Hi there,

Thanks for your comments, they are much appreciated.  Firstly, please allow
me to apologise for the lateness of my reply.  Secondly, allow me to say
that I'm happy to hear you're enjoying the story so far.  I'll respond to
the points you have raised below:

"Progress report!" Scar shouted, his voice drowned
out by the roar of air surging through the
vehicle.

In military helicopters, typically, passengers wear
heavy headphones equipped with mikes so that they
can communicate without having to shout.

Yeah, I pretty much figured that was the case.  However, I decided to take
something of a liberty on this one, simply for the story's sake.  The
soldiers might feel safer if they're able to easily communicate with one
another.  As it is, they're exposed, figuratively and literally, to whatever
dangers lie outside the chopper.

It's something of a kludge, I guess, but I kind of prefer it as it is.  That
said, though, I understand your point, and I'll give it some thought.
Perhaps accuracy might be more important in this case.

"Okay ... okay," she managed, choking the words
through clenched teeth. The deathgrip upon her
throat loosened, and precious air flooded down her
throat and into her lungs.  She coughed, choking
on the sudden abundance of oxygen, and struggled
to speak.  "I'll tell you."

"Where is she?!" Ranma demanded.

"I can ... I can show you where she is."

Very clever of the Seraph Wing to have been able
to figure out a solution, albeit probably a
temporary one, to get out of the sticky solution.
Fuzzy logic?

Seraph Wing is quite a clever little cookie.  It's solely dedicated to
keeping Ukyo alive, and it's good at its job.  I wouldn't want to have to
code AI routines that would be capable of coming up with such an escape
plan, but fortunately I don't need to for the story.  :)

His wide eyes shot to her face, his panic rising
as he saw a tiny smile on lips that had a moment
ago been neutral.  He looked into her eyes, those
deep blue orbs, and let out a gasp.  Within them
there was a faint white glow, purest alabaster,
that defied his efforts to look away.  He could
feel those eyes upon him, within him, sucking him
in, wrapping their gaze around him.

I think it would have been difficult for him to
determine the color of her eyes given that the only
light in the room was the red one. Also, Akane's
eyes aren't blue in the anime (don't know about the
manga) so why are they blue now? Is it because of
her dragon heritage?

Ranma and Akane both have blue eyes - as you guessed, because of their
heritage.  The reason he's able to see that they're blue is that they are
actually glowing slightly - I will revise this passage to make this clear.

She stretched out, weightless, suspended in the
wonderful, soothing liquid. She could not remember
ever feeling so relaxed, so centred and at peace.
The very touch of the water on her naked skin
rejuvenated her, filling her with its delightful
heat and easing the pain from her muscles.  She
let out a long, slow sigh and closed her eyes.
The water seemed to wash away her cares and
worries, leaving behind only contentment.

This place is wonderful.

"is" = "was"? Unless this is Akane mentally saying
this. However, there is no indication in this
sentence that this is so.

She is thinking it.  I'll revise this to make it clearer.

Ryoga's eyes snapped open.  Wide awake, his gaze
zipped back and forth, taking in his surroundings.
The sound of his own gasped breath filled his
ears, joined by a multitude of others: the low
buzz of the small red light overhead, the distant
hum of an air-conditioning unit as it worked to
cool the air, the low rumble of the Leviathan
Spring's engines.

When Ryoga initially entered the room, there was
humidity, which suggests that the air-conditioning
unit either didn't exist or wasn't turned on. This
is a mystery.

Ah, I am glad you spotted this.

When Ryoga passed out the room was virtually flooded, and yet now it's
totally dry.  Makes you wonder if the "rain" was real, or just Ryoga an
artifact of Ryoga's mind as it perceived some other process.

He quite clearly remembered falling, striking the
table, but while the table remained, the water
which caused his fall did not.  The sheets of
paper were typewritten, cleanly printed, showing
no smudges or other signs of contact with
moisture.

The mention of paper seems out of place here. What
would pieces of typewritten paper, obviously a report
of some kind, be doing in a room that was just meant
to house Akane?

The report is another copy of the "compatibility report" found by Ranma and
Akane in chapter 10.  Its main purpose in this passage is to be dry.  :)

That's about it for my comments. I hope they become
helpful to you. I eagerly await the next chapter.

Your comments were certainly helpful, and I am grateful for them.  Thank you
for taking the time to note down your observations.  I will be revising the
chapter accordingly.

Regards,
R. E.

========

Ten
http://ten.waxwolf.com
Perfection has a price.

========

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