On Sat, 20 Sep 2003, Michael A Chase wrote:

Not many {young :} girls would have noticed that look from another
girl, but it wasn't lost on Akane. She felt intense frustration

(The idea being that older women are at least more _aware_, even if not
appreciative...)

Ranma turned around and felt blood rush to his nose as Akane
rapidly removed her clothes, soon standing there the way God had
made her. He had to turn around as she reached for {those too},
and his cheeks burned furiously, images of what he had already
seen dancing through his mind. Instinctively, he covered himself

Those what?  You probably also want 'to' instead of 'too'.

You know, I don't have a clue what I could possibly have been trying to
write here. >_< The way it stands, that whole half-sentence will have to
go.

Glaring at Kun�, Akane spoke up before Ranma could do so. "This
is Ranma Saotome, and you better stay away from her; she's my
FIANCEE!" Akane turned and kissed him full on the lips.

I didn't think you got to the fiancee part in this timeline.

Well, it's still assumed that So�n told them about the engagement promise
and so forth. Given that it was a girl who showed up, they haven't
actually made anything of it, but that doesn't stop Akane from making
something of it even if she's technically wrong. :-)

A boy in the front row scratched his hair and shrugged. "Well, I
haven't been {parcipitating : participating} in these fights before,

I'll learn that one one day. Probably the same day I start writing
"customer" when that is what I mean, and not "costumer".

It's interesting to see Nabiki so helpful.

Only with selfish reasons. :-)


Thanks for all the (uncommented) language corrections.

---
May you be eaten at a great age and only by your strongest offspring.
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://i99ronhe.island.liu.se/

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