the least he would do is threaten the man to make him stop his
'profane talk'.
Also, it should be 'pleased' not 'please'
Opening the mini-bar, Alexander took a small bottle of Glenmorangie
and poured it into a tumbler. Perching himself at the side of the bed,
he swilled the glass around and inhaled the rich scent of the malt
whisky before taking a small sip, savouring that taste of the fiery,
tingly liquid.
--snip--
As a serious fan of this particular beverage (love you for putting it in) I
must say it's rather mild in the beginning, then turns to a fiery, burning
sensation at the back of the throat.
His heart quickened at the thought of what lay ahead. True Nosferatu -
unholy evil of the worst kind. Even from the picture, the priest could
sense the malign energy emanating from the figure, could feel the
glare of his demonic eyes burning into his soul. He crossed himself
and turned the photos face down upon the bed.
--snip--
On your use of Nosferatu...you might want to delienate between whether
you're referring to a No-Life King, a FREAK, or a minion of a NLK like Seras
is.
He stared at the unfamiliar
ceiling for a few moments, before taking out the Good Book and reading
a few of his favourite verses.
He was fast asleep in minutes.
--snip--
God, the way I took this paragraph had me laughing for a long time. Probably
not the way you meant...or maybe it was.
"I will kill you." Alexander snarled.
---snip--
I think he would be more likely to say something around the lines of "I
will purify the earth of your presence" or "I will send you to the pits of
hell". Something religious sounding. He only gets mean with Alucard.
"Your body is honest." A feminine voice in his head.
--snip--
Are you trying to say "...in comparison to your mind."? Leaving it like that
makes you wonder why she's saying something obvious like that when we know
men will react.
Alexander Anderson screamed once more.
--snip--
Alexander Anderson screamed once more...this time for a completely different
reason?
Hope it helped! I really enjoyed this so far and cannot wait to read another
chapter. The overall plot has potential, but I won't know more till I read
another chapter or two. Hellsing fics are in short supply on the list.
Ja bai bai,
K-ko
http://kristi_8.tripod.com/choice.html
"Furries rock!"
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