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    Yeah, it's been a year. Sorry. Hopefully the quality will make up =
for wait. Enjoy.

-JJ Corley

    Disclaimer in brief: Characters, Situation & Plot, not mine, =
Gainax's. Bacon Bits, mine. Please don't sue.



-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: NGEHD-07.txt

Ludicrous Configuration! Productions
                Presents
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Alternate Universe
        By JJ Corley

        "There are better ways to let a woman know you care besides
slapping their ass and asking for another drink." -Chabol


        Shinji shifted uncomfortably as he sat in Unit-01's control
couch awaiting the start of the Induction Mode test (whatever that was).
The 'plug suit' they had issued him as standard wear while piloting was
going to need a little getting used to -the material, seemingly a
spandex variant, was thick, stretchy, and rubbed all the right places in
the wrong way.

        Shinji was hoping it would get better once the plug was filled
with LCL. God knew it couldn't get any worse.

        "How the hell does Rei put up with this?"

        "You get used to it after a while," Misato answered from the
observation chamber, set at Evangelion eye-level and adjacent to the
testing chamber. She had already heard this line of complaint from Rei,
and didn't want to hear it from Shinji. "Anyway," She asked in an effort
to keep his mind off the plug suit, "How's it going at school?"

        "I had the most unusual day..." He said -appearing to be
slightly dazed just thinking about it.

        Misato raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? What happened?"

        "I blew up a computer, got a pocket full of phone numbers, was
punched in the head, chatted up Ibuki, was rebuked by Father, and Rei
tongued me," he said happily.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]      Neon Genesis Evangelion: Honor's Duty
    ^ " ^             Stanza Seven: Ikari's Good Mood

        Misato blinked. "Well, I was asking more about school work than
social life, but fair's fair. Ready for your Induction Mode test?"

        "Yeah, though I'm not quite sure what an 'Induction Mode' is."

        "When Ritsuko gets here I'll have her explain everything..."
`Because I haven't the foggiest either.` Misato thought, while giving
Shinji a cheerful little smile. She dropped the charade as he frowned
and returned to his own thoughts. `To be honest, we should really be
running him through a Synchronization Mode...` The thought trailed off
as she met the hard gaze of Unit-01, standing ready in the test cage
before her.

        Ritsuko came in, barking a curt "Status!" before slowing next to
Misato. She listened idly, comparing notes on her ever-present clipboard
as the resident techs called off from their stations. "Well and good,
but we're changing the schedule. Induction Mode will be resumed after
successful Synchronization Mode test -And by successful I mean an all
green, not any of that Olive Drab crap like the LAST TIME. I think you
all remember that 'incident'. Have the Bakelite suspension ejectors
ready, just to be on the safe side. Let's do this right the first time,
people."

        Misato and Ritsuko shared a look. `We don't need another failed
activation test on our hands.`

        "So, this is Unit One, huh?" Shinji said finally, after
successful linkup and activation of the Evangelion. Not to mention the
LCL flood, which did manage to relieve the chafing of the plug suit to
some degree. "You know, it smells like Rei in here, after a shower, with
the lavender shampoo that's her favorite..."

        "And how would you know that?" Demanded a small, angry Ritsuko
that popped up in a comm. window.

        "...You mean to tell me she hasn't told you about our sordid
love affair?"

        "Oh, very funny Ikari." Ritsuko ground out. "Try again. Maybe
you'll win something."

        "..." Shinji's eyes widened a bit at the normally affable
Ritsuko's response, but wisely stayed silent.

        "Geeze, Ritsu, what's gotten you in such a bad mood, anyway? You
seemed fine an hour ago."

        "I was fine an hour ago." She stated, quickly assessing the
situation before allowing her thoughts to wander. "The Commander broke
one of his surveillance monitors, and of course, he called me in to fix
it."

        "Rank hath its privileges." Misato quoted the old idiom sagely,
gaining a glare. "Well, it does. Which monitor?"


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        The man himself sat behind his desk in his usual pose, still,
unmoving. A statue of vigilance, staring down into the deep dark surface
of his massive obelisk of a desk, as if the secrets and answers he
sought could be found within.

        It would have been impressive, almost, if not for the noises
coming out from under the desk. Had there been another observer, they
would have remarked it sounded akin to flesh slapping lewdly against
flesh, yet oddly muffled.

        Oh, and the impressive array of tools on the desk, laid out and
prepared for use, was a major clue that something was going on.

        The semi-lewd noise continued unabated, and Gendou seemed to
rock ever so slightly with each repetition. This continued for a moment
until a vague note of surprise was heard from under the desk, followed
by a muffled thump. Gendou smirked. "Oh, Baby..." He drawled
seductively.

        "That was uncalled for," came a female voice from underneath. A
slim hand reached up from between his legs, palm up. "I need something."

        "Oh?" He said, feigning ignorance. "What do you need?"

        "You know..." She said, leaning forward to peek at him. "Third
one from the left."

        "Allen?" He asked, examining the oddly curved tool. "But you've
used him three times already."

        "He's the only on that fits properly. Now, give, or I'm going to
leave." Ritsuko grumbled darkly, very uncomfortable with and very, very
annoyed at being under the desk AGAIN.

        He placed the wrench in her palm, and she continued after a
moment. "I swear..." She grumbled, "If I didn't need you here to adjust
for clearance, this would go much faster." Her arm hit his thigh again,
and she wrinkled her nose in distaste as she continued to rummage around
within the guts of the top-down inlaid monitor system, "You want to tell
me how you broke your surveillance monitor this time, or do I want to
know?"

        "I kicked it," He admitted, sheepishly, "After a particularly
maddening session with the council."

        "Delicate technology. You should be careful. This is the fifth
time this month." She listened to him mumble an apology before
continuing, "I'm beginning to think you like having me crammed down here
between your legs."

        "I have to admit, the prospect is rather... Enjoyable."

        "In your dreams, Ikari."

        "...Damn."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "The one in his office." Ritsuko continued after a pause and a
shudder at the memory. She gave Misato's grimace a commiserating look.

        "That's the one..." Misato trailed off, and Ritsuko nodded.

        "Got it in one, Misa-chan."

        "Old man Fuyutsuki in there too?"

        Ritsuko shook her head no. "Thankfully. Having him around would
have only added to the humiliation. The problem wasn't too bad. I
managed to get it fixed within five minutes -one of the circuit boards
had been cracked and needed replacement. A quick in-out job."

        "Well, such is life." Misato shrugged, as if to say what can one
do about it, before continuing. "Shinji wants to know what it is he'll
be doing. I told him you could explain it better than I could."

        "We'll be performing an Induction Mode test, of course." She
noted Shinji's blank look and flipped a few pages on her clipboard.
"Hummn. Also called Trigger Priority Mode. Placing priority on gun
operation rather than brain wave synchronization."

        "Gun?" The tone was frank disbelief, and the Eva was holding
itself as if it had been insulted to its core.

        "Yes, why?"

        "I refuse to use a gun." Shinji stated flatly. Unit-01 crossed
its arms over its chest and turned its head to the side in defiance.
"It's dishonorable."

        "Oh, yes. I'm quite sure that the Angels give a damn about
honor; yours, theirs or otherwise." Ritsuko said in a monotone. "You
will use the gun."

        "No, I shall not. A weapon of that sort goes against every value
I have. Until the enemy uses something similar, I will not use any type
of gun on them."

        "Ouuo, very noble." Misato said.

        Ritsuko just shook her head and sighed. "Your nobility is
misplaced, Shinji."

        "Perhaps, but it is my decision." He said.

        "How about a compromise?" Misato asked, folding her arms over
her chest. "This is just a test: let Ritsu compile the data she needs,
and you can choose when or if you will use the guns we have available as
the situation allows."

        The Eva's head turned back to them. "I don't like it, but... if
it's only a test, I suppose it's all right."

        "Okay then. Retrieve the automatic rifle in weapon bay one and
let's begin." Ritsuko said as Misato pulled up a chair.

        Shinji did so, running through a quick field inspection of the
weapon. He ejected the clip, noted it was a simple battery, and replaced
it. A quick check of the barrel noted an obstruction, and a strange
muzzle tip. "Laser tag?" he said, finally.

        "Very astute for someone who loathes firearms."

        "To quote Pops: a weapon is a weapon, like it or not. Kumon-
sensei taught me how to use them. Haven't liked guns since."

        "Sorry to hear that. Most of our Anti-Angel ordinance is ranged,
using firearms for delivery to target. The weapon you hold now is
modified to emit light only. The walls of this cage are light sensitive,
and we will be running a program through the direct visual connections
to simulate an external area and hostile targets. To put it simply, you
just have to stand there and shoot. Like playing a video game," Ritsuko
explained, checking a few items off her clipboard as the techies called
out reports and status changes.

        "I can live with that."

        "Good. Let's start, then."

        The visual panels on the interior of the entry plug cycled
through a quick check, and then the walls of the test chamber were
replaced with the cityscape of Tokyo-3. A bold, stylized text message of
'HEAVEN OR HELL' flickered across the screen, followed by 'STAGE ONE'
and an announcer calling 'Let's Rock!'. A large, cartooned version of
Sachiel suddenly loomed above the buildings not so far away, and Shinji
opened fire, felling the Angel only to have Godzilla and Mothra emerge
from Tokyo-3 bay and the skies respectively, and Shinji in turn laid
them low. "This might actually be fun, after all..." He mused, before
swapping a fresh clip and taking out a giant Doremon only to have
Ultraman threatening him on the left.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Ritsuko was idly checking off more items on her clipboard as
Shinji performed above average in the simulation. It would appear, his
stance on guns non-withstanding, he was getting into it, the Evangelion
pantomiming his hiding behind a building to reload before spinning
around and firing again.

        "Simulate weapon jamming, irreparable." Misato called to the
techs. The response from Shinji was immediate swearing as he levered the
bolt back repeatedly, to no avail. He took cover behind the building
only he could see before using the comm.

        "Misato, my gun's jammed. Can't fix it."

        "Have you memorized the locations of the weapons bays and armed
buildings within Tokyo-Three?" She asked in return.

        "Hell no."

        "Well if you HAD, you could have gotten yourself another gun."
Misato replied testily.

        "..." Shinji shrugged, flipping off the connection with Misato.
He then opened another window with a thought. The visuals remained
blank, red text marked 'Sound Only' as he addressed it. "Magi, overlay
visuals with grid map of Tokyo-Three, highlight all weapons depots and
armed buildings accessible by Eva's orange, nearest red, Soonest."

        "This request will require sixty seconds to perform." The Magi
control systems replied.

        "Do it in thirty."

        "Compliance."

        He moved within the simulated world, ducking and weaving as
necessary to avoid various flying ordinance, rockets, and energy lances.
Finally, a small grid map appeared in the lower right corner of the
display screen, with a chibi icon of Unit-01's head and a pair of lines
indicating his field of vision. He turned the Eva until the lines swept
towards and bracketed the red dot, and found a building in the main view
outlined in red. "That's handy. Thanks for the good work, Magi."

        "You are welcome, pilot. Terminating communiqu� in 5."

        Shinji let the communications window drop on its own accord as
he navigated his way to the weapons building. The steel security door
rolled up as he approached, revealing a pair of handguns. Taking them
up, he looked them over before announcing: "Unreal."

        Any further quips were cut short as his digital enemies found
him yet again, and he was forced to teach his foes the true meaning of
peace through superior firepower.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Within the observation chamber, Ritsuko nodded to herself and
made a note: Pilot use of Magi for field map. "Intuitive. I must admit I
didn't expect him to know about his Magi access privileges."

        "Wait, he has access to the Magi?" Misato said, confused.

        "Only when piloting, but yes. He can request various types of
information, including maps, the locations of Eva exit gates, emergency
power sources, recovery routes, and as he just did -locations of armed
buildings and weapons storage lockers. He can access text transcripts of
verbal orders transmitted to him via the communications system,
coordinate suppressing fire from the armed buildings and request air
support."

        "Sounds like blue level clearance."

        "Until he gets promoted, pretty much."

        Misato shrugged. "Well, I'm heading home. I've got some stuff I
need to take care of... for tonight."

        Ritsuko blinked. "Tonight?" She checked her watch, looking for
the date. "Oh, You're right. Umn... What are we going to do with
Shinji?"

        "Don't worry." Misato said conspiratorially. "I, have a plan."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Gendou was not impressed. "You want me to do what?"

        "You know, just have him over for the night, talk, do some of
that male bonding stuff." Misato said cheerily, her hand waiving in the
'you know what I mean' gesture.

        "Male... bonding?" Gendou repeated.

        "Yeah. You know."

        "No. I do not." Came the flat reply.

        "Oh." Misato paused, thinking. "Well, umn... neither do I. Just,
ah... Just rent a video or something."

        The High Commander of Nerv gave that a thought. "That is...
acceptable. I will make the necessary arrangements."

        "Thanks boss." Misato said with a smile.

        "Although I wonder why tonight, of all nights?"

        "Girl's night in." was all the explanation Gendou received as
Misato ducked out of his ever-imposing office.

        "Ah." He said. He then made a call.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Shinji sighed as he stepped out of the testing cage. It might
have only been a simulation, but remaining synched with the Eva for
upwards of an hour really sapped him. He scrubbed a hand through his LCL
soaked hair as he walked over to Ritsuko. "So? How'd I do?"

        "See for yourself." She said, handing him her clipboard. The top
page was a line graph, comparing his score with that of Rei and Kizuko.
Of the two, Kizuko had the higher score, being stage seven out of ten,
Rei's capping off at the tail end of stage six. His own dwarfed them
both, ending where Voltron had surprised him with a sword slash at the
end of stage 9. "Woah." He Keanued. "You know, I could have gotten to
stage ten if you had told me there were melee attacks in there as well."

        "Always expect the unexpected." She replied, smiling. "You did
far better than any of us predicted. Even your father. Which reminds me,
he called earlier, said something about the dinner being on him."

        "Oh, great." Shinji deadpanned. "Meal with Father. Whatever it
is, I bet it's on ice."

        "Don't be so harsh on your father, Shin-chan. He has been known
to be a decent fellow from time to time. Now go and get changed, your
father's chauffeur is going to pick you up in ten minutes."

        "Yay. Just enough time to bathe if I hurry." He said, matching
actions to words by heading out of the observation chamber at a good
clip.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Gendou's condominium was situated on a mountain above one of the
many sub-entrances of Nerv. This wasn't surprising. The house was. It
was simply a corner jutting out of the rock face, with a door on one
side and windows on the other. "That's my Father.." Shinji muttered,
knocking on the door, "A Genius engineer, but a completely worthless
architect."

        The door swung inward, revealing Gendou in his On Duty uniform
and a pizza box. "Oh. You're here earlier than I expected, Shinji.
Congratulations on your score with the Induction mode test. Pizza?" He
asked, opening the box to reveal a pepperoni, mushroom, green pepper,
olive and chive pizza.

        "Sure. Pizza is... good." Shinji said, taking a slice from the
box as he stepped inside. "But why're you standing at the door with the
Pizza?"

        "It was just delivered a moment ago. I hadn't time to set it
down yet when you knocked," his father explained, setting the box on the
kitchenette counter.

        Shinji gave the place a quick once over. There were two black
leather overstuffed chairs in the living room, one closer than the other
to the couch, which dominated the center of the room. To his right were
the main bedroom and bathroom. A bank of windows replaced the wall
further left and extended slightly behind them. The entrance was also
behind him, leading to the porch and a stairway to the street. Beyond
the doorway to the kitchenette lay the dinning room, and what appeared
to be a guest bedroom.

        "Nice pad." Shinji said, and then gestured to the surroundings,
"Must've cost you a lot to have this place embedded into the
mountainside."

        "Embedded? No, no no. Too expensive," Gendou admonished his son,
handing him a plate to put the pizza slice on, "Chiseled now, that's
another question entirely."

        "You're shitting me. Chiseled?" Shinji asked, quite astonished.

        Gendou kept up his front for a moment, before relenting.
"Actually, it was already like this when I discovered it. Don't know how
the guy I bought it from got it into the cliff-face, but I have to
admit, it's a unique place. That it's right next to a sub-entrance for
the GeoFront makes it rather handy to get to and from work."

        "Yeah, I was surprised when that security goon just plopped me
inta the lift and told me to have fun."

        Gendou actually chuckled at that. "Was he short, stocky, and
balding by any chance?"

        "Yeah, why?"

        "That'd be the S3 section chief, Garibaldi. Man has an odd sense
of humor. Good security man, though. Very good."

        Shinji reached over for another slice of pizza. A quiet moment
passed between them, both men lost as to what to say, or do. Father and
son, yes -complete strangers, yes. Finally, Gendou adjusted his glasses,
clearing his throat. "So.. What have you been doing with your life,
Shinji?"

        Shinji raised an eyebrow. "I should ask you the same thing."

        "I've been trying to save the world," his father replied
casually.

        The younger Ikari nodded, his gaze traveling from his father to
the pizza box, and he withdrew another slice before answering. "I
guess... I guess I was learning how. I've never known... but mom, she
knew, didn't she? That this was going to happen one day."

        "Yes. Yes, she did."

        Shinji ate the rest of his pizza in silence, then set his plate
in the sink. "So..." he said at length.

        "Hummn...?"

        "What're we doing tonight?"

        "I, umn, rented a movie. Sound good?"

        "Fair enough..."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "This has got to be the worst porn _EVER_." Misato commented,
lazing on the couch with Ritsuko in front of the TV, watching said bad
pornography.

        Ritsuko, sprawled lazily on the floor while using the couch as a
backrest, scrunched her nose in distaste as she grunted an agreement;
idly wondering why a floating 20 meter phallus from 'Outer Space' would
bother raping earth women in the first place.

        Most of the girls 'featured' were barely up to her standards.

        Not that she HAD standards for that sort of thing. "I thought we
were renting something with lots of hot, naked men in it." She stated,
watching the 3*N tentacle invade the 6*X/3 orifice in 1E10 power
seconds.

        Doing the math was the only thing keeping her awake at this
point.

        It was a 'Ladies Night in', so to speak, with Rei still the
hospital another day for final checkups, and Shinji at his father's:
Gendou, for some unfathomable reason, had 'elected' to put his son up
for the evening in his condo, leaving the two women to their own
devices.

        Those devices consisted mainly of a tap for the keg and the
remote for the DVD player.

        Misato waited a moment, eyeing the counter on the player
display. "We did. When the counter hits 15 minutes, the hunky heroes
show up."

        Both women waited a moment. 00:15 struck. Sirens wailed shrilly
to life, bringing onto the scene...

        Ritsu blinked. "Firemen?"

        "'Filmed on virtual site in New York City'..." Misato read after
pulling a well-hidden and -glued insert out of the DVD box, frowning.
"'Special 9-11 commemorative version with digital firemen replacing...'"
She snorted in pure disgust. "'...Duke Nukem and the Jango Fett
Clones.'"

        "Good lord! Commemorative porn?!" Ritsuko looked to her roommate
in abject horror as the Firemen began pumping copious amounts of cream
onto the purple thing, the Fire chief screaming something about the
alien's supposed 'lactose intolerance' as another began to shoot the
thing with a pair of large hand cannons. "Please, turn it off!"

        *Click*

        "I hope to GOD I never have to see anything like that again!"
Ritsuko moaned, collapsing fully onto the carpet.

        "Well, you'll have to face a different big purple monster come
tomorrow morning, you know."

        "Ug. Don't remind me. I'm half tempted to tell the boy's in R&D
to change the paint job as is."

[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "This is undoubtedly the worst porno flick I've ever seen."
Shinji commented from the large, over stuffed black leather chair he was
seated in, eyeing the TV.

        His father, reclined in another of said chairs, grunted in
agreement, reaching the same conclusion. "What was this called again? I
should have the producer shot."

        Shinji was in the chair closest to the coffee table, on which
the DVD box lay for said bad pornography, his father in the identical
chair to this left. "Umn," he said, fumbling for the box resting on the
table, his eyes unfortunately glued to the screen as another underage-
looking model was snatched by the ugly floating purple phallus. "...
Virtuo Studio's 'Duke Nukem and the Fett Brothers in: Aliens: Cum Get
Some!'."

        "Correction, I *will* have the producers shot." The elder Ikari
muttered tiredly.

        The counter hit 00:15.

        "Is that a mob of half-naked clones?" Shinji asked, his tone
indicating slight horror.

        "Am I really seeing a milk truck fitted with a fire hose?"
Gendou replied, much the same way.

        "Is that Duke Nukem in a rhinestone encrusted Wang-Sock?" they
both chorused in mutual disgust.

        "I'm turning this off, now." Gendou quickly took the remote in
hand, viciously stabbing the power button. *Click*

        "Gah... The horror, the horror!" Shinji cried half-heartedly,
sinking deeper into his chair. "Can I suggest a more appropriate father-
son bonding activity?"

        "What?"

        Shinji quickly sat up again. "We take the DVD, smash it into
small plastic bits, burn them to fine ash, and return the dust back to
the rental place."

        Gendou got up, removing the DVD from the tray. "No. I, have a
plan." He motioned to Shinji to get the box as he went for his uniform
coat. "Come with me."

        "Alright, but I swear to you old man, if any Angel EVER looks
like that preposterously proportioned purple penis thing, there isn't
anything you can do to get me NOT to kill it."

        "You and me both."

[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Yasaku Narugasei was a 20 year old clerk working for Rock&Bitch
Video Boutique. A very happy, snickering clerk working for Rock&Bitch,
even at 2 am. He had done the impossible. He had managed to convince not
one, but two people to rent the #1 'Never Rented Movie Ever'. He could
almost smell the bonus bucks he was going to accumulate from that sale.
He would soon laude his Rock&Bitch Bucks over his fellow employees, and
that X-Box Gate 5 system would be his, all for the taki-

        He blinked. What was that loud rumbling sound?

        He watched as a few of the carefully stacked videos began to
rattle off the shelves, muttering a 'what the?' as he turned around.

        Just in time to see the giant armored purple foot fall straight
down into one of the empty parking spaces. The resulting shockwave broke
every pane in the glass front building, knocking every shelf in the
store over, and breaking a half-dozen TV's.

        He recognized that foot from TV. From the Nike ad, actually.
'Nike: The only running shoe that KICKS ANGEL @$$!!!! (size 438E^6 not
available for civilian sale)'

        From high above, perched on Unit-01's broad left shoulder,
gripping the access ladder on the side of Unit-01's face for support,
stood Ikari Gendou. He was looking quiet pleased.

        Yasaku meekly came out of the building, looking up. And up, and
up, and then farther up a bit. "Umn..." He said, suddenly sounding like
a pimpled 14 year old working at McDonald's, "You can't park that here."

        "Crush him now, Giant Robo!" Gendou commanded. Shinji lowered
Unit-01 onto one knee, maneuvering the massive right hand to grab the
offending human. Yasaku was then raised to Gendou's eye level.

        It is fair to say Yasaku was quite frightened. More so when he
saw Gendou's sharp, shark-like smile.

        But he was absolutely mortified when Gendou raised his other
hand, displaying... The Box. "You gave me bad porn. I don't like that.
Now, the question is, what're you going to do about it?"

        The young man's beleaguered brain began yammering at him,
telling Yasaku to start babbling about how it was his favorite, the
greatest porn ever. `If they buy it, they'll be so much in pity of my
obvious mental defectiveness that they'll leave me alone!`

        `That is, if they decide mercy-killing isn't in order...`

        Yasaku whimpered.

        A few moments later, Shinji steered Unit-01 back towards the
nearest launch rail, several hundred DVD's piled high in its right palm.

        Gendou was still wearing that sharp toothed shark's smile.

        "God, I've always wanted to say that line."

        "Whatever you say, Daisaku."


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        The next morning found Shinji walking back to the apartment he
shared with the girls. Last night's activities had been mildly amusing,
everything considered. He hadn't known his Father actually had a bit of
wit, and oft times give a running commentary, which added to the movie
viewing experience rather than being annoying. It was akin to watching a
Mystery Science Theatre, but with better movies.

        He'd probably do it again, he decided, if asked. There were,
after all, worse ways to waste time.

        And it wasn't as if their supply of movies would run short any
time soon.

        He allowed his mind to wander as he enjoyed the brisk early
morning air. What had Misato and Ritsuko been doing last night? Probably
having another drink-fest, which meant the apartment refrigerator would
be mostly empty of all consumables, and only half full of beer. Or maybe
a quarter full -it all hinged on how bad the week had been. His eyes
spotted an ATM machine for the 5/3rd Bank of Tokyo-03, situated next to
a 24-hour grocer. The beer he couldn't do much about, but food on the
other hand...

        Shinji stopped before the ATM and whipped out his Nerv ID card.
Time to check his balance. He slipped his card into the proper slot, and
waited for the screen to give him directions. Instead, a calm,
mechanical voice asked, "Palm-print identification please."

        He blinked, not expecting that, and touched his hand to the
screen on the third repetition. The machine beeped agreeably, and a
series of small green indicator lights began to light. It was about
halfway through the check when Shinji remembered his infernal luck with
machines. A fraction of a second after that realization, the indicator
flashed red, the machine groaned in complaint, and started to shake like
an off balance washing machine. Shinji snatched his hand away just as
the machine pegged him on the head with his ID card, and then began to
spin itself around, spraying five thousand yen notes like some deranged
impulse sprinkler.

        Shinji frowned mightily as he rubbed his sore noggin, and then
stooped to retrieve his card, and a few of the bills. "God damn digital
world. I'm gonna hav'ta learn how to keep from doing that. Stupid
machines."


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        It was mid afternoon by the time Shinji got back to his
apartment complex. The police had shown up while he was still making his
food purchase, and the head Inspector, Zenegatta, had been rather
stubborn about the entire thing. It wasn't until he had pulled out his
Nerv ID when they demanded his identification that they had given him
any slack. It would seem that little piece of plastic could open doors.

        As the front door to his shared apartment opened, he idly
wondered what his rank was. He stepped over the threshold, bagged food
under one arm, and called out, "Honey's, I'm home!" to what he was sure
was an empty house.

        Instead, over the sound of the shower, he heard Misato's voice
answer, "You're late! Ritsuko went off to work already, there's some
breakfast for you in the fridge -help yourself!"

        Shinji rose an eyebrow as his eyes followed the contours of the
older woman's body, partially obscured by the glass door of the shower.
"Yeah, sorry about that..." He said as he dropped the groceries on the
kitchenette counter, opened the fridge and nabbed the cold bowl of rice
and other assorted breakfasts prepared for him and returned to his
vantage point, "I'm gonna watch something, okay?"

        "Feel free!" She returned, oblivious.

        Shinji just sat down and watched appreciatively as he munched
away contentedly. He had warned her of his habits, after all. Idly, he
mused if he should offer her a washcloth as she got out. But he shook
his head no, no that was far too clich�d. Far better to just offer her a
towel and be done with it. Misato had a beautiful body; it would be
worth the slap just to see it.

        His other, other, OTHER sensei would have berated him at this
point for not thinking of copping a feel. Shinji, however, didn't like
being that crass. And besides, it wasn't like he really needed any more
Ki as it was. Misato broke him out of his thoughts with a question. "So,
how'd it go? I mean, with your father and all -I know you two haven't
seen each other in a long time. Was it too awkward?"

        Another thing he liked about Misato, he realized as he
formulated his answer for that -she had a really nice voice. Not to
mention that she seemed to be a caring, kind hearted sort, if not a wee
bit immature. But that last just meant there was less of a generation
gap to hurdle, unlike with Ritsuko. Now, there was a hard to touch
beauty! "Eh, it was alright. Seems Father's idea of 'Male Bonding' was
to rent some really, really bad porn, but after that we watched a few
regular movies. I didn't know Father had such a running wit."

        "Oh? How so?"

        "Well, he would sometimes just say really funny things at times
that were wholly appropriate: old movie quotes, improv character
chatter, the like. It actually made his presence tolerable. Might do it
again sometime."

        "Huh. Your dad, with a sense of humor? I would have never
thought him capable..." Misato trailed off, giving her hair a good
scrub.

        Shinji jumped in with his own question. "What'd you and Ritsuko
do? I noticed that the fridge is still mostly full of beer."

        "We stayed in, watched a really bad porn, and then felt too
miserable to really get drunk afterwards, so we just went to sleep. Good
thing for Ritsu -she was called in early this morning, something to do
with a manual override with Unit One. She didn't explain, but it sounded
urgent."

        Shinji's eyebrow twitched. `Probably has something to do with
Father's Joyride,` he said to himself.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "...can't just take an Evangelion out to 'Settle the Score' with
some punkass kid because he gave you bad porn!" Ritsuko screeched, in
full rage. She had been livid about his use of Unit-01 to begin with
-having learned the reason why he had Shinji take the Evangelion out
only served to fuel her anger, and her hot gaze battled fiercely with
his cool demeanor. "It's like, like... Killing a fly with a bazooka!
Sure, the effect is nice, but the property damage is overwhelming! Have
you anything, anything!, to say for yourself? At all?"

        Sadly, Gendou's icy veneer was loosing ground. Fuyutsuki,
standing semi-vigilant by his side as Gendou sat before his obelisk of a
desk, had entered full granite mode just to keep from laughing aloud
minutes ago. Gendou managed to look a little sheepish. "I apologize."

        "You app... Appolo... Arrrrugh! Is that all you have to say?"
She demanded.

        "I answer to no man," he said, his artic gaze slipping fully
back into place the moment she floundered. Behind the mask, he wondered
what it was about her that made him even minutely vulnerable.

        Her gaze hardened as well. "I see," was all she said, before
turning briskly and exiting the office. The whole effect would have been
more dramatic if she could have slammed the door. Sadly, one ton of
flint steel is a wee bit more weight than a single diminutive blonde
scientist can throw around.

        After a long moment of silence, Fuyutsuki asked: "'I answer to
no man'? What about Keel?"

        "He isn't a man," Gendou said, his eyes sweeping over to his
second in command, "...he's Cthulhu."

        At that, Fuyutsuki did laugh.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "How about you?" Shinji asked Misato, still watching her, "Going
in today?"

        "Yeah, later. I'm pulling the four to midnight shift tonight.
You going to bother to go to school today at all?"

        "Nah, prolly not," he replied lazily. "Missed half the day
anyway. Missing the other half isn't going to hurt."

        "You'll miss seeing Kizuko," She teased.

        "Eh, I'll see her tomorrow," he shot back in a carefree,
uncommitted tone.

        She just chuckled. "You playboy."

        "What can I say -I like women. They're... enjoyable, in so many
different ways."

        She left it at that, and Shinji, through long years of practice,
sensed she would soon be getting out of the shower. He sorted through
plausible scenarios as he crept closer, silent as a cat, and settled on
'Koui Koi Toki Taoru', the 'Ill Timed Towel Courtesy'. Game plan:
retrieve a towel and stay in position of doing so until she opened the
shower door, at which point he would turn around, falsely startled, get
a good look, and then yammer an apology and avert his gaze like a
gentleman. He nodded to himself as he stooped to get a towel from the
cabinet under the sink. Should work.

        He didn't have long to wait. A few moments later, the water
turned off, and the stall door opened. He jumped slightly, and turned
ever so slowly to look at her, like someone who was going about their
business when something unexpected happened -like having the girl get
out of the shower while you were still in the room. Shinji had his poker
face on, a slightly started expression mixed with one part leer and two
parts guilt. He was a master at it.

        Ah yes, the 'surprised, startled, unsure' look that would
quickly turn to embarrassment or anger, droplets of water still rolling
down her wonderfully round, full breasts, the ragged scar that passed
through her cleavage diagonally where his head once rested briefly so
many days ago, her thin waist and shapely hips narrowing to her- Scar?

        Misato's lips tightened into a pensive frown as she saw Shinji's
eyes stop their downward travel and rivet back to her chest, eyes
widening as his look of guilty pleasure disappeared for one of honest
surprise. She sighed, took the towel from his hand and wrapped it
tightly around herself. "Done staring yet?"

        "Not really, no. Could you take the towel off again? I didn't
get past the hips-" A resounding *crack* filled the small room, "Ow!
What?!"

        Misato shook her hand out, and reminded herself not to do that
again, as her hand seemed to be in more pain than Shinji's cheek despite
the angry red mark she had left there. "Bloody pervert."

        "Yeah, well, I gave you fair warning. Not my fault you didn't
catch on. Can I ask where you got the, ah...?" showing a bit of tact,
Shinji motioned crossways on his own chest, managing to look a trifle
embarrassed.

        "Antarctica. Now get out so I can dry off," She said, pointing
at the door.

        He quickly exited while his mind puzzled out just why Misato had
been in Antarctica, and just how one gets a scar from a place that no
longer exists. It took him a minute to lead to two conclusions: Either
she had been there before the great ice continent had been nuked by one
very irate messenger of god, or she had been there during said event;
which was rather unlikely, all things considered. He shrugged. Misato
would either tell him or she wouldn't. Until then, he wouldn't worry
about it.

        He hopped over the back of the couch, settled himself, and
grabbed the remote. "Might as well watch a bit of TV before deciding
what to do today."


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        For those that knew Misato, seeing her after-reaction to
Shinji's peeping-tom routine would have surprised them. Most would have
expected her to fly into a rage, demanding an apology. Others might have
expected her to be so embarrassed that she would not have the capability
of being around Shinji for a few days. A very select few would expect
her to simply shrug it off, her normal flippant attitude applying even
to this.

        It truth, she was simply standing before the mirror, her eyes
locked on the reflection of her scar just as Shinji's had been minutes
before. Yes, she was slightly embarrassed that the young man who shared
her home had seen her nude. Yes, she was angry that he had taken
advantage of the situation, but that was partially mollified by his
previous admissions about himself and his warning -by which, though a
double entendre, he had received permission.

        No, what irked her was his reaction to her 'mark'. Normally when
people saw it for the first time, they would attempt a reaction they
felt would be acceptable. Ritsuko had simply cocked one delicate eyebrow
and asked what had happed. Kaji's jaw had dropped while a look of
remorse had entered his eyes. Her doctor had looked as if he had bitten
into something sour, while her co-workers at the public baths would look
slightly horrified and whisper amongst themselves with wild
speculations.

(Gendou knew about it, but Gendou knew EVERYTHING anyway. Well, most
everything. If he could reliably predict when the angels would next
attack, Misato would probably have married him.)

        She didn't know how to gauge Shinji's reaction. Surprise was
definite, but that had seemed to be all, almost as if he were used to
such things...

        She shook herself, snapped her bra closed with an adroit twist
of the wrists, and sighed. "I don't have time for this," she muttered,
reaching for her blouse. `So he saw me. So he saw my mark. So he knows I
danced a little closer with death than most and lived. Big deal. I have
responsibilities to attend at headquarters, and this kind of trivial
introspection bullshit can wait for the weekend.`

        She buttoned the clasp of her skirt and checked her reflection.
Picture perfect. Thus ready to conquer the world, Misato set out to do
just that.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Shinji was bored. Misato had emerged from the bathroom
completely dressed, shrugged her coat on, dropped her beret on her head,
and had left for her shift over two hours early with only a simple 'I'm
going now.'

        'Return safely', he had replied, but that had been over twenty
minutes ago, and now he was, as stated previously, bored. "Maybe I
should have gone to school today after all..."

        Thinking of school brought to mind girls, which in turn reminded
him of his little black book, and a certain promise of a Tokyo-03 tour
from one Ibuki Maya.

        And suddenly, Shinji had something to do.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Maya was lying in bed, half awake, as she had worked the 10pm -
6am shift last night, with another four hours of overtime doing
debugging routines besides. Her unseeing eyes were staring out the
window of her apartment within the GeoFront as her subconscious
ruminated on how best to acquire one Akagi Ritsuko as a permanent body
pillow.

        Said ruminations were cut short by the telephone. Startled, her
subconscious attempted to prod her super-conscious awake, but the
woman's Ego was in the midst of a pleasant dream involving several dairy
products and one dirty blonde, and was far too busy to be disturbed.

        So, Maya's subconscious screwed up its courage and answered the
phone. "Ibuki."

        "Ibuki Maya-san? This is Ikari Shinji," said the voice on the
other end of the phone.

        Ikari. The subconscious knew that name. It took a moment for the
proper associations to present themselves for recognition, but then that
was the Ego's job anyhow and the subconscious was only filling as a
courtesy. "Yes, Pilot. What can I do for you?"

        "Well, I was hoping you might be willing to show me the city
this afternoon, if you're available. I have some free time and couldn't
imagine a better way to spend it than in your company."

        Maya's subconscious decided it liked this guy, the Ego be
damned. "I would be delighted, Ikari-san. Can you meet me at entrance 3F
of the GeoFront at Fourteen Hundred, Thirty Hours?"

        "Two thirty PM?" he asked, then, "I'll be there. Later, then,
Ibuki-san."

        Maya hung up the phone and forcibly prodded her super-conscious
awake while she went through the motions of getting dressed. She was
about halfway through buttoning her blouse when her Ego finally realized
what was going on, just what she had agreed to, and also that she was
humming softly and had a big grin on her face. The smile was the first
to go.

        A small group of scrub jays, imported into the GeoFront to help
keep the insect population down, took off suddenly -startled, no doubt,
by one Ibuki Maya, age 20, venting her anger rather vocally to one
snickering subconscious.

        It didn't help.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        2:20 pm found Maya not quite dressed to the nines, but
begrudgingly at GeoFront gate 3F, eyeing one Ikari Shinji as if he were
the carrier of some plague. She was still mildly angry with her
subconscious for 'setting her up', but Maya wasn't one to be breaking
promises, even those made without her full consent.

        Which still irked her. That her subconscious was still
snickering faintly was of no great help to her mood. "Ready to go?"

        Shinji in turn was giving Maya a skeptical look, as if to say
'if you didn't want to go, you could have mentioned it sooner'. He was,
in fact, thinking this as he said, "Only if you're still up for it,
Maya-san. I don't want to be a burden."

        She sighed, "Shinji-kun, I'll be honest with you. I wasn't fully
awake at the time you called, so I'm a bit disgruntled that I agreed to
go on a date with you at all."

        He blinked. "A date? Who said anything about a date?"

        "Pardon?"

        "I just wanted someone to show me around today. You know: book
stores, library, parks, arcades, places to eat, local hangouts, that
sort of thing. If I had wanted a date, I would have said, 'Would you
like to go on a date with me?' not 'Would you mind showing me around
town?'"

        "You mean to tell me you make a distinction between the two?"

        "I'm an Ikari," he shrugged, "As half-truths and mind games are
our specialty, distinctions are always important."


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "Sir!" Announced the short, stocky, and balding business suit
clad security man as he saluted to the High Commander, "We have found
the person you requested."

        Gendou's smirk turned sharkish, causing the S3 division
commander's eyes to widen behind his dark sunglasses. "Bring him in, if
you would, Mister Garibaldi."

        "Sir!" He said, then sub vocalized a command into a throat mike.
Not a moment later, two more division S3 security goons came in,
carrying a squirming sack between them into Gendou's Office. From behind
Gendou, Fuyutsuki's eyes widened as well.

        "Gendou, tell me you didn't..."

        The old professor's only answer was that same smile that had
paled the stalwart S3 section chief. Fuyutsuki only blanched slightly.

        The two goons opened the sack and deposited one scrawny, geeky
looking fellow, who was peering about as if he had been denied his
spectacles. It was quite obvious the man was scared out of his wits, and
he was shaking uncontrollably. Gendou strode forward and ripped off the
duct tape covering the man's mouth, causing him to yelp in pain.
Immediately he began stammering questions.

        "Where am I? Who are you people? What do you want? Why have you
taken me? Is it money? Do you need money? I can giv-"

        Gendou backhanded him with a DVD case. The result was far nosier
than painful, but the man shut up afterwards as Gendou tossed the box to
the ground before him. It seemed to all the man had gone from being
simply scared to absolutely puzzled

        "Is. This. Yours." Gendou ground out the question, obviously
knowing the answer but wishing to hear the man condemn himself.

        "My Masterpiece! Where did you find it! So rare, it is! Why,
it's the best porn ever produced by Virtuo Studios! That's my baby!" The
man continued to yammer on about how it was, invariably, the best
pornographic film ever produced by man, and how the ardent Angels would
weep at the sight of it.

        Privately, Gendou had to agree; any Angel would inevitably break
into tears at the sight of it... tears of anguish.

        He motioned to the two goons, and they nodded, and prepared to
do what goons did best. Yet, as they made to draw their firearms, Gendou
held up a hand. "Do it elsewhere, I don't want blood on my Sepheroth."

        The goons nodded, pistol whipped the man into unconsciousness,
re-sacked him, and carried him out. After another prim salute, Garibaldi
followed.

        This left Fuyutsuki alone with Gendou and the DVD. Slowly, the
old professor stooped to retrieve the box, and eyed it critically.
"You're having a man shot for... making bad porn?"

        "Consider it a mercy killing, if you will."

        "Mercy? For who?"

        "Me," Gendou said simply.

        Fuyutsuki sighed, shaking his head. "I swear, Ikari, ever since
you tracked down that Subaru engineer who designed the engine
compartment for the 1983 GL station wagon, you've been incorrigible."

        "Oh? What was so wrong about that?" Gendou asked, raising an
eyebrow.

        "Other than you cutting his left arm off and flogging him with
it? Nothing. Nothing at all," he replied blithely.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "I wonder where de new guy is..." Touji muttered aloud, just
before tearing into his lunch purchase. "I mean," chew, swallow "s'not
like one of dem alien things is attakin' or nothin'."

        "Angels." Kensuuke muttered, flipping through the pages of
'Military Fan!' magazine, "They've been formally classified as 'Angels',
though 'Shito' was also under consideration, I understand."

        It was lunchtime at ShinSeki High School, and the two boys were
in their homeroom with the rest of their classmates who had either
brought a lunch with them or had nothing else better to do than stick
around and wait for class to resume.

        "Uh, okay." Touji shrugged off the excess information like a
duck does water, "Still, where is dat guy? 'E should be 'ere, s'not like
he can jus' skip class whenever 'e feels like."

        "Technically, he can."

        "Say WHAT?" Touji was eyed, briefly, by the entire body of
students still in the classroom upon his outburst. He glared at them
until their attention was elsewhere. Well, almost everyone -Touji's
glare did nothing to Kizuko, who hadn't stopped looking out the window.
"Ya mean 'e can jus' not show?" he whispered, albeit loudly.

        "Pretty much. Since we're effectively under Martial Law at this
point, Ikari's status as a Nerv Pilot gives him immunity from civilian
laws and punishment for such." Kensuuke explained.

        Touji looked blank. "Say again, in Nipponese, doc."

        Kensuuke sighed. "He could kill someone and not get in trouble,
if he could justify it."

        "Oh. Cool. Think we could get 'em to off Kurasawa-sensei?"

        "No."

        "Oh. Damn." Touji sighed, and quickly finished his meal. After
another moment, he asked again, "So, where is 'e?"

        "How many times do I have to tell you 'I don't know' before it
sinks in, Touji? If you're so interested, why don't you ask Ayanami?"

        Touji swiveled his gaze to look at the blue haired girl. In
response, Kizuko turned to look directly at him. She always did that. It
weirded him out. "Hell no. You ask 'er. She freaks me out, man."

        Deep into an article about the U.S.S Over The Rainbow's new
mission in the Pacific, Kensuuke's wit had an unexpected and perfectly
opportune chance to exert itself. "What? Touji, Mr. Macho, THE all out
bad-ass, rising young star of the high school basketball team, age 17,
scared of a mere slip of a girl?"

        Touji's gaze backtracked just as slowly to lock onto Kensuuke,
who suddenly realized he might have gone too far by dent of the bayonets
Touji's eyes had affixed in preparation to gut him. "Uh, heheh... Yeah,
she scares me too."

        Touji let it drop. "Man, I dunno which'ed be worse -Ayanami, or
the exact opposite of Ayanami."

        "Inverse Ayanami?" Kensuuke looked up from his magazine,
suddenly interested in the conversation, "What would that be?"

        "umn... A girl, uh, fiery like, real rambunctious, vulgar, rude,
athletic, with big boobs, and uh... No bandages." Touji thought a
moment, then added, "She'd have'ta be foreign, too."

        "I'm not sure, Touji -that sounds kinda hot to me."

        "Youse right, Ken. I think I jus' painted da picture of mah
dream girl! Gonna have ta get me onena those."


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

Somewhere in Germany...

        Asuka Shoryu-Langly stopped in mid-word on her forty-page report
for advanced Japanese, shuddering. She quickly saved the document before
casting her lovely blue eyes about her room for something warmer than
her current loose tank top and short-shorts to wear. While not highly
susceptible to catching cold quickly, she felt as if someone had just
walked over her grave -her stomach seemed suddenly interested in a
butterfly collection, and her nerves seemed to have decided 000 was the
shot for the day.

        All in all her night had just gone from bad to worse.

        Swearing in German, then English, with a follow through of
Japanese for good measure, she wrapped the bed's comforter about herself
and decided to wait this sudden bout of anxiety out. Perhaps she was
enduring too much strain, as of late. Maybe just a wee bit too much
stress trying to balance Martial Arts classes, Ballet, Piano Lessons,
Fencing, Evangelion Synch Tests, Combat Training, Tutoring, and all,
while attempting to get that second BA in Japanese.

        Staring wistfully at the computer, she shut down the word
processor and then deleted the file she had worked so hard on up to this
point. Screw that second BA, she was only aiming to get it as a way to
pass the time and learn a few thousand more Kanji. She snorted softly to
herself as she began to calm a bit. Like hell was she, she!, Asuka
Shoryu-Langly ever going to set foot in Japan anyway! Ha! The entire
idea was laughable.

        "In the morning I am going to call the University and drop this
silly class. I am through with running myself into the ground. I shall
never really have an opportunity to use this language as it is, so I
will simply stop now and cut my losses." As she finally settled down,
she decided to do just that.

        Big mistakes are often made for small reasons.


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Shamshiel was NOT a 'happy Angel'. Far from it.

        `I will build for you a body which will make your enemies quail
in fear.` Shamshiel repeated the GOD's words in a mocking mental tone as
he eyed the reflection of his purple behemoth self in the blue ocean
waters below. `Bah. 'Light of Day' they called me. 'Mighty Sun of God'
they once acclaimed. No more! Now it's gonna be 'Shamshiel the
Phallic!', 'Shamshiel Johnson!', or, more likely than not!, 'Mr. Loe
Wang'. Thanks a Lot, GOD.`

        So grumped the former ruler of the fourth heaven and prince of
paradise as he flew over the calm waters of the pacific en route to
Japan. `Hell! Even pulling guard duty on the Garden of Eden was better
than this... this... effrontery! This is even worse than when I had to
give that Moses guy the grand tour of heaven! My honor is impinged! Who
did Hilkiah give the treasures of David and Solomon too? Me! That's who!
ME! And for all my repute, all my laud and honor, I receive this!? HA! I
should lose on general principle!`

        A lightning bolt flew out of the clear sky, falling squarely
upon the irritated Angel. *Crack-Zapp!* `Ow. Okay, maybe not.`

        And lo! For the heavens did rumble ominously, spitting further
electrical might upon the hapless Angel of GOD. *Crickty-Crack-
Zapperfical-Zappity-Zapp* `Son of a mythos! Fine! I get it. Go, beat the
guardian, get Adam, and be back before dinner. Yes MOM.`

        *KRAKATOA-OLYMPIAN-JOLT*

        `Eeeeyow!`


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Within the familiar confines of Nerv head quarters, Misato
sighed. It was one of those days, Shinji's earlier stunt non-
withstanding. She was currently dodging the stack of paperwork on her
desk by pleading more important business on the command deck, but in
truth there was nothing there which really needed her direct
supervision, and she suspected the bureaucracy knew this as well but was
too busy to mention it. Thus the sigh, as she loathed paperwork with a
passion. "Maybe I should hire an Aide de Camp..." she muttered to
herself.

        Ritsuko caught the mutter from where she was lounging in Maya's
usual chair. She too was dodging work, more because of sheer
exasperation than anything else, Gendou's earlier stunt non-
withstanding. The R&D team was currently in the process of manually
checking Evangelion Unit-01 for any minor damage the computer diagnostic
was unable to locate, and they wanted her on hand incase they found any
more large, unexplainable bolts. She too sighed. "It's one of those
days, isn't it?"

        "Yep. Makes you wish you hadn't gotten up this morning, don't
it?" Misato returned.

        "Yes. Almost feels as if today was simply set aside for
everything to go wrong, doesn't it?"

        "Yep. Proverbial fecal matter hitting the ancient oscillating
impeller system, and us catching the splatter, right?"

        Matoko and Aoba looked at each other, a single eyebrow raising
on both, as they turned their gaze on the two women who continued to run
down the list of ominous tidings. They knew how it had to end.

        "Only one way to top this shit list." Misato grumbled.

        "Indeed. Only one single event could possibly make this day any
worse than it already has been."

        The Magi, complacent with their number-crunching, suddenly took
stock of an unprecedented series of ionic discharges detected off the
eastern coast of Japan. They conferred between themselves, and
unanimously decided, if not the cause, what lay in that area. They sent
this datum to the consoles of Hyuuga, Shigeru, and Ibuki, uncaring that
Ibuki was not present.

        Aoba and Makoto switched their focal point from the two women to
their consoles as the Pattern: Orange light flared prominently, and
sighed. Misato and Ritsuko, too, noticed this, and also sighed, although
theirs decidedly more resigned than the techs.

        "Oh, poor Horatio, I knew him well..." Ritsuko muttered.

        "Oh, Fuck Me," Misato summed up in layman

        "Code Orange, Ma'am. Sound General Alert?" Makoto asked
redundantly.

        "Yes, sound the General Alert and notify the cages, have Unit
One ready for Sortie, STAT." Misato said, with as much restraint as she
could muster.

        "You can't." Ritsuko said, tiredly. "Unit One's currently under
manual diagnostic. Won't be ready for hours."

        "Shit. Belay that order, make Unit Zero ready for Sortie, STAT,
and pray. Magi!" Misato barked to the computers, "Overlay map of Japan
with location of the Fourth Angel."

        The computers promptly did so, a bight red dot off the coast of
Japan with a line connecting it with 'ANGEL' in orange as a descriptor.
They also included a handy red line indicating the Angel's path towards
Tokyo-3, and the estimated time of arrival. A little over thirty
minutes.

        "Shit-Shit. Magi, display locations of Pilots."

        The map zoomed in, until Tokyo-3 was visible, and three lines
appeared labeled Kizuko, Rei, and Shinji; Kizuko's line was moving
towards HQ from school, Rei's was projected within the Geofront, as
expected, and Shinji's...

        Shinji's line was in the town outskirts, on a direct intercept
course with the Angel's projected angle of attack.

        "Oh. Fuck. Me." Misato repeated. "Magi, alert Pilot Ikari of his
impending doom."

        "Please define 'Impending Doom'." The Magi asked calmly.

        Before Misato could yell at the innocent machine, Ritsuko
answered, "Alert pilot Ikari as to the current situation, ETA of the
Forth Angel, and that he is currently in the Fourth Angel's flight path
to Tokyo-Three."

        "Compliance." Said the Magi, then: "Error."

        "Error? What Error!" Misato shouted.

        "Pilot Ikari's communication device is currently malfunctioning
due to his higher than average capacity for storing human energies."

        "Which means...?" Misato queried.

        The computer emitted something very close to a sigh. "His cell
phone 'got zapped' by his Ki, Captain ."

        Ritsuko gave the computer a blank look and asked it
incredulously, "Do you mean to tell me you can measure his Ki?"

        "The current definition of Ki is insufficient for scientific
measure, but the term is viewed as an appropriately analogous
theoretical idea by two votes of three. Yes, Director, Ki is similar to
the energies radiated by an AT Field, thus rendering the substance
detectable by the same systems."

        Ritsuko was astonished. "But what about...? No. Magi, make a
note: Remind me of this in two days."

        "Noted, Director. It will be pleasant to continue this
conversation with you at that time."

        "If we live through this attack, you mean." Misato muttered.

        "Of course, Captain. One should infer that to be obvious,"
replied the Magi.

        "Oh be quiet." She snapped, then amended, "Until we need you
again, or you have something relevant to say."

        "Compliance."

        Misato huffed, and glared at the map while Ritsuko snickered
weakly. "What the hell is Shinji doing out there?"


[_}~'\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "See? Isn't this nice?" Maya asked, as Shinji pulled the Vespa
he had purchased into a parking spot in the large park outside of town.

        That he had even bought the little black moped had surprised
her. They had been passing by a Vespa Boutique when she had started to
get a little tired from all the walking they had done. Shinji had
noticed and promptly disappeared inside, emerging not five minutes later
with the sleek little black and grey two toned motor scooter, a pair of
helmets, and a set of goggles for himself. After that, they had ridden
to several places, and Maya had discovered Shinji was a lot firmer than
he looked, muscle wise.

        `But he's still comfy to lean against...` Maya thought happily,
placing her helmet on the seat next to Shinji's as they got off the bike
to stretch and walk the park grounds a bit. She blinked, reassessed that
statement, and mentally sighed, `...for a guy. Which he is, by the way.
Did you forget?'

        `Oh shut up and enjoy yourself, you ninny,` replied the
subconscious to the Ego, `When was the last time you've enjoyed yourself
this much?`

        `Well, there was the other day when Ritsuk-`

        `That DOESN'T involve Doctor Akagi,` cut in the Subconscious,
whom we shall further refer to as Su-chan, annoyed.

        "ummnn..." Maya said aloud, unaware she had spoken. `Not for a
while, I admit.`

        Shinji looked at her askance, but said nothing, chalking it up
to the internal debate that had been going on since he had met up with
her today. It was kind of odd really, but she had shown him several very
interesting places he planned on returning too, and she did pay
attention to him when he was speaking to her, so he let it slide. `Who
knows,` he said to himself, `...maybe she's trying to convince herself
to sleep with me?` Another sideways glance at the young woman in
question, before he rolled his eyes and gave a quiet snort of derision.
`Yeah, right. In your dreams, Ikari.`

        `...we should roll him!` emphasized Su-chan, pulling up a few
graphic fantasies of this to illustrate her point, `Pillow him, have a
good tumble, do the beast with two backs! I mean, c'mon, when was the
last time you had a good lay?`

        "Shut up, shut up, shut up Shut Up SHUT UP!!! I am not going to
fuck Shinji!" She yelled, attracting the attention of several passers by
as well as said Ikari. "Oh, shit."

        `Well, now you've done it,` said Su-chan bitterly. `Never even
get the chance now.`

        At first Shinji was surprised, having his idle musings affirmed
in such a manner. Then he was a bit disappointed, because he was quite
convinced Maya would be a wonderful lay. Finally he settled on indignant
anger. "Ibuki-sama," he said quietly, "...how many times must I
emphasize to you I do not consider this outing a date?"

        `Oh shit. 'Ibuki-sama'? He's mad. He's very mad.` Maya covered
her mouth with her hand as her eyes darted from his face to his eyes to
his frown in a seemingly endless cycle of mute witness to his calm
anger. "Oh, Shinji, I... I mean... Oh, I don't know what I mean. I'm
sorry."

        "For what?"

        "For..." Maya trailed off as a beautiful platinum blonde
American girl walked by, wearing little more than a bikini in the warm
April weather, her breasts bouncing agreeably. `Impossible! Those are...
Are... Perfect! I mean, whoa! I want...` Maya finished her mental
outburst with a whine.

        Shinji, for his part, had noticed her too, but had focused back
on Maya after a brief glance, preferring a smaller breasted woman
himself. In doing so, he could see Maya's attention was still fixed on
the foreign girl, and her eyes had that semi-glazed look Touji got
whenever he and Kensuuke watched the girls in their swimming suits
during P.E. It was the same look his Other-Other-OTHER sensei got
whenever he thought of going on a panty raid. Or going to the beach. Or
the mall. Or a walk in the park. Or...

        Shaking his mind out of a list that was well nigh endless,
Shinji reevaluated Maya, and several things clicked into place. `She
talks about Ritsuko all the time. She never mentions anything about guys
at all. She took me to places I enjoyed. She looks at girls the same way
I do. She's a Lesbian... who wants to lay me. ... !?!?  !!!`

        At that point, Shinji fell over laughing.

        Maya blinked out of her stupor and looked at Shinji
incredulously. "What? What? What's so funny?"

        It took a moment for Shinji to calm down enough to try to speak,
but the effort of not laughing through what he wanted to say just sent
him back to laughing again, clutching his sides and rolling a bit from
side to side on the grass. Maya 'Mou'ed in exasperation, crossed her
arms, and waited.

        It took a while. A long while. At the end of which, she was even
mildly amused at his behavior. He was panting now, every other breath
leaving in chuckles as he laid on the grass, staring unseeing at the
blue sky. "Oh, oh! I hurt all... Over..."

        "You ready to tell me what's so funny now?"

        "yeah... Sure..." He wheezed, "What's funny... is you... miss
contradiction-in-terms."

        "What do you mean...?" Maya asked, puzzled.

        "You, who are... *Obviously* attracted to girls... debating the
merits of... having sex... with Me. Who is most definitely... not a
girl. In the slightest." The thought sent him to snickering again,
albeit softly, as he really did hurt from all the laughing he had done.

        Maya's thoughts ground to a halt. She blink-blinked (*Squeegie-
Squeegie*). She sighed, and sat down next to Shinji's prone form. And
then she laughed as well, not nearly as hard as Shinji had, but with a
fair amount of humor nonetheless. After she was through laughing, she
drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms about them and asked
quietly, "How'd you figure it out? That I like girls, I mean."

        "It wasn't until you oogled the gaikokujin that I knew for sure,
but your attitude on this afternoon's outing was a big tip off."

        "You're not mad?" She asked after a moment.

        "Me? No, no... Why would I be? I can understand your attitude
towards this 'date' now, and I'm not angry at all. Honored, I should
say, that you seem to like me enough that part of you is entertaining
the idea of 'entertaining' me."

        "Oh, that was horrible." Maya groused, eyeing Shinji. "You can't
pun at all."

        "I know. I shouldn't even try." He admitted, sheepishly. "I
mean, I'm good at lots of physical things, but I can't pun to save my
life."

        "'Lots of physical things', huh? Does that include sex?"

        Shinji shook his head. "No, I haven't yet. I'd love too, but
truth be told, I haven't found the time, or the proper partner. Until I
came to Tokyo-Three, I was training in Martial Arts, day in, day out.
Doesn't leave much time for play."

        "And now?" Maya asked, glancing at the sky of blue.

        "Now I have the time, and plenty of willing girls... but I still
haven't found *the* girl, yet. I hope I do, before I save the world...
after that it'll be kind of hard to find her, celebrity status and all."

        "When you save the world? Not if? You sound pretty confident."

        "Of course I am. Be pointless to try if I didn't think I could
do it. I'd be endangering everybody if that were the case."

        "So what are you looking for?"

        "In a girl? I don't know, but I have the feeling I'll know it
when I see it."

        "Anyone give you a good feeling yet?"

        "Now that, is a secret." He said, smiling. "But seriously, I
think, maybe, yes."

        "Can I ask who?" Maya asked, curious.

        "Well, there's this thing between me and Rei that I don't quite
get. It's like, I dunno... Like I met her in a past life or something,
you know? I get the same feeling from Kizuko, too... but not as
strongly. I like them both, even though I've only been here for a few
weeks now, and one or the other might be who I'm looking for. Only time
will tell."

        "Rei is cute, and she seems like a nice girl. But Kizuko... I
don't know, there's just something cold and mysterious about her... you
know?"

        "Yeah. I've noticed. Ritsuko called it an 'Ice veneer' once. But
that's kinda what it is, she's holed herself up inside and doesn't let
anyone in to see the real her."

        "She works with your dad and Ritsuko in a lot of experimental
stuff with the Eva's, and from what I hear she was deeply involved in
the early stages of the program. Maybe something happened with the Eva's
to make her act like this?" Maya wondered aloud.

        Shinji shuddered slightly, remembering his spat with Unit-00.
`Oh yeah. Something happened alright, the Eva said 'I will eat your
soul, for it is crunchy and tastes good with ketchup'.` That thought led
to another, `Hey, wait... if Kizuko's soul is in Unit Zero, then
wouldn't a soul be in Unit One, too? But whose? Not Rei's, she's more or
less normal, and I haven't seen anyone other than Father acting like
Kizuko, and if his soul was in there, I think I'd know about it...`

        "You look wrapped in thought." Maya asked, bringing Shinji back
to reality.

        "Oh, sorry. Yeah, my brain ran off with me for a minute. Do you
happen to know who did the first Synch test with Unit One?" Shinji asked
in return.

        "No, sorry. I was only hired about a year and a half ago, so I
wasn't here when they did Unit One's Synchronization testing. I would
assume it was Rei, though. Why?"

        "Eh, just curious, is all." He replied, shrugging, and then
sprung his body off the ground to sit next to Maya in Suri Waza. Maya
had barely seen him move.

        "Wow. And you just call yourself a martial artist?"

        "Yep. Humble folk, we serious martial artists. All the floozies
take titles like 'Grand Master of Such and Such style' or 'Supreme Kai'
or 'Grand Dragon' or... well, the list goes on for a while. Anyone who
knows anything about martial arts knows the more humble the artist, the
better he is. Usually. Although it's fun to go and beat up floozies on
occasion, sometimes the floozy is pretty good."

        "I can only imagine. Do you practice often?"

        "Recently, I haven't had much time to practice. Been too busy at
school and at headquarters doing tests. Besides that, I really need a
good sparring partner to keep in top form, and frankly there just isn't
a martial artist in the area that's good enough for that. I mean, I'd
end up either hurting them or simply dodging their attacks lazily and
piss them off, so... I'm going to hold off a bit until I can find
someone to train with. I don't like it, but... There's not much to be
done about it."

        "You know, I heard that the German Pilot is a good martial
artist. Been practicing since she was four, I think that's what Misato
said. She's about your age now, I think. She's supposed to be
transferred here from Nerv-G after Unit Two is completed. Maybe she'd be
good enough to train with...?"

        Shinji gave it some thought. "Maybe... depends on her
temperament and her instructors. If she's been sticking with it and
constantly pushing her Sensei to teach her more and more, she might just
be at a level where I could shape her into a good sparring partner. It
all depends, but I certainly hope so."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

Somewhere in Germany...

        Asuka sat bolt upright in bed, jolted awake so quickly the
motion almost made her ill. If the evening's earlier case of nerves had
bothered her, it was pale in comparison to this! Had the last cause of
this feeling been someone merely walking over her grave, this recent
attack had been someone exhuming her coffin, cutting her cold lifeless
body into small pieces, and then feeding said pieces to swine.

        "What the hell is going on?" She asked herself as the feelings
of dread, anxiety, and was that hopelessness?, slowly faded from her
system, leaving the poor girl shuddering with her arms wrapped
protectively about herself. `Surely I'm not that bad off! Am I loosing
my mind, or?` She sneezed. `Maybe It's just a cold? That must be it.
Surely! Just a cold, or maybe a touch of the flu. Yes. Of course. Bloody
pervasive virii. I shall make a visit to the physician on staff at Head
Quarters first thing tomorrow morning!`

        And with that, Asuka promptly fell back into her soft bed and
spent the next few hours staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

        `I don't want to lose my mind, like... Like...`

        "...momma..."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Misato was pacing back and forth on the command deck, puzzling
out just how they were going to get word to Shinji. Sending a runner
would take too long. He wasn't in the city proper so he wouldn't hear
the general alert for civilians to take shelter. His cell phone was
dead, and he had nothing else on him they could use...

        The Angel kept coming, The Pattern: Orange had been confirmed as
Pattern: Blue, and time was slipping by. They had little more than
fifteen minutes to get Shinji back in time to pilot Unit-00. "Shit."

        Gendou strode in with the impeccable calm he always seemed to
exert. "Status," he asked quietly.

        "Sir, Angel is confirmed, at fourteen minutes, fifty five
seconds out from Tokyo-Three, mark." Reported Hyuuga.

        Shigeru spoke up from his console, forced to do real work since
Maya wasn't around. "Unit Zero is ready for sortie with Pilot Ikari, but
we have yet to contact the pilot and alert him to the threat."

        "And why not?" asked the High Commander of Nerv.

        "His Ki zapped his cell phone," Misato explained as she stopped
pacing to turn and face the Commander. "So we can't contact him that
way. He's outside the city, off in Nayou Koen, reason unknown, right in
the path of the Forth Angel, who isn't slowing down in the slightest."

        "His... Ki?" Gendou asked, confused, before something else Aoba
had said finally registered. "Unit Zero? Why is Unit Zero readied for
Sortie?"

        "Unit One is still undergoing required manual diagnostic due to
your earlier use of it, sir," Ritsuko said tiredly from Ibuki's console
chair.

        "I see," was all Gendou said to that, "However, Unit Zero..."
Gendou trailed off, staring hard at the diagram in the main display.

        "It will not pose a problem," said a new voice, much to the
surprise of all. Kizuko spoke again as she came to stand next to Misato,
matching gazes with Gendou, "He has received permission. Ikari's use of
Unit Zero will not pose a problem."

        "Indeed. Continue, Captain Katsuragi."

        "As I was saying, we haven't found a way of contacting Shinji
yet, and until he gets here, we're fucked."

        "Katsuragi-san, your language is something quite atrocious."
Kizuko said, looking at the Captain quizzically.

        "What the hell are you doing here, anyway?" Misato returned,
glaring at the injured girl. "You're not combat ready, you should be as
far from ground zero as possible."

        "Incorrect, Katsuragi-san. As a Pilot Major in the Nerv Angel
Response Team, it is my duty to be here at all times of crisis. As to
how I was notified," She held up her cell phone, and gave it the same
quizzical look she had bestowed on Misato, "The Magi informed me of my
'Impending Doom', stating an Angel had been observed and was currently
en route to Tokyo-Three in minus twenty eight minutes, and that I was
not in its flight path. I discerned from this information that I was
needed here at Nerv."

        "'Impending Doom?' You're kidding me..." Ritsuko glanced at the
Magi's housings below. "Magi, define 'Impending Doom'."

        "When the command to notify pilots of Impending Doom is
received, the Magi are to contact all Pilots, notify them of the current
status, the Angel's Estimated Time of Arrival, and their current
location in reference to the Angel's Angle of Attack, or flight path."
Said the Magi. "Do you wish to edit this command?"

        "At a later date." Ritsuko sighed. "Good Job, Misato."

        "How the hell was I supposed to know the bloody computer would
do that? Besides, you're the one who told it what to do, so it's really
your fault." Misato returned, then said, "Magi, inform Ibuki, Maya, of
Impending Doom."

        "Compliance." Then: "Error."

        "Oh God, what is it NOW?" Misato grumbled.

        "Ibuki, Maya's communication device is currently malfunctioning
due to contact with Pilot Ikari's Ki." Clarified the Magi.

        "His... Ki?" Kizuko asked.

        "What the hell is Maya doing with Shinji?" Ritsuko demanded,
staring in bewilderment as a line marked 'Ibuki' sprang up next to
Shinji's own on the big map. "That... That... That Damn Kid! Not only is
he going to get his own fool self killed, but my prot�g� too! Damn it!"

        "Magi, withdraw the armored buildings into the GeoFront." Kizuko
stated.

        "Unable to acquiesce to your request, Pilot. Minimum clearance
level of Indigo needed for personnel to lower armored buildings."

        "What? Why do you want to do that, Ayanami?" Misato asked, only
to watch as Ritsuko sprang to her feet.

        "Do it! Withdraw the buildings into the GeoFront, GOD speed!"
The blonde scientist ordered, looking to Kizuko, "Brilliant, absolutely
brilliant! Shinji can't help but notice the buildings lowering, and
he'll know something serious is going on!" She ran over to Kizuko and
hoisted the young girl up in her arms from behind, swinging her back and
forth slightly as she exclaimed, "You're such a good girl!"

        Kizuko made a small sound of shocked protest, but seeing as the
scientist wasn't in any hurry to put her down, she shrugged slightly,
"Of course, Director."

        Ritsuko gently lowered the girl back to the ground, and looked a
bit abashed. "Err.. Sorry. Carried away by the excitement and all."

        "Understood."

        "Launch Unit Zero, immediately. Use whichever launch rail you
need to get the Evangelion as close to Shinji's position as possible.
And have that Progressive Katana strapped to the platform, he'll need
it." Gendou ordered. "If the buildings being lowered does not convey the
proper message, seeing the Evangelion will." Gendou did not voice the `I
hope.` he was thinking, and turned to Fuyutsuki, whom had just arrived.
"You're late, Professor," he accused in a stage whisper.

        "Yes, well..." Kozo replied in the same low tone, "I'm not as
spry as I once was, you know. This place is huge. Besides, I was... busy
with something."

        Gendou gave him a harsh glance. "You weren't hitting on the
Ensigns again, were you?"

        "*Ahem* Of course not. Just making polite conversation, you
understand."

        "Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly."

        Fuyutsuki sighed, "Just shut up and watch the monitor."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "Say, what's with the buildings?" Shinji asked Maya, watching
said buildings sinking into the ground from a vista point over looking
Tokyo-3. "They're, um... sinking?"

        "Sinking?" She asked, then took a look for herself. "That's
odd."

        "What?"

        "Well, procedure states that the buildings are only to be
lowered in event of an imminent attack..." Maya turned to look at
Shinji. "You don't think...?"

        "No way. Maybe it's just a drill... or something..."

        The both turned to look at Tokyo-3 again as the tall form of
Unit-00 suddenly appeared, head snapping to attention after the sudden
stop... and remaining there, scant kilometers away, final locks still
engaged.

        "Oh shit." Maya and Shinji chorused, staring at the Evangelion
for a moment before they turned as one and ran for the Vespa. Shinji
arrived first, donning his helmet and goggles, still fresh as Maya,
winded, grabbed her helmet as he started the bike with a kick and revved
the throttle. She dropped behind him and held on tight as the young man
peeled out noisily, heading them straight towards the Eva.

        One problem -there was a mountainside between them and it, down
hill and moderately forested. Taking any form of motorized
transportation down the 40-degree grade looked like an excellent way to
die, from Maya's perspective.

        Shinji, however, didn't seem to agree. "Hold on!" was all he
said before opening the throttle to full and plunging them down the
mountain.

        "I don't wanna die!" Maya shrieked, as she watched the
surrounding trees blur by at a hundred and fifty kilometers an hour. She
shut her eyes, but quickly decided that motion without visual was even
worse than staring her death in the face. Her eyes opened again in time
to see them heading straight for a large tree, seemingly set almost
horizontal from the mountain face. "AH!! Shin-JIIIIII!!!"

        His response was to try and convince the bike to go faster as he
used the tree's trunk as an impromptu ramp and continued along until
they were falling with the bike in open air. "Now I'll never get to have
Ritsuko!!!" She moaned, clinging to Shinji even tighter than before.

        Shinji just rolled his eyes at the proclamation, and muttered
"Oh ye of little faith..." before reaching behind himself to get a good
grip on Maya. The Vespa's response to this shift of balance was to nose
down even further, creating an even steeper angle of decent. Shinji just
waited calmly, eyeing the distance between them, the Evangelion, and the
ground.

        Then, without warning, he jumped off the bike, taking Maya with
him. She in turn screamed bloody murder. She continued on a bit, until
she realized that the falling sensation had, mostly, stopped. She dared
to peek.

        They were still descending, all right, but, slower, straight for
Unit-00's shoulder. "...we're... flying?" she asked.

        "No. Just falling real slow. As opposed to falling real fast.
Now, be quiet and think happy thoughts, Tinkerbell." Shinji commanded,
focused entirely on getting to the Evangelion.

        Maya complied, and found herself thinking thoughts of a blonde
scientist and one courageously stupid sable-haired youth. He landed on
Unit-00 a moment or two after that, and let go of her, sighing in
exhaustion.

        "Damn, that was hard. You're lighter than I thought, Maya. I
coulda jumped a bit later and still gotten here. Well, better safe than
sorry. Oh, wait... The Vespa!" He announced, quickly looking for it.
After a moment, he espied it lodged in the boughs of a tree. "Well, of
all the luck in the world! I could have sworn it'd be a total loss..."

        "Shinji..." Maya said, annoyed.

        He turned towards her, his helmet in one hand as the other
pulled his goggles down around his neck. "Huh?" *Crack!* "Oww!"

        Maya shook her hand out and told herself to never do that again,
it hurt too much. "Don't ever do that to me again! I thought I was gonna
die!"


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Everyone in the command deck had seen Shinji's prodigious leap,
and was amazed. Aoba was the first to speak up. "Dude! That kid's just
like Goku from Dragonball! Honest!"

        "For once, I might agree with you, Shigeru." Makoto said,
shaking his head. "Unbelievable."

        "Magi... Connect me with Unit Zero's external speakers."

        "Connected, Captain."

        "Are you two going to sit there all day, or are you going to
kill the Angel? It's due in about five minutes, you realize."

        "What?" Came Shinji's voice, "Oh. Hey Misato. Sure, but... What
am I to do with Maya, here?"

        "Oh, you're calling me Maya, now?" Came Maya's voice, still a
trifle annoyed.

        "Hey, we've been through a death-defying experience together,
and now I'm about to save the world, again, so I think it's fine."

        "Yeah, whatever. Go ahead, do what you want."

        "Does that include...?"

        "No!"

        "Shut up and PILOT THE DAMN THING!" Misato yelled at them both.
"Let Maya in the Entry Plug with you-"

        "That is not advised." Gendou said quietly. "Unless..." He
looked to Kizuko, who had remained on the command deck.

        She returned his gaze, then shrugged. "Do as you wish."

        Misato nodded. "Put Maya in the plug with you, and kill the damn
thing."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        Shinji shrugged, then headed towards the Entry Plug, Maya in
tow. The plug ejected, hissed open, and Shinji jumped in, then extended
a hand to Maya. She accepted, and was hoisted in as well. Shinji stowed
his and Maya's helmets behind the control chair, then took his place in
it, and thumbed the button to close the hatch as Maya ducked in next to
him.

        "Where do you want me, and what should I do?" She asked.

        He blinked at that. There were so many inappropriate replies he
could give. "Umn..."

        He was spared the choice by Ritsuko. "While sitting you in his
lap is an option, Maya, it would only cause too much interference. Can
you squeeze in behind Shinji?"

        "Of course, Sempai." She said, as she did so. "Like this?"

        "Perfect." Ritsuko said, then to Shinji, "If you hurt my
Prot�g�, I'll have to kill you."

        "Won't touch a hair on her pretty little head." He replied,
pulling the center console up until it had a snug fit about them both.
"This is going to suck if we get thrown about."

        "Why?" Asked Maya.

        Shinji gestured to the controls. "These double as a restraint
system, and it isn't meant for two people."

        "Oh. Is that bad?"

        "Only if you plan on surviving a short drop with a sudden stop."
He replied absently. "Okay, Ritsuko, plug me in."

        The shell of the Entry Plug performed a half rotation to the
right, while the center console remained stationary. Below them, a small
panel lit with an icon of Unit-00's face, and a scintillating display of
colors washed over the displays as systems began to connect. "Cool..."
Maya breathed, ruffling Shinji's hair a bit, "Does this always happen?
It's like watching the Aurora Borealis..."

        "Yeah. Everything's just peachy until the LCL Flood. Oh, and
when the floating nekkid chick shows up."

        Maya blinked. "The... what?"

        He didn't respond, even after nothing other than a normal linkup
happened; though Shinji could have sworn he had heard a light, tittering
laugh, and a soft caress on his left cheek. "Okay..." he said as the
world seen through the single Cyclops eye of Unit-00 came into focus at
last, "Where is it?"

        "Final safety locks disengage." Misato said over the comm. "Good
luck, you guys."

        "It looks bad, you two. There's noise in the Nerve Pulses. Can
you do anything to clear that up?" Ritsuko asked.

        Shinji looked to the comm. window, "Like what?"

        "Proper synchronization requires you to be completely focused on
one goal. With the two of you focusing on different things, this lowers
the synch rate for every conflict of interest transmitted to the Nerve
Pulses." Ritsuko explained.

        "So that means what, exactly?"

        Ritsuko sighed. "Maya, can you do us all a favor and think
thoughts of death, murder, and destruction?"

        "I don't think I have any, Sempai..." Maya said meekly.

        "Magi, turn off the comm. for a minute, would you?" Shinji asked
as he attempted to move the sluggish Unit-00, "I need to say something
to Maya that I don't want overheard."

        "And what the hell would that-" Ritsuko's angry shout was cut
off as the Magi replied, "Communications silence enabled for sixty
seconds. Do hurry, Pilot."

        "What is it you want to say to me, Shinji?" Maya asked softly.

        "You see that little blip on the screen marked Angel?" He asked
in turn, nodding his head at it.

        "Yeah."

        "Right now, you're in the weapon designed to fight it. And if I
can't get this thing to work right with you in it, you'll never get the
chance to lay Ritsuko."

        Maya growled at that. "And your point...?" She ground out.

        Shinji moved the Evangelion's left arm a little smoother to
point at the target, as yet unseen beyond the mountains. "If that Angel
survives, you'll never, ever see Ritsuko again. Or your parents. Or your
friends. Or anyone for that manner. For right now, that Angel is *the*
one single thing keeping you from Akagi." He said, noticing Maya's hands
balling into fists next to him.

        She growled again, deeper, a more primal sound, and stated: "It
dies."

        Shinji, now able to move the Eva near normal speeds, smirked to
himself as he grabbed the Progressive Katana off the launch platform.
"So it does."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "Do we have visuals on target?" Misato asked Hyuuga, who nodded
in return.

        "The ionic discharges the Magi detected around the Angel have
continued unabated, causing interference with the long range scanners.
The target is just coming into range of the grounded sensors... Now."

        A large, floating purple phallus appeared on the Ubertron. Three
sets of eyes winced, and three eyebrows twitched in unison across the
room. "The hell?" Misato voiced.

        "I don't fucking believe this..." Ritsuko moaned.

        "Shinji, It Dies." Was all Gendou said.

        "What?" Shinji asked over the comm., then spotted the Angel as
it rose over the mountain range before him. "Oh, this so figures. Does
this mean my life is a bad porno flick?"

        "I'd say no, considering you're still a virgin." Maya ground out
angrily, before she realized the comm. was still on. "Ah, shit. Sorry
Shinji."

        Shinji just growled lower and deeper than Maya had, and any
fears he had harbored about moving the Evangelion vanished as his
disgust, anger and hate flowed into the Nerve Pulses.


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        "Aww, man! They're doing it AGAIN!" Kensuuke bitched, almost
tossing his precious camcorder to the ground.

        Touji and Kensuuke were, along with the rest of their classmates
on campus when the General Warning was issued, currently in an
underground shelter designated for the defense of civilians during Angel
attacks. Like now. He looked to his friend and asked "What're they
doin'?"

        "See for yourself," Kensuuke griped, thrusting the camcorder/TV
unit towards the older boy, "Nothing but text messages, even NHK. Damn,
but they never show us civilians anything!"

        "'At noon ta-day,'" Touji read off the screen aloud, "'...a
state 'a emergency was declare-ed fer da Kanto district, Centerin'
'round da Tokai region. Stay tuned fer updates', huh? Youse right, Ken
-dat does suck. I wanted ta watch da game, though dat little Domo-kun
figure hidin' under da desk is kinda cool."

        "All you ever think about is basketball," Aida accused, then
revised his statement, "Basketball and women."

        "Yeah? So? Youse gots a problem wit dat? S' better dan getting
off on dis military shit."

        Kensuuke sighed. "Touji, you just don't understand. The power
struggle! The fight for survival! The dominance over the foe! The
unrestricted use of full military might! The missiles! The bombs! The
guns!"

        Touji sighed as he realized Kensuuke had the same look in his
eyes for this stuff that he himself reserved for girls. "Oh," Kensuuke
continued, "I've just got to see it with my own eyes!"

        Touji rolled his. "Aw, man, not dis crap again. You go out dere,
you'll be killed, yo. All dead like."

        "I don't care. Let's sneak out the back and watch!"

        "Hell no."

        "Oh, c'mon! Your sister would do it!" Kensuuke prodded.

        "Leave Natsume outta dis. Da answer's still No." Touji said,
crossing his arms in defiance of his friend's wishes.

        Kensuuke thought for a moment, then smiled. He had a plan. A
dastardly, dastardly plan. "Touji, either you help me sneak out or I'll
tell Ayanami Kizuko you've got the hots for her."

        Touji's gaze turned flat. His head lolled back almost casually
as he brought his expressionless visage to bear on Kensuuke. "You would
not dare."

        Kensuuke almost gave it up at that point. Touji's grammar was
only good when either something serious happened or he was ready to lay
down the serious whoop-ass. But his desire to observe the battle above
won out over his common sense. "I would, and you know it."

        Touji lurched to his feet slowly, his every movement a protest,
as that same detached, lackluster gaze stared down from above Kensuuke
like an avalanche does the weary mountain hiker. "Move, or I swear I'll
kill you myself."

        Kensuuke chuckled nervously, grabbed his camera bag, and started
towards the exit at a brisk pace, Touji shadowing him every step of the
way like a bad dream.

        "I swear, Ken. If I die, I'm going to haunt you."

        "Eh heh heh, heh heh..."


[_}~`\-/'~{_]
    ^ " ^

        They exited the shelter via the manual emergency exit on the
side of the mountain, and climbed the steps of an old temple, the likes
of which were rare in this day and age, to gain access to an overlook.
Kensuuke swung his camera back and forth, but...

        "Touji, I can't see anything! You?"

        "Nah. Nothin' doin' Kensuuke." Indeed, the view was nice,
situated above Tokyo-3, and looking clear across the valley to the
mountains on the other side. "Hey, wait... What's dat over dere, to da
left a'dem big cell towers on da opposite side?"

        "What? Where? I don't see any-" Kensuuke stopped as he zoomed in
near max, making out the shape of Unit-00. "There it is! Over there!
...but, it's not moving."

        "Whaddaya mean it's not moving?" Touji asked, looking at
Kensuuke like he was off his rocker. "Dey wouldn't jus' stick it out ta
play statue, would dey?"

        "I don't know, but..." Kensuuke zoomed in even further, and
caught a glimpse of something small flying through the air towards the
Evangelion. "The heck was that?"

        "Was what?"

        "I don't know, something small looked like it landed on the Eva,
but I can't tell from this far away -my zooms not good enough." Kensuuke
explained.

        "Yer zoom?"

        "Yeah. It's only a hundred and fifty ex."

        "I dunno what dat means, Ken."

        Kensuuke flipped open the side screen and showed his friend the
image. "It means that's as close as I can get in picture without getting
closer to the action."

        "Oh. Well, ferget dat. We ain't getting' any closer, you hear?"

        "Sadly. Hey!" Kensuuke exclaimed as the Entry Plug was ejected,
"I think that flying thing must've been some kind of one man transport
for Shinji. Looks like he's getting into the Eva now."

        "But, if da HQ fer Nerv is Unda-ground, and dat's where dey keep
dem Eva things, den how come he's gotta get in top side?" Touji asked.

        "Good question. Maybe he was somewhere else when they spotted
the Angel?"

        "S'good enough fer me. Why's it movin' so slow?"

        "Hummn... maybe there's a problem with it?" Kensuuke asked
rhetorically.

        "Then why didn't dey use da other one, den? Everybody knows dey
gots two of dem things!"

        "Maybe it's even worse off than that one? Oh, wait, it's moving
smoother now. Maybe the Evangelions just have a warm up period?"

        "Like car engines or somethin'? Could be. Big pieces of
machinery, dem giant robots."

        "Yeah. That's probably what it was, looks fine now. Man, that's
a big sword."

        "Well, dey got's ta kill big things, don't dey? Wouldn't make
much sense if 'e were ta go charging inta a fight with a itty bitty
knife or some-such." Touji crossed his arms and shook his head. "Dat'd
be kinda dumb, really."

        "I hear they do use knives, as a holdout weapon only -keep one
housed in those big blades on the shoulders of the other Eva Unit."
Kensuuke said, watching as the Evangelion readied itself.

        "Yeah? Well, I guess if yer inna pinch, a tooth pick's better
den nothin'. What's in da other holster?"

        "Don't know. Whoa, here comes the Angel!" Kensuuke exclaimed.

        "What?! Lemme see, lemme see, lemm- Ewwww, dat damn thing looks
like da monster on dad's favorite porno..."

        "You're shitting me?" Kensuuke asked, looking from the screen to
Touji, who was shaking his head.

        "Nope. Big, pre-postor-us-ly per-portioned purple penis thing,
floatin' 'round Tokyo-Three, havin' ten'acle sex widda bunch a young
girls."

        "Yeah? How'd they fight it?"

        "Dey had da big purple an' green Eva hosin' it down wit milk."

        "Milk? Why milk?"

        "Dunno. Maybe it don' like cows? I think Shinji's gots da better
idea, what wit dat katana an' all."

        Kensuuke went back to watching the screen as the big purple
phallus assumed a battle stance of its own, standing erect, lowering its
head and extending...

        "See! I told ya, Ten'acles!" Touji said, pointing at the Angel.
"Man, dat's just plain wrong." Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he
shouted, "Kick its ass, Ikari!" as loud as he could.

        "He can't hear you."

        "Eh, it's da thought dat counts, Ken. It's da thought dat
counts."

        "Looks like it's trying to whip Shinji into submission.
That's..."

        "Don' say it, Ken."

        "That's..."

        "I'm warnin' yas!"

        "...Kinky. Oww!" The last was said as Touji stomped on his foot.
"Sorry, I had to say it!"

        Touji just grumbled darkly. "Still an all, Shinji sure can make
dat Eva move. Why hasn't 'e drawn 'is sword yet?"

        "Maybe he's waiting for the opportune moment?"

        "Uhh... What's 'Oop-er-tune' mean?"

        "That he's waiting for the perfect time to attack."

        "Oh. I knew dat. I jus' forgots it fer a minute. But, why's he
dancin' wit it?"

        "Well, I'd say since the Angel is using its, umn, tentacles as
whips, he's got to get into range where he can attack without being
hit."

        "Why's 'e worried 'bout gettin' hit? 'E's in a giant robot!"

        "You see how those tentacles are glowing?" Kensuuke asked.

        "Yeah?"

        "Watch what happens when they hit the ground around the Eva's
feet."

        "Whoa!" Touji exclaimed, "Explosions! Dis is like a bad porno
AND an eighties Sentai show! Quick, where're all da nekkid chicks and
Heroes in costume?"

        "Touji, this is real life. Naked chicks don't just happen
randomly. You have to put some effort into it."

        "Oh yeah? Says who? I'll murderize 'em."

        "You'll 'murderize' who?" came a third, feminine voice from
behind them.

        "Whoever says Nekkid chicks don' just happen, uh, randomly.
Yeah." Touji said, nodding to himself as he continued to watch
Kensuuke's camcorder screen.

        "And why would 'Nekkid chicks' randomly happen?" asked the
female voice again.

        "Because Touji's convinced we're in this weird cross-over
between a bad porno and an eighties Sentai show." Kensuuke explained
without paying attention. "Wow! Did you see that? Shinji just cut a
tentacle off!"

        "Tentacle?" asked the woman.

        "Yeah, Ten'acle, see, the Angel's got these ten'acle things dat
it's usin' as whips, and-" Touji turned around to face the person he was
speaking too, and stopped. He tugged on Kensuuke's sleeve. "Ken."

        "I'm a bit busy filming this, Touji -what is it?"

        "I think you better turn around."

        Noticing Touji's correct grammar, Kensuuke knew something was
up. He turned, camera still plastered to his eye, and came face-to-view
screen with a breast. "Whoa!"

        The woman rolled her eyes and shook her head as Kensuuke
frantically panned out to get a good shot of her. "Boys, I swear..."

        "Ken! Random nekkid chick!" Touji said, oogling the girl who
was, by all definitions, a classic beauty in that 'Shinto Shrine Maiden'
kind of way. "I'm in heaven!!"

        Kensuuke battled with himself between filming the girl, and the
battle. Girl, or the battle. Finally, he decided on the battle. "Damn
it! Stupid! I have to get another camera!"

        "Da hell're you doin' nekkid?" Touji demanded from the girl.

        "Sun bathing. What the hell are you doing on my front lawn?" She
asked him in turn as Kensuuke was heard crying softly.

        "Uh, filmin' da bad porn-oh, I mean, filmin' da Angel attack.
Yeah." He considered a moment, "I'm guessin' da shrine up dere is yours,
den?"

        "Yes. That is the Hino Shrine. Well, the new one, anyway. Old
one sunk when the ocean rose over Tokyo-One."

        "And youse is?"

        "Hino, Rei." She said.

        "...wasn't dat da name of a character in dat eighties..."
Touji's question trailed off as the woman nodded glumly.

        "Yes," Rei said, grimacing, "My father had a bad sense of
humor."

        "And youse don't care dat youse nekkid in frontta us?"

        She shrugged. "If that Robot loses, I'll be a lot worse off than
simply embarrassed."

        "Shinji's not gonna lose! He's cooler den dat!" Touji stated.

        "You sound pretty confident." She said, just as Kensuuke started
gesticulating madly.

        "Woah! Shinji just cut the Angel in half!" He exclaimed,
pointing.

        Hino and Suzuhara both looked into the view screen, watching in
mute witness as the Angel fell in two distinct pieces.

        "Woo-hoo! Dat's mah main man! Go Shinji!!! Quick, Ken! Hit the
rewind!"


[_}~`\-/'~{_]      Neon Genesis Evangelion: Honor's Duty
    ^ " ^             Stanza Seven: Ikari's Good Mood
                                      END


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