[FFML] Re: [Ranma][Fanfic] Hearts and Minds, part 6 of 10


Hello,

Better late than never, I hope. 
I wanted to give this chapter some solid, well-considered criticism.
After a while I realized that I wasn't the writer to make them (not
experienced enough). Then I realized that I'm also not the reader I was,
at least when it comes to fanfiction, for some reason.

So, here are just a few comments. 

I really liked seeing Tatewaki�s thoughts in this chapter, especially
when he loses control and rants to himself about Ranma. It leads you to
wonder if he�s close to losing his mind. Good tension.
Also quite ineresting to see his memories of his parents and the
comparisons between them. I think it works better this way, with him
taking things from both of them, rather than just rejecting his father
as you say you first planned. Together with the way she�s referred to in
the preludes, I think your Mrs Kuno feels credible in context,  and 
might explain a lot about the Kunos. (A warning example for Nodoka,
indeed.) 

I also liked the imagery of Shampoo�s dream. Her thoughts about leding
the Amazons to destruction seem to be echoed in Biaozi�s reasoning. Are
we cheering for the wrong guys here?

A name came to the edge of her mind... Tat-- Tate-- She remembered 
that there had been questions, questions about the name, about the man

that she'd needed the answer to. And she no longer remembered what the

questions were, but knew that they were answered. The Amazon squeezed 
her hand into the larger one as the world faded around her.

Aww. I�m sorry, I just found this part heart-warming. I haven�t been
very interested in the relationship between Kuno and Shampoo, as none of
them are among my favourite characters, but this builds on what you�ve
written up to now, both in their respective prologues and in chapters 1
through 5. Throughout �Hearts and Minds�, Shampoo has been the resolute
warrior of steel: now she softens. Of course, it may not do any good in
the end, but even so I like it.

And Akari�s gift to Ryoga finally comes into play! I�ve been waiting for
that.

The paranormals on the opposing side were a welcome surprise for the
story, if not so welcome for Ranma & co. A good development, I think,
raising the difficulties for the protagonist, and our uncertainties on
what will happen to them.

On Kodachi: before I read this latest chapter I took the time to reread
chapter 4 and 5 more thoroughly, and browse through the earlier
chapters. I began to suspect that Akane and perhaps Kasumi had something
to do with Kodachi�s apparent demise (yes, I was completely fooled on
that latter point � stupid, since once I read the newest twist I
realized how she might have done it.) Ranma�s ominous-seeming dream in
chapter 5 appeared to point this way, for instance. It appears I was
wrong, but I still think Akane may well know more about it than she�s
told Ranma.

About Kodachi - I have to say that, now that she has revealed her plans
to us, I�m a bit disappointed in losing the mystery about her
motivations in the story. But I guess that was pretty much inevitable.

Oh, and if Ukyo is really dead I will be extremely upset.
(The "feral yelp" seems to indicate otherwise, but I dare not take
anything for granted.)

Cheers,

Elin

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